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 |   A terminal for all blogs coming in or going out. A view into my life. |
Started July 1st 2019 for contests, etc. as other blogs are filling up and have other purposes.  I'm starting a new blog because
I'll be linking to
I've started an appendix (I no longer have one personally) to keep track of my Space Cadet journals for Space Blog. It's a work constantly under construction. Mind the mess.
I needed to start a folder for contests as there are so many deadlines and details to remember.
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| queenkissy brings up the thought that "I would never have made it in the publishing world". I can't argue. Some MFA programs become cliques and publishing seems to depend on MFA connections these days. Maybe it has always depended on connections. Or which poet liked you... or didn't. Upset an editor? Black-listed or ignored. Nowadays there are thousands of places to publish but that doesn't necessarily make it easier to connect a particular work of art with a public that appreciates it. Publishers can either promote or act like gate-keepers. Me? I need a secretary... and/or a plan to publish (i.e. spend lots of money) with emotional support. Some of my stories and poems are good enough to be published as is. Others need an edit. That all demands focus on my craft. Traveling, taking photographs, meeting new people, even writing new 'stuff'... gets in the way. Tonight I'm emotionally exhausted. Maybe tomorrow I'll have a clearer idea of where to artistically go from here. But after 20 years of scribbling down my thoughts I don't expect an epiphany. |
Elycia Lee ☮  made me ponder: were my co-workers colleagues, friends or something else? I tend to be a connector. I like to talk... a lot. And I love to bring diverse people together and can usually find something in common with most everyone. Like the young Dane I met last night, under the Dome at Formosa Metro Station in Kaohsiung, who is going to university in Taipei and just happened to attend Lund University in Sweden... well... I had a story for him! I asked him about the 'insane' way Danes count. Believe me, Swedes and Norwegians just shake their heads in disbelief. They agree on little else. So... did you know 50 is "halvtreds"? Well neither did I. Since 60 = tres (think three score or three twenties like French) and 80 = firs... it's complicated. The answer? 50 = [two score plus] half [of the] third (score). So there! Now you know.... or don't. I easily connect. BUT... at work? "I have always been able to depend on the kindness of strangers" did NOT apply to the work place. Were people friendly or helpful? Usually. But I never was able to properly connect... and I tried. My people skills helped in the field but in the office they got in the way. My job was best for those who could focus and were non-emotional. It did help if one could get along with people, both in the office and in the field. But many looked at those we 'regulated' as the enemy. Not a happy place. I'm still in touch with one former co-worker. I've spoken to at least three others over the years. None are my friends on spacebook. I don't make much effort to contact anyone because I no longer know who to trust. It's a mafia-culture of arm-twisting and holding grudges for a lifetime. Brutal for someone as sensitive as I am. Were they my enemies? I'm absolutely sure most weren't and aren't. But... I cannot take the risk. 1.401 |
| Bittersweet. Even as a child I loved sad songs. The "Tennessee Waltz" was one of the few 45 records we had. We played "You are my sunshine", "Green Eyes", "Besame mucho" over and over again. Odd to think how much access we have to all those old songs now when as a child I didn't. I'd love to be able to sing "Ne me quittez pas" or "Les fuilles mortes" in French. French songs, movies, literature does bittersweet much better than gleeful American fell-good pop. Always thought the French were more realistic. Perhaps that's why I'm leery of people who seem forever happy. Are they on good drugs, in total denial? I can support optimism better... once the bittersweet reality is acknowledged. Heartbreak? Wish I had a relationship that was close enough for heartbreak. Maybe Kevin? I kept most friends at arm's length. One of many reasons why I never married. As for Tennessee... I did my 5th grade report on the Volunteer state. Even dreamed of visiting or going to school there. On one fine Spring day when I was 19 my father drove from Arkansas to Virginia. We drove all day through Tennessee, may have stopped for gas. My father wouldn't stop at UT. I didn't speak to him the whole way home. |
| "We may never pass this way again?" I feel sad at times remembering all the wonderful people who have crossed my path, even walked along it with me for a short while. Who would I be without them? But our ways always part. Even when revisiting Taiwan, I realize many of the travelers I've met before aren't here. Some of the locals I've met again: Joseph, Allen, Jack (but not this time) and I've stayed in the same hostels in Jiufen, Tainan and Taipei. The hosts are still there. But... ...next time? And will there be a next time? Aging has some benefits but the letting-go is challenging for me. I'm a dreamer, a futurist, with less future in front of me everyday. And some days I really feel it deeply. I always meet new wonderful people that I miss... but I need to be thankful that I met them at all. I may never meet them again. When we are young we falsely think we have all the time in the world. But that's an illusion. The truth? There is only today. Even our memories only exist because once they happened on a particular day when we were 'present'. And our dreams? They only become memories if we act on them. So, I plan; I dream; I share what I can with those I deeply love. I may never pass their way again. 1.389 |
