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Not interesting at all. Just like me. |
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In a text-based world, I'm beautiful. My favorite things in life: *cocoa *hugs *banana paraphernalia (chips, smoothies, ice cream....) *knowing that I am understood. *good pens/pencils *writing down my thoughts *serving *conversations of the deep sort. *spending time with those that I love. *a cleansing bunch of noise once in a while *quiet the rest of the time *blogging my lil heart out *understanding *noticing the little things that generally don't matter. *being just a little bit different *pretending to be a poser "You must do the things you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt. This is straightforwardly me. |
| theories abound about personalities springing at least partly from birth order. for example, my friends Krissy and Carlita: Krissy is older, more independent, and bossier. Carlita is sweeter, more at home with her parents, etc. generally, younger children are more rebellious, which is where krissy and candace are an oddity. Krissy is pretty damn rebellious, Carlita is not rebellious at all. in families like mine, it gets tricky. In descending order: Pete is the oldest and a pseudo-only-child. Jordan is an oldest, which makes sense. (both he and Pete are half brothers, but on opposite sides). Maureen is a middle child with oldest tendencies. Annabelle is a pseudo-oldest (which is weird...). I'm a pseudo-oldest/middle child. Lank is doubtlessly the only youngest in the family. Why so many pseudos? Age-gaps, half/step siblings and just plain personality. Annabelle could have been any of the three: she's the youngest of the children from a long-ago marriage, she's got younger siblings though... She's an 'oldest' because she and Maureen raised Lank and I. Oldest children: bossy, very similar to parents, protective, 'go getters', more likely to be sticklers and have pet-peeves. Middle children: most flexible. more amiable. still slightly similar to parents. etc, etc. Youngest: rebellious, but most likely to live with mom and dad for longer than the others. Demanding, used to getting their way, your typical baby-brother but all grown up. (also most likely to end up caring for elderly parents) which type of child are you? |
| I forget that in this world a girl and a guy can't be alone together without assumptions taking place on the part of someone... I have a loquacious personality, a obsequious personality... There two things make it very hard; first it appears that I am flirting, so he (no one in particular) flirts back. I have a very hard time in not flirt back with anyone flirting with me; I don't want to hurt feelings. There comes a point where I need to say, "Sorry if I was leading you on. I'm not interested..." Matt's chili was delicious, his company was fun, and he's a great guy. There's nothing more there, though. "Pain, give yourself a name Call yourself contrition Avarice of blame Giving isn't easy Neither is the rain" -Switchfoot, Daisy |
| He likes me for just that. I can feel it. Whether it goes beyond that doesn't really matter right now, because he genuinely likes me, honestly cares about me, truly wants what is best for me. 2 reasons why it doesn't matter if he's actually interested in me: 1: I'm just basking in the good will of a person who likes me as I am. 2: It doesn't take much to move beyond genuine friendship into something deeper. (I'm not saying that I don't have real life friends who genuinely like me, it's just that they don't show it well, whereas John doesn't hide it well...) |
| I would like to be deep. I used to be, I think, and then I realized that no one likes deep people. It's uncomfortable to think deep thoughts; moreso if a friend pulls you down into a recent mental meandering. When I was little I used to scare myself shitless pondering the afterlife. Most kids were scared of Jurrasic Park, but I had panic attacks worrying about the meaning of "forever." I used to analyze books, quotes, etc. I'd pick up the slightest hint of a subplot and describe it to my oldest brother, who didn't recall it at all. I used big words and odd/eccentric sentence structure that made it interesting to listen to me. Unfortunately, I'm naturally a people-pleaser. I do what I think will make everyone the happiest, but those "happy" people are usually whoever is in front of me. What I do will accutely piss someone else off; and when they find