Valentine's Day has arrived with all its expectations, seldom met. Why is it that women put themselves through the wringer over a date on the calender - and all of its advertising? I smile as I say this as I, yes even moi, have done the same thing year after year. I think, however, I've grown wiser over time.

This year, I declared that my Valentine's Day "supper" was to be Pizza Hut Pizza, a real treat for me on this weight reduction diet. And, then when I wasn't feeling all that great on Sunday, I declared that it was time for the Valentine's Day supper. Okay, so the ritual "dining out" experience was taken care of. Of course, we dined in - my preference.

I also let my husband know he was off the hook for anything else since Valentine's Day occurred during his work week and his time and energy is limited. Well, he surprised me yesterday with flowers, a little stuffed dog with a bone in his mouth that says, "Kiss me," and a lovely card. How blessed am I?

But even, yes, EVEN if he had not gotten these things, this year I would have been okay. You see, I'd lowered my expectations to pretty much zero.

So, kiss the dog or hut the cat and move on through this 14th of February just like it was any other day - because that is exactly what it is...another day, another opportunity to rise above the crowd and shout: "Hey, I'm okay!"
 

I find it interesting the things that stick with me after reading a novel. Often, there will be some little something which has basically nothing to do with the story line and doesn't really add much to the traits of the main and subordinate characters. A little crease or wrinkle causing my mind to notice and remember.

For example, in one of Kathy Reichs' novels, her main character Tempe Brennan mentions using her Sonicare. Now, since I have one; I knew what she was talking about. This little nugget of information has remained with me even though it's been quite some time since I read the book where it was mentioned. It really doesn't add to my education or increase any emotional connection; it just sort of sits in my brain like a small grain of sand taking up space and occasionally calling attention to itself.

I wonder if all the nuggets were grouped together if I'd have enough sand to create a beach for some ocean front property in Arizona. Huh.

Another unimportant topic. Connections. What do you think of when you hear the name "Earl?" I was at the vet's office the other day to pick up my dog Rocky who had undergone sedation for an x-ray to check out his arthritic hip. There was a young man there with four dogs on leashes: one puppy, and three grown dogs. Now, I'm not much for people; but I really like dogs and I hadn't had a "puppy fix" in some time, so I started talking to the young man and petting the puppy. I learned that one of the dogs was named "Earl." Huh. It was a bit of a story, but basically, his sister named the dog after he asked her what to name the dog when it was a puppy. She was driving and passed "Earl Street." Hence, the name Earl became attached to the dog - a part black and white spotted Dalmation.

Upon hearing the name "Earl," two things popped into my head and I actually said them out loud immediately thinking "What an idiot? This guy is too young to have any idea what or who I'm talking about!" Okay, take a second: what pops into your head when you hear the name "Earl." Count down: one, two three.......

For me, at that moment, two things came: Earl the Pearl Monroe, and Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl. Now, does this date me or what? It does tell a bit about my history: basketball and music.

________________________

The Same

Each person is uniquely fashioned
molded by the hand of the Creator
and by the life lived.
Others' brush strokes
color our life canvas;
the surface abraded
by the sand paper rub
of relationships.
And like a stone in a shoe,
notice and irritation
remain from strolls
beside the sea of memory.

Yet, in the larger frame
of the breadth of humankind,
under God's eternal heaven
we remain – one and the same.
Alone in our nakedness
needing the clothing and comfort
of a savior just like
everyone else – one and the same.

response poem to

ID: 1847670   (Rated: E) One and the Same  Equanimity. by Dan Sturn

Some times our past experience, painful or otherwise, can serve a purpose for others in our lives. In the sharing of troubling times and triumphs, we open up the vast arena of life and wisdom - or lack thereof - and how it impacts our life in the present. I had the opportunity to relate a bit about my own life to my 30-some year old step-daughter who is going through some hard times. As I spoke, I knew the words were hitting the target slap dab in the center. It was God's hand directing the arrow, but I was the willing instrument. I so appreciate His confidence in me that I could communicate the message in a way she could hear it. I just told her my story as only I could tell it.

