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 |  The latest Life Journey of Nada, widowed, now married! Blog #4 |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I'm no longer a single widow. I found true love again. Call me Lucky! |
| I must say that 2012 was not the best year ever, however it wasn't the worst either! I don't know where time goes, but this year shot by at record speed. At least that is how it feels at the end of the year. I know there were plenty of days I wished would end quickly, that's how it is when you are in pain. I have some really good days, then I have some which aren't so great. The thing I know for sure is...(drum roll) "That's life." Happy New Year to us all!! There are many people who are much worse off than I, but since I am living with myself sometimes I forget the world is a much larger place. I suppose one of the things I want to remind myself of is this fact. The world is much larger than my head. Enough said about that. I suppose like many others I am extremely disappointed in my government right now. (I've just erased my blathering about it, since it will not do any good.) Inspired this morning I have begun a new folder;
I hope to write a Haiku a day in it. Today has been a lazy one by most standards, yet I have done my first Haiku. Already I know it won't happen visually, as I will be on vacation soon, but I will try to do one each day...it's only three lines. I can't publish it each day while traveling, but I can upon my return. That's resolution #1. We stayed in last night despite being invited to a "ranch party". I had had stomach problems most of the day and the last thing I felt like was a party. So we played Scrabble (we each won a game) and then retired. Winner takes all, and we did.  So, the year is off to a splendid beginning. Paul is off kicking the football and I'm blogging...wonders never cease! Hope you all have a wonderful day! |
| Sometimes the worst things will happen and then it seems then most of us bring our best out. The past few weeks have know some horrific tragedies, huge personal losses for some, and other great illnesses and assorted downers. Thinking back there have always been tragic things happening for people somewhere in the world, things which prompt us to wonder why. Of course I don't have any answers, but I do know that for the majority of us life does go on. It may be radically altered (and often is) yet we are survivors, capable of handling things we never would imagine. How do we do it? With the help of supportive friends and strangers alike. It is as true today as it was throughout humans' time on earth. We may not know any of the people involved in the Connecticut shootings, but everyone could (if they let themselves even go there) feel the pain of those parents who lost a child. The sad thing to me is so many people lose a child, or a spouse or other loved one and it is seemingly swept away by those tragedies which occur on a larger basis. There is little time to dwell on individuals, yet we must. In this past week our own Scarlett   has been dealing with unimaginable things. Dealing with a spouse in the hospital is one of the most difficult things we will have to do, and who among us can imagine this on top of this Christmas season? I dare say it makes everyone slightly neurotic enough without that on our plate. Please give her the support ongoing, as it seems her husband and she have a very long and difficult rode to his recovery. As for me, after having a few rough years I am happy to say I'm feeling pretty good and this Christmas will be a very special one for me and Paul My father and his wife, as well as my son will be here on Christmas Day. Mike will be taking over the cooking, and taking a huge responsibility in doing so. I'm quite proud of Mike, as he seems to have grown into the man I knew he could be. To see him making smart choices and mature decisions is exactly what I needed to have from him. I'm so happy we will get to be a family this Christmas. We can't take it for granted...my dad is 90 now and each day with him is so very precious, Mike is 45 and hey, just because we survived the Mayan Doomsday doesn't mean we are in the clear. I know how fortunate I am to have all of them and a loving husband in my life. My wish is for each of you to take a moment to remember how many friends and aquaintances we have and be thankful for each day we can share ourselves with them. Happy Christmas to you all. