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Not interesting at all. Just like me. |
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In a text-based world, I'm beautiful. My favorite things in life: *cocoa *hugs *banana paraphernalia (chips, smoothies, ice cream....) *knowing that I am understood. *good pens/pencils *writing down my thoughts *serving *conversations of the deep sort. *spending time with those that I love. *a cleansing bunch of noise once in a while *quiet the rest of the time *blogging my lil heart out *understanding *noticing the little things that generally don't matter. *being just a little bit different *pretending to be a poser "You must do the things you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt. This is straightforwardly me. |
I've been cleaning like mad today.  Not what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm supposed to be calling everyone who I've been neglecting lately and finish my homework. But really, as long as I'm doing something productive, I can't be mad at myself. But I WILL call both of my sisters, my best friend from high school, and hopefully my little brother. (I promised him that I'd call him, but if you figure 2 hours per person, that's a lot of phone time....)So yes, I'll be talking a lot today.  Now, who should I call first? I think my impregnated sister who is due in 10 or 11 days, don't you? I haven't REALLY talked to her since September. |
And it's so much fun! I'm a: Miser who spends like there's no tomorrow.Responsible adult who's very childish.Loveable and still slightly disgusting.Strong willed and a pushover.Levelheaded and flighty.Strong in body but unfit.Experienced and naive.Lonely and overcrowded with friends.Disgustingly happy and depressed. Virtuous, but jealous, impatient, greedy...A lover of multicultural events, but who thinks there's no such thing as race. Shyly outgoing...I could come up with more. The only thing that I don't waver on is that I'm a follower of Christ. Thank you so much Love is a Mommy (no foolin)  !!!! Tu eres la mejor de vida! |
Poetry has never been my cup of tea. I can't say what needs to be said. So here's my very rough attempt to write down what I feel about my dad. The poem is based on a picture I once saw.
Dad has been a sensitive subject this week, and I'm not even sure why.  On a happy note, I am feeling very good about myself. I realized yesterday that I have more spiritual resources than ever before. I have 2 Bible study groups, and more friends who are on fire for God. They inspire me to walk more closely to God and to do things I'd never do before... like reach out to a lonely girl, pray for a man and tell him that I'm doing it, and to serve others in a way that only Aradne can. It's a powerful thing. A smiley really doesn't do it justice. |
| Shower: 15 minutes homework: 1 hour and 45 minutes makeup: 10 minutes phone convo with older sister for reassurance: 30 minutes And how long did it take me to be embarrassed when I showed up on the wrong day? About 4 seconds.   |
| So am I a naturally happy person with extended sad phases? Or a naturally depressed person who stays happy for weeks at a time? I really couldn't tell you sometimes. Everything that I was ever sure of was questioned tonight. I've begun that stupid awkward teenager thing where you say, "Who am I?" And no one answers. The things you're sure about get holes shot in them. You question everything from the quality of your character, to your ability at life, to whether or not your brother really loves you. And then, when you write stupid entries like this one, you might start to cry. Tonight was a tough nite at work. To be mildly poetic and tragic: I feel as though, based on my self-worth at auction I'd be found in the freebie box //tragic stupidity. i just wish that i was slightly less imperfect. |
| Compare http://www.xanga.com/aradne/428829473/item.html to http://sites.gizoogle.com/index2.php?url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.xanga.com%2Faradne I really like Frost's poem in ebonics. It sounds like a rap song, or something. Try it for yourself: http://www.gizoogle.com/index.php |
| I really can't stay, but baby it's cold outside. I'm in the state that says, "If you don't like the weather, wait five minutes." And so I'm procrastinating going to class. It decided that, "Oh yeah, it's January. In January it snows..."And it snew. Ah, well, such is life. {/discussion about the weather.} PS. My upgrade runs out at the end of the month. |
| I wish that I always knew what would be the best in any situation. I wish that no one ever had to feel left out or alone. I wish that I could help more. EDIT: It's a beautiful day. Don't let it get away. How now, brown cow? I just want to be better. I am better. I've BEEN better since near the beginning of last semester. Anyone who knew me last year can probably see it. But then I have nights like tonight. I'll be okay, just I'm whining. I enjoy whining, I think. |
