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 |   A day in the life of... me! |
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A HUGE Thank you to Emily   for the beautiful ribbon  First place in "The Bard's Hall Contest"  for July/August 2012!A day in the life of... me! Sometimes I need to rant. Sometimes I have something burning on my mind. Sometimes I'm so angry I feel like reverting back to old coping mechanisms. So I thought a journal was a good idea! I feel ranting is an important part to life, everyone does it to some degree or another and it's not healthy to bottle things up inside. So for those moments where I feel a rant (or just a general thought) and want to get it off my chest, here it will be! However, ranting is not everything. Sometimes I just feel like I want to share something with someone, and often there is nobody to listen (wow that makes me sound sad! I do have friends but I tend to let them do the talking rather than share). So here I can get things off my chest, rant or be happy, whatever the mood ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Prompt: What woke you up this morning, and why? So, this is my first ever official attempt at writing a blog entry based on a prompt. It's not that I don't like blogging (cos if I didn't I wouldn't!) but I guess as time has gone on I've found how much I enjoy it and how therapeutic it can be. This morning the thing that got me out of bed was a little trip I had planned. I did struggle to get out of bed regardless of that though. Now that I've been working night shift for over a year and a half now, I'm struggling to be up through the day during my days off. As it stands it's now 1:30am on my third day off and rather than being in bed asleep where I'd normally be, I'm up on the laptop on WdC with the wrestling on in the background. But I digress! Today I got up as I'd planned to visit a tattooist to look at getting my new tattoo done! That's right, I'm very excited about keeping my new years resolutions, this being one, and so I'm moving things forward. I had a trip on the ferry with my partner which I got overly excited about (it's been many a moon since I was on the ferry) and we went over the water and visited this guy who had some good ideas and promised to draw it up and get back to me in a couple of days and booked me in to get started on Monday. I'm so excited!! |
| Prompt: Do you have any tattoos or piercings (other than your ears, ladies)? If so, what have you had done and why? If not, would you ever consider getting a tattoo or piercing? What would you get done and under what circumstances? So year, I might not actually be doing this blogging contes but when I saw the prompt I couldn't resist! I  tattoos and piercings! Not all of them, but most. I think it's a great way to express yourself and it's individual to each person. Of course, most piercings are quite generic in that most of the places pierced are the same, but you can be a bit out there if you want to be. I have several piercings including my lip, tongue, ear (several times and one industrial), nose, belly and one other. I love each and every one and couldn't bear to be parted with them. Why? They're almost a part of me now. I feel naked without them. I had to get an MRI scan once and had to take 'all of the metal out of my face' as the consultant told me, and I never felt so vulnerable. I guess that makes it sound like I wear them as a shield. Maybe I do. Or maybe I used to, now they're just as much a part of me as say, my hands!I also have three tattoos currently. I have a lower back piece (a nice tribal design) a tribal design on my side (my favourite!) and a quote from my favourite song under my arm. Wanna know what? American Head Charge - Just so You Know: And all it was was something beautiful http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIibR7M9uZ4 it's a little slow to start but give it a chance! Love it and them! That's not my most favourite tattoo though, it seemed to damage my arm somewhat and I have a blue sort of shading there now. I still don't regret it though. And on the subject of tattoos I have at least two more in the pipline. I'm getting a phoenix done on my back. To me this is a really big thing and a very exciting moment to look forward to. To me, it symbolises the moment when I realised how much I'd grown up and matured past something that tortured me for a long time. It was a stunning moment when I realised my life was my own and I was happy in my own right. So that's what it means for me. The second one I want is a little less serious, but it still means a lot to me. I think tattoos and piercings are art. A person can decorate their body and show their true selves, be unique and creative at the same time and I love that. I guess a lot of the people I know from the background I'm from who listen to the same music as me tend to have the same views as most of the people I know have one or the other, or both! So to me, it's a natural part of life |
| So, it's January first (technically the second here now) and I've brought in the new year with toothache. Urgh. Not a great start, or not exactly how I pictured I'd be welcoming in 2014. I wanted smiles and dancing and all that malarky. I did have a good night, don't get me wrong. It was pretty chilled out (spent with my partner's family) and we enjoyed food and cuppas (they don't drink much and I was driving and in too much pain to be bothered) and played board games. I did really enjoy it And now, the resolutions begin. I'm going to strive hard to meet my goals this year. I don't think I'm asking a lot of myself and in fact, I think I owe it to myself. We all do. Why talk about wanting a better, happier life when it can be achieved? So... onwards to editing and writing and crediting reviews now! Woohoo! Oh, I'm also taking part in Dry January... http://www.dryjanuary.org.uk/ I'm not a big drinker anyway so it shouldn't be so hard for me but I decided it's a really positive way to start the year  |