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| That's what I keep thinking ever since I discovered I have a "special" dog. One might think of Niles as being weird, but hey, don't all dogs see ghosts?! I'll just say that after yet another night of him shaking, standing around staring into space and running off to stand alone staring off into a different space outside in the dark, I'm exhausted. Maybe he is seeing...nah...not Christmas' past. Paul is away visiting his 91 year old mother in Texas. (Doing a happy dance I didn't have to go this time.) His mom is great, but since I am on these new drugs my immune system is weak and the last thing I need to do is fly. We have a cruise coming up in Feb, to me this is way more important to stay healthy for. Besides, my son is doing some construction work for me in order to be able to (hopefully) rent some retail space I now have vacant. I just got hit with some taxes on the two buildings I managed to keep in the whole probate mess. I'm talking back taxes and penalties for reassessments. FOR THE LAST THREE YEARS. My gawd, the punishment for Lance dying keeps coming back on me. Well, this is how it feels anyway. I just don't get how the government can put penalties on something they failed to do three years ago. So, I am officially in huge debt...at Christmas without even leaving my house. I'd cry, but what good would it do? Thank goodness I had the foresight to prepay the cruise. Now for a loan, and that's like getting blood out of a turnip when it comes to banks. Can't wait for the "fiscal cliff"...the government is breaking our backs with their irresponsible past spending. They vote to put things off and make the budget bigger while we get higher taxes and BACK taxed for a death. Merry Christmas...bah humbug. Wow, we can thank Niles for my great mood today. Sorry, best I take a break and clear my head! |
| I keep saying I want to blog, but then I don't. Part of it is fear of pain, the other part is wondering how to get back into it. The answer is to just do it. I'm sure I'll find something to say, I always did. I can't tell you how many times I'll do something and think, "This would make a great blog." Then I shrug and carry on with whatever. Today is our 6th day of rain. Now I have green grass beginning to grow again...weird, since I spent the summer trying to kill of the grass because I didn't want to waste water and seeing gophers popping up was so...discouraging. Oh well, I remember now that winter was when my lawn looked best. The weird thing about all this rain is I have scheduled gutters to be put in in January. Doesn't it always seem to happen that way?! I'm doing a children's book...I mean writing and illustrating it. It's about Boris the tree frog who came to live with us a few months ago. Now I don't know for sure, but it may be the same one that lived here a few years ago. At any rate it is great fun, but yesterday I found two dead frogs outside. TWO...so of course I went on to dream about them. Never in my life have I had dreams of frogs, but I guess I'm destined to for awhile. At least Boris lives. I wonder if he explores my little Christmas village at night? I see more chapters ahead! Well, that's it for today. Say hi if you want. I won't bite. Hard. |
| Some days you wake up knowing what day it is. This is one of them for me. A lifetime ago (three years really) I woke up and realized I was alone and my husband was still in the hospital battling for his life. As had become my custom for the past few weeks I drank a cup of coffee, showered and got dressed. I patted each dog on the head and climbed int my car ready to go to the hospital to sit vigilant and ever hopeful at the foot of his bed. I got a call from the hospital administrator while driving on that particular morning , "Mrs. S...., this is so-and-so at Community Memorial. Your husband is not doing well this morning, could you come right in?" My mind raced even though I was stuck in the morning traffic of commuters. "I'm already on my way. Do you think he will he make it until I get there?" "Yes." "I'll be there shortly." Then there was silence. The urgency of the man's voice, the fact it wasn't a nurse. I am sure of only one thing about the remaining drive that morning. I did it somehow. The scene at the hospital was surreal. The fact is my memory of that couple of hours grows dimmer each year. I'm glad. I prefer to remember Lance as the gregarious, smiling man I was married to for 26 years. This morning as I pulled open my drapes I was greeted by a pair of Blue Jays...again. Obviously this time of year they will be my companions, a colorful reminder. Just the other day I asked Paul, "Where are the Blue Jays?" To me they were conspicuously absent. Yet, almost on cue here they were this morning to brightly remind me of a past. Even as I smiled at the thought of Lance, I began to form an new realization, the Blue Jays are also reminders to the present, to the fact I am still here and, miracle of miracles, happy again. Such is the wonder of life. Though the past three years have been difficult, they are easier in