Adam Lambert and Kris Allen find themselves falling in love.
|This is a Kradam FanFic. I don’t own any of the names, this is all fiction.This story takes place over a few days during the Idol Tour. The story shows both of their perspectives as well, it changes by chapter.
As Kris stepped out of the bus that night, he thought about how well the day had gone. It had been longer than usual since he had been able to spend some time with Katy, his wife. They had even had dinner alone the night before, and she had really enjoyed the show as well. He always felt better after spending some time with her, less guilty at the thought of how much time he spent away from her. But he knew that she was supportive of his career choice, that she backed him 100%.
Now it was finally time to just relax for a while. They were staying at a very nice hotel tonight, and he was really looking forward to just showering and crashing. The tour was taking its toll.
“Hey Kris, wait up!”
It was Adam, and all of a sudden, Kris felt a sinking in his stomach. This sinking feeling troubled him more than anything. Why was he starting to get nervous around Adam lately? He’d notice little changes here and there in the way he looked at his best friend and he didn’t know how to deal with them, so he did what he always did nowadays, shrug them off.
“Hey Adam, what’s up bud?” Adam had caught up with him and they were headed to the front desk to check in.
“I thought maybe we could room together, like old-times! What do you say?”
Adam was giving him his best bud smile, throwing his arm over Kris’ shoulder and walking in with him. His arms felt strong around him, and Kris could smell Adam’s cologne, it was a sweet, sensual kind of smell that he had really gotten used to. But the fact that Kris had really started to take a notice of all of this really bothered him. He noticed how great Adam’s hair looked, even after the show. He even noticed how Adam seemed to be getting more muscle tone all over his body. Stop thinking about that, goddammit, what’s wrong with you? He thought to himself.
“So, what do you say?” Adam interrupted his thoughts.
“Oh, yeah, sure. I’d like that,” Kris responded before he could talk himself out of it.
They had been rooming together a long time, and he knew that it would look strange if he refused, he didn’t want to give off the impression that anything was changing inside of him. Besides, he really wanted to, maybe it would help him get back to those Idol Performance days in the house when they roomed together and Kris always felt comfortable around Adam. He needed that again, the new feelings were starting to mess with his mind more often.
They checked in and walked together into their room, each carrying their own bag of clothes and things they would need for one night.
“Here it is,” Adam said.
They walked in and Kris rushed in, trying to beat Adam inside so he could get first pick on which bed he wanted. He heard Adam snicker behind him.
“What the…” Oh no, there’s only one bed, what the hell is this? Kris thought.
“Yeah, the clerk said that they only had a Master Suite available with ONE bed, so I said we’d take it. It was either this or one of those cheaper rooms with two beds, and I thought we’d go with luxury!”
He seemed so comfortable with it all that Kris decided not to make a big show out of it. He feared it would end up looking bad, giving off the wrong impression that he was suddenly “uncomfortable” around Adam.
“Ah, ok then. It’s a huge bed, at least,” Kris responded. He put his bags down and started rummaging through to get his things ready to take a shower.
“Are you sure this is Ok Kris?” Adam asked. He also was getting his things ready for a shower, and the thought of them in there together sent waves of nerves through Kris’ body, images of hot water running down Adam’s toned body, dripping from his hair. God, I gotta stop this shit, I’m going crazy, he thought again.
“Oh, yeah, no problem man. I don’t mind, whatever,” Kris said.
“Are you Ok, bud, you’ve been acting a bit odd lately. “ Adam had come to stand right by Kris and was laying his hand on Kris’ shoulder again. He looked concerned, which made Kris feel a bit more at ease. He knew Adam really cared about him. They were best friends, and he really appreciated his concern.
“Yeah, I’m fine man, just a bit tired you know? Long day.” Kris tried to play it off, like he hadn’t just been picturing Adam showering with him.
“Alright, yeah, it has been a long day. I’m actually going to take a bath, if that’s ok? I’ll just fill the tub now, and when I’m done, you can start with your shower. By the time you’re done with your shower, I’ll probably be ready to jump in there, cool?”
“Yeah, sure thing bud.”
As Adam filled the tub with water, Kris lay on the bed and tried to clear his head. He loved Adam, as a best friend, and that was it, right? I mean, he COULDN’T be feeling anything else. But he thought about the dreams he’d had lately. Dreams of him and Adam doing things together, sex things. Where did that come from? He wasn’t gay, he knew that. He loved Katy, and he enjoyed her in every way. So that was proof, wasn’t it? Maybe all of this will just go away on its own, Kris thought. He took a deep breath and decided he would just relax.
He heard Adam turn off the water and get in. A shower will help for sure, he thought. A cold shower.
He walked into the bathroom and tried not to look in Adam’s direction too long, but he also didn’t want to make it seem like he had a problem even glancing over there…
“How’s the water?” he asked.
