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 |   My journey through (and beyond) the valley with Cancer as my companion. |
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Dear Friend: This is not a Blog about writing! (I already have one of those.) This is a blog about a journey I am taking with illness. I have recently been diagnosed with Cancer. My goal is honest therapy as I progress through, and beyond this new reality in my life. I hope that, somewhere along the way you will find some words that will help you too. While this is, in fact, an interactive Blog, I hope that you will scroll slowly down this page. For you see, the front of this Blog IS my journey. The entries are conversations that are held along the journey.Yes, there is a lot on it--before actually getting to the Blog entries. But, I hope that by the objects and words which appear before the Blog itself, you might come to understand just a little bit about me, and my journey, and some truly amazing friends who have agreed to journey with me. I hope that you, too, will choose to accompany me on my walk--through the Valley. I invite you to join me, and discover the wondrous truths, meet some truly amazing people, and share those "memorable" moments this journey will undoubtedly present. Come along, won't you? In His Care, ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Would you like to help me help others? I found this amazing organization, and I am proud to be a sponsor. I hope you will check it out. It's called The Network For Good.  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "RISUS OMNIA - INCRUMENTUS PER DEDECUS - SAPIENTIA PER DAMNUM" ("Every thing is funny - Growth through humiliation - Wisdom through loss") ~Leunig~ The hilltop hour would not be half so wonderful if there were no dark valleys to traverse. ~Helen Keller~ "If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people." ~Virginia Woolf~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "There is strength in truth." ~The Barton Family Crest~ ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** “Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, vision cleared, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” — Helen Keller, American social activist, public speaker and author (1880-1968) I have moved the list of my thanks for those who have helped to make this little Blog so very special. I hope that you will take a moment to read the list, growing every day, and let these fellow travellers along this journey know that you appreciate the contributions they make to our walk together.
** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." James 1:2-4 ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Please feel free to click on the Blog Rings icon below to be transported to some of the very best of the Best Bloggers around WDC. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** If you are new to WDC, or to our Blogging community, I highly recommend the monthly edition of "The Blogville News". Feel free to click below, and let Scarlett   know that a Blogger sent ya!Hey! We've started a Christian's Blog Ring on WDC. Click on the logo, and join us! ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Budroe
 Ring LeaderI have three publications at the moment. Here is a link to purchase my latest one. Buy a great read, and help a fellow writer out, Okay?  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I'm not sure what this means. How does one "live" at 60? I've not been here before. According to many, I wasn't supposed to be here. Yet, here I am. More than nine years beyond expectations, I am re-arranging priorities, opening or closing activities that consumed time in 2015. Having a birthday on the last day of a year can be a complex proposition. Not only is it the end of one year, and the beginning of another...but it is also the end of one year and the beginning of another. See what I mean? Complex, indeed. But for this archetypical Capricorn, I wouldn't have it any other way. I'll be away from computers for the remainder of this day, and tomorrow as well. I wanted to get this idea down before I change direction and live in the physical world for the rest of today. I want, on both counts, to leave a very large inventory of life, and living behind me. But, I also want that inventory to have some bit of demonstrable value, as well. Having lived it, surely there can be found some value for having done so beyond the simple ticking of a clock somewhere. Having made that decision, looking forward is something I'd like to see as a very large blank slate, with countless opportunities. Refusing resolutions, I am much more interested today with intentions. That list will come tomorrow. At least, that is my intention. For today, I am going to take a bit of a large step, and get out into the living, physical world of friends and community where I live. Stay safe, well and happy. We've shared a lot of journey this year. I kind of like the idea of a celebration just to recognize survival on, through, and with the journey in 2015. As SM has said, most of it won't be missed at all. Some of it, though, will be missed for the rest of my life. That's only appropriate. Intend to be happy for today, and for tomorrow. The world gives us a little free spaced to do so. It's a holiday, after all. Bridge what has been with what is yet to come with joy. Joy is, after all, an intentional act. Happy 2016 to you all, with appreciation, love, peace and joy sufficient. In His Care, Budroe |
