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 Exploring the future through the present. One day at a time. |
| When it comes to certain things, we should listen to our gut. In this case, going on to social media fills me with, not dread exactly, but a certain heaviness. As if I no longer belong there. Or at least a sense that I need to keep off of it for a while. It’s too depressing of late. People there aren’t interested in the truth, and I’m such a small account, no one notices when I post some of that truth. Truth is simply not as juicy as the lies, and for whatever reason, truth is more difficult to believe. I just finished reading chapter 7 of “Contagious Faith” by Mark Mittleberg. It’s about finding your style in sharing our Christian faith with others, such as friendship building, selfless serving, story sharing, reason giving, and truth telling. Chapter 7 was about telling the truth, and I admit it was quite convicting. Sure I complain about not getting enough attention when I tell some truth, but it’s easy to be brave behind a screen whether I get the attention I want or not. What about the people around me? How brave am I to tell the truth about Jesus to them? The author included a quote by comedian and magician (who's also an atheist), Penn Gillette: “If you believe that there’s a heaven and a hell… how much do you have to hate somebody to not proselytize?” A spiritual gut punch if I’ve ever felt one. Maybe that’s the reason for the icky feeling when I go onto social media lately. I need to concentrate on real life for a while. Perhaps learn to love the people around me enough to show them Jesus and the eternal consequences of believing in him verses not believing in him. |
| I know it’s been a minute since I posted. I can’t claim being too busy so much as lack of motivation to write. That and coming up with ideas has been a bit like pulling teeth (to use a cliche). I guess I’m going through a phase, which happens. Although I’m not exactly sitting idle. I’m still editing, and I’m also judging an audio book contest. I had expected maybe four or five entries, but I instead received over 20! Considering I’m more of a visual person, listening to books is almost beyond challenging. After even a few hours, I’m mentally exhausted. It takes a lot more concentration to listen to a book than reading it for me. That’s not to say it’s been a slog. Most have been quite entertaining with the different narrators, and some books even had multiple depending on the point of view character. Also included were some audio dramas which were a lot of fun. Not only was there a different narrator for each character, but they included background music and sound effects. Plus most were less than an our long. Still, I’m almost done, and I have until the end of February to finish. I’m hoping to have the last entries judged by the end of this weekend. After that, I do need to finish editing one of my manuscripts, which I hope to have done by the end of June. After that, I really need to start its sequel. This is the same manuscript Donald Maass expressed interest in at the Realm Makers writers conference last year, so if he does take me on as a client, I need to make sure I have more than one book to sell. I have been bantering about the overall story line, and I’m pretty sure where it’ll end. I just need to put butt in chair and fingers to keyboard and get it down. I do know this particular story won’t be a trilogy, though. I might be able to write other stories based on that world, but only time will tell. Still thinking about closing my WordPress and use this exclusively, too... |
| Hard to believe nearly three years have passed since I last posted here. So why did I stay away for so long? Several reasons: I also have a WordPress blog, so I've been posting there instead. Also, most of the people who I connected with back when I first signed up now twenty years ago (!) have since moved on to other things. Some have even passed away. I have been wondering, though, if I should remove my WordPress blog and website, and upgrade to Premium Plus. It'll be cheaper than what I'm paying now, and with quite a few more benefits. The question is, am I really motivated to make that change... On the writing front, I've been doing more editing than writing. First I'm an acquisition editor for an online flash fiction magazine called "Havok" (https://gohavok.com). I've also line-edited two (working on my third now) anthologies for an online writing college called Author Conservatory (https://authorconservatory.com/). Since I've posted here last, I did publish a series of blog entries (some even taken from this and my other blogs) in four categories: life, culture, politics (yes, I went there), and faith. I called it "Catching Idle Butterflies," which some of you may find familiar. It's the title of my first blog here, which is still here in my portfolio. Last month I attended a writers conference called Realm Makers. It's geared toward speculative fiction (sci-fi, fantasy, horror, etc.) writers who are also Christians. I've attended it for the last seven years, and it's always been a lot of fun and I always learn