“Mmm, it’s great. You sure you’d not rather take a bath too, I won’t be too long.”
“Nah, I’ll just shower. You relax in there, it looks comfortable.”
“It sure is.” Adam was laying there in the tub, no bubbles, nothing to cover any part of him. His head was leaned back, eyes closed, enjoying the water. Kris tried not to focus on any particular part of his body, but before he could stop himself, he glanced down at Adam’s stomach, and then at his penis. Ok, now you’ve gone too far, he thought to himself. Before Adam noticed what he’d just done, Kris began undressing and stepped into the shower.
“Is there still hot water buddy?” Adam asked.
“Yeah, but don’t worry, I’m going to take a cold shower.”
“Alright.” and he went back to relaxing and enjoying his bath, the hot water steaming off his body and creating a small amount of fog around him.
Once in the shower, Kris allowed the cold water to run through his body as he tried to clear his mind again. Had he really just checked Adam out down there? And the more he thought about it, the more the image pleased him. Despite the cold water, he was starting to feel hot, turned on, and he knew an erection was coming. He had been looking forward to relieving some tension in the shower tonight, but now that was out of the question with Adam just a few feet away, naked in the tub. Oh god, not now! He thought, what if he notices!? But his body was not paying attention to his mind. He longed to touch himself; he knew that once he did that he’d feel more at ease. But now he was going to be tenser than ever. Great. He focused on getting out of the shower as quickly as possible, tried to think of anything BUT Adam to prevent the erection from really showing.
In ten minutes, after soaping up and washing his hair, he actually did feel a lot better. He turned off the water and stepped out, reaching for a towel. Right at that moment, Adam chose to climb out of the bath.
Don’t look! Kris thought. He wrapped the towel around himself and got out of there quick.
Once in the room, he quickly dressed and actually contemplated whether he should jerk off now, while Adam was in the shower. But the thought of Adam walking in just made him nervous, so he opted out, annoyed and tense.
I wonder if he noticed me, or if he ever checks me out, he thought. But why the fuck do I care? Do I WANT him to notice me that way too? No, definitely not.
And with that thought, he let himself fall on the bed and grabbed for the remote, hoping to distract himself with the TV.
Adam stepped out of the shower and tried to settle his emotions. Why was Kris acting so odd lately? It’s like he seemed suddenly nervous or awkward around him. Adam felt like he was finally starting to accept the fact that Kris was completely off limits, but lately he’d notice things in Kris. It’s like he checked him out once in a while, like he shied away from his touch sometimes, was awkward, uncomfortable.
As he dried himself, he thought about Kris’ naked body in the shower. He looked so good with the water dripping from his hair. He was grateful for the transparency of the glass doors in the shower where from his spot in the bath he had a perfect view of Kris. He had stolen glances of him the whole time, and he loved the view he got when Kris stepped out of the shower. He was more well-endowed than Adam had expected. Maybe it was the fact that Kris’ stature made him look bigger, but whatever the reason, it really suited him.
When he walked into the room, Kris was laying on the bed watching TV. He had opted against wearing a shirt to bed, and he looked so great just laying there, damp from his shower. Don’t stare too long, Adam, he reminded himself.
“Watcha watching?” Adam asked as he walked around in just a towel.
“Nothing’s on,” Kris responded. Adam noticed Kris’ gaze drift down to his bare stomach. When Kris noticed Adam watching him too, he looked away quickly and started clicking on the remote again. But Adam had seen his face blushing. He didn’t want to make him uncomfortable, so he shrugged it off.
“Well, let me see that,” Adam said as he flopped onto the bed next to Kris. He took the remote and started flipping through the channels, not really paying attention.
“Aren’t you going to get dressed?” Kris asked.
“Yeah, soon,” Adam answered. He knew Kris was probably a little uncomfortable at the moment, but he was trying to talk himself into making a move on Kris. If he was reading him right, Kris was interested too. But what if he wasn’t? Adam really hoped he wouldn’t have to find out what happened then…
He decided to take his moment of gutsiness and run with it.
“How about something from here?” Adam said as he went through the adult listings.
“Yeah right bud, people will know we were watching porn! That’s embarrassing!” Kris answered nervously. He had sat up anxiously, and now he was waiting to see what Adam would do.
“This one sounds interesting. Let’s see it. Come on Kris, everyone does it!” Adam tried to play off like he was joking around, but he was really curious to see what Kris would do if he actually started playing one of the porn videos.
“Adam!” Kris yelled as Adam chose one of the listings and ordered it.
“Its ok dude, its straight porn! You’ll love it.” Adam started laughing. Kris looked so flustered sitting there, like he didn’t know what he should do about it at all.