out, I'll start back-peddaling. I try to "make friends" as Annabelle would say, by doing/communicating whatever my audience wants to hear. I'm better about this sort of thing when I'm tired. I'm more likely to say, "Fuck Hot Topic and it's stupid consumerism; they're a capitalist company which embodies everything that punks fight against/hate," in front of a Hot Topic enthusiest. I'm more likely to say, "Life really is fair," and expand on my belief of this to a person who feels like they always get the short end of the stick. I couldn't care less about offending anyone. (I honestly hold both of the above views..... Normally I just keep them to myself.) I'm very open about my faults, though. Hell, I'm open about almost everything. But I'm always kidding about my bad habits, failings, quirks, etc. Other people are free to tease me about them too; within reason. That's another thing. I'm huge about the 'within reason' thing. Everything is okay with me, within reason. I'm a 6-day-fundy, COG (get it, jay? You read Naked, didn't ya?), crazy about God sort of person. My two best friends? The first one is a Pagan, not incredibly devout, but active and participating. The second one is a not-so-active Christian. But Guen and I (the Pagan) have religious discussions all the time and she, as a Pagan, admits that I'm open-minded and accepting. My self-esteem? It comes and goes. All in all, I'm a good person. (at least, I'm feeling it right now. Get back to me after I've had drunk girls belittling me all night... Then we'll see.  )(drunk girls don't really belittle me... I just blow it out of proportion.  )Have a great Thursday!!!! |
| paper due the friday before spring break, right? I have it completely the wednesday before break, and I edit it for two days. I turn in a damn near perfect paper. Friday, 2 hours before class, i get a phone call from an acquaintance in that class. She needs the outline for what should be in the paper. She hasn't been to class in 2 weeks. She missed everything she needed to know about this paper. She needs tons of help. She's so stressed that I give her my thesis, and I let her use it. I get to class on monday. The paper is worth 50 points, and the prof says he handed out a fair amount of 50s, which is unusual. He began to talk about it in detail, etc. Don't get me wrong, I was not expecting the 100%, I was thinking I'd get anywhere from a 40 to a 46 or so. (a 85% to a 95%) I got back my paper. I got a fucking 60%. Had I done it in 2 hours, like my neighbor (who used my thesis!), I would've been fine with it. I would've known that I deserved it. She? She got 90%, and Darnell, an actual friend of mine got that 100%. How the FUCK does that happen? She used my thesis, and she did the whole paper in 2 hours. It's not the first time that I've heard of the lazy-ass doing better. Cheaters who do better than the people they cheat from, etc. I'm not angry because the professor is unfair, I'm mad because I know how much I suck at school. Who am I kidding? Sure, I'll be able to graduate, but I'll be average, or worse, less than average. I don't want to spend my life being a mediocrity. Even writing, something I used to be good at, I'm getting a C in my creative writing class. It's needless to say that I had a long, bad day yesterday. I was away from home from 11AM to 3:20AM. not fun knee |
| I'm freaked out again. Just because I feel like there is too much on my plate. Normal people do taxes, pay bills, form plans and fill out applications. Why can't I? |
| ...scotch tape. You can't see Him, but you know He's there. Happy afternoon, everyone. |
| Sign on the way home: BRING THE FAMILY KIDS MEALS $2.49 Funny, I saw a bag of trail mix at the airport for $2.49 |
I stole this from Jay's debut novel is out now!  who stole it from mood indigo  ... Here goes:1. one of your scars, how did you get it? I've got loads of scars, but the most amusing scar is from when I took a ring that had been freshly cut from a pipe and put it on my pinky finger. Not only did it cut the skin as it went on, but then it stuck on. My finger swelled due to the cut, and so the ring cut my skin even more on the way off. {e:stupid} 2. what is on the walls in your room? Pictures, a few posters, a few cards, and "Invalid Item"  3. what does your cell phone look like? It's a black Sprint Sanyo, the one without the camera. (it's beat up all over the place... I stepped on it the other day. 4. what music do you like to listen to? I get tired of everything eventually, which is the pessimistic way of saying, "I like everything." (Not a big Ying Yang twins fan, though) 5. do you know what time you were born? seems as though it was 10 at night, or so... 6. what do you want more than anything right now? Turkish Delight. Just kidding. I really want chili right now. Or steak. I'll have to wait until AT LEAST tomorrow, though.... 