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A blog about things that make me feel something. Do you feel it too? |
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Chapter One Oh wait, this isn't going to be a book. It is just an attempt of mine to get my fingers typing and my brain thinking about writing again. Thanks for visiting! |
| One thing about life, it is always changing. When I look back over my many years on this planet, I see the twists and turns and am always impressed by what I have enjoyed and endured. Last week, yet another twist gave me a bit of whiplash as I tried to quickly lean into the curve. I am going to be a grandmother again! I remember the first time I was informed that I would be a grandma. I was not pleased. I wasn't ready to be a grandma, I was too young (not really but didn't have the headspace to picture myself in a rocking chair with knitting on my lap). The situation wasn't ideal either but, here I am with 7 grandchildren and getting ready to welcome my 8th. Again, the situation is not ideal but I am gratified to say that I still have not been relegated to that rocking chair and I still haven't learned how to knit! Yay me! lol Since my newest little blessing is a surprise and the situation less than ideal, I will be heading out to my home away from home in New Mexico to try to impart some calm, some hope, some joy to my daughter who has always wanted children but is definitely not ready yet to take on the joys of motherhood. I am so happy to be going back to my beloved Albuquerque. I am also grateful to COVID-19 and my wonderful boss because I can continue to work from home while I am there. Life's twists and turns - I have learned to go with its flow and embrace the waves as they take me to my next destination. Be safe and enjoy! |
| Learning to Dance in the Rain Here I am again. Finally, I feel like I am in a place to feel again. I have spent the last almost 3 years refusing to allow myself to succumb to my emotions. It has been a long trudge through the valley. Three years ago, I lived in a beautiful place, had a great job and was thinking about the future after long years of school and struggle. My children were grown and fairly healthy, on their own paths. Then came the tornado that swept me and my family forcefully into the eye of the storm. As I blissfully planned my future and thought of my own hopes and dreams of the future, I received a call that one of my sweet daughters was threatening suicide and was in the psych unit in the local hospital. My peace was shattered and I immediately got on a plane to travel to where she was. What I found when I arrived crushed my heart and mind. As my dear daughter raved and wept, I was shell shocked, going through the motions of how to get her released and get her the help she desperately needed. I felt extremely guilty that I did not realize how far out on the ledge she had crawled. She put on a good front for me but shouldn't a good mother have seen beyond that? I quickly realized that my own issues were not relevant. This was all about my daughter. This was my first experience with the realities of mental instability and what I have had to come to grips with in my mind and attitudes has rocked my world. I have spent the past 3 years learning and confronting my own biases regarding mental illness. I really wish this topic was spoken about more openly so we can all understand how we can help those we love when they are in need. Ugh! I think that's all I can say about that now. The journey has been long, my daughter is still not well - just functioning, and there is so much more progress and learning to be done. Feel free to comment or reach out to me. I am happy to share more in depth what I have learned and the realities of how hard it is to get the healing our loved ones who struggle need. |
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