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 |  Sometime simple, sometimes profound, always truth of some sort |
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What was I thinking? What will I think of next? Where can I hide? ~Ani DiFranco in "Untouchable Face" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I make such a good statistic; Someone should study me now. Somebody's got to be interested in how I feel Just 'cause I'm here And I'm real ~Ani DiFranco in"Fire Door" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
I am going to get my tattoo done tonight (hopefully) Look here for the image: "Invalid Post"  Anyway, I really need a bit of a kick-in-the-ass about eating... maybe this'll help a lil bit.... but I had a dream last night that my therapist weighed me and I weighted 102 pounds and we talked that that was 10 pounds less than the week before... and in the dream, I conversely saw the necessity of getting back on track and eating more and all that.... and was like "please --- just 3 more pounds and I'll work like hell and eat" (knowing full well that that would make it even harder....) But, anyway, then I couldn't help but step on the damn scale this morning... but, I'm promising myself now that I won't again for at least 2 weeks... cuz I can't get WEIGHT be an obsession right now... I'm already afraid to eat because of the 'control' aspect of it all... So, anyway, I am trying a bit... but I'm so scared. So, I guess that calls for talking a bit about what's going on: I got a new teacher's assistant at work... oh yeah, I talked about her before... anyway, I'm now living with her and her girlfriend and she then quit a couple days after that. Jax took me moving out really hard, even though she knew it was coming. Jax's mom is now in the hospital. Heart trouble. I learned that my work told Brandy (the TA) that I was on an improvement plan as she was being interviewed.  !!! That should NOT be shared with anyone but me, my boss, and her boss! So, that is MY last straw at this job and I'm looking for something else (but haven't quit yet...)And, I have a feeling there are a few other things, but meh... don't know. Take care. I'll write again when I get a chance... 4,443 |
| God, it was amazing to have sex again last night. It had probably been like a month... maybe not, I dunno. But, anyway... talk about fuckin mind-blowing. Her fingers are magic. Every time, I am left shocked that anything can feel that good. But, last night...  I just started crying afterwards. I was there all spent and still gasping for breath, and just started crying. What's that all about? Anyone else ever do that???4,405 |
| *looks at the clock* 6:49am. Okay, I can't dawdle... and you might not get everything I wanted to say. Gotta leave by 7:15. Some of you may remember me bitching about my Teacher's Assistant... Well, she quit a couple weeks back (HELL YEAH!) and now a new one started this week. Yesterday was the first day we worked together and it really went well. She's fun, positive, enthuastic, and lesbian. And... she invited me to a 'lesbian night' for uno, drinks, and pizza. I am so excited cuz I don't really have any friends down here yet. Hey guys -- reminde mt to write about 'the aftereffects of 6/6/06' And, I'll make the sex another entry. 4,404 |
| Partly as a 'safety measure'... partly because of my next entry... this blog is now rated GC. So, now I expect some more interesting comments  4,402 |
| From a few blogs... 1. YOUR ROCKSTAR NAME: (first pet and current street name) Prancer Main 2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (grandfather/grandmother on your mom's side, your favorite candy) Cathy Snickers 3. YOUR "FLY GIRL/GUY" NAME: (first initial of first name, first two or three letters of your last name) J-Spe 4. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite animal, favorite color) Butterfly Purple (how about Purple Butterfly instead?) 5. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, city where you were born) Theresa Oak Lawn (Theresa Oak might work...) 6. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother's maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet's name) Speskipom 7. JEDI NAME: (middle name spelled backwards, your mom's maiden name your best friend's last name spelled backwards) -- Hey guys -- it can be very dangerous to share your mom's maiden name. All that "identity theft" stuff... Asereht Nainomis 8. SUPERHERO NAME: ("The", your favorite color, the automoblie you drive) The Purple Escort (LMAO!!!!) Now, post your if you do it   4,368 |
| http://www.greensquirrelshirts.com/index.html And hey - they even give away their tShirts just for writing about them among many other things. Search the site a lil to find a link about that |