The show started playing and Adam lay back and started watching. He didn’t really mind watching straight porn, he could always focus on the men, and if the girls weren’t too loud or trashy, he didn’t mind watching them either. To him, it was all hot.
He turned to glance at Kris who had lay back on the bed as well and picked up a magazine from the night stand. He could tell he wasn’t really reading it though.
“Come on Kris, its just porn! Don’t tell me you’ve never watched porn before!? Oh my god, you haven’t watched it EVER?!” Adam asked when he saw Kris blush even deeper than before.
“No bud, of course I’ve seen it! I’ve just never seen it with another guy in the room before!” Kris answered as he put the magazine back and started actually watching the TV.
The movie was about a woman trying to seduce a younger guy. The plot seemed a bit shitty to Adam, but he tried to focus on the good things. One, Kris was laying next to him, two, the guy in the video was a little bit cute, and three, Kris seemed like he was going to stay!
As the movie got more intense, and they actually started having sex, Adam noticed Kris getting really uncomfortable. Adam stole a quick glance down at Kris’ crotch and noticed he was getting hard. He quickly looked back at the TV screen and tried to focus on controlling his own body. The couple on the TV had now started doing it on top of a pool table, and the woman was getting louder and louder.
At this point, Kris actually sat up and seemed to be looking for something else to do.
“Come on buddy! Lay back down, its getting to the good part.” Adam grabbed Kris’ arm gently and pulled him back onto the bed. When Kris lay back down, Adam noticed he was noticeably hard now. Kris was blushing deeply, and Adam decided to make a bold move.
“Come on, that’s right…” Kris lay back down and it seemed like he didn’t know where to look. He wouldn’t look at Adam, and he was trying hard not to look at the TV screen.
Do it now Adam, come on! Adam thought.
Holding in his breath and hoping for the best, Adam reached down and grazed Kris’s crotch softly. Kris gasped as his body shook with an unexpected wave of pleasure. Adam decided to take advantage of this and actually grabbed Kris over his shorts. They were a bit moist with precum and he longed to touch it under his shorts. Kris closed his eyes and it looked to Adam like he was holding his breath as well. His eyes were shut tight.
Well, he hasn’t punched me yet, and he’s not drunk. That’s a good sign, Adam thought.
Adam decided to go for it and slipped his hand under Kris’ shorts. Kris gasped once again, and when Adam gripped his penis he let out a small groan. It felt nice, perfectly smooth and a perfect size. Adam couldn’t believe this was actually happening. He used Kris’ precum to slide his hand up and down better. Soon, he found his rhythm and used Kris’ reaction to guess just how hard and fast he liked it.
“Oh Adam…oh geez… what the hell?” Kris’ words were coming in a whisper, his breath picking up rapidly.
“You like that buddy?” Adam asked, enjoying Kris’ reaction to his touch. He was shocked that Kris hadn’t pushed him away already.
“Mmmm,” was all that came from Kris’ mouth.
In one quick move, Adam pulled Kris’ shorts completely off and let his own towel fall as well. He was very hard now too and decided to take it one step further.
Before he could decide against it, he went down and enveloped Kris with his mouth. Kris gasped and bucked his hips in reaction. His whole body suddenly tightened as he held his breath and bit his lip.
Adam started sucking lightly and as he gripped Kris’ penis just tight enough and grazed his balls with his other hand, he took more of it in his mouth. Kris let out a loud gasp and shuddered.
“Adam, I… uh… oh, Mmm… Adam…”
Adam responded to each of Kris’ shudders with more and more speed and pressure around Kris’ cock. He loved the feel of it in his mouth and he never wanted to stop hearing Kris’ groans of pleasure.
As Adam picked up the speed and took him deeper, Kris started thrusting his hips up, making Adam take as much of him as he could. Adam was dripping with precum now too, and he wanted nothing more than to be inside of Kris at that moment.
“Adam. Oh geez, Adam, I’m gonna cum… Adam!” Kris was gripping the sheets tighter and tighter in anticipation. Adam anxiously waited for his release as he put just a bit more pressure on the hand groping Kris’ cock. He knew Kris expected him to stop, but he wanted to feel him cum in his mouth.
“Adam, I’m serious… Oh god…” Suddenly, all of Kris’ body tightened and with a loud moan, he released into Adam’s mouth.
Adam was ready for it and swallowed all of it without problem. When he was done, he licked around Kris’ shaft and head to get all of it. Kris moaned quietly as his body shuddered and he finally released his grip on the sheets and lay back down, letting out a long breath.
Adam slowly came up closer to Kris and cuddled on his arm. Kris pulled him in closer and started playing with Adam’s hair.
I can’t believe that just happened. Oh wow, and now he’s holding me. This is insane, Adam thought as he lay there trying to control his breathing.
