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 |  Sometime simple, sometimes profound, always truth of some sort |
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What was I thinking? What will I think of next? Where can I hide? ~Ani DiFranco in "Untouchable Face" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** I make such a good statistic; Someone should study me now. Somebody's got to be interested in how I feel Just 'cause I'm here And I'm real ~Ani DiFranco in"Fire Door" ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Hey guys - wish me luck at getting concert tickets. I waited a little too long to purchase my Ani DiFranco tickets... they're sold out! I found a pair on EBay (at face value) that I'm trying for. Wish me luck at it!!! 3940 |
| This week is Arkansas Children's Week. In celebration, my school displayed one picture from each child at various locations near-by. One was the local Barnes & Noble. I went after school today, to see if any of my children's art was placed there and also because they aggreed to send 15% of purchases to the school. I figured I could find something right? So, I bought a cute cute children's book for a few bucks for my room. And then I looked at the magazines and picked up a Logic Problems one. (And looked through Bust and the GLBT magazines out there... but found nothing that I really wanted to buy) I went on to look at the Psychology and Self Help Sections. I looked through a large stack of books books, in search of something that would give activities and ideas for just getting through. Forty-five minutes+ of searching... and nothing seemed helpful. I took another look, come up with another stack, including a book on Perfectionism. And that... that was it. It fits the anxiety... it fits the depression... it just completely describes me. And that is quite exciting. Now, beyond that, today has been absolute shit. This helped a bit, but meh.... still disenchanted with things (to be mild). That's all for now.   (more relief than happy, though)        (On a scale of 0 to 10) -happy -sad -silly -mad -overwhelmed-physically sick -anxious/scared/worried -tired -hungry**Ask book_worm why I chose a flower here 3,900 |
| Fighting. Damn am I fighting. |
| FUCK! I didn't hit save entry... at least it wasn't too long. Attempt 2: I'm having an increasingly difficult time connecting with people and sharing what's going on with me... and I don't know what to do about that. I need that connection. I need to be able to communicate. Actually, I'm having an increasingly difficult time communicating, even to myself, what is going on. *sigh* (On a scale of 0 to 10) -happy -sad -silly -mad -overwhelmed-physically sick -anxious/scared/worried -tired -hungry**Ask book_worm why I chose a flower here 2328 |
| Here, fill out both of these about me: Original: http://kevan.org/johari?name=Tigger+-+Jamie Darker: http://kevan.org/nohari?name=Tigger+-+Jamie And remember: you can only pick 5 or 6 words on each. I'm curious about this... Enjoy! (And maybe I'll fill out yours, too, if you make one and post it -- but I can't guarantee it LOL) |
| Strange. My therapist called me today. Jax answered. When she handed the phone over to me, Dee asked how I was doing. I said I was alright. She asked if I really meant it. (that's me lately... just saying 'alright', meaning anything under the sun.) She continued on to say that she was worried about me because I didn't go for my appointment on Friday. Well..... about that: That Wednesday appointment I had last week... she made me an 'emergency' psychaitrist appointment for the next day, which I attended. After talking for a little bit, the lady went out of the room and talked to someone else (another doc)... and she didn't have very good answers for me to the questions I asked - she just gave me very generic information. Anyway, I guess I then needed to see the doctor that this lady talked to mid-session. She wanted me to come back the next day, but I had work, a hair appointment, needed to pick up my car, and then a 14-hour drive to Atlanta.... that I wasn't going to postpone. So, leaving in frustration, I decided that I wasn't going to go to this second appointment: neither doctor would be my 'permanent' doc anyway... so I didn't understand why I wanted to see both. See: I'm a little frustrated at the thought of needing to go on medicine again... but I got my mind set that I'd look into it. With all these hurdles, it is making it very difficult for me. I need things to go smoothly to be okay with this med thing... and I don't want to have to talk to a bunch of docs. At my next therapy appointment (next week), I'll talk to her about it. Hopefully we can figure something out... maybe get the appointment with my 'real' doc hurried up.... Well, that's an update on THAT. I'll make more posts for other things. (Hopefully) 3803 |