| It's been a while since I've done anything productive, writing-wise. My best intention is to change that status in the new year. However.... One of the many inconveniences of not having my usual level of account (and it would be yours, as well.) has to do with email. I have kept, for several year, several hundred emails that I originally intended for a particular use. Today, I find that intended use unnecessary. So I have been "purging" several Mb's of email from my account. That includes several large groups of folders as well. Things in the past should, in my current thinking, stay there. Like so much unneeded luggage, they simply increase the difficulty of the journey. It's taken quite a while to arrive at this particular point of thinking in my life, and my world. No, it is not easy. It's just worth it. The only thing worse than being involuntarily imprisoned is to voluntarily be imprisoned. For 2016, I'm going to try to remain free. Freedom is not free: that is to say that freedom invariably comes with costs. Some of them are quite expensive. Still, I choose freedom. Which brings me to my second point of today. I got the Blogging Newsletter today, and it has a couple of really interesting tidbits in it. I am a writer. But, one of the joys that I have consistently found in my writing endeavors has been this Blog. I began this work as nothing more than a conversation with myself. It did not remain one very long. As with countless emails, the blog entries have stacked up. These days, it seems that the original intent has found a new presence here in this blog. I find no difficulty in that at all...save one. While purging my email, I had occasion to smile--a lot at the emails of support, argument, question/answer, and ongoing conversations I have had with multiple hundreds of WDC community members. It was surely a trip down memory lane, to be sure. I haven't done that with this blog, and am wondering if there would be any value in doing so. For me, the greatest value has always been the comments and conversations that found their beginning and, in some cases ending here. The years (so far) of this journey with you have sustained me in all of my five lives: physical, mental, emotional, financial (yes, that too), and spiritual. It's not always been easy, but it has always been worth it to me. Friendships remembered, activities begun and ended, fellow travelers completing their journey home, and those still on the journey are all part of the tapestry of this Blog. It will continue. I hope to see you here again soon. The echoes become louder, the silence sharper, and the deeds more interesting. As for me, and for this journey, I don't wish to miss a single one. In His Care, Budroe |
| I went to bed for the night, embroiled in a rather short-tempered and often angry embroglio...with myself. It has to do with dates, and celebrations of strange things, like days of death, for instance. I could not find peace. Since I have a steadfast rule that requires me never to let the sun set on my anger, I got up. Here I am. On this date, in the year 1913, my Father was born. On November 24th, 1992, the day before Thanksgiving of that year, he died suddenly in his sleep, having suffered a major heart attack. The first event happened only a few miles from the location of the second. In 78 years, this man traveled the world more than once. One of the things I remember about him with great clarity was his feeling that he could safely travel anywhere, as long as his bedtime found him in his own bed. There is a strange discontinuity here, however. More often than not, in the years that I knew him, my father would most often sleep in "his" chair, in the living room. The TV test pattern would be visible on his always-on Zenith/Admiral color television (one of the few material possessions he took pride in), and there would most likely be a book open in his hands. That man could snore! (I do come by it honest!) But, for me, that was a sound I always identified with contentment. He was home, my Father. Today, I do understand his sense of security by the home fires. Of course, it is me in the chair with the TV and the book, covered with warm blanket while sitting/reclining on a heated mat. But, for me, I must be supine to sleep. I require a bed--at least right now I do. I sit at a desk and type or click most of every day I can, now. His chair was his place of serenity, and it took him to his eternal reward. We started a conversation we never got to finish around that chair. Perhaps we will have the opportunity to finish it, should it still matter, around a throne one day. Happy Birth Day, Father. |
| I have had a truly magnificent Christmas. That experience was provided by my WDC family, and by friends who know what it's all about. I got the spirit of Christmas this year during rather difficult circumstances by not only being, but also of having a WDC Secret Santa. I'm telling you true, if you have not participated in one way or another in this annual fun fest, you are missing one of the most amazing lessons in the spirit of Christmas! Now that she has been officially notified, I can tell you that it was my distinct honor of being a Secret Santa for Lorien . There is a bit of backstory involved here, but I'll save that for another day's entry (or not). Not only that, but I was the recipient of some amazing Christmas cheer from ember_rain. All this festive fun was organized, again, by Legerdemain  , one of my WDC heroes. I've had a long relationship here at WDC. In a very "Dad-like" way, all three of these members and I have a history that goes back to my first month as a WDC member. Having been away, involuntarily from this community for several months, this has truly felt like a welcome home party. I am radically grateful to each of them. While it is true that sadness has accompanied this particular version of Christmas in uniquely new ways, there has also been great joy. I hope your Holiday Season, however you call, describe, celebrate or ignore it, has brought to your being at least a touch of what has come to mine. Happy holidays to you all. Feel free to spread the joy as you choose. In His Care, Budroe |