| When I think about my gran, I think about the way her life deteriorated when she got Alzheimers. When it first started it was just little things she would forget, like names and places and dates. Some things were even a little funny and she would see the funny side herself. When my grandad passed away my gran lost the will to live. In some ways, I think having Alzheimers saved her because she couldn't remember Mac anymore and so she could continue with her life. But as time went on, so did the quality of living. She had to move out of her home, a place she'd lived for many decades and was her family home, to a shelter where she could be looked after and given her medication and having her needs attended to. It was a positive mood but she didn't think so and for a long time she would cry and ask us to take her home. It was heart breaking. It didn't take long before the disease really took hold of her and soon she was unable to function in her daily life. She barely ate, slept most of the day and got weepy without a moments notice. It got so bad that she wouldn't drink anything and she began to deteriorate so badly they took her to an end of care ward in the hospital. I saw her once while she was in there and then, when I'd planned to go see her next, I found out she had passed away earlier that morning. Grief is something that hits me in a very strange way. I always tell myself that because I saw it coming, as I did with my grandad (he passed away with cancer) it was easier to bear and while her funeral was heartbreaking, I didn't cry. My partner always thinks that's a little strange but I've always thought it was okay. I still grieve in my heart, just maybe not so openly. Over time when I've come to think of it, I think a lot of my suppressed emotion comes from my close family. I love my parents, they really mean the world to me, but they're not very emotional or affectionate people. I can't remember the last time I heard them say 'I love you', to either me or my sister or each other. I can't remember the last time I saw them kiss or hold hands or snuggle up together. I think I grew up thinking that affection and emotion was a bit of a no go area and so I adapted myself around that and grew up to be who I am today. But just moments ago, I read a post on facebook about Alzheimers and I just broke down. It really hit me. How much I miss her and how much she was an important part of my life. The nights me and my sister spent over there staying on the sofa bed with giant cushions wrapped under numerous blankets (a lot of them knitted) because there wasn't a duvet, but it was always warm. And in the morning we'd get up and my gran would be up already, and she'd make us tea and toast and sprinkle it with hoards of sugar. I remember how sweet it tastes with the melting butter and the sugar sprinkled across it. She always used to cut it into soldiers for us and sometimes we'd have two slices, even three. My grandad would come down a little later and she would always pour him a cup of tea from the teapot and he would take a seat by the kitchen counter and pour some of his tea into a saucer and slurp it from there. A saucer! I think that's the last time I even saw a saucer. I miss both of my grandparents so much. Their happiness, their smiles, their home. I just wish that I wasn't so afraid/ashamed/embarassed to show these emotions in front of my parents. My partner always supports me though and I'm not afraid to be this vulnerable with him. If anything positive has come from this mini break down, it's this: I want to volunteer with the Alzheimers Society. One of my resolutions was to volunteer somewhere new and this is what I want to do. |
| So Christmas day has been and gone in a manic flurry of fun and froclicking! I had a really lovely day, seeing my family in the morning and then going to my partner's family for dinner and so on. Dinner was lovely, the day was fun and we played an I'm a Celebrity Board Game. I've never felt so lucky in my life. It was like snakes and ladders... if you went up the ladder you got to eat something nice, but if you went down a snake, it was a witchity grub or a wriggly worm. Yuck! I'm so glad I never landed on any of those snakes! I was out of the flat for a long time on Christmas Day and when I got back Phoebe had begun to scratch at my brand new carpet, taking a little chunk out of it. I was so mad! Lucikly, I've managed to salvage it so it doesn't look too bad but anymore and it'll be a bald patch. Does anyone have any tips for preventing this? Someone told me about this feliway spray which is supposed to calm them down... Now that Christmas is over, I find myself thinking even more of 2014. There is a lot that I want to accomplish in the new year and I'm determined that I'm going to do it For me  The first thing I want to do, is to learn how to say no, or rather, to state my own opinion in certain matters rather than agreeing with someone to avoid conflict. I've never managed conflict in my own life well and this is something I want to overcome. Don't be afraid to be judged by anyone. I want to be myself, always. I want to dress how I want to dress, do what I want to do and enjoy my life without worrying about what other people think. If I don't get a day job by June