| I had a great dinner the other night. We went to eat at Goldfish (regardless of my initial confusion, that is the name of the restraunt --- not what is served there LOL) I had a really good mean there. appetizers, sushi, pasta. Thanks Duck and Love (and Jax)!! |
| I'm tired of being in therapy. Really I am. Let's change that: I'm tired of needing to be in therapy. It is getting very frustrating. Very. Speaking of therapy... I had a panic attack during my appointment today. And, then I noticed this picture she had sitting in the office. It has a pressed monarch butterfly and some flowers and the quote "What the caterpillar calls the end of the world The creator calls a butterfly" I commented that I really liked it, and she said I could take it. After arguing a bit and looking uncertainly, I took it. She wouldn't have said to take it if she didn't mean it, I'm sure. --------------------------------- Work is going well. Things feel quite a bit calmer right now... and spring break is next week! While I love my job (most parts of it at least), the break is much appreciated. And, on that said break, I get to take a vacation -- yay! Atlanta, here I come!!! (LOOK OUT!!) --------------------------------- I set up an appointment to have Pompeii declawed. I had the option to have it done with lasers. (woah!!) (I decided to take that option as it is cleaner and will allow it to heal quicker). Anyway, the lady at the clinic remembered adoption my cat and she was very happy to hear that he is loving his home. --------------------------------- Oooh! I won something!! Check out "Invalid Item"  to see. (I'm VERY excited!!) |
| I've done 90 things. Terry's done 95. Stolen from terryjroo, who stole it from Mariposa   .Thieves! [ ] I have eaten more than 5 meals in one day. [ ] I have read a lot of books. [ ] I have been on some sort of varsity team. [ ] I have walked/run more than 2 miles without stopping. [ ] I have been to Canada. Total= 0 (wish my answer was 3) [ ] I have been to Europe. [X] I have watched cartoons for hours. [X] I have tripped UP the stairs. [X] I have fallen down an entire flight of stairs. [X] I have been snowboarding/skiing. Total= 4 [X] I have played ping pong. [X] I swam in the ocean. [ ] I have been on a whale watch. [X] I have seen fireworks. Total= 3 [X] I have seen a shooting star. [X] I have seen a meteor shower. [ ] I have almost drowned. [X] I have been so embarrassed I wanted to disappear. Total= 3 [X] I have listened to one cd over & over & over again. (Ani) [X] I have had stitches. [X] I have been on the honor roll. [ ] I have had frostbite. [ ] I have licked a frozen pole and got stuck there [X] I have stayed up til 2 doing homework/projects. [X] I currently have a job. [X] I have been ice skating. Terry - you haven't?!?? [X] I have been rollerblading. See above comment. [X] I have fallen flat on my face. Total= 8 [X] I have tripped over my own two feet [ ] I have been in a fist fight. [X] I have played videogames for more than 3 hours straight. [ ] I have passed out from being drunk. [X] I have watched the power rangers. Total= 3 [ ] I do attend Church regularly. [X] I have played truth or dare. [X] I have already had my 16th birthday. [X] I have already had my 17th birthday. [?] I've lost weight since one year ago. Total= 3 [X] I've called someone stupid. And meant it. [X] I've been in a verbal argument. [X] I've cried in school. [ ]I've played basketball on A team. Total= 3 [ ] I've played baseball on a team. [ ] I've played football on a team. [ ] I've played soccer on a team. [ ] I've done cheerleading on a team. [ ] I've played softball on a team. [ ] I've played volleyball on a team. [ ] I've played field hockey on a team. [ ] I've been on a swim team. [ ] I've been on a golf team. [ ] I've been on a lacrosse team Total= 0 [X] I've been swimming more than 20 times in my life. [ ] I've bungee jumped. But, I want to... [X] I've climbed a rock wall. [X] I've lost more than $20. [X] I've called myself an idiot. [X] I've called someone else an idiot. [X] I've cried myself to sleep. [X] I've had (or have) pets. Total= 7 [ ]I've owned a raggea cd. [ ]I've owned a 50 Cent cd. [ ] I've owned a Guns N Roses cd. [X]I've owned a Mettalica cd. Total= 1 [X] I've mooned someone. [ ] I've sworn at someone in authority. [X] I've been in the newspaper. [X] I've been on TV. Total= 3 [X] I've been to Hawaii. [X] I've eaten sushi. [X] I've been on the other side of a waterfall. [ ] I've watched all of the Lord of the Rings movies. [ ] I've watched all of the Harry Potter movies. Total= 3 [ ] I've watched all of the Rocky movies. [X] I've watched the 3 stooges. [ ] Ive watched "Newlyweds" Nick & Jessica. [X] I've watched Looney Tunes. [ ] I've been stuffed into a locker. I climbed into one, though... just because I could. Total= 1 [X] I've been called a geek. [X] I've studied hard for a test and got a bad grade. [X] I've not studied at all for a test and aced it. (This was the more