I've lived so many lifetimes, been so many people in this one and only life I live here on this earth. Mistakes stacked up like cord wood would heat the entire state of Wisconsin for at least one winter season. But through it all, God has been the anchor to keep my feet from sliding of the edge, even when the edge was so close I could sense it crumbling as I walked or ran.

One of the things I told her is that each of us is unique unlike anyone else and as such God has a different plan/approach for each one...all under the broad umbrella of His Love, Grace, and Mercy.

 

percy goodfellow has come down with a bad cold. Now is that an excuse to skip an entry in his blog? I don't think so. Even on his not-in-my-lifetime death bed, he should rise on one elbow and peck out a missive to his adoring public. Hey! I'm over here suffering just not in the same dimension as Percy/Bob.

I read the other day that Wisconsin is one of the top 10 worst places for Seniors to live these days. Huh. Wonder what they say about Texas. I know we get a lot of "Snowbirds" down here when northern clims get too cold. We're just hovering above freezing right now. I might get to 50 today and then back down in the 30's tonight. Wonder how the Snowbirds feel about that?

Anyway, (my favorite sentence "entry" word) I depend a great deal on Percy/Bob blog entries to get me through the effects of interminable nerve jangling rhythm patterns and their intrusion on the physicality of my daily living. I also rely on the musical renderings of such great artists as Aaron Neville, Etta James, Donny Hathaway, Solomon Burke and other greats to keep the mental wolves at bay.

Hey, I'd rely on Indelibleink but he's so Ohioish busy, he's dropped off the intervention scope. He's says he'll take my money just for listening, but I haven't make the determination I'd get my money's worth. And since I have to drop more than a pair-a-dimes on the Neurologist and the mammogramologist next week, I'd better save my bucks. My husband is also going to have a medical procedure done over in East Texas where a CT Scan is much, much cheaper. Have to go to the East Texas piney woods to get a bargain. So, we're looking at spending about $1,000 just for "diagnostic" shit. Money my husband has earned through the almost blood, sweat, and tears - and the screaming painful wear on his already hurting and weary body. If he had an BIG insurance policy, I might have him bumped off just to get him out of his daily pain. But no life insurance, no health insurance, no retirement savings - have to keep him around for the duration - his and mine.

If this is a para-dig-m of what life is going to continue to be like in this Senior world of ailments, I think I'll just say "Bite me!" and talk to the Big Guy in the Sky about skipping out on this chapter and moving right on to "The End." Of course, I'll have to discuss taking the dogs, cats, cows, and horses with me. Who would be left to care about and for them? As I've said to everyone's boredom, I'm sticking around until they all go. They're my reason for getting up in the morning and continuing to sort of function throughout the day and into the night. Huh.
 

I have no idea what the title of this entry means. I listened to a song about trains, love songs about rain, and funky names just crept up and typed itself into the entry title. Huh.

Donny Hathaway takes my breath away...a silly rhyme and not quite true. But his song "A Song for You" comes close; I love it. In my search for solace, I find it in this song - along with most any Aaron Neville tune. Had to the get the Aaron thing in for Ink.
 

So, I finally made it to my family physician to find out what's wrong with me. Now, I don't want everyone to jump up and answer! Anyway, she basically passed the buck to the Neurologist...and she made me schedule a mammogram which had NOTHING to do with why I came in. Okay so far?

Well, finally the Neurologist scheduled my appointment. Yeah, on the same day as the mammogram. So, now I have a choice to make: which appointment to I keep and which one do I reschedule? It was not really a question to me. It was plain as day: the Neurologist wins.

Okay, so I go to the internet to look up this guy (the neurologist). He has only one review and its bad. There are other neurologists who have five stars from about five people. What does any of this mean? One grumpy person and five jolly ones?????