| So -- A couple weeks ago or so, I held a 'Find And Share' in "Invalid Item" .People shared their favorite lesser-known music... recipies... and/or Writing.Com pieces (their own and others') Anyway, cwiz  shared a website with a recipie: http://www.veganessentials.comI looked at the main page and saw a link to veggie jerkey! Do you know how long I have been looking for some of that??? Anyway, I bought 3 different brands of it. (They ended up being out of stock of one of them, though.) So, time for reviews: (sorry I can't give specific links... the address bar isn't changing...  )Primal Strips Vegan Jerky (Hickory Smoked Soy flavor) These were chewier than I expected. The flavor was also quite a bit stronger than expected. But, they were absolutely delicious! I possibly, will re-order, but am going to try all the other brands first... just to see what else is out there. Tofurky Jurky (Peppered Flavor) These were just about what I expected: tough, strongly flavored, delicious. Only thing is, there are only 8 little "discs" in the package. Now they're gone  I will be re-ordering these... but not until I try the other branks out thereOrganic Bear Fruit Bars Ever try "Fruit Leather"? Well, these are like those, only thicker. To me, they were much better! I'm going to definately re-order. (If you haven't had fruit leather, it is sort of like a fruit roll-up... but only made of fruit) |
| http://similarminds.com/int.html I ranked in the 93%ile. Now, your turn. Warning: It IS difficult! 4258 |
| So many thoughts... so few words. So many changes... so much pain. |
| Teacher's Appreciation Week is great!! More later. 15min break's over. |
| I first saw this in bymydesigns's blog. I really enjoyed it, so did it myself. How about you do it, too now. Ok, these were the instructions: to start, travel through the history of your journal and choose the entries numbered 6, 25, 74, 120, 182, 199, 201, 239, 276, 344, 361 and 398. (If you don't have enough entries in your current journal, you can either use a previous journal that's been filled, or modify the numbers chosen--by changing or removing the digits in the hundreds place--to generate numbers that'll work for you.) Now, so you all know, I have some Private Entries and some Restricted entries... so the numbers might not match up for what you see... 6 - "Invalid Entry" 25 - "Invalid Entry" 44 - "Invalid Entry" 61 - "Invalid Entry" 74 - "Invalid Entry" 98 - "Invalid Entry" 120 - "Invalid Entry" 182 - "Invalid Entry" 199 - "Invalid Entry" 201 - "Invalid Entry" 239 - "Invalid Entry" 276 - "Invalid Entry" For the rest of these "assignments", I had to switch around some numbers from those shown in bymydesigns's blog, as we didn't use all the same numbers for this exercise. Without opening entry 6, see if you can remember, from its title alone, what the entry was about. My Uncle John died young by a tractor flipping over onto him. So, this entry was about that happening. If you sealed entry 25 in an envelope and mailed it to your twelfth grade english teacher, what would (s)he say? An English teacher would say I need to cut down the repetition! Also, I need to vary word chioces Copy the last sentence of entry 44. Use it to start off a new paragraph, one that's relevant today. I really didn't mean to go against your wishes. I honestly don't think I have something that fits with this at the moment. What extraneous details do you remember about the day you wrote entry 61? Don't remember anything else. rewrite entry 74 as a haiku. This is probably the only entry where a haiku written about it is LONGER than the original text! dissolving into complete unbroken silence - my soul in pieces What has changed about your life since you wrote entry 98? what's the biggest difference between then and now? In just reading this entry, I can say that I can still say that I don't know who I am... but I have gotten so much more comfortable sharing what is currently going on. For a new reader, would entry 120 be a good introduction to your journal? Is it an accurate representation of the way you write and your usual subject matter? A new reader wouldn't see this entry, as it is set on private... But in a sense, it is how I usually write... it is in short bits on things that were most important at the time. Do you stand behind the sentiments that inspired entry 182? why go to school out of a sense of duty or necessity? Yes, I definately still stand behind this. I am going to go back to school (part time!) soon... and I'm taking things at a comfortable pace. What happened right after you wrote entry 199? nothing? Maybe checked my email... If the following people--your mother, your significant other, a young child you know and a mental health professional--walked in on your computer with entry 201 displayed on the monitor, what would each one say? Mom - she would appreciate the part about appreciation. Jax - (I'll ask her now LOL) nothing a kid from my class - well, if they could read, I would throw a party LOL... if they had the whole entry read to them or something, they wouldn't probably say much. I'd feel bad they heard my comments about the hunger level... my therapist - she would probably be happy I was so "organized" about this. And, for my therapist from before I moved... well, he helped me with the list (the paper version of it...) Rewrite entry 239 as a limerick. I really tried. For a lil. But, it didn't quite work. How about you guys try??? How do you feel after rereading entry 276? Happy -- Thank Goodness THAT is over (for a few weeks). What has reading through past entries brought back for you? It brought up lots of issues... but also joy. It gave me thoughts of my uncle... and the aunt that was left behind, leaving me feel like I should be there for my family more than I am. It left me thinking about someone really special to me... thinking about things we haven't talked about in a while (how cryptic is that? )It reminded me to try to live in the moment more... That was actually fun. Now, your turn!! 4181 |
