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 | The Undiscovered Country
Is it me or the world that's gone insane? Which do I prefer? |
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UNDER CONSTRUCTION I hope I stay within budget My website: http://www.almarquardt.com My publication journal: http://www.almarquardt.com/blog My political journal: http://almarquardt.wordpress.com "A Reason to Hope" is now available on Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Reason-Hope-L-Marquardt/dp/1439216266/ Or You can purchase autographed copies direct from me: http://www.almarquardt.com/products |
| Closer to the End |
| Beginning May 1 at 12am PDT, my mom's original paintings dedicated to Mystery Science Theater 3000 go up for auction. All 32 of them. I packed them prior to the auction, because that way I can send them once the auction ends. Honestly, when I see my mom again, she and I are going to have words. Why didn't she make all the paintings the same size! You wouldn't believe how many different sized boxes I had to buy, and well over a third of them I had to cut to size. If I never touch another piece of cardboard for the rest of my life, I'll die happy. That said, the process of packing them up was rough. Part of me felt like I was packing her away to send off to strangers. Her life and passion was pored into her artwork. Every time Tom and I went to her house to pack more paintings, he would beg me to let him keep them. I had to keep explaining to him that we couldn't. It was her wish -- demand -- that we couldn't keep them. I did keep a few prints and have the electronic copies, so I can print them out if he wants, but he knows it's not the same. He misses her. I finished packing the last on Sunday, and this morning I finally felt as if I could grieve for her a little. Not as much as I'd like -- or need, but I simply won't let myself mourn for her until I've done everything I need to do as far as her stuff. Even if you don't know anything about Mystery Science Theater 3000 or intend to bid, you should check out my mom's paintings. They are simply amazing: http://stores.ebay.com/jeanjacksonartwork (Note: They won't show up until after 12am PDT) |
| Gentlemen? Ladies? Whatever. |
| This morning I read a thread on a photography forum that began thusly: "Greetings Gentlemen. There is this particular photographic image, likened to the surrealism of Salvador Dali . . " Immediately someone responded with: A little incorrect don't you think? An important piece of information was the poster's name: Huang Poh Lo Judging by his formal language, he's not a Westerner. To greet people you don't know via the written word is often started with "Gentlemen." It's a sign of respect and politeness. But so many Americans (in particular) who claim to be so tolerant and open to the preservation of other cultures seem to all too quickly allow their PC feathers get ruffled. I added this to the PC policeman (that's right, I said policeman not the gender-neutral "law enforcement officer"): I don't think it was meant to exclude anyone. It's simply a way to greet people you don't know, especially for someone who (it seems to me) isn't from a Western country. It's a sign of respect, so don't read too much into it. I haven't received any responses of yet, nor do I expect any. As much as people get rankled over political incorrectness, my teeth grind over all the PC that prevents people from speaking or writing honestly -- even respectfully from their point of view. Have we become so self-absorbed and narcissistic (or is that redundant?), that our offense in someone else's words and deeds mean more than the intent of the offender? These are the same people who scream that we must understand and accept other cultures that seem so foreign to ours. Yet when they act according to the dictates of their society and culture, we scream foul. We need to get over ourselves. It's no more complicated than that. |
| A Horrible, Wonderful Place |
| In life, we have to deal with rude people, the quiet and the charming. For the most part, there are fewer rude people around us than the latter. Which is why when we run into a rude person, we take notice. The internet is different. It's as though because we're somewhat anonymous, faceless, it gives us license to treat others as if they don't matter enough to be kind, polite. Are we so filled with self-importance that everyone else doesn't deserve even the smallest courtesies? I've been perusing a photography forum for the last few weeks. There's some good stuff there and most of the people are kind and helpful. I have found, however, more than a few instances where people chose to take certain posts out of context, and it didn't matter how much the original poster tried to explain better what they intended to say. They decided that they were right, the original poster was wrong, and they continued to leave snide comments to bolster their claim. I get enough of that in "real" life, why would I put up with it on the Internet? Why would anyone? Please tell me why people feel it necessary to put people down? I imagine it's to lift themselves up, but that's an illusion. We are the same people regardless of how we interact with others. If we feel inadequate for whatever reason, making others feel the same doesn't improve our lives. Why do we