this year, I want to book time off the year after for my trip to New Zealand. It's something that I've been talking about (and saving for) for a long time and I realise that part of the reason I keep putting it off is (not just because of work) that I'm a little afraid of going. Does that sound silly? I don't often go anywhere alone now and travelling across the world to be on my own for a month is a little daunting, but it's something that's deep in my heart and if I don't do it I'll regret it forever. Volunteer somewhere new. I still volunteer with the Brownies and will keep that up but I think because my job means I'm on my own for quite a lot of the day, I find myself wanting to reach out and meet new people and try something different. Do it. Pick up a new exercise, or at least try it. I've been wanting to try kickboxing for some time now and again, it's one of those things that I've been putting off. Although I'm not a particularly anxious person, sometimes the thoughts of being thrust into a situation where I have to be a little bit vulnerable, I tend to avoid. I'm not going to be afraid to be vulnerable. Make sure I'm eating healthy. While I do this most of the time and eat a lot of fruit and veg, sometimes I get a little lazy. I want to make sure I keep eating well and looking after myself. Get my tattoo. I've wanted it for over a year now and have the picture I want and though I lack the funds, I'm not going to put it off any longer. For me this tattoo is a symbol of my freedom, my independance and of growing into someone I want to be. Utilise my time. I've got a really bad habit of thinking I might not have enough time to do something so I don't try and instead I sit and I get bored. Use your time wisely.Reading, writing and WdC I want to edit my Devil's Playground novel. I wrote this in Nano 2013 and I've completed Nano in the past and not got around to the revision stage. A lot of that is self doubt. I really believe in my novel this time around so I've come up with a plan to make sure I can edit the whole thing by the end of the year. I want to edit three chapters a month (at least) until I finish and then I want to submit. I want to enter contests more on WdC. I think they're a great tool for getting people to write and it's something I want to utilise more. I want to enter one contest a month (at least) and when I write a piece that I'm particular proud of, I want to pursue submission. I want to continue reviewing on Wdc. It's something I really enjoy and I want to keep it up. Sometimes I find that with my shifts at work, I tend to log on when I'm there (as I'm alone for much of the night) and on my days off I spend a lot of time catching up/sleeping/being tired so I don't get a chance. I want to try and change that and log on as many days as possible. I want to be more involved in WdC. I was promoted to moderator and this is something I'm so grateful for, and I want to live up to it. I want to review more, write more and get more involved in the community including fundraising and making sure my friends on the site know how special they are to me. I want to make more time to read. Sometimes when life gets busy it seems one of the easy things to cut out, or more accurately, it almost gets forgotten. Life does get busy but I want to read more and read more widely out of the genres I normally read. I want to expand my horizons. |
| Apparently it's been a long while since I've blogged, almost a whole month in fact! How time flies. I've been so carried away with festive activities, baking, eating out, wrapping presents and enjoying Christmas movies, that I've just not had the time to put my mind into gear. But, my plans are already in the pipeline for my New Year Resolutions (or Dear Me 2014!) I feel like I could have done so much more with my year and there are things I certainly want to achieve next year, so I'll be sitting with a pen and paper and getting all that down. Christmas is almost here and I'm getting pretty excited! It's the first I'll be having in my own flat. It's not looking nearly as festive as I'd like it do, but due to a certain naughty kitty, it's just not quite possible  My tree is up in my bedroom (where Phoebe is not allowed!) and my living room is all fully decorated now, purple and cushy. I love it. I had a lovely surprise the other day when I opened my post to find a lovely card sent from the creators of WdC themselves! So a big thank you to The StoryMaster  and The StoryMistress  for sending out such a thoughtful gift, I truly loved it! I just sat and read "Invalid Entry" and it's something that I've been feeling myself lately. I work in a hostel for homeless women and on one side of the coin I'm out making merry, enjoying the festive season and getting all those tingly goosebumps for the big red man, but for some of the women I work with, they have nowhere to go. Some of them have children they might not see or families they'd lvoe to see but can't. It really breaks my heart. Yet, when I come into work most of them are still there with a smile on their faces asking me how I am. It always amazes me how strong these women are, it's really quite inspirational and if I can learn anything from it, it's that there is always hope (and a smile works wonders!) I think this is part of the reason I really want to throw myself into next year. I want to make my goals and commit to them (as so often they've fallen aside). I want to set aside time for myself to do what I want, to be happy and to help made the world a better place ps: sorry for the mush! |