“God, will you turn this shit off Adam, come on,” Kris said as he glanced back at the TV. The couple was really into it now, and they were trying every position imaginable. The acting was shitty and the girl was especially annoying.
Adam turned off the TV, giggling softly at the video they’d just seen. He had a feeling that Kris’ hard on had had nothing to do with the porn video and he couldn’t believe they’d just done what they did. A bit of hope sprang inside his chest as he thought about something actually developing between them for real. But he’s still married, Adam thought. Oh fuck, what have I gotten myself into?
Kris was already asleep beside him, naked and breathing softly, a look of content on his face. Now what do I do about this? Adam thought looking down at his erection. I guess I’ll just take care of it now, he decided.
And as he lay next to Kris’ beautiful naked body, he jerked off, thinking about being inside of him and what a pleasure that would be. Now you’re just dreaming big, he thought to himself.
It didn’t take him long to release. After all, he’d been thinking about it all day. As he lay there exhausted from the day’s activities and now from this, he allowed his hand to roam over Kris’ bare chest and drifted off to sleep next to him.
As Kris opened his eyes in the morning, he tried to remember where they were at today. Sometimes being on tour for a while made you loose perspective on where you were. He turned slowly to the right and saw Adam laying there, naked.
Oh shit, last night… Suddenly, everything from the night before came back and he looked down at his naked body as more proof of what had happened.
Does this mean I’m gay? No, it can’t mean that, I love Katy. Oh shit, Katy! Oh no, what have I done? As Kris tried to regain his composure, Adam shifted his weight next to him and started opening his eyes slowly.
Kris quickly looked away and decided to get out of there as fast as he could. He got up and dressed in a matter of seconds and was in the bathroom brushing his teeth and hoping Adam wouldn’t mention what had happened.
We were just really horny, those things happen, I think. He tried to comfort himself with the thought that it had been the porn video that had really gotten him in the mood to do what he did.
But I didn’t do anything, did I? I mean, Adam did, I was just there. But he couldn’t fool himself to that extent. He knew he was as much to blame for last night as Adam was. He knew Adam would have stopped the moment he asked him to. But why didn't he? Fuck, now I’ve really done it, he thought.
Ok, here goes nothing, he thought as he stepped out of the bathroom.
Adam was standing there by the bed, toothbrush in hand, hair tousled, wearing a pair of sweat pants, thankfully.
“Look, Kris, about last night…” Adam began.
“Just, forget about it Adam, alright? It didn’t happen. Let’s just go with that,” Kris responded as he walked past Adam to get his room key.
But he had seen that look on Adam’s face. He’d really hurt him, and he hated that more than anything. But what was he supposed to do? Better to pretend nothing had happened. If you can’t rewind time, better to just move forward, he thought. But he really hated seeing that look of pain in Adam’s face.
Adam walked into the bathroom and shut the door. Kris thought he’d seen a tear running down his cheek, but he tried to pretend he’d imagined it.
This will all just go away soon, he tried to tell himself.
He picked up his phone and wallet and walked out of the room. He felt bad just leaving Adam there like that, but he’ll understand, he thought. He really just needed some time to be alone.
As he walked into the dining room in the hotel, he saw Danny and Alison already there, seated at a table eating.
Shit, they’ll want me to sit with them, he thought. And before they could see him, he decided to skip out on breakfast and take a walk instead.
The sunlight felt great on his skin. He tried to relax and think calmly about last night. It was just a blow job, he thought. A lot of guys do that, don’t they? It doesn’t mean anything. Besides, I was really horny.
The phone in his pocket shocked him out of his thinking and back into reality.
Oh no, its Katy, he thought as he looked at his phone. What am I gonna say?
“Hello?” He answered on the third ring.
“Hey baby, how are you this morning?” She sounded cheery and happy. Good, she doesn’t know anything, he thought. But how could she? Now I’m just being paranoid.
“I’m good, how are you hon?” He responded.
“I’m great. I had a lot of fun with you yesterday. I missed you so much!” Her voice sounded so sincere, so beautiful, he tried to swallow the knot in his throat and sound normal.
“Me too honey, I’m glad we were able to do that.” I’m a fucking asshole, he thought to himself.
“So, what did you end up doing last night? Did you go to that hotel you were telling me about?” She asked.
“Yeah, we went there,” he responded, trying to sound casual.
“How was it? Did you go out with Adam? What did you do?” Shit, maybe she does know something! He thought. But wait, she always asks me these questions, I’m just being paranoid…
“Uh, no, I just stayed in the hotel. Crashed early you know? It was a long day.” That was truth enough, he thought.
“Well, I’m glad you got some rest baby. I gotta go now, just wanted to call before I head out today.”
“Ok honey. I love you. Call me later.”
