|Give and Take In A Relationship
Spoiling Your Partner Could End Up Spoiling You
Every relationship needs give and take between the partners to truly be a relationship, and to truly succeed. And I'm not talking about the age-old joke, "Okay then, you give, and I'll take." I'm talking about honestly working together.
There are many ways a couple can have that give and take in their life together. The sharing of responsibilities for one: he cuts the grass, she does the flower beds.
The same concept of give and take can, and should, be applied to your private moments. Doing so can bring the two of you even closer to each other than you already are. Here are two examples of how my late wife Linda and I worked to do just that in our relationship, including a short explanation of how and why we did what we did in these two instances.
In the 11 1/2 years that my late wife Linda and I were married, I can honestly say that not once did we ever turn away the other's affectionate advances. But, neither did we get tired of those advances, either. Because we always took how the other person was feeling, and responded, into account when making those advances. And more importantly, we always knew that this latest opportunity to show each other how deeply we felt about them just might be the last chance we might ever have to show those most important feelings. That made all of them very special times. I'll give the first of my two examples then point out how the give-and-take applies:
We'd just hit the sack one night, exhausted after a hectic day. I reached over and gently covered a breast with my hand, through her nightgown.
"Oh, you!” she said playfully, moving over and snuggling up. “I do hope you don't get too excited tonight, honey. I am kinda tired," she said lovingly.
"No, sweetheart," I said as I changed position and took her in my arms. "I just want to hold you for a minute, and that's it." (That's another thing I can honestly say about all our years together. No matter how bad she felt, she never refused me. Not once. Notice she just said "I hope you don't get too excited". She never said 'no'. Not once in all our years together. She would have still done anything I wanted to do. Remember back when we took that moonlight walk the night before the wedding? She said, “Jim, I want to thank you for caring so much about me. For not walking away like all the others. I meant it back when I said you gave me a reason to live. Now I have a chance to repay you.” I had hoped to make love tonight, but I loved her too much to force it. It wouldn't have meant the same, and would have strained our relationship. That's not what true love, like ours, is about anyway. Forcing it I mean. But I didn't tell her I'd had to change my plans. She always did anything she could for me; remember that ‘devotion to duty’? Times like this were the least I could do in starting to repay her).
I squeezed her a few times, added a few kisses for good measure, and we said goodnight.
Here, the give and take was partially explained in the text. I took into account the fact that she said she was pretty tired, and changed my plans accordingly. I still got enjoyable intimacy, and she noticed that I cared about her feelings, too, because I didn't press the issue.
Now the other side of the give-and-take. In response to my considerations at those times, she repaid me in her own ways. Here's one of those:
One evening, right after dinner, as we were about to go into the living room and relax, she stopped me. “I have a better idea,” she said teasingly. Saying no more she quietly took my hand and led me to the bedroom.
"Whaa…?” I started to ask. She quickly put her finger to her lips, kissed it, then touched it to my lips to silence me, and motioned for me to sit on the edge of the bed. I obeyed. She stepped up to within 3 inches of me, looked at me with that loving, devoted look she always got when she was thinking about me not walking away like all the others, and she began undressing. I knew better than to say anything; I’d already been silenced once. I just left my eyes glued to her as she stripped. Always did. Never could resist watching her. Not the way she did it. No, not the bump-and-grind thing. That wasn’t her style. She did it slowly, teasing me every step of the way. She knew I never tired of watching her, and she never tired of knowing that her body was just as appealing to me now as it was that night in the woods so long ago.
Naked now, she reached for my hands, took them in hers and pulled me to my feet. Then she simply stepped up to me, took my hands and placed them on her chest, just as she had done so teasingly during those late-night dips we had shared in her parents’ pool during their vacation trips the two years before we were married. I began massaging her breasts.
“I’ve always loved the way you’re so gentle with me at times like this, Jim. It lets me know that I’m still that important to you.”
Before I could respond, she took my hands from her chest, put my arms around her, then embraced me, pressing her warm, naked body firmly, lovingly, and most willingly against mine. My thoughts immediately went back to that day in my first apartment, above Judy’s parents, when she met me there wearing that brown, wool dress that she so teasingly unzipped, then dropped to her waist, offering herself to me without saying a single word. “This time, we aren’t so shy, though, AND there’s no reason we have to hide anything or be careful,” I said to myself as I squeezed her and ran my hands over her.
She pressed herself against me even harder, and whispered, “Thank you, Jim, for mak-ing all my dreams come true. I love you!”
We didn’t make love that night, but just the same we were certainly both reminded of just how close we were, how devoted we were to each other, and how deep our love and affection really was. And we cherished every moment of it.
Give and take can be done in many, many ways. And some of them can really help enrich the relationship between you and your partner. May you all find many wonderful ways to do just that.