Bought and Paid For

I stare out the window of my apartment wondering, yet knowing, what I should do. What I had to do.

“Momma,” my seven-ear old and oldest son, Jessie, says. “When’s supper?”

I look at his pale, drawn face. So thin.

I take a deep breath and say, “Soon. Kris is coming over soon to watch you for a few hours and then we’ll eat.”

“When’s Dad coming home?”

Only Jessie remembers Howard. His father; Loren and Lew were conceived by others. I take off my wedding ring and put it in my purse.

I look out the window one more time. Why did he go back to his job that keeps him away now for over four years, and not a single letter or check like he promised?

He knows what I do to keep us fed, and that keeps him away I’m certain. He also knew what I did before we met. Did he expect me not to go back since that’s all I know?

“Mom?”

Kris walks up to the door and I let her in. I then kiss Jessie on the forehead and flee out the door.

20 minutes later I arrive at Bret’s apartment. I smooth my red skirt and adjust my bra for maximum effect before ringing the doorbell.

Less than a minute later Bret opens the door. My heart skips a beat. Though 10 years my senior at 40, he doesn’t look it. He stands well over 6 feet tall, broad shouldered, tan and with a dimpled smile that could woo any woman in seconds. He’s wearing a tight, blue button-down shirt and form-fitting khaki trousers.

He grins at me, making his deep brown eyes twinkle. He drinks me in from head to toe and says, “My Gwen, you look terrific.”

I smile my most sensuous smile. By the way his lips curl upward on the left side, I can tell he’s fooled.

As soon as the door shuts, he grabs me around the waist and kisses me. I soon get lost in his passion, forgetting Howard, my children, everything. I’m glad now I called him.

Two hours later on the floor of his living room, I awake to a soft touch on my arm. I turn onto my back. Next to me Bret is propped on his elbow and staring at me. His expression is more serious than I’ve ever seen it.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just can’t get over how beautiful you are.”

I smile feeling nothing of the sort. I look at my ring finger and am ashamed.

“I have to go,” I say as I sit up. “My children are waiting for me.” I stand and dress. “Where’s my money?”

“As always on the table by the door.”

I nod and turn toward the door.

“I have a proposition for you.”

I stop and stare at him.

After he dresses he goes to the door and picks up the four 50 dollar bills. I don’t take my eyes off of them.

“I could give you this now,” he said, “only to have you come back in, what, a week for more?”

I swallow and nod, not having a clue where he’s going with this.

“I’ve driven by your apartment, seen your children. Gwen, you deserve much better.”

Yeah, right. “And what do you suggest?”

“I want you to be mine.”

“I can’t. I’m – married.”

“I’m not talking about marriage, Gwen. You know me better than that. No, I want you to be my woman. I have another apartment that has been empty for two months now. I put you up there, and then I can have you whenever I need. I will also take care of any food and clothing expenses—”

“What about my children?”

“They can stay with you. However, when I’m over, I want them gone. I’ve made arrangements with the landlord. His wife owns a daycare, and will take them without question at any time of the day or night. Don’t worry. I will give you at least an hour’s notice.” He paused. “You can also invite any other – clients – but I expect a share of whatever you earn. I’d say half is more than fair. I also have friends who would be more than interested in you. I will give you ample notice before they arrive. They will pay you, but again, half belongs to me.”

I go back to the couch and sit down. He sits in the chair across from me and says, “Forget about that man you’re married to. He’s not coming back. Besides, he won’t want you after all you’ve done. Hell, even I know your youngest aren’t his. This is the best offer you’re ever going to get, so I’d take it.”

A pimp. That’s what he’s offering me. But an apartment with no more worrying about food, clothing and everything else I need? How can I turn that down?

I rub my finger where my wedding ring should be. He’s right about one thing. Howard is never coming back, and even if he did, he’d be too disgusted to want me.

“Okay.”