“Ok, bye babe. I love you too.”
He could picture her smiling, heading off to work, looking beautiful.
I’m officially a jerk, he thought again.
As he walked around the block some more, he let the memories from the previous night come back. It wasn’t just that video, it was Adam, he admitted to himself.
And the more he tried to rationalize what he’d done, the guiltier he felt inside. Now he was lying to his wife, hurting his best friend’s feelings, and avoiding his friends.
This sucks, he thought. And I gotta find a way to make it all better.
I’ll start with Adam, I’ll explain to him that it DID mean something to me, but that I just can’t do something like that again. I
think he’ll understand. And after a while, things will just go back to normal.
About Katy, she doesn’t have to know anything. It wasn’t that big of a deal, was it? And besides, he’d never do it again, so why ruin something on account of that?
Now just go back in there and start making things right again, he said to himself.
He stepped back into the hotel and saw Adam sitting with Danny and Alison in the dining room.
“Hey guys, mind if I join you?” He asked them as he approached their table.
“No man, come on and sit down” Danny responded.
Alison was smiling at him and motioning for him to sit next to her. Great, in front of Adam, he thought to himself…
“I’ll just get some cereal first, I’ll be right back,” he said.
He got himself some frosted flakes and cold milk and walked back to the table. Adam looked like he was trying to be cheery but not feeling it. I wonder if anyone else can tell, he thought.
“So, how was your nights?” He asked Alison and Danny.
“Just crashed,” Danny said.
“Just got online and went to sleep late,” Alison said too.
“Cool.” Kris tried to look normal as he sat there, but Adam looked so sullen.
“Danny, can I talk to you alone, it won’t take long,” Adam was already getting up from the table.
“Yeah, sure thing man. Let’s go,” Danny said getting up and following him.
They walked out of the dining room and took a left.
“What’s that about?” asked Alison.
“Beats me,” Kris responded. But a wave of nerves was settling over him. He couldn’t even keep eating the cereal.
He’s going to tell him everything, he thought. And what if they spread the word, and suddenly everyone knows? God, he wouldn’t do that to me, would he?
“I’ll see you later Ali, I’m going to check out.” And with that he walked out and tried to tell himself it was not about last night.
As Kris stepped around the corner, he saw Danny hugging Adam. Adam looked to be upset and Danny was obviously comforting him.
What the fuck is this? He thought. He TOLD him?! Why would he do that?!
“Its Ok Adam, things will get better, you’ll see!” Danny was now holding Adam against him and running his hands through his hair.
Motherfucker, Kris thought. Who does he think he is to be holding Adam like that? But wait, he was supposed to be mad at Adam, not Danny!
Before reacting on impulse and pushing Danny out of the way, Kris walked the other way and decided to take the stairs to his room.
Neither one of them had noticed him standing there. Good, Danny might have tried to do me in if he thought I was the cause of Adam’s pain.
But what should he care, he thought. Adam’s my best friend, not his…
Now he was just pissed off. He thought Adam and him were always honest with each other. Why would he betray my trust like that and just tell Danny everything? It doesn’t make sense. Maybe its revenge for running out on him this morning, but still, it was over the top, he thought.
He quickly had all his things gathered and he checked out of the room immediately.
I’ll just go on the tour bus and be alone for a while, it’ll help clear my head.
So Kris walked out and into the tour bus. He knew it’d be a few hours before they were actually on the road again, but it was perfect timing to be alone. He had to figure out how to convince Danny not to spread the word around. What would he do then?
I’m screwed, he thought as he climbed on the bus. He threw his head phones on and lay down on his bunk in the bus. Not even music will help me escape from this now, he knew. Great…
As Adam walked back into his hotel room, he saw that all of Kris’ things were gone. Great, now he’s just avoiding me, he thought.
Adam got his things together and decided to check out now too. I’ll just hang out on the bus for a while, it’ll be quiet there, he decided.
He was ready in minutes and walked out of the hotel, heading for the bus. I wonder where Kris ran off to, he thought. God, I really screwed things up.
When he climbed onto the bus, he headed straight for his bunk there. I’ll just listen to some music.
As he approached his bunk, he noticed Kris laying there on his bed. He had his headphones on and seemed to be sleeping.
Fuck, should I get out of here? He thought.
But before he could really make up his mind, Kris opened his eyes and saw him standing there. He took off his head phones
and sat up.
“I can’t believe you were so quick to go running your mouth like that man, you’re a fucking asshole.”
What the hell is he talking about? Adam wondered. He looked so hurt and mad at the moment, and Adam was trying to figure out what he was talking about.
“What do you mean? What are you talking about?” Adam asked taking a seat across from him.
“You babbling to Danny about last night. That was out of line, Adam. How could you?! You knew I’d hate for anyone to find out what we did, didn’t you?”
