My thoughts for today

With the holidays coming and going this year, I have found myself thinking of individuals who will not be present this year. My stepfather, Kenneth Neal Kilmer, my grandmother, Delores Lorraine Jones, a friend, Robert David Gordon II, Tabitha Renae Stanley, Rachel Fisher, and others. Some seem to be "haunting" me more than others. My stepfather is one. I don't even have a picture of him which bothers me a lot. I hate that he had to die alone. He was dead for aprox. three days before anyone even knew he was gone. He was such a loving man; it just really bothers me! David Gordon is the one who will not leave my mind. He is constantly in my dreams. The funny thing is I had not even really spoke to him since we were 18 (he died at 22). The story is a little interesting. My boyfriend Shane, who is now my husband, and I were going to get together Christmas and hang out. David and his family wanted me to come over for Christmas Eve. I almost went through with it, but I knew if I did it would be the end of Shane and I. So, I blew off David. I think that I have always felt bad about the way I handled things. He and I were close friends in elementary school. I keep having dreams where he is trying to find me and get me to come with him, or where he is trying to take me away from my husband. I hate that he died so young. I wish that I could have gone to his funeral, but the hubby was against it. I do not regret being with my husband. He is the most amazing man I have ever known, so why do I keep having these dreams? How do I get them to stop? Guess that is enough for today.