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 |  Dear Me: Please keep me sane! |
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** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours.Swedish Proverb  Here in the South, we don't lock up our crazy people. We sit them out on the porch for everyone to see." ~~ Julia Sugarbaker, Designing Women *********************************** Visit Vivian   Web site: http://www.viviangilbertzabel.com Blog site: http://viviangilbertzabel.com/blog.html For more info as to why I am linking these links of Viv's, see "Blogging, blogging, blogging" 
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Well, I broke down last week and called our EAP (employee assistance program) and have had several telephone conversations with my new therapist. Tomorrow I have the first real appointment. Do you really lay on a couch and talk to some woman with big glasses who has a pad and taps her pen?  I also started a yoga class this week. I thought yoga was supposed to be calming and serene. My ass is sore all over. Guess I found muscles that I didn't know I had.  Now, to show you the baby's first haircut. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** Isn't he adorable??? He goes back to the surgeon tomorrow to have x-rays done to see how his little pelvic bones are healing. I think he's better and more energetic than his mom.  I have never ever loved anything like I love that little fella...... {e: beam} |
| Thank you so much to all for the phone calls, text messages, emails and advice. I am much better today. My son and his wife have moved to another house. He is stuck between his love for his mother and his love for wife. I have let go of the guilt of asking them to leave. Many thanks to a dear friend who made me realize that people are responsible for their own choices. I can only control what I do, not what others do or say or choose to do in their own lives. I did go talk to someone yesterday afternoon in conjunction with a work program and employee assistance. I think my phone call yesterday morning did more good than anything. Some people just have a calming affect and an insight into people. Thanks, friend Now, I have opened the windows and let the sun in. I have finally had a shower and I am going for a walk. My friend, Cathy, has a litter of kittens and two cats and she is out of town today so I'm on kitty duty. A litter of kittens is always good for the soul. I am very proud of myself for reaching out. I truly do not feel that I was suicidal but just wanted to kill the life I have been leading; let go of the guilt of failure. I will take each day as it comes. I will deal with what I can and let go of the rest. Please know that I care about each of you and don't know where my life would be without the support of my friends and the ones who love me. I am a great person I will choose to be happy Many people love me I am letting go of this guilt! And I will find the peace and happiness I deserve Thank you from the bottom of my little heart! PS... the local computer geek store has let me borrow a laptop to decide if I want it or not. He says I can bring it back if they find mine. That's very doubtful. This is a refurb but "walks the dog" and I do kinda like it. It's nice to know that you guys are just a keystroke away again...... |
| I wrestled with myself as to whether to make this entry or not and decided it's my blog, my life and if I choose to share it, I will. If you don't want pieces of my personal life, stop here and read elsewhere. My laptop was stolen out of my house on Tuesday afternoon. It was here at 2:00 when I left to go back to work and gone when I came home at 4:30. It was the only thing taken even though I have jewelry and cameras and stuff that would be worth more than my laptop. I'm devastated. That thing kept me sane. I could write and email and stay connected to the outside world. It kept me out of the padded room. It also had all my puppy pictures and writing and financial information on it. I feel so violated. I'm on an ancient computer that comes up sometimes and sometimes it doesn't. I haven't worked all week, have eaten two peices of toast since Tuesday nite and I'm worried about myself. I even broke down and made a call that I swore I would NEVER make just to talk. How stupid?????????? My son and his wife moved out yesterday. I called the locksmith and had deadbolts put on all the doors. I'm not ok, I'm crying nonstop, I'm locked in the house with all windows and doors shut and secure and I'm scared of the things going on in my head. I've dealt with depression before but never to the extent that it has grasp me this time. In my mind I'm still dealing with the breakup, the wreck, the puppy accident and I'd just like to start this year over again. Please tell me which direction to turn. I want my laptop back. I want my happy life back. I want my smile back |
The air is warm, the sun is shining and it's going to be a spring day. Sometimes you just need to be thankful for the little things. Work is going well and the puppy is mending nicely. It sure is hard to keep a puppy from getting any exercise.  Two more weeks and we get x-rays to see how he's progressing. I guess running around like a puppy doesn't count as a doctor diagnosis.... Make it a great day. Get out and enjoy the sun and all the things you're too busy to notice. See the new blooms, smell the gardenias, take time to notice..... Live a little......... Luv ya, mean it |
| One of my favorite singers of all time........ Whispering Bill Anderson...... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOFWQNBOlVg (Still) though you broke my heart (Still) though we're far apart (I love you still) (Still) after all this time (Still) you're still on my mind (I love you still) I've lost count of the hours and I've lost track of the days In fact I've lost just about everything since you went away Everything that is except the memories you left me And that's one thing that no one can mar I don't know who you're with I don't even know where you've gone My only hope is that someday you might hear this song And you'll know I wrote it especially for you and I love you wherever you are (Still) after all this time (Still) you're still on my mind (I love you still) This flame in my heart is like an eternal fire For everyday it burns hotter and everyday it burns higher And I haven't been able to put out one little flicker not even with all these tears My friends think I'm crazy and maybe I am But I'll carry this torch just as long as I can For someday you might just decide to come home And I want you to know I'm still here (Still) though you broke my heart (Still) though we're far apart (I love you still) |