put so much importance on our feelings with total disregard to the feelings of others? People accuse many politicians, actors and other "famous" people of being narcissistic, but are we "little" people any different? How we treat others says more about who we are on the inside than anything else. Our jobs are nothing. Everything we own or create are nothing. What matters is how people will remember us after we're gone. With the death of both my parents in the last two years, I've been considering legacies. My father's legacy is mostly in the friends and daughters he left behind. He was loved, respected. He treated people the way he wanted -- and yes, expected -- to be treated. The largest part of my mom's legacy aside from her children is how she used her gift of painting to make people laugh. She taught both my sister and me the finer points of politeness. She was a true student of Miss Manners. He and my mother both taught me that politeness and charm (even if I don't always feel it) gets you further than arrogance, entitlement-mentality and rudeness. If we keep up with the latter, soon no one will want to work with and be around us. We end up alone. And no legacy left behind. |
| I Wanna Run Away |
| I've always believed God purposely places seemingly insurmountable challenges in our life. He does this for a variety of reasons, but it's always for our own good. We grow more patient, faithful, or compassionate to name a few. Life's challenges can also show us our weaknesses, so we are forced to turn to God for strength we could never possess without him. God has thrown a challenge at me that has in part exacerbated my body's normal reaction to stress -- hives. Yay. This particular challenge came in the form of a new co-worker. I think I'm an easy person to get along with. I can think of only three people in my entire life who I absolutely could not stand being in the same room with. It used to be two until this guy came along. I am an optimist by nature, so I tend to look at the positive in almost any situation, no matter how dark. This guy, is the opposite. He is never happy, and when it turns out there is absolutely nothing to get pissed or frustrated about, he'll find something. It's an astonishing gift he has in finding shadows in the brightest of sunlight. Okay, a bit of background. He was hired as a surveyor starting last summer. For the most part, his work itself is above reproach. He often finds section or property corners I neither asked for or expected him to find. After a few months, there was a lot of tension developing between him, our bosses and other engineers in the office. I decided to take the incentive and told everyone all surveys must go through me. Tell me what needs to be done, and I will give that information to the New Guy. It's helped some, but instead of hearing all the complaints second-hand, now I'm the one who "can't get her shit together" simply because I make an occasional error - or don't give him exactly the kind of information he requests. For example, we had to survey a lot for improvements. I told him, quoth, "Tie in everything, including the buildings driveways and power poles." He heard, "Tie in only the buildings and driveways." He also apparently didn't read the sheet I gave him that said, "Tie in everything, because it's for a site plan." Another instance is I told him that I needed him out to a site "right after lunch." Two o'clock rolls around and I ask why he hadn't left yet. His response, "You said after lunch. It's after lunch now." I have tried to accommodate this guy including writing every single little thing down. No matter what I do, it's not good enough. He rolls his eyes or sighs in frustration every time I give him a job. He complains to our boss about -- well, everything. It's made me consider a new career, because I obviously suck at what I do now. He complains about not enough communication, but doesn't tell me when he's finished with a job, let alone what he's found in the field. When an engineer comes to me for the status, I'm left shrugging my shoulders. I am at a total loss on what to do, because I feel as though I can no longer do my job well. I used to have pride in my work. Now I have no abilities short of breathing. I've seriously considered leaving, but the problem is, how do I know I won't run into a similar -- or worse -- situation at a different company? I know it's frustration and fear driving me to run away. Unfortunately, God has never allowed me to run away from my problems and challenges, he's certainly not going to let me slide (slither) out of it this time. I've complained to my hubby, and his advice was to let it all go. Some problems can't be solved. Since I have to work with this guy, this is not something I can ignore. It's like being stuck in the mud. I can't pretend it's not there and expect to magically get out of it. This entire situation makes me feel my age like I've never had, like I'm being forced into a mid-life crisis. It's made seeing the brighter side of things more difficult. I dread going to work every day when I used to look forward to it. My blood pressure rises whenever I end up in the same room with New Guy, expecting to be critiqued on my knowledge and capabilities as a land surveyor. New Guy isn't a bad person, because as I said, much of his work is top-notch (and, boy, can he bake! He made cinnamon rolls once that could rival most restaurants). The main problem, I think, is he and the company I work for are not the best fit. We're a small company, and as such, we're more informal when it comes to inter-office communications and working with clients. He would actually work better at a larger company that has more structure and separation between departments. That's not to say some of his complaints aren't valid, but he expresses them in such a way as to put me instantly on edge. It takes me a while to actually take his words into consideration, and that's not right, either. I can't ask or expect him to change; I have to find a way to not let his attitude and personality get under my skin. I don't know the end result of all this, except to say I can't run away from it as much as I would like. I will come out of this a better person; there's no way I can't. In looking at one optimistic outcome, if I come out of this unscathed, there is not another human being I won't be able to deal with (I know, possible famous last words here, because God might just decide to prove me wrong). Whew. I feel better now. Writing always does. Thanks for enduring my little rant. Happy Friday! |
| Well ain't that a kick in the pants |
| It would be easy to get depressed about the national election results -- and even some local ones. The temptation to throw up our hands and give up on keeping our nation a prosperous one where people long to come here to enjoy freedoms not seen anywhere else. I admit to succumbing to that most of the day today. I resigned to the idea that my son will not do as well financially as his parents or grandparents. He will not have the freedom to make health decisions without prior approval of a non-elected bureaucrat. He will not live in a world without high energy costs, insanely high taxes and have the freedom to speak his mind or arm himself for protection against criminals or a tyrannical government. I fear he will live in a world where life is cheap and disposable. The law will require him to celebrate sin regardless of his own morals. He'll have to endure living in an age when he will be accused of being a racist, sexist homophobe by the mere fact he's a white, heterosexual male. The American public has resoundly decided that personal responsibility is passe, and it's all about what the government can give them while at the same time greedily taking away from those who actually contribute to society and the economy. At the same time, however, I can help but think that life is supposed to get worse for all of us, that this is all by design by a God who has the big picture in mind. If I read the Bible correctly, before Jesus comes again, the world will be a frightening, nasty place where Christians are imprisoned, persecuted and martyred. It'll be a world where no one can purchase any goods without a number tattooed on their forehead or hand. I both fear and am elated that those days are drawing nearer. I want to see Jesus return; I just don't want me or my family have to endure the tribulation beforehand. It's also a bit of a slap to the back of the head, reminding me to get my priorities straight. This world is fleeting. Governments rise and fall. We live in a fallen world that cannot be changed by any man or peoples. What matters is eternity, and our job as Christians is to bring the hurt and lost to Jesus. That's our mandate, not make sure a Republican or Democrat is elected to office. As Sarah Palin reminded me on her Facebook page today: We are pressed on every side by troubles, but we are not crushed. We are perplexed, but not driven to despair. We are hunted down, but never abandoned by God. We get knocked down, but we are not destroyed. 2 Corinthians 8-9 I'm reminded also that as long as we have the power to vote, we have the power to change. There's no need to lose hope just yet. |
| 9:46am CDT, 11 years ago |
| The day was Tuesday. It was a lovely day. Sun shining, nary a cloud in the sky. It began as any other. Go to work. Turn on the radio. Sit down with my first cup of coffee and begin tackling all the work that needs to be done for the day. All activity stops when the radio announcer preempts whatever was playing to proclaim that a plane crashed into one of the twin towers in New York City. My first thought was that it was an accident similar to what happened in 1948 when a B-25 bomber crashed into the Empire State Building. I figured while horrifying, it was nothing more than an accident where a pilot wasn't paying attention. For the most part I listened to find out more details, which were scant at best. Until a mere 15 minutes later we hear news that a second plane hit the second tower. It's not very often I could describe a reaction to "my blood running cold." It's a cliche, but in this instance, an apt one. I knew at that moment we were under some kind of attack. This was all on purpose. Not a half an hour later we heard about another plane hitting the Pentagon, and one more unaccounted for, headed for Pennsylvania. I went home for lunch and watched the buildings fall in a dense cloud of black smoke and fire. That image will be burned in my memory forever. As it should be, but more on that later. With all that was happening, my work still needed to be done. After lunch, me and a few others