| 5 DAY TRUTH or FICTION BLOGGING CHALLENGE Blog Prompt for Day 5 - Tell us about your earliest memory of finding romantic love I saw the above prompt at Cinn  . But did she write truth or fiction?So here goes: I fall at first sight. Tumble over myself again and again. I wrote poems about this elsewhere and three are in my chapbook "This and Every November". First day of class 4th grade: 4 new classmates: Michaelene, Lauren, Jerome, Suzanne. I liked all of them. Saw Suzanne at 10th year reunion and Jerry at a baseball reunion. But it was Suzanne that I fell for. Still remember so much... Oh to be 10 again and riding my red bike past her house in the May fog. Her birthday is in September. And then in 9th grade there was Mark, a wonderful friendly cheerful boy born in May who grew up to be a warm freindly man. Head over heels. My 'first love'. And when we met around 2002 he told me that he knew that. Kevin. Yeah, I was 26 and close to the precipice. His friendship brought me back from the edge. Born December 1st. Think "Sweet Baby James". We were friends for 24 years...  Gary... is my Muse! I was no longer young. Born a Libra in October he's my opposite. But, he reminded me so much of my father, Robert, a kid from high school who died in an accident (Gary was born the same year 9 months later). Something about him... So I still call him to hear his laughter. There have been others throughout my life. People I meet and click with immediately. I try hard these days to keep connections alive; but, Life is not all about me and others have their own priorities. And relationships change over time. 1.385. |
| “I think it's very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not defined by another person." — Oscar Wilde I commented on QPdoll  's blog:Growing up I had to share a room with two siblings. I learned how to sit in the closet, stay up late after everyone else had gone to bed. Now I live in two rooms in silence. I find that best. I can always make connections when I wish. I seldom feel isolated ... mostly on other people's holidays. Traveling? Hard to sleep the last four nights in Taichung. I think I have the room at my hostel in Lukang to myself. I need a break and dark and quiet works for me. But perhaps that's not what Oscar Wilde meant. I have always craved a close friend. But... mostly I felt isolated and lonely. Even now, when I have friends around the world, I wish I could get closer. My main issues? Trust and fear of rejection. I did meet someone on this trip that I wish I'd met growing up. I should be happy we met. But it's sad. I feel old and most of those I connect with are young. Maybe they'll remember me? Regardless, I don't mind being alone... but lonely sucks. I finally found the music from "My Roommate is a Fairy Fox" with subtitles in Chinese (and Spanish): 1.378 |
| I could share how nice an evening I had in Changhua with friends but... Is today a day of travel, a day of rest, a morning of pulling my hair out? Maybe that's why I'm going bald (an understatement). I either stay in this place which is cheap but difficult for me to sleep or I go to a new place which is 'expensive' but homey and more interesting. I wish a friend had answered the message I sent. Once I choose it's too late. I know I have to be flexible... but only to a point. I literally have to have a bed. My nerves do not allow me to make these decisions at the last moment as I travel alone and can't afford to waste money... Spend it? That's another issue. So this morning I'm conflicted. By noon the decisions will be made regardless. After a nice evening the anxiety comes back. 1.367 |
| Like Spanish, Norwegian words for "know" do not correspond to English. å kjenne = conocer = to know someone. å vite = saber = to know something. This is further complicated by the three forms for "I think that..." å tenke / tenkje = I know something intellectually. Plan. å synes = I know something from my personal experience. å tro = I believe it to be true (hearsay). "Eg tenkjer/synes/tror det er sant" = "I think that's true" Easy to translate from Norwegian to English... impossible using Google translate if you are translating English to Norwegian. Some explanation here: https://infonorwegian.no/?p=358 Anyone who knows more than one language has come across the phenomenon that words and concepts do not match one to one. And then there's Quechua: "Quechua marks evidentiality morphologically. In the Quechuan language, there are three different morphemes that mark evidentiality, -mi, -chá, and -si." -mi (-n) = direct knowledge -chá (-chr -chrá) = conjecture -si (-s -shi) = reporting (like once upon a time) Harder to tell a lie by mistake. You either were there or you weren't. More info at: https://lisatravis2012.wordpress.com/2015/11/14/evidentiality-in-quechua/ Ah... English... so 'defective' and imprecise in so many ways. So nit-picky in other circumstances (ask any lawyer). 1.356 |
| I responded to my friend Ann: I trust the Taiwan government more than the USA... People here have national health insurance, take health seriously and the government isn't 'playing'. You're fined if you don't report it and quarantined if there has been contact until proven you don't have it. There are 18 cases, no deaths. Masks available to everyone including foreigners. Temperature checks at museums, etc. It's as safe here as anywhere. I am frustrated with family and friends who think I'm in danger ... I AM! I'm old and not in the best health ... that makes me vulnerable to catching the regular flu, falling, getting hit by a moped or car, or most anything else. BUT ... no, the good-old USA isn't 'safer'. Taiwan has a plan they are implementing. Does the US? And by-the-way ... the health system here is light-years ahead of anything in the US where poor people aren't taken care of adequately. Should the coronavirus hit the homeless community, nursinghome, university or local jail? Puh-leeze... Would I consider coming home early? Yes. I live alone and other than having to use the common toilet and showers ... I could isolate myself if necessary. I have enough food and if I bought a few perishables I'd be good to go for a week or two. My fear? The treatment I'll get once I'm home. And possible hassles from officials who don't know Taiwan isn't China. |
Busy today so here's my comment to Robert Waltz  regarding wealth: I'm not gathering wealth. Maybe I should've had a plan when I was younger. May have saved me from some grief ... maybe not; but, I didn't. So here I am in the spend-down phase of my life. My secret? I live below my means. It's become a habit. I rarely splurge when I travel. I have a budget but I can fairly forget about checking it. 1. I live in a cheap place; I stay in cheap places when I travel. 2. I buy what's on sale; traveling, I buy street food or have breakfast included. I eat all of it. 3. I don't buy anything that will bring undo expenses. Therefore, no car, no house ... There's a downside to this all of course. I need a smartphone (believe me ... traveling without one shows me how badly I need one). I will probably be forced to move as gentrification and AirBnB overtakes affordable units. I'm limited in what I do and can see. But I'm in Taiwan eating pig's ear and papaya ... and most of my friends are sitting at home ordering pizza. 1.350 |
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