a lot from the sessions. We're also given opportunities to meet with editors and agents for fifteen minutes to pitch our WIP. I decided to pitch my fantasy to Donald Maass, a literary agent and writer. He's written "Writing the Breakout Novel," "Writing 21st Century Fiction," and "The Emotional Craft of Fiction." All excellent books if you haven't read them yet. Anyway, he liked my book well enough that he wants me to send him the full manuscript. Eventually. He read my first four pages, and although he likes my writing (it's "commercial and easy to read" apparently), he wants me to dig deeper. It starts with a slave sale, so he wants me to show the horror of it more, to make the reader squirm. He also said to work on it for at least several months, even a year, because he's in no hurry. Even if he decides not to take me as a client, that's okay. He gave me excellent advice on how to improve my story, and that's nothing to scoff at. |
| A few months ago I submitted a flash fiction story published in Havok’s “Sensational” anthology (https://www.amazon.com/Sensational-Havok-Season-Flash-Fiction/dp/B0942L8FV3/) to the annual Realm Makers Awards. Because why not? Imagine my surprise when on June 4th, my story made the semi-finals with nine others (https://www.realmmakers.com/2022/06/04/the-2022-realm-awards-finalists/). Yet in perusing the list, I figured that’s as far as my story will get. As one of the editors of a few of those stories (they were all published by Havok), and knowing the writing well of all the authors, it’s quite an august group. I’m honored to be counted among them. Just this evening I received an email asking for a headshot, whether I’ll be able to attend the awards ceremony, and an acceptance speech if I can’t attend. I have a headshot, but it’s ten years old. Should I use that, or get another one done (for which I have until July 2nd to provide)? And an acceptance speech? Oof. Especially considering I’ve been in a writing desert lately. Do I even have the capability to pen something remotely interesting? Perhaps even humorous? Even more importantly, do I dare hope my story has a chance to win? |
| The definition of quid pro quo is: Something that is given in return for something else or accepted as a reciprocal part of an exchange. This last week took me through the wringer. It all started on Saturday when I did something to my left knee. Sunday through Wednesday it kept getting progressively worse until I could barely walk. I had to work from home on Thursday, because there was no way I could even drive (I have a manual transmission). I managed to get a surprising amount of work done, but it still wasn’t enough. Springtime is one of the busiest times of the year, because that’s when people want to start gearing up for construction (I work for an engineering firm). So of course, developers are champing at the bit to get their site plans submitted to the governing city/county and approved as soon as possible. I was able to go to work on Friday and managed to get all of it done. I had difficulty trying to submit two of them through the city’s online submission form, though. I was already a bit stressed, and then to be stopped through no fault of my own made it even worse. To add to it all, the city had approved a set of street plans on Thursday, yet at 3:30 pm said we needed to make a change (which wasn’t our fault) by the end of the day or they would cancel the project. A project that’s been in the works for over three years. Still, I made the required changes and submitted it in time, and we also managed to get the online form issue resolved, so there’s that. To top it all off, though, I received a letter from my state’s board of registration that someone had filed a complaint against me. Which leads me to the point of this entry: Bargaining. I didn’t ask God for strength or patience to complete the many projects on time (and I probably should have. It would at the very least have kept my blood pressure in check, and at my age, it’s an important consideration). I did take the time ask God to give me the right words to respond to the complaint, yet I added that, in exchange for his help, I would do better to maintain and grow my relationship with him. Except that’s not how it works. Yes, I should absolutely focus on him throughout every circumstance and challenge. And yes, blessings will always result in following God’s path. What’s also true is that he won’t necessarily hold back a particular blessing or help because I didn’t talk or pray to him or do a devotion that morning. I actually hate the idea of attempting to quid pro quo with God, so it’s even more… icky when I find myself doing it. Instead of being God’s partner, I’m treating God like some kind of vending machine. So I will remove that part of my prayer and instead work with him, focus on him, and trust that no matter if my response is perfect or even adequate, his will is done. |