7. what do you miss? Security. The ignorant belief that as children we hold; thinking Mommy and Daddy will protect us. And, as always, Bitzie Lou, my cat. 8. what is your most prized possession? Not too sure that I have a prized possession.... 9. what is your favorite smell? Gasoline. (no, I am not a redneck) 10. do you get claustrophobic? No. On the contrary, I love spending time under my bed, in my closet, under tables... One of my many eccentricities. 11. do you get scared in the dark? Depends on whether I've seen a scary movie lately. (i hate scary movies.  12. number twelve is missing! i'll insert a question of my own: what does [insert name of w.com counterpart] have that you don't? Well, Ivy Frozen/Rater Moon has a twin named Knee, and DAYAM am I jealous. 13. what is your favorite cologne/perfume? For me, I like ocean-something-or-other from some company... I can never find it, though. For a guy I like Old Spice, Avatar, stuff like that. (I HATE AX!!!! Everyone uses it. You don't want to smell like everyone, do you?) 14. what kind of hair do you like on the opposite sex? Dark brown, maybe with curls, anywhere from a half an inch to 3 inches. 15. where can you see yourself being proposed to at? Maybe on a picnic, or something? 16. coffee or energy drinks? Both, if you want ANY effect at all. Mt. Dew doesn't cut it, coffee doesn't cut it... 17. what is your favorite pizza topping? Ham and pineapple. 18. if you can eat anything right now, what would it be? Herm... Maybe a banana split... Or anything that's not available on campus, really. 19. who is the last person that made you annoyed? Really annoyed, or just kinda POed? Maybe Nathan? No, more likely it was myself that annoyed me last.... 20. do you speak a different language? I'm working on it... 21. what was the first gift someone ever gave you (of the opposite sex)? Adam once gave me a teddy bear... 22. missing question! replacement: what is an observation that you're relatively sure no one but you has ever made before? That life is fair. (it really is...) 23. missing question! make a snide remark to a known reader without naming him or her. What kind of weird actually eats pancakes? Yech! 24. missing question! what would you download if you had over a hundred free itunes at your disposal? I have no iPod, I have no desire for an iPod... 25. missing question! insert your own question, and answer it here. How many Knees does it take to screw in a light bulb? Idiot, you use your HANDS to screw in lightbulbs.  26. missing question! If you could have your cake and eat it too, would you? I don't like cake. (well, I'll eat it, but I'd much rather have a banana split) 27. missing question (last one)! what name would you give your child, if there were no danger of negative connotations? Bogue Lawrence or Avina Elizabeth 28. would you fall in love knowing that the person is leaving? I dunno. I've never fallen in love. 29. what is the best way to tell someone how much they mean to you? Sincerely knowing them and using their love language (after figuring out for yourself which that is) to share your love. 30. say a number from one to a hundred. 86 31. blondes or brunettes? Brunettes. Almost always. 32. what is the one number you call often? Hannah and Anna 33. what annoys you most? Being ignored. Or thinking that I'm being ignored. 34. have you been out of your country? Once. 35. your weaknesses? I never knew this before i knew hannah, but i'm obvious as all shit. I have bad skin that is sensitive to the point of getting health insurance just due to the skin problem. I am not coordinated or well put-together. I'm too laid back. I'm flighty. This list goes on, but I do not. 36. missing question...what are you doing right now? Hoping that I'll magically be invited over somewhere (yes, in particular) to have chili. Waiting for my plane to depart at 7 sumthin tomorrow. 37. first job? Camp counselor at a cub scout resident camp. 38. ever done a prank call? Only about 40 or so of them. 39. what were you doing before you filled out this survey? Watching Stargate, SG1, then making sure Hannah was comfy on my sofa. (she's spending the night) 40. if you could get plastic surgery what would it be? I'd get plastic wings stapled to my back? No, I'd never get plastic surgery. 