He was so worked up now, but most of all, he looked scared, nervous.
“I didn’t say anything to Danny!” Adam responded. He must have thought I was telling Danny this morning at the hotel.
“I took him aside to tell him not to say anything to you about last night. He knew, Kris. I didn’t even tell him! But he told me yesterday that he could tell I had a thing for you. He was trying to comfort me, and he figured that something happened last night in the room; he said I’m easy to read. So I took him aside this morning to tell him not to mention anything to you, because you don’t want anyone to know.”
Adam could see the panic in Kris’ face. He knew how hard this must be for Kris, trying to figure out what all these feelings could mean.
“Did you tell him what we did last night?” Kris asked with a shaky voice. “Does Alison know too? Who all knows?!”
He was really worked up now.
“No, I didn’t tell him, I swear Kris. He just knows something did happen, and he wanted to make sure I was OK.”
Something suddenly changed in Kris’ expression.
“What the hell does he care? You’re MY best friend, not his!” He sounded angry now.
Is he jealous? Adam thought. Of Danny?!
“I know you’re my best friend, buddy! He just wanted to talk…”
“Well, I don’t like him holding you like that,” Kris said.
Now he looked angry, but Adam felt it was more directed at him.
“Come here Kris, come on,” Adam tried to pull Kris in towards him for a hug, but Kris was pushing him away.
“Stop it Adam, don’t,” Kris was saying. But Adam wouldn’t give up. He forced Kris to hug him and held him there, tousling his hair and kissing the top of his head.
Suddenly, Adam noticed Kris was sobbing. He was grabbing onto Adam’s shirt from the back and his body was shaking.
“What am I gonna do Adam? I, fuck man, I love you!” He could hardly get out the words in between sobs.
Adam started crying softly too. What were they supposed to do? They were in way over their heads with this. But he was too far gone now. He wanted every part of Kris, loved every part of him.
“Its ok Kris, I love you too,” Adam tried to comfort him.
“NO! Its not OK! Don’t you get it? I’m MARRIED Adam, and I love Katy! Fuck, this can’t be happening!” He was really crying now, and he let go of Adam’s shirt and got up, started pacing in the bus back and forth.
“Kris, please, just calm down.” But Kris kept pacing, he seemed so lost, so nervous, and Adam didn’t know what to say.
“I love you Adam, and I mean, more than just friends. You know that, right? But what am I supposed to do?! I love Katy too, and I can’t fucking make these feelings for you go away!”
He finally sat back on his bed and just looked down, defeated. He had stopped crying now, but he was still upset.
“Kris, I love you. I can’t fight that anymore either. I don’t know what you should do, and I can’t tell you that. I’m sorry, I know
how hard this is for you, but I don’t have the answers.”
Adam tried to find any solution at all, but the more he thought about it the more it overwhelmed him.
“Come on, let’s go to the back,” Adam said pulling Kris with him.
They headed to the sofas in the back of the bus. Adam pulled Kris to sit next to him and just held him there, holding him against his chest.
“Adam, I’m sorry about this morning. I didn’t mean to just leave you like that, I just freaked out.”
“Its ok Kris, I understand.”
They sat there for a couple of minutes, holding each other, both lost in thought.
After a while, Kris looked up at Adam and started coming in closer.
Oh my god, he’s going to kiss me, Adam thought.
Within seconds, their lips met. Adam held the back of Kris’ head and pulled him in closer. He parted Kris’ lips slowly with
his tongue. Kris responded with a passion Adam didn’t expect.
Adam knew this was probably not the best idea, but he couldn’t stop himself. He needed Kris so bad, and the kiss, it was so intimate. In a way, it was even more than what they had done the night before.
Their tongues were passionately caressing each other. Adam loved the feel of Kris’ lips, his body tight against his, their passion unquenchable.
Slowly, Adam started laying Kris down on the sofa beneath him. Without breaking their kiss, Kris started undoing Adam’s belt fiercely. Adam was pulling Kris’ shirt off. Their lips separated for that moment, but as soon as the shirts were off their kiss started again, this time a bit more fiercely than before.
Adam could already feel Kris’ hardness against him. Quickly, he pulled off his pants and briefs and Kris did the same with his jeans and briefs. Their shoes were already thrown off as well, and Adam loved the feel of Kris’ naked body underneath him.
Kris let out a small moan as their cocks rubbed against each other. The pressure was almost too much for Adam.
“Adam, I love you,” Kris whispered.
Adam’s heart constricted for a second.
“I love you too Kris,” Adam responded.
Kris was pulling Adam in closer to him, he spread his legs and wrapped them around Adam. His body was writhing underneath Adam.
Adam was unsure whether Kris wanted to take it from him, but it really seemed like it was what Kris was pushing towards.