| Life has been a whirlwind for the past few weeks and I feel like I've been out of touch with you guys. Please know that I've missed you like crazy and I luv ya most! Gone back to work, puppy is great. He went back to the vet last week and I still have to keep him off his feet for two more weeks. He thinks he's well and wants to play, I keep him calm. Sounds more and more like a little man, uh??? My parents and my coworkers have told me that this little fellow has returned me to the happy, go lucky girl I used to be...... For him, I think he was heaven-sent... He brings me great joy and smiles and love unconditionally I'm including some pictures and am going to try and catch up this week with reviews and such.     And of course, there's a new one of me. I was preparing to cook for nine people and had to find my glasses to read the instructions  shhhhhhhhhhhh........ Don't you dare tell anyone that I cook!!! Hey, I'm smiling....  ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| I totally missed this one! I can't believe I now have two birthdays to celebrate. Does this make me twice as old????? My congratulatory email this morning made my day. It takes so little to make me smile. Dear Sheila (southerndiva@Writing.Com), You opened your Writing.Com account 1 year ago, on March 3rd, 2007... which makes today your very own Writing.Com Account Birthday. So, from everyone at Writing.Com... Happy Account Birthday! We wish you a very inspired day, filled with creativity, fun and, of course, lots and lots of writing. Please take a moment to stop in and visit Writing.Com. Write, read, review or just have some fun! Write On, Support @ Writing.Com http://www.Writing.Com/ If I spent any more time visiting WDC, I'd have to quit my job. PS Blog Dude is back!!!  |
| Just had to share a poem that was an ecard I received this morning from a friend. The only thing I know about the person who wrote it, is that his name is Mike. The card was beautiful and the bottom only said "Submitted by Mike". I would hope if I wrote something this beautiful that I would get a little more credit than that...... Ok, ok, the poem.................... As you travel through life there are always those times when decisions just have to be made when the choices are hard, and solutions seem scarce and the rain seems to soak your parade! There are some situations where all you can do is to simply let go and move on gather courage together and choose a direction that carries you toward a new dawn. So pack up your troubles and take a step forward the process of change can be tough but think about all the excitement ahead if you can be stalwart enough! There could be adventures you never imagined just waiting around the next bend and wishes and dreams just about to come true in ways you can't yet comprehend! Perhaps you'll find friendships that spring from new interests as you challenge your status quo and learn there are so many options in life, and so many ways you can grow! Perhaps you'll go places you never expected and see things that you've never seen or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds and wonderful spots in between! Perhaps you'll find warmth and affection and caring, a "somebody special" who's there to help you stay centered and listen with interest to stories and feelings you share. Perhaps you'll find comfort in knowing your friends are supportive of all that you do and believe that whatever decisions you make, they'll be the right choices for you! So keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking your life day by day. There's a brighter tomorrow that's just down the road. Don't look back, you're not going that way! Submitted by: Mike |
| Both patients are doing well. My friend came home yesterday. His girlfriend is off next week and I've helped get him in and out of surgery and back home. *Diva takes a bow* His progress was amazing and she called this morning to say that he's in a lot of pain but doing well and glad to be home. They are very very special people to me and he's been a friend for twenty years. Thanks so much for all your prayers and moral support. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him. This brings me to a question. There are so many people who don't understand the bond between us. I have another "male" friend that I feel the same way about. We're all single and we look after each other. We've been through wives, husbands, girlfriends but we're all platonic. I've had boyfriends who had issues with platonic male friends. Some of their girlfriends and wives have had issues with it. What do you think? Can male and females be best friends, have platonic relationships and maintain a life without being sexual involved? The puppy is great..... I've added new pictures....    Please please forgive me if I haven't answered your email or commented in your blog! It's been a long long week and I promise to catch up with you guys this weekend. I love you all the most!  |
| The heart surgery was a huge success. He is only 53 and doesn't smoke so had easier time with the hours after. They did a triple bypass but didn't use the veins in the leg. Instead they used the arteries the mammary cavity of his chest because they are closer to the same as the ones to his heart and in closer proximity during the surgery. They took two of those and one from his left arm. (Dang, didn't I sound like I knew some medical shit when I typed that) Yesterday morning at 4 am, he told me he had a schedule to get the heck out of there. He had to breathe, breathe, walk and shit. Breathe to get off the ventilator, breathe to make the little ball go up and then he could move to the stepdown unit, walk the round hall four times and go to the bathroom and he could go home. He was off the vent several hours earlier than they planned. I told the nurses last night to hide the reeboks or he would be trying to walk the wrong hall. Puppy had to stay one more night. It took three adults almost thirty minutes to take out two stitches in his neck. I'd say he's fine; a little fiesty but fine. Wonder if puppy babies take after their moms........  Thanks for all your prayers for the little dog and the big one. I'll explain that one day. He's just a special friend, nothing more but I love him to pieces and he has no family. There are several of us who aren't dating or aren't married who kinda look after each other. He's a part of that group and we've all four been in and out of the hospital with him since last Tuesday. God is good and prayers have been answered and he is probably doing better than the other three of us...... Thank you guys for all your support.....Oh, Tor....... Guess what I got in the mail yesterday!!!!! Damn, I didn't know CC could draw without lines....... Luv y'all, mean it |
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A wonderful tribute to a wonderful man. You were indeed blessed to have him as your father.