| After eight months being away from social media, it’s time to take some stock. The first few weeks was a bit difficult (as I’ve described in previous entries). Now the thought of returning makes me cringe. Mostly. I miss my friend’s and family’s posts. To know what they’re up to and the interactions we used to share. In some ways I even miss the arguments and debates on the issue or outrage of the day. I miss the discussions on the groups I belong to. The only thing I don’t miss is the time-suck and the anger and frustration I used to feel when my words seem to make no difference (even though my brain kept reminding me that no mind was ever changed by social media debates or arguments). People keep saying we need alternative social media platforms due to Facebook and Twitter (to name the most obvious) canceling accounts and deleting posts that don’t adhere to current narratives. Oddly enough, many of those complaining are the ones who refuse to leave themselves (and I count myself among them). The main reason being because all their friends and family are still there. The addiction factor cannot be discounted either, but how many are willing to admit it? Being away for so long, I can now see that as a rather weak reason to stay on a platform that has no use for me and my opinions other than to make money off of me via ads and data-mining analytics. As if there are no other ways to keep in touch... So when my year is up, will I be brave enough to delete my accounts? As of now, it’s about 50-50. |
| Many people talk about a muse, and how finicky she can be. She either brings inspiration or holds it back. Others use “writers block” when they can’t seem to put even a single word to a page. Or if you’re more technically inclined, that cursor blinks, patiently, yet damning at the same time. I have stared at that blank page and lulled into a guilty stupor with that incessant cursor for the last several months. It started after I contracted what I think was the thing-that-shall-not-be-named. I don’t know for certain since I never went in to get tested. Three reasons for this: I’m not inclined to be counted as another statistic, I was too fatigued to take a shower let alone get in a car to go to the doctor, and why spread more germs when I don’t have to? While I recovered after about ten days, my motivation to write has all but disappeared. Sure I want to, but I could never find something to write about. Even now I’m struggling. It’s possible I’m suffering from a bit of burnout, or there’s another more spiritual reason. Whenever I find myself lacking the will and even ability to write, it’s usually due to me not clinging to God as much as I should. Even attending a weekly bible study hasn’t helped. As with other things in my life, all has become less joyful and more obligatory. Including bible study. Sure I enjoy it and learn a lot while I’m there, but the daily reading and study has become a grind. How pathetic is that? Thankfully the solution is out there, and it is a simple one. Not easy, perhaps, but simple. I need to go back to God and sit at his feet. To listen instead of complain. To not be swayed by my negative feelings and push past them instead. And one way to tell if it’s working or not is whether or not I write a new entry more often than once every two months. |
| I really intended to continue to participate in "Blogville " these last two weeks. Some great prompts to encourage and inspire, and plenty of time to dig in and explore. However, as an acquisition editor for an online magazine, I had to set time aside to pick next month's stories, edit them, and send off acceptance emails. It doesn't take a lot of time, per se, but it does take focus. Plus I needed to finish writing a chapter of my latest WIP to present to my writers group. Although this entry is not a part of the popup, I do have thoughts. This one pertains to my son who will turn fourteen in less than a week. An hour ago, I dropped him off at our church where he along with nearly 30 other middle-schoolers will be taking a trip to Terry Peaks, a ski resort in South Dakota. It's the first trip he's taking without at least one of his parents going with. I'm a bit saddened by it, although I'm also excited for him. I know he'll have a great time. But as a mom, sometimes my first instinct is to protect that little boy I gave birth to. How can I continue to do that if he's two hundred miles away? Yet that's not my job, at least not anymore. Sure when he was little, I needed to make sure he didn't come to harm. But that's not my only job. It's also to teach him to be self-reliant, independent. To teach him how to protect and provide for himself when he becomes an adult in only four short years (!). To show him through mine and his father's actions how to protect and provide for his own family when he gets married and has children (hopefully). Anything less I see as abuse. Strong words, I know, but that's how I see it. The main reason is because his parents have far fewer years left on this planet than he does (again, hopefully). Once we're gone, he's literally on his own. If we don't prepare him, he'll never be successful, and he can never protect and provide for himself or his future family. I've seen too many adults whose parents didn't let them take wing and fly, fearing so much they'd instead crash on the ground. Helicopter parenting is one phrase people use. It's a real struggle for them to deal with even the simplest things life throws at them. So while I already miss my son, and am trying not to think of the days when I'll see him less and less, first after he gets his drivers license and starts building his own life once he graduates high school, I am also proud of him. Proud that he's willing to leave his parents to take a trip two hundred miles away. |
