%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
A continuation of my original blog, "Surviving Motherhood". |
|
Welcome to my world of middle school, high school, and motherhood. The life of a mom is never easy, especially as children grow, and especially when you have a special needs child. ** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only ** |
| Journey and I were upstairs talking the other night, not about anything in particular, but all at once, I had the urge to tell her about Santa's existence. I know I had said that i was going to share with her when Don was around, and I'm sorry that it didn't work out that way, but these things just tend to lead off from different places. I wasn't prepared for it to come at first, but when it did, I realized, it came at just the right time. The kids' first Santa, Russ, has moved away. He's been writing out the Santa tags for the last 10 years now. There's no one that can replace him. I explained to her about how Santa's person himself no longer exists, as he was very old and passed away at some point. I told her how Santa's magic and Santa's work carries on year after year, and how once we are old enough, we learn about becoming Santa for those that deserve some Santa in their lives. At first she was very broken hearted about it, and I cried that it made her cry. But, she took it in stride, and she's understanding of it now. This isn't how I pictured it playing out, but I know that kids like to be jerks and ruin it for everyone else, so I decided to take the opportunity to let her in on the secret before someone could ruin it for her. Every day, my kids are growing more and more, no longer being small. Though right now, I'm glad that I don't have to wrap presents again for awhile, I'm sure in a few years I'll be wistful an miss the Santa days. Journey had just barely started to understand Santa and a Christmas wish list when she was 5. In that sense, I wish I would've given her more time-but it is what it is at this point, and we can only move forward. Expenses are getting bigger and bigger these days. I have yet to start Christmas shopping for anyone right now. It's just not in the cards, what with bills going up, and classes having fees, etc. I feel like there's never enough money left for anything, especially things like laundry. Trying to squeeze us through one week to the next is proving harder and harder, and our rent was just raised by $63. I will do whatever I can to make that happen, but still, that seems like such a big amount of money. There are so many things I haven't had the chance to pay for yet, and so few things I actually have. I didn't even get a chance to get Ryan brand new shoes like I hoped we would-that money went to pay for his tuition to SMYOC. I didn't get a chance to get Journey those two books for Christmas, that money went to buying her a gym uniform. Had to pay chorus for chorus fees, and luckily chorus and band are cutting us a break, where one is only charging us for a uniform rental, and the other for the performance fee, but still, more money we have to find. We still need to find a way to get him a tuxedo shirt to wear with his uniform. I don't even know where to look for a decent one of those for a a small price. Maybe Walmart? I don't know. But that's more money we're going to have to find in order to get him something else he needs more than new shoes, which honestly, he's had these shoes for 2 years now, he really does need a new pair. I just can't seem to find a way to get them paid for. It's not like we're throwing money away left and right here-most of the time, we eat dinner at home. We don't splurge on silly things like a morning coffee (although Don would if I let him), etc. But yet here we are, trying to stay afloat against the tide, getting spun around and sloshed at every side, just trying to hold on enough to make it to the next paycheck. The sad part is, when we make it to the next one, that one is already spent. There's very little wiggle room within any of these checks for anything. Sometimes I'll get lucky and can pull out a few dollars for some hand soap and some toothpaste. Sometimes, I can afford to get a new bag of litter for Dixon. Sometimes, I can afford to get $10 in quarters to do laundry. I just can't afford all of these all the time. There's rarely ever a time when I look at my account and say "oh wow, we could do something fun!" I want to be able to look at my account and say "Here's the money Ryan needs for new shoes. Here's the money Journey needs for new gloves. Here's some money to get some household items. I have enough money to stock up on items. Here's a little extra money in case a meal doesn't go as planned, so we can go to the grocery store and try again." Just when I think we're going to catch up and start feeling that small bit of "look at this, we have some extra money left in the bank...I wonder if we can do laundry with it?", I get kicked in the stomach, and an extra $60-$90 later, I'm left wondering what the hell just happened, and realizing, not only do I NOT have extra money for things like Christmas, but I don't even have extra money for necessities like shoes. One day, I'd love to know how that feels. I'd love to be able to say "Hey Ry, you need some shoes, why don't we go get you some?". Stuff like this is utterly depressing. Makes life harder. I really do hope that by the start of January, things will start to look up a little more. I hope by that time, things will start being paid for, and we can start moving some stuff around and have some breathing room for things like shoes and higher rent. |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