had to go outside to set some property corners in a new residential subdivision. I watched a couple dressed in military gear load up their car. I knew they were called up and would end up who-knew-where to prepare for and begin to fight a war. I feared for them, prayed for them, but also silently thanked them for their willingness to put their life on the line so I would not have to. I also noticed the sky was completely devoid of airplane sounds and contrails when normally we'd see four or five at one time during this time of day. I remember also people wondering why we kept seeing the same footage over and over, and one announcer finally said, "We have a lot more, but we can't show them." What was even more frightening at the time was how there were so few people going into emergency rooms. That meant that people close to the towers were not injured, but killed outright. It's a miracle that fewer than 3000 people were killed including those on the planes. Normally more than 50,000 worked at the World Trade Center. One reason there weren't as many people there was because they simply hadn't gotten to work yet. The reason the Pentagon survived as well as it did is because the plane crashed into the one area that was just renovated with higher-strength windows and structural materials. On October 27, 2001, September 11th was designated "Patriot Day" as a day of remembrance and mourning. On this day, all flags are to be flown at half-staff, and request that all Americans observe a moment of silence to remember those that perished that day beginning at 8:46am Eastern Daylight Time. House Resolution 71 passed the House 407-0 and was signed into law by President George W. Bush on December 18, 2001. On September 9, 2011, President Obama released a proclamation calling September 11 "Patriot Day and National Day of Service and Remembrance." The proclamation states in part: ". . . I ask all Americans to join together in serving their communities and neighborhoods in honor of the victims of the September 11 attacks. Today and throughout the year, scores of Americans answer the call to make service a way of life -- from helping the homeless to teaching underserved students to bringing relief to disaster zones. I encourage all Americans to visit Serve.gov, or Servir.gov for Spanish speakers, to learn more about service opportunities across our country." It's the same again this year, because I'm hearing public service announcements on the radio about serving the community on September 11. I'm all for serving communities. Every day of the week, not only on September 11th. What I take issue with is calling Patriot Day also a Day of Service and Remembrance with an emphasis on service. Emphasizing the service part minimizes what happened that day. That day was an attack on our nation. It was an act of war. Acting like it was anything else is a true disservice to everyone who died that day. It's a day to remember that our country is worth protecting, just as those people on Fight 93 did. They didn't sit back and let the terrorists take control over their destiny. They decided that if they would die, they would do it on their terms, and with the hope their actions would save lives of those on the ground the terrorists intended to kill. It's a day to be a Patriot; to say to our enemies, "We will not be terrorized. We will not bow down to you. If you try to destroy us, prepare to face the consequences." It's a day to say, "Let's roll." |
| Taking the Good with the Bad |
| I had an online conversation with someone named Nick on Yahoo news yesterday with regard to gun violence. He said that he's more than willing to abolish the 2nd Amendment to the US Constitution as a way to eliminate gun violence. His thinking with the rash of mass shootings lately, gun violence is on an exponential rise and guns need to be taken away. I tried to argue with him several ways: Taking away guns will not eliminate gun violence. There is a lot of evidence to support this; the cities and states with the highest rates of crime also have the most stringent gun laws. I also asked him to think like a criminal. If there is a chance your prospective victim is armed, you'd think twice before attacking. Gun proliferation is not the singular cause of gun violence. It's the evil in man's heart not the gun in a person's hand that is the cause. Do we blame the fist for committing assault? If we give up a means of protecting ourselves and our communities, the chances of becoming victims becomes greater. So I have to ask a question. If guns are the root cause of violence, why have we not seen a single instance of mass killings at gun shows, gun/outdoor shops, NRA conventions, or at shooting ranges? No. They've all happened at places where people were more likely to be unarmed as armed. If we're really interested in saving lives, let's outlaw cars, knives, baseball bats, steel-toed boots, fists, martial arts, boxing, pillows, shovels, matches, gasoline, alcohol, bicycle chains, and ice-picks to name a few. We should also look at the main reason we have the 2nd Amendment in the first place. It wasn't merely for self-defense, but defending against a tyrannical government. A government is less likely to suppress its populace if they have a physical means of saying, "No." I fear for my country when I run into people like Nick. They are more than willing to give up freedom for the naive and fleeting belief that our safety is someone else's responsibility. I have to ask one who believes guns should be outlawed: If someone threatens you or your family with a gun, how do you defend yourself? |