| ....and silly things like that.... Time for relationship outlines!!!! I'll do it chronologically, to make things as fair as possible: Pete: Pete's the oldest. My half brother, on my dad's side, he was 14 when I was born. We've never really gotten to know each other. The last time we talked was prior to Christmas... last year. That's right. It's been a year or more since I've talked to my eldest brother. And when we did talk, it was him telling me that I should major in business, and me saying, "Uh-huh," a lot. He once invited me to his house in California for a week. So I went. It was the last time that I really worked on our relationship. This was 5 years ago, though. My latest news on him: last year, he got divorced. I have no idea when. Jordan: Jordan was also 14 when I was born. (He's my half-brother on Mom's side, but we pretty much consider each other whole-siblings) He got married when I was 9, and has been having kids ever since. He's got 4 of them, ages 10, 8, 4 and almost 2. They are ALL boys. (my poor sister-in-law!) Jordan and I always got on okay. He'd talk and I'd listen. Since I am a talkative little blabbermouth, I struggle to do this sometimes. Lately, though, he's shown much more interest in my life. I saw him last night, when I watched his kids for him while he and his wife went on a date. Although he didn't call me at all last school year, he's now called me 3 or 4 times this year. I'm closer to him now that I'm older... and farther away. The latest news from Jordan: Uh, erm.... his oldest now has more responsibilities (and his own room) due to being a double-digit. (he's 10 now...) Maureen:Maureen was 11 when I was born. Maureen put up with shit that you wouldn't want to imagine WHILE she raised me. When she was 18, she moved away, and only barely stayed in touch. Now, we hardly talk. We talked in August, and chatted once or twice online, discussed baby names, nothing important, really. Speaking of babies, Maureen is about to have her fourth baby in February sometime. She's also been married for 10 years. Maureen and I don't really talk for many reasons. Some are her fault, some are mine. Some are *not* my fault, but she can't blame anyone except me for them. The latest news from Maureen is that she might name her baby Gretchyn. Annabelle:Although she was 7 when I was born, Anna (aka Eliza) and I have always been pretty close. She took up raising me where Maureen left off, and remained my friend too. We became especially close last year, when I moved to her city, where my college is located. We'd hang out, catch up, stuff like that. Then she moved back to our 'hometown'. We call each other 4-7 times a week, and we text 260 times a month or so. She's recently tried to stop treating me like a child (ie: chiding me for walking home alone in the dark) I would venture to say that she's one of my 3 or 4 best friends. Hell, I'd more than venture. She is. She's been almost everything to me until recently, when I started being a person of my own. News on Anna is that she's prolly going to Tulsa for spring break! (btw, we've got roughly the same amount of credits, due to her 5 year career before she started school. it gives us even more common ground) Aradne: Oh wait, that's me. I can't talk about myself! Well, actually, due to my opinion of myself from last year, yes I can, and should. Myself and I have been getting along much better recently. I give myself some space, and I've stopped being so critical (and tough on myself). I'm more fun to be around nowadays. My spiritual life has been amazing. You know those days when it's tough to make yourself read your Bible? I hardly have those anymore. I'm making my way through Acts. My latest news? Um.... I'm getting new glasses next week. They're horn-rimmed!!! Ivy (Ivy Frozen/Rater Moon  ): Ivy's the best. As you probably know, she's my twin. But honestly, the relationship between twins is nearly impossible for singletons to understand. But everyone knows that Ivy's the cute motivated one, and I'm the one that changes her handle every couple minutes. (She should've gotten green, but I was too lazy to switch my tags around... )Lank: Lancoln is a trip. One minute our relationship is awesome. The next minute he ignores me. I dunno. He's 16 months younger than me. He's my only full-blooded brother... We can fight and not get mad. I can tell him that I hate him, and he doesn't believe me one tiny bit. We tease back and forth.... And then he's a pushy asshole. I kinda wish that he wasn't so much like Dad in some ways... He always has to be right. He always has to win. From trivial things like arguments, to larger things. Important things. I blame myself in part. I was instigating something horrible over Christmas, and we never really did settle it. But I'm on the phone with him now, so I'll talk to you later! |
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