|I have no idea what to do, for a change. Apropos of nothing related writing. It's a jumbled mess of my brain, trying to make a decision about a social activity that has become more anxiety-provoking than joyful. And this is really sad for me, because I truly do enjoy the women and the discussions. Ok, there was that one time when the group leader had to cut off a discussion that started to get political. I think she saw my face (I either turned white as a ghost, or flushed bright red, I'm not sure which, other than the fact that I felt like I was going to pass out, hearing what someone I considered a friend had just said). |
I have belonged to a book group for over 5 years. I am by far the youngest in the group. There are months when I simply cannot read the book, mostly due to my own need to take care of my mental health. Right now that's even more vital than ever, since I'm feeling fairly fragile. No stories focusing on loss, no stories about war. Just can't do it right now. I've been considering taking a hiatus from the group. So here we are, coming up on December, and the "Christmas event" (don't get me started there). I got a follow up email from Monday's meeting, and the plan this year is to do a White Elephant book exchange (please bring a favorite book). Every book that I MIGHT consider bringing would be something we read in book group. Seriously. My tastes are far removed from what the rest of the group would enjoy. A lot of genre fiction, and trust me when I say there's not a single book I've read this past year, other than book group books, that I would consider sharing. I would horrify and scandalize the women. Heh. Soooo I looked through my husband's Excel spreadsheet to see what I have saved over the years (40ish boxes in the garage, and yes, my husband DID make a spreadsheet of what's in each box. Isn't he cute?) The closest I could come to something I would consider bringing was Oliver Sacks' The Man Who Mistook His Wife For a Hat.
So do I step out now, before the holiday gathering, or do I go, bring my quirky book to the exchange, and tell them then that I need to take a break? That seems almost like cheating? I'm gonna celebrate with you, then say goodbye. And honestly, I am scared of political conversation happening, because I will RUIN that gathering. Not on purpose, but I will not be able to hold my tongue.
I've also considered starting my own book group. If I knew enough women that I thought it was feasible, I might do it. Ugh.