common occurance) Total= 3 [ ] I've hugged my mom within the past 24 hrs. [ ] I've hugged my dad within the past 24 hours. [ ] I've met a celebrity/music artist. [X] I've written poetry. [ ] I've been arrested. Total= 1 [ ] I've been attracted to someone much older than me. [X] I've been tickled till I've cried. [X] I've tickled someone else until they cried. [X] I've had/have siblings. [X] I've been to a concert. Terry - you haven't?!! Total= 4 [X] I've listened to classical music and enjoyed it. [X] I've been in a play [X] I've been picked last in gym class. [ ] I've been picked first in gym class. [X] I've been picked in that middle-range in gym class. Total= 4 [X] I've cried in front of my friends. [ ] I've read a book longer than 1,000 pages. [ ] I've played Halo 2. [ ] I've freaked out over a sports game [ ] I've been to Alaska. Total= 1 [ ] I've been to China. [ ] I've been to Spain. [ ] I've been to France. [X] I've had a fight with someone on AIM. [X] I've had a fight with someone face-to-face. (I'm getting bored!!) [X] I've had serious conversations on any IM. Total= 3 [X] I've forgiven someone who has done something wrong to me. [X] I've been forgiven. [X] I've screamed at a scary movie [X] I've cried at a chick flick. Total= 4 [ ] I've watched a lot of action movies. [X] I've screamed at the top of my lungs. [ ] I've been to a rap concert. Total= 1 [ ] I've been to a hip hop concert. [X] I've lived in more than 2 houses. [X] I've driven on the highway [X] I've driven more than 40 miles in a day. [X] I've been in a car accident Total= 4 [X] I've been homesick. [X] I've thrown up [ ] I've puked all over someone. [X] I've been horseback riding. Total= 3 [X] I've spoken my mind in public. [X] I've proved someone wrong [X] I've been proved wrong by someone. [ ] I've broken an arm. [X] I've fallen off a swing. [ ] I've swung on a swing for more than 30 mins straight. [X] I've watched Winnie the Pooh movies. [ ] I've forgotten my backpack when I've gone to school. Total= 5 [X] I've lost my backpack. (Temporarily) [X] I've come close to dying. [ ] I've seen someone die. [X] I've known someone who has died. [ ]I've wanted to be an actor/actress at some point. Total= 3 [ ] I've done modeling. [X] I've forgotten to brush my teeth some mornings. [X] I've taken something/someone for granted [X] I've realized how good my life is. [X] I've counted my blessings. Total= 4 [X] I've made fun of a classmate. [X] I've been asked out by someone and I said no. [X] I've asked someone on a date and been turned down. Total= 3 [ ] I've slapped someone in the face. [ ] I've been skateboarding. [X] I've been backstabbed by someone I thought was a friend. [X] I've lied to someone to their face. [X] I've told a little white lie. Total= 3 [X] I've taken a day off from school just so i don't go insane [X] I've fainted [ ] I've had an argument with someone about weather [ ] I've pushed someone into a pool. [ ] I've been pushed into a pool Total= 2 3731 |
| I can't take the negativity. I'm starting to feel like quitting cuz of it. Its not everybody -- its just my Teacher's Assistant. Things like this: One child asks for his back to be rubbed. TA responds with 'Not now, because Teacher says I am stuck with M all naptime' My God -- 'stuck with'!!? For one, she does NOT need to sit with M every day. And, if she hates this job this much, its probably not the job for you... (She takes her break in her car because she can't stand even seeing the kids then) Anyway, those of you who know me (especially in real life), know that I'm not the type of person who is out to make someone feel that all they do is wrong... or that things can only be my way... and it just makes me feel like shit that she seems things that way. *frown* 3712 |
| Frustrated about the fact that to get a special ed degree here I need to get a master's. ... but then wonder why I even give it a second thought. don't really care about the future much right now. (yet at the same tme, yeah... i do care somwhere) I plead the 5th(On a scale of 0 to 10) -happy -sad -silly -mad -overwhelmed-physically sick -anxious/scared/worried -tired -hungry**Ask book_worm why I chose a flower here 3,657 |
| ... "your ass looks better than that woman's face!" (Thanks, babe -- you always konw what to say! you're so great to me!!) 3,610 |
 So, what could possibly make a cat as hyper as can be?? Here are my thoughts on what can cause Pompeii to sometimes run around senseless:  Well, he DOES have Tigger for a mom...Jax tossed him onto the bed a couple times... Maybe it felt like flying and he wants to get that feeling again, so he runs really fast.He's getting high in the laundry roomBut seriously... what would cause a cat to just run back and forth sometimes Litter boxes: So, there ends up being more litter on the floor than in the litter box... What do you do to stop that?Will one of those house-looking things help??? A privacy litter box thing. Why does he sometimes partly miss the box? Maybe those privacy litter boxes will help here, too??And is it weird that I like cleaing the box? (On a scale of 0 to 10) -happy -sad -silly -mad -overwhelmed-physically sick -anxious/scared/worried -tired -hungry**Ask book_worm why I chose a flower here 3577 |