| Of me. Per the prompt from "Round 2 Blogvillian Pop Up! January 3-4 POST HERE " I had three choices. Write about my day/week/holiday, a genre short story, or taboos. I already wrote two taboo-ish entries recently, and it usually takes me more than a few days to write a story--short or otherwise. So we're left with a day in the life of me. I'll keep it short so as not to bore you stupid. I could write about my holidays, but even those were pretty much non-happenings. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years were spent at home with just the three of us (my husband, son, and me). Oh, and our yellow lab, Ruckus. Because my son has way too much "stuff" as it is, for the second year in a row, I purchased him a bunch of Lindt chocolate for Christmas. He loves the stuff. Plus I don't have to worry about him getting bored with it, and it ends up collecting dust in the corner of his room somewhere. He also shares, so of course I chose the kind of chocolates I prefer... I just finished reading "The Last Wish: Introducing the Witcher" by by Andrzej Sapkowski. It (along with "Sword of Destiny" apparently) are the introductory novels for the rest of the Witcher series (which the Netflix series is based on). I enjoyed it a lot. It's a quick read, but what I found most interesting is each chapter has a complete story arc inside the main arc, some of which are twists on common fairy tales such as Beauty and the Beast. Of course that means I now have to read the rest of the series... Instead of buying another book, however, I need to read the hundred (not much of an exaggeration there) others I already own. I decided to read next the first book in yet another series called "His Majesty's Dragon" by Naomi Novik. This one is an alternate history of WWII where the British use dragons to help them fight the war. Interesting premise, don't you think? It certainly beats trying to make my rather dull life sound interesting! |
| I’m sure plenty have been posting about so-called New Years Resolutions. I never did like the idea of making them, and for several reasons: People too often don’t follow through, or quit after only a few months (such as resolving to exercise more), and if a change is necessary, why wait until the first of the year to do it? Why not start the minute you think about it? That said, I get it. With a new year comes reflections of the past year and a feeling of renewal. And renewal often means making certain changes to one’s life. And since I love words, I decided to look up the etymology of “resolution.” The phrase “New Years Resolution” apparently first appeared in the 1780s and was “… in reference to a specific intention to better oneself … they generally were of a pious nature.” (See: https://www.etymonline.com/word/resolution) The last part surprised me some. I kind of doubt most New Years resolutions today are of a pious nature… Not to say they’re bad, per se. I’m sure most are ma a desire to better oneself, but less religious and more secular. At least in general. I’m sure plenty of people’s resolutions are to study and live more intentionally according to scripture. Another derivative of “resolution” is “resolute.” From the same page above, resolute means a “steadfastness of purpose.” Resolute is not a word I would generally use to describe myself. I’m a bit flighty at times, my attention constantly shifting toward that new, shiny thing. I have more unfinished stories and blog entries than I dare to count. To be resolute requires discipline, a trait I’ve always sorely lacked. So perhaps the main reason I don’t like New Years (or any other time of year) resolutions is because I know I will fail at every one I try. No sense in disappointing myself on purpose. This new year (just like every other year) will yield enough disappointments without adding one more. Huh. I really didn’t intend to write such a sour entry. Still, if the past two years are any indication of what’s to come, I’m a bit leery of what 2022 will hold and am purposefully holding back any positive inclinations. I fully expect society to get more insane and the powers that be will get even more power-hungry and unhinged with mind-boggling mandates and laws. All that said, I do believe “resolute” should be the word of the year. If we value what we still have and want to gain back what we lost over the last two years, we need to stand firm and refuse to bow before the powerful. Why? Because we are millions strong whereas those in power are not. If enough people refuse to comply to the things they find morally repugnant, politicians will have no choice but to back down. That’s my one hope (if not expectation) for the new year. What’s yours? |
un: 
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