41. why did you fill out this survey? I love being asked questions.  42. what do you get complimented about most? Being energetic/cheerful 43. what would you do if alcohol became illegal? Go about my daily life. 44. what do you want for your birthday? a hug 45. how many kids do you want? whatever. 46. were you named after anyone? Nope. 47. do you wish on stars? Maybe a few times, but not recently. 48. what's your favorite figure? huh? 49. when did you last cry? I almost cried during LA Confidential today, but I held it back. 50. do you like your handwriting? It takes a while for just anyone to get used to it, but yes. It's distinguished. Not neat, but cool. 51. what is your favorite lunch meat? Turkey, ham, whatever. 52. any bad habits? Pessimism... Not talking out problems. Letting problems fester. Ruining the moment with thoughts of how it's the last moment I'll have this moment. 53. what is your most embarrassing cd on the shelf? I see no reason to be embarrassed by my music, but maybe you'd think I should be embarrassed by 54. if you were another person, would you be friends with you? I hate people who remind me of me. (Thanks All American Rejects!) 55. missing question. what word best describes your mood right now? fearsome 56. do looks matter? Nope. 57. how do you release anger? I don't know anymore. The old way was no good, though. 58. where is your second home? My workplace. It's sad. 59. do you trust others easily? Not really... 60. what was your favorite toy as a child? legos 61. missing question. how do you spell your first name? it's too unique to spell out to all of you stalkers.  62. missing question. which "project runway" designer are you rooting for? N/A as I've no clue what you're talking about 63. do you use sarcasm? Yes, but it's lost on most people. (I do it with a matter-of-fact tone...) 64. have you ever been in a mosh pit? Not a real one. A few half-mosh pits, yeah. 65. what do you look for in a guy/girl? Compatability. That goes for about 6 key things. Everything else is a 'as you are' sort of thing. 66. what are your nicknames? Knee, Endara, Susie (and derivitives thereof), Nana, Sissy, Ari, Daisy, Ila, Peppy, Dr. Pepper, that's all i can think of. 67. missing question. How many people are within 30 feet of you right now? Maybe 2. 68. do you untie your shoes when you take them off? Sometimes... 69. mq. Truly. 70. what's your favorite ice cream flavor? Mint Chocolate Chip 71. 72. what are your favorite colors? Brown, blue, purple, silver, black. 73. how many wisdom teeth do you have? I've been to the dentist twice in my life; neither time was after age 10. I don't know. 74. who do you miss most right now? i dunno... Probably Leslie, actually. 75. do you want everyone to answer these questions? why not? 76. what are you listening to right now? nuthin. 77. last thing you ate? Rootbeer float 78. last person you talked to on the phone? Mom 79. the first thing you notice in the opposite sex? Mannerisms. (whether a cocky frat guy or a down-to-earth math major) Engineer majors... Yum. *grins* 80. where were you born? Ann Arbor, MI 81. scariest thing that has ever happened to you? Realizing that Mom wasn't willing to take care of me. (I was about 7 when I realized this) 82. favorite drink? Chocolate Mint Italian Cream Soda........ 83. favorite joke? Anything that's lame. 84. what is your favorite sport? dance. 85. hair color? Brown now, a tint of red that won't ever go away. *sigh* 86. eye color? The exact same color as my dad. Blue. 87. do you wear glasses? yep. 88. siblings? 5 89. favorite month? April 90. do you like sushi? I've never had it. 91. last thing you watched? Stargate. 92. favorite day of the year? I didn't know I had one.... 93. are you too shy to ask someone out? When under pressure from peers? Yes. 94. summer or winter? Rain. 95. kisses or hugs? Hugs. 96. relationships or one-night stands? take a wild guess 97. who/what do you secretly love? I'm not too secretive, but the chili-guy thing has been kinda on the d-l. 98. how many people have you macked it with in the past year? Wha? 99. what books are you reading? Naked by David Sedaris, Mere Christianity, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World, and soon I'll start several fantasies. 100. where do you work? Campus dining. |
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