***

After Bret finishes with me, we get dressed and go into the living room of my new apartment. I stand at the patio doors overlooking the field of wheat and wonder once again if all this was worth it. I hardly see my children anymore as Bret and his substantial number of friends keep me busy.

Worse, I’m feeling more used up as the days go by. I fear I’m not pleasing anyone, and Bret will turn me out soon.

Bret places a hand on my shoulder. Before he speaks, the doorbell rings.

He glares at the door and says, “You’re not expecting someone are you?”

“No.”

He opens the door, and my knees almost give way.

“Howard?” I whisper. He looks the same with his sandy hair, dark blue eyes and chiseled face. He’s more pale and skinnier than I remember, though. Jessie looks so much like him.

Bret glances at me then back to Howard.

“So you’re the husband,” he says, his voice oozing contempt. “What brings you back after all this time?”

Howard ignores him, his eyes focused on me. I want to disappear, because he stares at me not with shame and disgust, but compassion. More than that, he looks upon me with love.

I turn away, unable to take it.

“I’ve come for my wife.” He says.

“And what makes you think you can have her?”

I look back up sensing Howard’s shock by Bret’s statement.

Bret smirks at me and says, “She’s mine now. Bought and paid for.”

“Bret—” I say.

“Shut up,” he says, “This is business between men.”

I shut my mouth more in astonishment than insult.

Howard glares at him and says, “Then let’s step outside and talk business.”

The moment they leave, I throw open the patio doors and run into the field. I keep on running until my legs will go no further. I drop amidst the 2 foot tall plants and cry. Business, they said. That’s all I am; a commodity to be traded. I have no will of my own, but what choice do I have. My children need taken care of.

“Gwen!”

My heart jumps at Howard’s voice. He’s still far away, so I slouch further into the wheat.

“Gwen! Please come out. I need to talk to you.”

I remain still.

He approaches, and the closer he gets the more I want to flee. I close my eyes and pray he passes me by or gives up.

He stops behind me, but then I hear him go around and sit in front of me.

He says nothing so I open my eyes.

Still that look of when I first met him, and up until the day he left.

“Don’t look at me that way,” I say.

“What way?”

“As though – you still love me.”

“But I do, Gwen. That hasn’t changed.”

I want to hit him. “Then why did you leave me?”

He sighed and dropped his gaze. “I’m terribly sorry, Gwen. When I took the job, they told me I would spend only two years under cover, and they would send you my paychecks.” He paused. “It wasn’t until I arrived at my destination they informed me it would take five years. When I got back seven months ago, they told me they lost you and you never received a dime. It’s taken me that long to find you.”

“So what happens now? Did you buy me from Bret, or did he ask too high of a price?”

He cocked his head and said, “No price is ever too high for you. According to Bret, though, you’re mine.”

I wipe away renewed tears. “And what do you say?”

He pulls out a check out of his breast pocket and hands it to me. My jaw drops at the amount. It’s made out to me and is enough to keep me and my children comfortable for years if I did it right.

“That’s everything I owe you – at least money-wise. I can never repay what I forced you to do to take care of yourself and the children.”

I glance up. “You know about—”

He smiles. “Loren and Lew? Yes.”

I drop my gaze.

He places a hand under my chin and gently lifts it. “Gwen. Please know I love you and always will. I want you and your children to come home with me, but the choice is yours. It never mattered to me what you did, and it still doesn’t. I – paid Bret, not because I see you as a thing, but because I want you to be free.”

He kisses me gentle on the forehead and stands. “If ever you need anything, my address and phone number are on the check.”

He waits for me to respond. When I don’t his hopeful expression drops and he walks away.

I stare at the check and realize how much I love Howard. Even when I didn’t heard from him, I hoped. I realize also that if he can forgive me all I’ve done, I too can forgive him.

I jump to my feet yelling, “Howard!”

He turns back and runs to me. He stops short of taking me in his arms, though I can tell he wants to.

I wrap my arms around his waist and place my cheek on his chest.

“Take us home,” I whisper.