| Dear Facebook: I'm De-friending You Until November |
| Don't take it personal though. It's not you. It's me. I enjoyed keeping up with and hang out (virtually speaking), with my friends and family. We've even planned special events through you. I've been able to share some of my favorite conversations with and photographs of my son. Admittedly, the constant status updates about the mundane daily happenings in someone's life gets a little tiresome. There's only so much I can read about an uncomfortable bowel movement before I get an attack of the yawns. Still, that's better than the political graphics constantly splattered all over my page of late. Granted, I have used some of them in previous blog entries, so they haven't been a total waste. One I wrote in my paper journal, but have been too lazy to re-write in my blog. Mostly because I have some research to do on it yet. What drove me away was a graphic that said, in short, if you don't have a vagina, you have no right to have an opinion on reproductive rights. You should therefore shut up. The tone of it bordered on vagina-worship. "Look at me! I have a vagina! I'm special because I have a vagina and you don't! I get to say whatever I want and you can't because I have a VAGINA!" All that because Republican representative Todd Akin made an astoundingly idiotic comment about how women who've been "legitimately raped" can't become pregnant. This is what I wanted to scream at my computer: Why is having one suddenly so important that women now have more valid opinions simply because of "an accident of DNA" than one who doesn't? Does the First Amendment now only apply to women? Should they no longer seek paternity tests and alimony? After all, based on what they're screaming, men have no right to opine on the rearing of their children. They can't, because they don't have that oh-so-special body part. Oh, and I guess it doesn't take both a man and a woman to make a child. A woman can do that all by herself. Perhaps I should sue my biology teacher, sex-ed teacher and even my parents for getting such a basic thing as the cause of pregnancy all wrong. That particular rant over. When I visit you, Facebook, I don't want to be slapped in the face with graphics telling me that I hate women, don't want them to have any freedoms, am homophobic, hate blacks, immigrants, poor people, and am a "bitter-clinger", mind-numbed robot hypocrite, all because I vote Conservative, love Jesus and believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God. That constant, knee-jerk anger every time I log in is not good for me, not when all I want to do is keep up with my friends and family and share a funny story or photo. I hope you understand, Facebook, and I promise to return after the election. I may even appreciate people discussing their bowel movements without yawning or stupefied drooling. Andra |
| Christ’s Mandate |
| When the Aurora shooting first happened, I wasn’t surprised at the wellspring of prayers and expressions of horror on Facebook and other social sites. It was nice to see that it took about 48 hours before the baser part of our nature surfaced. There were the expected calls for more gun control, but one person surprised me by saying her first thought was whether or not the victims had health care. Now I was going to give the commenter a hard time about it, but that would be a bit hypocritical on my part. My thought – once I got passed the incomprehensibility that someone could commit such a heinous act – was not much better. I wondered how long it would take before people started politicizing and placing blame on everyone except the person who actually pulled the trigger. The purpose of this entry is not to disseminate what happened in Aurora, or why. I want to instead concentrate on the healthcare comment noted above, and how God expects us as both a country and individuals when faced with the poor and hurting. I prefer to look at the world and its problems through a Biblical perspective. I’m no scholar, so it’s possible the more scholarly may find problems with my analyses. By the same token, the Bible wasn’t written by or for the scholarly, but for you and me, so I don’t think I’m too far from what God meant. In looking up scripture with regard to giving to the poor, it shouldn’t come as a surprise I found many. I want to focus on but a few: “But if there are any poor Israelites in your towns when you arrive in the land the Lord your God is giving you, do not be hard-hearted or tightfisted toward them.” ~ Deuteronomy 15: 7 “Whoever gives to the poor will lack nothing, but those who close their eyes to poverty will be cursed.” ~ Proverbs 28:27 “Share your food with the hungry, and give shelter to the homeless. Give clothes who need them, and do not hide from relatives who need your help.” ~ Isaiah 58: 7 “John replied, ‘If you have two shirts, give one to the poor. If you have food, share it with those who are hungry.” ~ Luke 3:11 Some argue it’s anti-Christian to fight against higher taxes in order to help the poor and needy, and they could