Lessons on Love

          Sir James M. Barrie once said, "If you have it [love], you don't need anything else, if you don't have it, it doesn't matter much what else you do have." When I was younger, I wanted to do everything. I wanted to be the first female president of the United States, a doctor, a firewoman, a painter, a writer, a singer...the list goes on forever. Anything it was possible to do, or be, or experience, I wanted to at least try once. Over all of that, though, was the dream I have always had: to find and marry the love of my life. If all my other dreams failed to come true, I always knew that I would find that special person just for me, and both of us would just know that we would spend the rest of our lives together.

          In fifth grade, I met a guy. The sweetest, most "perfectest" guy in the whole wide world. His name was Greg, and I was in love for the first time. He was in my class at school, and everything about him was perfect. He had large, emotional blue-green eyes that could set my heart fluttering, and his dark hair always fell into his face, giving him a slightly tousled look that drew a sigh from me whenever I was near him. (Never mind that I decided he was sensitive because he cried at the drop of a hat, or that his music sounded like the shrill shriek of dying cats!) To me he was perfect, and I just knew that someday he would feel the same way about me that I did for him.

          Unfortunately, for that to happen, at some point I would have to tell him how I felt. I had little trouble telling anyone else, but even the thought of telling him was enough to make my palms go sweaty, my heart to race, and my stomach to jump up into my chest like it always did when I propelled down the steep drop of a roller coaster. Well, since I couldn't tell him, I decided to show him. Everyone says that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, right? So, I decided to buy him some candy for Valentine's Day. My mom thought it was a bad idea.

          "Laura, are you sure you want to do this? You're only 11; there will be other guys. Besides, how are you going to give it to him so that the whole class doesn't know it was from you?" What did my mom know anyway? We went to the store, and I found the perfect gift for Greg. It was a bunch of sweethearts, but they were in a red heart-shaped container that said, "Be mine, Valentine," right on the front. If this didn't tell him how I felt nothing would!

          The only problem was, I wasn't planning on actually telling him how I felt, which of course my mom knew. I had a plan though; when he got up from his desk, I would casually stroll past it, slyly sneaking the candy onto his desk and somehow, perhaps through my lonesome puppy dog look, he would know it was from me, and fall in love, and we would live happily ever after. Well, things don't always work out like they're planned. Greg never left his desk, and if I were to give him the candy-Oh, horror of horrors!-He would know that I liked him! Even though I wanted him to know how I felt, this was not the way I wanted it to happen. So, I chose the coward's route and made my friend Jennifer give it to him instead. Oh, I watched as he plopped all the hearts into his mouth at the same time, and sighed dreamily as he chomped on them with his wide-open mouth. Someday he'd know how I felt, just not that day.

          Everyone else seemed to know exactly how I felt about Greg, even his family. My entire family definately knew, mostly because of my big mouthed little sister. They would have found out eventually, because when I like a guy, I really like him. I made it a point to find out everything about him I could. I knew where he lived, what he liked, where his dad worked, who his siblings were...everything. It wasn't stalking exactly; I preferred to call it "informing inquisitive minds."

          One weekend, I decided to go for a bike ride with Rachel, my one and only pain in the bum. (And younger sister.) When we were deciding where to go, I made the executive decision to go on a path through the woods, which just happened to lead to a special park, which just happened to be practically in Greg's backyard. What a coincidence! As we rode out of the woods, I sat up straighter, craning my neck to see the that beautiful blue house as soon as I could. Wonder of wonders, two small shining figures stood on the lawn throwing a football back and forth. It was Greg and his little brother! I fluffed my hair and started peddling even faster.

          'Play it cool Laura,' I thought to myself. 'Don't say Hi, just ignore him and keep on going.' I batted my eyelashes once or twice for practice, and then slowed down to ready myself for our "interlude." Rachel was behind me, trying to figure out what exactly her older sister was doing. I stared with adoration at Greg as I slowly rode past, willing him to see me. He turned, and our eyes locked.

          "Hi Laura," he said in a smooth, friendly voice that played havoc with my emotions. I took in everything very clearly at once: the birds chirping in the trees, the cool breeze playing with his hair, the song of love my heart was singing...and the squeal of the tires as the blacktop came up to meet me. I lay there, sprawled on the ground, wishing I were dead. My left foot was stuck in the frame of the bike, and the handlebars had clonked me in the face. What grace, what style...what a klutz! I could hear him asking if I was all right, but I was beyond reason. I hopped up, jumped on my bike and took off, almost falling flat on my face again! I turned red as a tomato, and in my memory I can still see the look on his face, a bewildered cross between concern and astonishment. I sped away, trying to put as much distance as I could between myself and the scene of my embaressment. Rachel trailed along behind me like a little duckling, laughing her head off and snorting like a pig. I'd never live this one down, and I had the worst kind of witnesses, the object of my infatuation and my baby sister.

          Greg probably doesn't even remember what happened that day, but I'll think of it for the rest of my life. Soon after, I gave up all hope of Greg being the one for me. I was crushed. I couldn't understand how this had happened. Greg and I were meant to be together. We had to be! I slouched around the house, moping and pitying myself more with every breath I took. One night at bedtime my mom came into my room.

          "Honey, I know you liked Greg. I understand that you're disappointed, but you have to understand that you're only in fifth grade. You have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince," she told me.

          "What?" I exclaimed.

          "Well sweetie, love isn't just something that appears one day, especially at your age. For now, it's fine to have crushes, but they probably won't last forever. One day you'll fall in love with your prince, but that won't be an overnight kind of thing. It'll be like any other friendship, but one that grows and becomes stronger as time goes by, and as you get to know each other more and more. Don't worry about it tonight, love will come to you when you least expect it, and on it's own timing," she finished, her words comforting me while helping me understand what I'd known all along. Love is unpredictable.