Anyway, the doc is 65 years old which does help my opinion. He's almost as old as me... He might know a thing or two about getting old in addition to his medical education and practice of the specialty for however many years.

Oh, and it will cost $260 just for this initial visit and I was informed I need to plan to be on time because the doctor runs on time. We'll see. I thought it was a rather rude comment.

Tomorrow I WILL reschedule the mammogram; have to in order to keep getting my hormone drugs from my reputable doctor. Dang! Why do I always get the good ones who won't lie or steal or give me drugs just cause I want them?

Whatever my problem, it's gotten worse. I sure hope this Neuro guy has some answers.
 

It's interesting the way a song comes to mind when a simple word rolls of the lips. Yesterday.... all my troubles seemed so far away.... I had no idea who had written it or sang it - my music knowledge does not work that way. (See lyrics and info below for those of you who are in the same boat.)

Actually troubles filled yesterday - the real one around here. Glenn's work helper and sort of journeyman learning the trade got himself into jail. Stupid! Yeah, I said stupid! Driving with expired tags...okay, not too bad you say. Well, when one does not have a driver's license and when one has some kind of controlled (or uncontrolled as the case may be) "substance" in one's auto, one ought to be put in jail just for being STUPID.

Okay, so STUPID is in jail. Husband's loaned tools are where? We have no idea. In the auto in the impound? In the new ownership of the men who hauled the auto to the impound? And what about the cell phone my husband PAID for and maintained the account for? Huh.

Oh, and STUPID also broke, tore asunder the conditions of his probation in a different county than the one he was caught in and where he is currently jailed. It's going to be awhile before we see him again, if we ever do. His wife has had it with him, she says. He had it all going for him - a good job with lots of future, a boss who was willing to teach him and let him have time off when he needed it, etc., etc., etc. STUPID has blown it big time.

Okay, so why am I so pissed off? Well, STUPID was the muscle and the strong back who did the heavy lifting for my husband who can no longer do it...and STUPID was a good mechanic and had learned enough about machine repair that he could take over some projects. He was money in our and his pocket as well as relief for my husband. NOW, husband - Glenn - has to do it ALL...which is not good at all.

Yesterday

Writer: LENNON, JOHN WINSTON / MCCARTNEY, PAUL JAMES

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday.

Suddenly, I'm not half to man I used to be,
There's a shadow hanging over me.
Oh, yesterday came suddenly.

Why she had to go I don't know she wouldn't say.
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday.

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play.
Now I need a place to hide away.
Oh, I believe in yesterday.
 

I've always loved books - especially hard bound. But for my reading enjoyment, I'm not picky. If it's a good one, a paperback will actually do better. Not as heavy, and I don't feel as guilty folding down the page to mark my place. I've always loved owning books even though I've given up so many over the years I wish I still had.

I've started keeping track of the books I've read. Wish I'd started this much, much earlier. Unlike some readers, I can't always remember what books I've read, especially those in a series of books. I become familiar with the character but can't remember from the brief synopsis of a particular book if I've read it or not. Oh, well.

Here is a list of all the books I read in January 2012, when I began keeping track:

1. The Burning Wire – Jeffery Deaver – Lincoln Rhyme Novel 2010
2. Edge – Jeffery Deaver
3. The Coffin Dancer by Jeffery Deaver – Lincoln Rhyme Novel
4. Silent Mercy by Linda Fairstein – Alexandra Cooper Novel 2011
5. Kill Alex Cross by James Patterson – Alex Cross Novel
6. New York Dead by Stuart Woods – Stone Barrington Novel
7. Lethal Legacy by Linda Fairstein – Alexandra Cooper Novel
8. Entombed by Linda Fairstein – Alexandra Cooper Novel
9. Pleading Guilty by Scott Turrow
10. Deadly Decisions by Kathy Reichs – Temperance Brennan Novel
11. Cruel Death by M. William Phelps – A true murder story
12. The Prince of Beverly Hills by Stuart Woods
13. Hangman by Faye Kellerman – Decker/Lazarus Novel
14. Standoff by Sandra Brown
15. Point Deception by Marcia Muller
16. Divine Justice by David Balducchi
17. No Second Chance by Harlan Coben
18. Santa Fe Edge by Stuart Woods – Ed Eagle Novel
19. The Final Judgment by Richard North Patterson – Caroline Masters Novel
20. Manhattan North by John Mackie – Thornton Savage Novel
21. Milk and Honey by Faye Kellerman – Decker/Lazarus Novel