some ways. The probate is behind me at last, a stressor which seemed would never come to an end has. My son is out of prison and working (I'm so happy for him) at a job he enjoys. I've gotten married, traveled to faraway places, and started drawing and painting. Yes, some not so great things have happened, but they take up plenty of my focus without giving up more brainwaves now. Today is about...today. I find my mind wandering to the Dodger blues. I'm always remembering Lance in unexpected ways, like hearing Vince Scully announcing the Dodger baseball game. The last place Lance went was a Dodger game. He loved watching Andre Ethier play so each time I hear Andre's name now I smile, knowing Lance followed him from his rookie days and said more than once, "This guy's going to be a big star". He was right. I know he'd be smiling now knowing Magic Johnson owns them. I remember the day he and I drove to the valley to pick up a visiting fellow WDC'er at the time, Carolina Blue. Ken (Carolina Blue) loved to visit baseball stadiums, and of course Lance could barely wait to show him around Chavez Ravine, home to the Dogers. I didn't know that day that both of these fine men would soon be dead. The day ended up with a perfect sunset at Malibu Beach. Paul and I make a point of watching the sunset each night...marking the passing of yet another lucky day to be together and in love. This is our ritual, one born from the mutual recognition it could be our last one. Taking a moment out of each day to recognize how much we mean to each other. There is no time left in life for complacense. So on this day (as I have on this day for the past two years) I will snap a photo of the sun's last rays shining on my face. This time I will smile. |
| I probably haven't spoken much about my son Mike lately. He went to prison a few months after Lance died. He served 2 1/2 years of a 5 year sentence for drugs. To be honest it was a relief for me, I knew exactly where he was for a change. It's difficult to fathom how alone I felt after losing my husband and then having absolutely no help to fight the family for what was rightfully mine. Oh, I won't pretend it was the entire family, just his brother. Mind you when I say "just" I'm talking about a man who is an attorney etc., one I thought would help me. Let it suffice to say he did not help me. Today it was finally all resolved. The last thing he did was to hold my beloved home out...but in the end after giving up a full 70% of what I should have had, I got what I wanted...out, and my home. You know it's funny, I thought it would be a day to celebrate, but I don't much feel like it. The cost was too high, the stress too much. All of this I accomplished without my son to give me any support. Instead he needed my support to get through "doin' his time". I rose to the occasion by giving of myself when I wasn't even sure I had any left to give. That's what mother's do. I sent him an original card each week, something with a positive message. Something nobody else would have. He told me the rest of the guys always looked forward to mail call for him knowing they were colorful and positive without being "sappy". By my calculations I probably did 100 originals, all with letters written on the inside. I never thought to scan most of them, but when he got released I was sure he would have them. I was so wrong, he told me he threw them out. I suppose that told me all I needed to know about how he though of me, his mom. That is when I realized expectations are what disappoint us, not the actual people or actions. It was a huge lesson, one which got me to thinking, once I got over my depression at the losses. He has a life to live, and for the most part it doesn't include me, except when it is convenient. I've noticed that when he wants something from me he "acts" likes he cares and I always fall for it. Until now. He's 45 and he never asks how I am. I mean never, not in his letters, not ever. He doesn't care. That's a tough nut to swallow. But swallow I have and I am letting him live his life. He's doing well for the most part. I would like him to be happy, but he has to want it for himself, I can't make it happen for him. Heck, it's difficult enough to find happiness for me. Thank goodness I have. I guess I just want people to understand we do have to let go of the things which do not want us. I found out the hard way. Fortunately I was able to find love in my life...and Paul was a rock solid man throughout. He listened to me ad naseum, complaining about my brother-in-law. It was his patience and letting me blow off steam which allowed me to get through the ordeal...heck both of them. And it was his allowing me to grieve at my own pace which only pointed up his respect for me and for Lance, a respect he still has for Lance and surprisingly for me. I am so lucky, we are so lucky. I'm sorry I just noticed I did speak of him...and just to update the last time, he has the car now I've washed my hands of it. He has a job, and just got an apartment. He also has been back in jail for not notifying his parole officer of his address. That's stupidity pure and simple. When you know the rules one should play by them. But this is a world gone crazy, I just don't happen to want to join it. |