Dammit, when I need lube I don’t have it! Adam thought.
He licked his finger and started caressing around Kris’ entrance. Kris shuddered and pulled Adam closer against him. Adam could feel the precum on his cock and wondered if it would be enough to lubricate Kris.
Oh god, he’s so fucking hot, Adam thought.
He spit into his hand and rubbed it around Kris to make going in easier. Kris was moaning in anticipation now. Adam was throbbing to be inside of him now.
Slowly, Adam grabbed the end of his cock and started sliding it into Kris. Kris gasped and tightened as Adam entered him.
“Relax buddy, it’ll hurt less that way,” Adam whispered.
Kris was holding his breath and slowly, he let it out… His body relaxed a bit and Adam slid in more. Kris tightened again and groaned.
“Relax…” God, he’s so tight, Adam thought. So perfect.
Kris relaxed again and bit his lip. Slowly, Adam entered him more. Kris let out a loud gasp and then whimpered quietly.
Again, he bit his lip to keep from crying out.
“There we go, you tell me when to stop Kris, I’ll go slow, I promise,” Adam said.
He lay there on top of Kris, eagerly wanting to start thrusting into him repeatedly. But Kris needed time, so he waited until he felt Kris completely relax.
Adam started kissing Kris again, trying to distract him from the pain. He stayed very still down there as he kissed Kris sweetly. Kris kissed him back with a hunger. It seemed he was getting used to the feeling of having Adam inside of him.
After a couple of minutes, Kris started lifting his hips and taking Adam in more. Adam stayed still as Kris thrust back and forth slowly, Adam’s cock sliding in and out.
He allowed Kris to do this as long as he wanted. The feeling of his hips lifting back and forth slowly was a sweet torture to Adam. Kris was moaning quietly and gripping Adam’s arms tightly. After a while, Kris pulled Adam in and motioned for him to go ahead.
Adam slowly pulled out, almost all the way, and then back in again. He did this a few times and Kris seemed to be more comfortable with it now. Their rhythm picked up slowly and after a few minutes they were both thrusting back and forth at a fast pace, their bodies damp with sweat and pressed against each other.
As Adam slid in and out of Kris harder and faster, Kris gripped the side of the couch tightly. Their moans and groans filled the bus. Their breathing was coming harder as well.
“Oh Kris, this is amazing baby,” Adam said.
Kris pulled Adam in closer now, holding him against him as he thrust upwards in rhythm with Adam. He tried not to make too much noise but was not succeeding.
As Adam got closer to release, he grabbed Kris’ cock and started rubbing it back and forth. Kris let out a loud moan again.
“Oh god Adam, I’m about to cum,” Kris said, his voice shaky and unsteady.
“Yeah baby, cum for me, come on,” Adam encouraged as he thrust deeper and harder into Kris and applied more pressure to Kris’ cock in his hand.
For a second, Kris’ whole body tightened and he let out a loud groan as he came all over Adam’s hand and stomach. His body shuddered underneath Adam, and the sensation it sent through his body was enough for him too. In one last deep thrust, Adam released into Kris.
It felt so amazing cumming inside of Kris. Kris moaned one last time and then relaxed underneath him. Adam pulled out slowly and Kris gasped.
“That was amazing, Kris,” Adam said as he lay there on top of Kris, his arms around him.
Kris looked content again, and Adam hoped it would last.
“Yeah, it really was,” Kris said softly. They lay there for a while, enjoying each other’s feel. After a few minutes, Kris sat up slowly and cringed.
“Sorry buddy, it’ll hurt for a while,” Adam said.
“Yeah, I thought so,” he responded. He got up and went to the bathroom, brought back a towel and started wiping his stomach. He handed the towel to Adam and Adam wiped the mess from himself too.
Slowly, they both got dressed. They were both quiet, thinking.
“Look, we gotta talk Adam,” Kris said as he sat and started putting his shoes on.
“I know Kris, we do,” Adam said. He was nervous, but he couldn’t bring himself to regret what they had just done.
“Come on, let’s sit and talk then,” Kris motioned for Adam to sit next to him.
Here it goes, Adam thought.
God, that was amazing, Kris thought to himself. His body was still throbbing with pain, but the pleasure had been worth it.
“Look Adam, I can’t fight the way I feel anymore. You know I love you, and I know you love me too. But I do love Katy too, and I can’t just leave her, you know?” He said, holding Adam’s hand and trying to find the best way to say what he needed to say.
“Yeah, I know,” Adam said.
“I don’t know what I’m SUPPOSED to do, but I know I can’t just leave her. But I can’t leave you either. I know its not fair for me to expect you to settle for what little I can give you, but I don’t know what else to do. We can keep doing things like this, if you want. I know I do. The pleasure and love I feel for you outweighs the guilt I have for what I’ve done to Katy. But I don’t expect that to be enough for you, bud. If you want to just say this was as far as it went, I’d understand.”