| So technically I'm finished Nano. I have completed my novel as per my outline and the thoughts in my head I'm pleased with my progress and have found this my easiest Nano so far because the plot has been in my mind for such a long time now. The trouble is, I'm only at 46,442 words. That means I need just over 3.5k in order to technically finish. And I'm determined to. I know that I already want to add a prologue and an epilogue. I think it will really help round the story up but I'm not sure I'll get that word count in those. Any suggestions? I'm decorating when I finish work this morning, starting to prep my living room ready for painting and actually painting. So far I think I'm doing this on my own and as weird as it might sound, I'm quite looking forward to it. I'm going to have my brekkie when I go in and spend some time with Phoebe when she's all affectionate (before she turns into a monster with claws) and then put some music on and crack on. I don't get to be alone in my flat all too often. The normal time is the few hours I have right before I go to work but then I'm always getting things ready or cleaning up. I know, I hear you telling me that decorating isn't exactly quality time, but it's what I want to do. I'm really looking forward to it! In other news I only have about 90 pages of A Game of Thrones left! That's right, it's almost done. I think I'm going to feel lost when it's gone but that's what I'm going to do now |
| The past three days I was off work and ended up being quite busy and not being able to log on and write much. I did feel guilty but then, I reasoned with myself, I was ahead of schedule and doing well so I left it and thought I'd give myself a break. I've come back to work tonight and began writing again. Although I've exceeded my word count I've found that I've struggled quite a bit. As well as being a little tired and struggling to pull my concentration together, I think the momentum is slowing because of the plot. I know exactly where it's going and how I'm going to get there but I'm finding my trouble is because I'm writing this as two strands from two point of views, the story is more for Jake now and his trapped nightmare and not so much about Sam. I've been writing in alternating chapters but now Sam doesn't have a lot to say and I guess it feels a little strange to leave her out but when I'm writing her chapters (as I have tonight) I've had to force myself through it and I certainly haven't made anywhere near the word count on that as previous chapters. That brings me to a question. Is there a required/specified amount for chapters? I'm finding mine vary quite considerably and I'm wondering if that's okay. I'm also very nearly finished the Game of Thrones books! They're not my preferred genre but I got really interested in reading them and while it's been a bit of a slog, I'm really glad I did. I've found the books to be amazing though a little long winded in places. I only have half of the last book to go then I'm done and I can finally move onto something else. I can't even do that right now when I'm not writing because I'll just fall asleep! lol. I'm starting to decorate in my living room on Sunday so I'm looking forward to that. Of course, the painting comes first and then I'm getting my carpet early December. I can't wait to have it the way I want it so it's all cosy. I'd love to get a sofa too but I can't afford that right now so it'll have to wait. It's fine though, I do have sofas! I can feel myself starting to ramble so I'm signing off for now  |
| I've had a couple of days off NaNo the past two days. First day I tried to sleep ready for our awesome fireworks display which went really well. It was really good and I got some really good photos too. Perhaps I'll try upload a few but it's a pain because I always need to resize. Yesterday I didn't do any writing cos I had a lot of other things going on but I figured that was okay because I was still ahead. Today, I wrote another 3k words. I think I might continue later too after I've had a little break and maybe made some lunch and ran a couple of errands I need to do. I've managed to get quite a lot done in the flat today too, lots of cleaning and such like. And I've discovered that Phoebe likes to chanse bits of paper! I was sorting through old receipts and she's had a whale of a time chasing them around, chewing and eating and now it looks like a bomb hit my living room. At least she's happy Until next time! |
| Nano Day 3 went well. I wrote just over 3k again I'm happy with that as I'm well ahead of my goal of 2k per day which means I can relax a little. I keep writing just a little more each day which I think is great and it makes me happy to see my numbers totting up: Day 1: 3070 Day 2: 3473 Day 3: 3693 Perhaps I can continue in this trend and write more again tomorrow but who knows! I've really struggled at work tonight. I've been really quite tired and the only thing I think could be affecting me is that I got woke up a few times yesterday while I was sleeping, so perhaps it's disturbed my sleep too much and made me sleepy. Who knows. I hope that's all it in. Worst case scenario is that working night shift is catching up with me and it's not something I'll be able to keep doing... Hopefully tomorrow will be a better night. I was thinking of writing a little now towards my day four count but I'm not sure I can. Sometimes I think I should just keep pressing myself to write and write but then I don't want to quality to be absolutely abysmal. Which it probably would be. All in all I'm enjoying it so far, I think this novel was bursting to get out! |
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Just for you BJ Hope your have'n a good day. 
.