| Wow...it's amazing how quickly July passed, but it nearly has. I say nearly because the sun just set here and I was outside on my screened in deck until it got too cold to be there. I don't know what has happened to me lateky but either there are no summer nights here or I've gotten extremely sensitive to cold. Oh well, guess it comes with having yet another birthday coming up! Paul and I went to San Diego last week. The train ride was cool. We went down for the boat show since we are in the market for one now that his boat sold. Let me tell you that nothing will make you feel old like having arthritis and being limited by pain in your movements. Well hey, I always felt like a kid so acted like one. Not so much this weekend. especially when I wrenched my left shoulder hopping onto a boat. GAWD! There is just something wrong with getting older, but I KNOW the alternative sucks so...here we are. You know how when you were a kid you were always a kid. Let me just say that somewhere after about 60 you actually are no longer a kid. Shocking news...especially to me. I thought after all I had gone through (and I mean any of us who live this long) we got to retire and have fun. I confess I don't know why I thought this, but I did. Oh well. We saw a fireworks show Sat. night right outside our room. I think they must have been welcoming us...that or they were trying to make up for the abysmal Fourth of July show we all hear of. It was short, yet really cool. I did capture it on the phone video, but have yet to post it. Oh well, guess I will figure it out some day. Maybe. I tried to get a stuck strainer out of a kitchen drawer last night and was pulling as hard as I could to get it out when the handle flew off...my hand slammed into the drawer and I can't remember being it that much pain. I kept thinking as I iced it, "Oh man, tomorrow I won't be able to move my hand." Well, here I am typing away so I guess I was wrong. Hard to believe, but this time I don't mind being wrong. Oops, Paul wants to see what the Olympics are up to...Soooooo I guess I'll stop. Great to see you stop by...see I really am trying to get back into the groove.  |
| I won't jinx myself by mentioning this is blank days of blogging in a row, but it is!!! I just read where my good buddy Scarlett is planning her third trip back to the USA. (No accounting for taste, lol.) I'm thrilled knowing I will have another opportunity to see her. Heck, Paul and I are even taking the train to San Diego next week for a boat show, so practice makes perfect if they can't make time for Ojai. Today I re-joined my gym. I don't know how often I'll get to use it, but I understand exercise is good for my joints when they are not "flaring". So, here I go again, wish me luck! For those who wonder (because they knew me when I blogged daily) I thought I would update you some. Caesar still works for me, though in a greatly diminished role. I mean having a new husband around means I have most of the help I need, as Paul is not in ill health. In fact, he is amazing...a kicker of football (68 yards) and he is a long time paddler, having been taught and guided by the former Olympic coach for whitewater rafting. Of course he also has a sailboat, so he did that too. Besides all of this, the man has a brain...I mean he holds a number of patents. All in all a pretty impressive man...I am so very fortunate. Let's face it, at nearly 64 (he just turned 64) we are in love, have so much in common and we realize just how fortunate we are to be able to enjoy life together. Well, I just realized how late it is and found myself going back through old photos...it makes me so happy to know they are safely kept here. Have a great evening! |