| Unplanned occurrences can be either stress-creating or stress-reducing. This one is the latter. Because of difficulties making, and getting to referred Doctors' appointments, the anticipated surgery has been cancelled for the 29th of December, 2015. It will most likely take place in January, 2016. This is a bit of a difficult dance to choreograph. Sarareed is doing a tremendous job with that. Getting the previously required clearances from the specialists, getting their reports to both my PCP and the Surgeon, and getting scheduled times for surgery, etc. requires administrative qualities of the first order. She has them. For now, at least, we both can de-stress just a bit and work on enjoying holidays, birth days, and all the things this season represents in both my life and hers. I'm going to choose to look at this situation as a gift. Happy Holidays! |
| It is not necessarily the Christmas Season that is stressful. Many of regular life events, occurring during this holiday season, are stressful. Occurring during these holidays seems to add orders of magnitude to what would normally be already stressful events. They make irreversible reminders for our future living. My Father died the day before Thanksgiving. My Sister's birthday is December 30. She died in 1967, yet this day does not come without remembrance of her, her life, and her suicide. Her birthday was the day before mine. This has a real effect on my birthday. Knowing that beloved family members will not be at the feast table are constant reminders not only of their deaths, but the joys and sorrows their lives brought to that table, as well. The only time I was ever involuntarily terminated from employment was on December 24th. Yes, I do always remember. These are but a few examples of what I mean when I say the calendar adds stress to this season by varying orders of magnitude. Any one of these events would bring more stress than a human should be required to endure. Having them during these holidays only piles on the stress. If you are unable financially to bestow the blessings of Christmas on those who surround you, whom you love, throw a couple more orders of magnitude on the pile. The stresses of this holiday season visit us all. Everyone gets them, and no one is exempt. Why is this so? 1. We have belly buttons. We are human. It is a part of human nature to remember, recall, and recount things of value from our past living. 2. The seeming incongruity between what the season should bring to mind, and what it does bring to mind can be crippling, 3. We never forget, but it seems that during these times we remember much more clearly. For me, the major stress of Christmas is to overcome these three points. How do I attempt to (and sometimes even do) do this? 1. I was born. My life has had so many good and valued times that I cannot possibly resent, regret or wish away my life. I remember, recall and recount those events which lifted me up, allowed me joy, peace and happiness without feelings of guilt or sadness. 2. I accept that there are some powerfully sad memories related to this season. But there are many, many more joyous, wondrous, and magical things to bring into the forefront of my thoughts, words, and deeds. Whether it is because of, or in spite of the other things, I cannot say, but I believe the reality is in a bit of both. 3. I welcome those memories, because I believe that any life worthy of tearful sadness upon the parting has most definitely been a life worthy of laughter and continuing or renewed joyful expression when it was lived, and shared with me. It's not the season's fault. It's mine, and I am the only one who can affect the "temperature" of the season around me. The stress of Christmas is something that, finally, I am grateful for. So many absent remembrances return to the center of my being that I cannot help, if I am honest, feeling joy, and happiness upon their return. The focus for me once again returns to the journey, and not so much to the destinations of life. I live again, in the "now" of life. This is a place I very much prefer. It is also a place I highly recommend. Yes, there are some painful steps to get there. So? For me, it is well worth the pain to get to the glory. I wish for you the same this holiday season. Make the trip. It's not easy, it's just worth it. |
It is interesting, and somewhat instructive to note that the title for this Annual Advent Adventure:2015 has to do with adversity. I'm having some with the Adventure setup. I have a permissions/access knot somewhere in amongst the various items which, try as I might, I cannot either find or unravel. (Even with permissions wide open, no less!) Any help, recommendations, suggestions, strongarm tactics gratefully accepted.... That's a funny thing about irony...sometimes, it is ironic. Isn't it? Meanwhile, I have Adventurers waiting in the wings on this first day of the Adventure to access the materials needed to complete the assignment. Now, doesn't that just figure!! Dad will always offer those kids that want to be about His business opportunities to learn in the process. Count upon it. In His Care, Budroe |
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