Kris leaned back against the sofa and held Adam against him. Adam was quiet, contemplating Kris’ words.
As he sat there, he thought about what kind of relationship he and Adam could have. He wanted to do this again, to have sex with Adam, to kiss him, to hold him. But how long could they keep it up? He couldn’t expect Adam to just be content with that. And what about when the Tour was over with, and they each went their separate ways? Kris thought about not seeing Adam everyday and the pain of it shocked him.
Fuck, what are we gonna do? he thought to himself. I really love Katy, but I really love Adam too. I can’t give either one of them up, but I know I’ll eventually have to.
The thought of loosing either one of them filled him with dread. It’s like he was backed into a corner and he didn’t know how to get out. Either way, he would lose something special.
The words of a song came to him suddenly. Too Much Love Will Kill You, by Brian May. He started singing it in his head…
“I'm just the pieces of the man I used to be
Too many bitter tears are raining down on me
I'm far away from home, And I've been facing this alone
For much too long.
I feel like no-one ever told the truth to me
About growing up and what a struggle it would be
In my tangled state of mind, I've been looking back to find
Where I went wrong
Too much love will kill you
If you can't make up your mind
Torn between the lover And the love you leave behind
You're headed for disaster 'cause you never read the signs
Too much love will kill you Every time.
I'm just the shadow of the man I used to be
And it seems like there's no way out of this for me
I used to bring you sunshine, Now all I ever do is bring you down.
How would it be if you were standing in my shoes?
Can't you see that it's impossible to choose
No there's no making sense of it, Every way I go I'm bound to lose.
Too much love will kill you
Just as sure as none at all
It'll drain the power that's in you, Make you plead and scream and crawl
And the pain will make you crazy, You're the victim of your crime
Too much love will kill you, Every time.
Too much love will kill you
It'll make your life a lie
Yes, too much love will kill you, And you won't understand why
You'd give your life, you'd sell your soul, But here it comes again
Too much love will kill you, In the end...”
He couldn’t imagine having to live like that. But I have to make a choice, he thought. I just can’t right now.
They sat there for a long time, holding each other. He knew they couldn’t fix their problem easily. He hated the thought of having to hurt Adam, he hated lying to Katy, and he hated himself for being so weak and unable to fall for Adam.
“Let’s just take it one day at a time, Kris,” Adam said suddenly. “We can’t decide anything right now. All I know is that I love you, and I can’t help it. I want to do this again, and I want to enjoy you as much as I can. And I mean more than just sexually.”
“I know, I want that too,” Kris responded. “But we can’t tell anyone, OK? And we have to be careful around others. I couldn’t handle it if this became some public scandal.”
“Yeah, I know,” Adam said.
“For now, let’s just keep this between us. I love you, I want to be with you. Let’s finish this tour, and when it’s done, we’ll talk again,” Kris said, holding Adam closer.
“Alright, I can do that. But we’ll have to decide something else eventually Kris,” Adam said.
“I know. For now, let’s just enjoy each other as long as we can. We’ll figure something out,” Kris responded. He knew eventually, someone, or maybe all of them would end up hurt. But that was life, wasn’t it? He couldn’t handle trying to come up with some nonexistent solution that would make them all happy, he knew there was none.
“Come here,” he told Adam, pulling his face in close to his. They kissed slowly, passionately. This felt perfect, felt right. They sat there a while, kissing, holding each other.
“I love you,” Adam whispered.
“I love you too,” Kris said.
As they sat there in silence, they suddenly heard a noise in the front of the bus. Kris quickly stood up and sat across from
Adam on the other sofa.
It was Danny and Matt.
“Hey guys, what’s up?” Matt asked cheerfully.
“Hey guys.” Danny said looking at each of them in turn and picking a seat next to Matt.
“Not much, just hanging out,” Adam responded.
“We’re leaving in a couple of hours,” Danny said. “I’m gonna go check out. See you guys later.”
He walked out quickly and Matt lay back.
“Maybe I’ll catch a nap until then,” Matt said leaning back on the sofa.
Kris stole a glance at Adam. He smiled discreetly at him, and Adam smiled back and picked up a magazine on the side table next to the couch.
So here it goes, Kris thought. I’m in a secret relationship. God, help me.
And without giving it more thought, Kris stood up and went back to his bunk to organize his luggage.
There was no going back now. He was in love with two people, he had just had sex with a man for the first time, and now, they were going to carry on with their secret love at least for the rest of the tour.
Then what? He thought to himself. And without finding an answer, he grabbed his iPod and headed out to get some fresh air before they hit the road again.
TO BE CONTINUED