I believe, without exception, all of these books are in the mystery/suspense/detective genre - my favorite. I also especially like series books where the same cast of characters appear book after book. I'm catching up on some of them: Lincoln Rhyme in Jeffery Deaver's - Tempe Brennan in Kathy Reichs', Stone Barrington in Stuart Woods, and some others I haven't yet gotten to this year.

Other genres I enjoy are Civil War and WWII history. There are others which I cannot exactly define. "People stories" but not romance. Books by Maeve Bincy are of this type. Some biographies depending on who the person is.

In a previous blog entry, I listed the books I've read pre-2012 - probably from about 2009-2011

Here are some of the books to which I am greatly looking forward!

(Sept. 2012) A Wanted Man – Lee Child – Jack Reacher Novel
(July 2012) Black List – Brad Thor – Scot Harvath Novel
(June 2012) XO – Jeffery Deaver –Kathryn Dance Novel
(2012) Night Watch – Linda Fairstein – Alexandra Cooper Novel
The Vanished Man – Jeffery Deaver
Trail of the Spellmans – Lisa Lutz
Full Black - Brad Thor
Kill Shot - Vince Flynn!!!!!!!!!!! My favorite author!
Live Wire - Harlan Coben
The Glass Rainbow – James Lee Burke


NONE of the books I read are audiobooks or Kindle (whatever the heck that is)...and none have been library books. I'm not so much into library books. I'm way to hard on them. I turn down pages, throw them on the floor. Hey! They're not holy! But I do return them, like a lending library, to the thrift store where I buy a lot of them. Although, I've found a really great used bookstore in the next little town over owned by a young lady working her way through college. Think I'll help her out and buy a whole bunch of books from her. We already did last weekend. My husband is a sucker for a young person who is actually making their own way in the world.

Just in case you were wondering, there are genres I don't like and/or don't read. These include, but are probably not limited to:

1. Space adventures
2. Futuristic stuff - where there are weird names and stranger clothing styles and where the world has already undergone a nuclear holocaust.
3. Stephen King or anyone of his ilk such as Dean Koontz - I don't ever touch their books.
4. Romance - have done once in a while - get pretty sick of the style quickly
5. Scientifically oriented fiction such as Tom Clancy - He's way too detailed for me.
6. Erotica - I don't ever touch these type books. Not my cup of tea or coffee.
 

Pondering, thinking. It can be a dangerous proposition. I might have to change my firmly held opinions. Notice, I did not say beliefs. I said "opinions." Beliefs are a whole other thing. Beliefs are based on far deeper reality or unreality, as the case may be, than opinions.

Anyway, "thinking outside the box." This phrase came to me while reading a poem by one of my students. I wanted to say, "Get off this 'love - leave me and I'm sad' kind of poem!" I did not say anything because I know I have a prejudice AGAINST "love" poems which are usually anything but about real love.

But here's my problem. We say to writers, "Write what you know." Then on the other hand, we issue the order: "Think outside the box." Can we reconcile the two? I think so.

Sometimes we do not know what we know. We think we do from a narrow scope, but if we delve deeper there are places we have yet to go. Darker places within a soul normally considered to be light. Places of illumination in a heart turned cold and black.

What do you think? Do I have a leg to stand on with this thought?