From Russia with love

My dear American friend!
Here in Russia we are closely watching the events in the country of the Greatest Democracy that illuminates the world’s way to freedom – especially now, when you run into financial difficulties, caused by Washington-based bankers mafia that reaches into the pocket of an ordinary American to get their last dollar out. We know that you're having a difficult time – closing businesses, people lose their jobs and cannot find another, big mess all around with the government brazenly robbing ordinary fellows to feed and appease the growing appetite of the banksters and the system that serves them.
At one time we too went through similar events, when after long years of socialism, Democracy rampaged across our land. And in this battle for freedom your country gave us really great help. In gratitude for this assistance, I would like to share with you some very helpful advice.
When work gets scarce in your neighborhood, you should not have to stand in line for welfare or run for food stamps. Instead, you should step up and
start a new very profitable business that’s available to anyone.
First, rent a fenced area on the outskirts of your town, buddy. It will cost you a dollar these days.
Second, get some big warehouse scales.
Park your trailer next to the scales and put some beer in its fridge. This will be your workplace.
Above the entrance to the site hang a banner saying “Let us cleanse our county from the horrible garbage!” and “Profitably sell unwanted ferrous and nonferrous metal!”  Remember, the banner must be big - the bigger, the better!
Download from the Internet a sample offer letter that is used by large wholesale operators and put the prices for copper grades 3A and 5A, as well as any other requirements for buying non-ferrous metal scrap. Don’t forget to include the directions to your work site!
Now start working!
My friend, you will be really surprised how much ferrous and non-ferrous metals there are in the universe around you. You will be more surprised after you print your offer letter and start giving it to your potential suppliers. Don’t be surprised by their looks – after all you live in a tolerant society. Collect EVERYTHING they give you! In the process you’ll learn a lot of new thing about this world. And by the end of the first year of operations you will have a chance to change your old Ford for a new Jaguar with all options. And maybe - just maybe – you will decide to write a book about this.
But instead of writing books you better start writing something else. Send a message! To your Sheriff and State Police – since by then you will become a truly indispensable person for them.
And do not worry, your business will not be closed. In fact, something quite opposite is going to happen – it will be ignored by the officials, even when they’ll come to you to get paid.
Couple of years later you will have six pickup trucks with shafts and a dozen gas-cutters. And you will begin to sell some spare parts and fuel to your suppliers. And you and I are going to meet and you will buy me a beer.
In the meantime, do not think I am pulling your leg, John. What you have now is an opportunity, a start of a new Golden Era – en era of processing collected metals. Remember the old saying that early bird always gets the best worm? If you miss right now, don’t be surprised when you see your neighbor Tom driving his pickup truck around the neighborhood with a banner on top – “Let’s all go to the community service!”