| July 18, 2004 was the first day I blogged, the first day I ever blogged. What an amazing journey it has been! Yesterday (did I say that?) I skipped over some of the highlights of my last 8 years and I'd like to continue on that theme. Heck, it got me here two days in a row!  I remember WDC as a fledgling community. Slowly but surely it became an integral part of my life as well as so many others. Some have stayed on, some are extremely sporadic while others have left. The good old days are now wide open to interpretation. I remember the dust-ups...when certain people would go ballistic on someone's comments which would lead to hurt feelings and even some unlikely friendships. I don't miss those very much. What I do miss is the interplay of the WDC sandbox we call blogging. The days when goofy adults decided to play together, one of us would create the interactive stories and each of the participants could read and then add a chapter. Wow, did we have some crazy stories...mostly revolving around yellow, rubber duckies. There was The Duck, Duck Wars, Nada's Ark, and more. We would shoot photos, creating elaborate integrated stories that were wild and crazy. One might have thought we were all on drugs, the drug of imaginations gone amok. Imagine sitting near your computer waiting for someone to add a chapter and choose the direction the story would go in. Too much fun. Just ask any of the old timers still here. We created blogging newsletters and columns by regular contributors. Oh I'm not saying there aren't some now, I haven't been around enough to know. But what I do know is you can make some very excellent and long lasting friendships here. Heck, Scarlett , partyof5  , Quill o' the Owl , alfred booth, wanbli ska , KÃ¥re Enga going to Montana  . susanL . vivacious , Mrs. Whatsit , Rainbowapple , Debi Wharton ,Dave Gordon , Special Kay , AL , Cloudy Skies  , Paige Turner , David McClain , Voxxylady , SSTheWriter , Iowegian Skye , zwisis, PlannerDan , Chewie Kittie , Ŧĥē Beŋ , NOVAcatmando , ccstring, Auntynae , Legerdemain  , gypsy4evermore . and probably a lot more I couldn't find...in fact I can think of quite a few I left off. My apologies to you but the list is long, and my time is short...today. I remember you...an old Don Ho song which reminds me of...oh heck, I better stop for today. (Thanks for stopping in, I appreciate all of you.) |
| I'm losing credibility with myself...I mean I say I am going to blog and then 139 days goes by? What's up with that? Yes, I took a belated honeymoon for 30 days...but seriously, 139 days? I mean, I had to renew my membership to keep the option open to blog, and I did, so it must count for something? I've been here 8 years now. It's difficult to conceive being in my 50's when I began. When I started I was in the earliest days of remodeling a new home. Since then I did it, lived there 2 1/2 years, sold the house, moved back to the ranch, had my husband go through devastating illnesses, resulting in his death. Then I was in probate for three years fighting with his brother, fell in love, remarried and now find myself living with a crippling disease I want to fight. Oh, did I mention that I also took up drawing cartoons and actually have been selling some? Well, all that was then, and now is well...now. I fight pain, take a DMARD (disease modifying stuff) and fight to regain my brain from the fogginess of this disease. I try to do my art and write but find the pain of the computer or holding my brushes is more and more difficult, no matter what I try. So, I come on the good days whenever possible. I find I miss my nearly daily interaction with my WDC and other site friends, yet I only can do so much in a day. Heck, just being a newlywed keeps me darned busy!!  Today I had an appointment with my general physician. It was to consult with him about maybe getting his aid in helping me if I decide to try another route with the arthritis. Yesterday was my day from hell, today it is as though I am a different person. Well, I am, I am one not in the kind of pain physically that had me gripped from 3 am, waking me from a sound sleep. No, I'm not going to moan and groan here, it's not been my style and I don't want it to be. I merely mention it because it is that sort of thing which keeps me off of my computer. Oh, I got a new one, this time with a bigger screen etc., and yes it will let me talk my blogs too...but there is something profoundly different about talking a blog and actually experiencing the lag time between your brain and the thoughts which eventually make their way out. Really. I don't know how else to explain it, but I know I am a better writer of thoughts than a speaker of them. Maybe in time I will do better at speaking them, but to me, at this moment in time it would be admitting defeat, and I am very far away from that. I'm happy to be here on the days I can be. I hope they will increase, as I am going to go back to the gym and try to build up some stamina...I know I need the exercise and now that my 64th is nearly here I can see the difference even a year has made in not going. So, Thursday I sign up and begin the road back...or the road to the future is what I mean. I do hope my future will be including this blog. |
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. Cute pictures! I'm so glad you have found a new and different, but still beautiful, life.