| ... on the news they just told of this guy who broke into some girl's apartment and stole her underwear and swimsuit and 'performed indecent acts on them'. ... I'm suddenly reminded by someone. (On a scale of 0 to 10) -happy -sad -silly -mad -overwhelmed-physically sick -anxious/scared/worried -tired -hungry**Ask book_worm why I chose a flower here 3566 |
| .... some 'jokes' just aren't funny!!! (On a scale of 0 to 10) -happy -sad -silly -mad -overwhelmed-physically sick -anxious/scared/worried -tired -hungry**Ask book_worm why I chose a flower here 3,536 |
| ... here ya go: ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Oh, but since I've cut and dyed my hair. For about a week it was pink... and now it's "faded" to a fuscia (whatdayaknow... the box called it fuscia -- I had highly doubted it would look that way, though...) |
| ... is *groan* I don't think I can put words to things again ... other than I really don't feel 'human'... ... but that doesn't say enough... while saying too much at the same time. (On a scale of 0 to 10) -happy -sad -silly -mad -overwhelmed-physically sick -anxious/scared/worried -tired -hungry**Ask book_worm why I chose a flower here 3497 |
| Why does my cat sleep by my feet? He'll come up and sleep on Jax's chest after I'm out of bed, but stays only by my feet. *shrug* Weird cat. Maybe he likes big boobs. (On a scale of 0 to 10) -happy -sad -silly -mad -overwhelmed-physically sick -anxious/scared/worried -tired -hungry**Ask book_worm why I chose a flower here 3446 |
| So, we picked Pompeii, the 9-month-old cat up on Saturday at about 11:00 or 11:30. Jax brought him in and sat him on Mother's lap. By the time I got in, he was ready to run. He spent the rest of the day hiding... behind the toilet, in the back corener of a dark closet. I gave him a bit of time to get used to things before hunting for him, finding him, and bringing him upstairs (where his food, water, litter box, and one of his toys are) He spent the rest of the day hiding (boy does he find the good spots!!) and I spent it kind of upset cuz he would run when he saw me. But, then at night, I woke up at some point and looked around and saw a shadow at the foot of the bed. I put my glasses on and (  ) it was Pompeii, sitting in all his beauty! I pat the bed and called his name, and he came closer to me ()I spent some time yesterday (Sunday) laying on the ground next to our bed, where Pompeii likes to hide. I extended my arm out to him and eventually extended his out to me as well. (YAY!!) and then walked ... slinked ... closer to me. After a bit of time (no clue how much, really), he came half-way out from under the bed. And then got half-way in my lap (and was purring -- albeit very quietly -- while I pet him.) Oh, and I got him to play with his toy, but instead of batting at it, he would rather chew on it (makes me a bit nervous but he hasn't chewed through it yet -- its adorable, though) I coaxed him onto the bed with me and we laid there for a while together. Then he started to leave to go to the next room (which is where his food, box, etc are). I moved to watch, but when he saw me, he came running back in and under the bed. (Wanting his privacy in the litter box???) It was cute *hehe* I carried him downstairs a bit later so Mother could see him. He stayed out of hiding for about a minute before finding a few more really good spots. Let him hide for a bit before I brought him upstairs with me when I went for a nice nap. And I guess last night, he actually explored on his own -- he went downstairs... but then Pippen, one of the dogs, growled him out of the one room (Pippen was being protective cuz the parents were out). So, in short, he's adorable as all Hell... and he seems to be adjusting pretty well (but getting a couple girls in the house a bit jealous -- Petey (the dog) and Jax  ) Oh, I forgot to ask: is it normal for cats not to eat very much at first? Last night was the first time he ate since he got here. And even that, he didn't eat a whole lot. The bag said to give 1/3 - 3/4 cup a day. I don't think he even had the 1/3 cup.I'll get pictures posted as soon as I can (Don't have a digital camera yet...) 3395 |
| Good News 1: My boobs are growing! I think its Jax's fault Good News 2: I'm getting my kittie today. Good News 3: "Invalid Item" is open now!Good News 4: It's a weekend. Good News 5: I got paid yesterday (but I think they messed up on it! ) |
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((Tigger)) Welcome back! It's SO wonderful to see you, and to read such an awesome blog entry about your life! 