| I worked at a respite this weekend. It was really neat: the participants ranged from age 5 to 40-something, and their abilities (both physical and cognitive, etc) were also quite varied... yet they all had fun. Anyway, it was lotsa fun for me as well... other than the not-getting-enough-sleep part and the I-missed-Jax-and-was-uber-horny parts. |
| I'm going to the Convention! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I just want to say that I am very impressed: I've been on meds again for a little over a week. And this time, they're actually working!! It's like night and day! I'm living again! 4058 |
| I hate periods La La La La I hate periods Da Da Da Da I hate periods Yes they suck ass I hate periods La La La La 4047 |
| just reminding myself: PriceLine.Com "Name Your Price" for flights. |
| Hey, I'm starting to do a mood log thing every day. It'll probably be more help once I start to get better cuz changes shouldn't be too hard to see right now. Anyway, the one I think I'm going to start using is found at http://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/clinicians/clinicianaids/index.cfm Scroll way down and it is the one called "Daily Mood Chart and Monitoring Your Progress" I found a few more neat ones (so if anyone else is interested, I just typed in "mood graph daily" and "mood graph online" and similar things. Anyway... to what I want suggestions on: It is a 1-10 scale. I'm going to use it both for Anxiety and Depression (2x a day for each). I'm just looking for input on what I should make each number mean. 10 is the best, I can say that. I don't think I want 5 to be the middle of 'normal'. I'm thinking maybe 8. But, whatever works (I'm also thinking of using terms like "Severe", blah blah for ranges instead of assigning specific 'symptoms' or whatnot to each number.) So, help? THANKS Oh, and yes - I know I have a lil system going for my mood emoticon chart below many of my entries... but I don't really have a set scale. It is too objective. JUST CREATED:
Just ask to join if you're interested!! 3,988 |
| *sigh* Not getting those tickets. They're about double face value right now with 2+ days left.  ~~~~~~~~And, that appointment... well, it went okay, I guess. But, she MADE me step on the scale - at which point I almost walked out of the office... but she's the one who holds the magic pills. LOL Anyway, Next time (for my sanity), I'm not going to step on the scale. I don't give a shit that she wants to track my vitals. I'm sure my therapist (from the same office) will be cool with it. And, I don't know... it kinda felt she wasn't completely listening all the time. But then again, it was the first appointment... she seemed to have a set of things she HAD to ask... And two people have told me she's really good... So, I'm going to give her a chance. Oh, and I left with almost a month med samples (but WILL need to get a few more before my next appt) - Lexapro (and no, I really don't want to hear any horror stories from the med. I was on it before - and was fine. And, meds react differently with everyone.)      (On a scale of 0 to 10) -happy -sad -silly -mad -overwhelmed-physically sick -anxious/scared/worried -tired -hungry**Ask book_worm why I chose a flower here 3,978 |
| I have my (long-overdue) psychaitrist appointment today. I'm a bit scared, actually. Not because I haven't done this before... but because I am having difficultly saying what's going on lately. I know I shouldn't worry about it, but... I mean, 1)I have a scheduled therapy appointment right before the psychaitrist appointment. and 2)My therapist told me that if I start getting anxious or feel I'm not expressing what I want to, I can go to her room and she'll come talk to her with me. 3,971 |
| ... of the ticket auction, I fully read the following notice: Attention Bidders: The resale of tickets for all sporting events held in Missouri is restricted by Missouri state law. The resale price of these tickets cannot be greater than the face value printed on the ticket. Any Buy It Now price associated with such tickets offered by the seller cannot exceeds face value. In addition, the seller must end the auction early if and when the bid amount reaches the face value of the ticket(s) listed in this auction. I read this before, but didn't read the last line of it. Since bidding is at face value, I emailed the seller requesting the auction close early. (Hopefully this will go through.) {e:excited!} BTW, thank you for the luck, guys!!! P.S. -- Shit - it says 'sporting events' doesn't it??? Well, DAMN! 3,950 |
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((Tigger)) Welcome back! It's SO wonderful to see you, and to read such an awesome blog entry about your life! 