easily use the scriptural passages above to bolster their point. I maintain that is our duty as individuals and communities to dig into our own pockets and pound the concrete to help the needy. Read carefully the scriptures above. Notice how each one is talking directly to us. Nowhere is it mentioned that we must depend on (or pay through taxes) our government to do it. When we decide that our taxes are supposed to help the poor, it too easily becomes an excuse to not accept the responsibility God gave us. We can simply sit in our easy chairs and vegetate in front of the television or computer and say to ourselves, “I don’t need to help my neighbor. My government is doing it for me.” I don’t have all the statistics, but I do know we’ve spent billions of dollars “on the poor” and they are still with us. I remember hearing on the Paul Harvey radio show about twenty years ago that for every five dollars given to the government that was meant to help the poor, the poor received one dollar. I doubt it’s improved over the last twenty years. The lady who lamented over the possible lack of insurance for the Aurora victims, I have an answer to the problem with the following news articles: Aurora Blood Banks Booked Solid (http://www.denverpost.com/breakingnews/ci_21128567/aurora-theater-shootings-bloo... ) Children’s Hospital to Give Free Care to Aurora Theatre Shooting Victims (http://www.denverpost.com/theatershooting/ci_21158943/childrens-give-free-care-a... ) Aurora Victims Relief Fund Raises Near $2 Million as of July 24 ( http://www.registercitizen.com/articles/2012/07/25/news/doc501003dca5ae336688869... ) with Warner Bros and Legendary Pictures to donate a large but unspecified amount. Those are just three I found after a 2 minute search, and I’m sure there are many others, others we may never even hear about. Yet, these are perfect examples of people meeting Christ’s mandate to care for those who need it. And not one of those acts was mandated by our government. As an aside I found this scripture: “When this offering is given to the Lord to purify your lives, making you right with him, the rich must not give more than the specified amount, and the poor must not give less.” ~ Exodus 30:14. The offering in this case pertains to maintaining the Tabernacle, but with all the calls for the “Rich to pay their ‘fair’ share,” lately, I thought it ironically appropriate. |
| Surprise, Surprise, Surprise |
| If anyone knows where that line came from, it only proves how old you are. Truthfully (as if I lie to my own blog), I am a bit surprised. For the last several months, I’ve felt God pulling me to research publishers and agents and get my query letter written. I fought him a bit, like I always do. Part of it was lack of confidence. I haven’t written anything in a while (legal descriptions for my job not included), and I feel woefully out of practice. Nevertheless, I finally gave in to God’s urgings and spent a few days researching. In a word: Ugh. My novel is not in a genre largely accepted by CBA or ABA publishers. That’s the challenge I accepted when writing a Christian Science Fiction book; I knew it would be a hard sell from the beginning. Still, I found one agent and one publisher possibility. Not a lot, but it’s better than nothing. I admit to teeth-gritting-until-I-got-a-headache frustration when researching publishers/agents and so many said “no science fiction.” It’s enough to make a person throw up the hands and go Indie. I have thought long and hard about the possibility. After all, I did publish “A Reason to Hope” through Amazon. Truth is, I simply don’t want to spend so much money and time doing it all myself. The next step was to tackle the query letter — my one true writing fear. How does one boil a book down to a single page and make it sound interesting? After all, it took me almost five years just to come up with a title that I thought sounded good. Because work was slow today, and it being a Friday, I decided to go home early and attempt writing a query letter. Less than an hour later, it was done, and to be quite honest, I like how it turned out. Part of it was I let go. I shut out the internal editor and those horrific voices pounding at the back of my head telling me what a talentless fraud I am. A little prayer helped, too. That’s the awesome thing about God. Sometimes it takes but a small step toward him and his goal for us, and he smooths out the trail ahead. A little praise is in order. The work is not done, though. Not only does the agent I’m submitting to first require a query letter and synopsis, but a chapter-by-chapter outline. That shouldn’t take but a few days. Once it’s written I will set it aside for a while. A fresh eye always results in finding sometimes glaring mistakes. Then comes the most difficult part: sending it off. Once that’s done, it’s out of my hands and success or failure depends how well I sell my book through the . . . Don’t you hate it when you forget the absolute perfect word? I just did that! Dang it. Anyway, to get back on track . . . It’s the simple act of placing 26 letters in the right order that will either pique their interest and ask for more or they will send a terse email saying, “Thanks but no thanks.” But one cannot succeed without first taking risks. |
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