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  My blog was filled up. I'm too lazy to clean it out. So I started a new one. |
| I've never thought much of a bucket list, despite enjoying that very funny movie about it. I don't want to go sky-diving or bungee jumping or fly a plane solo. I can't afford to remodel the house or travel to even a few of the places I'd love to see. But I have begun thinking of a few things I might like to do. I always regretted never learning to play the piano. That wasn't my fault. My family couldn't afford the piano or the lessons. Now I really want to see my nephew and great nieces and nephews take lessons. I can't buy pianos for them, but I might spring for a few months of lessons for some of them just to see if they have a knack for it. In fact I have even considered taking a few lessons myself. I can practice on the piano at church when it's not being used. Maybe next year, when my life calms down. I blush to admit this, but I would like to be in love again with a decent person. My marriage was horrible, but it's far behind me now. Maybe I could move on It makes me snicker; if it was difficult to date when I was younger, it would be almost impossible now. I'd like to do something creative. Write an outstanding poem, or write lyrics for a song by someone famous. Or write a novel that actually sells a few copies instead of just sitting in my lap top. There's a few more I hesitate to put in print, even for a limited readership. Needless to say, with money, the list would grow even longer. I have an even longer list of regrets, but they can't be undone. I'm going to stop thinking about my bucket list, and just live day by day. |
| The doctor sat down very calmly. I had been called in, I thought, for a follow-up after a procedure. She was warm and pleasant as always, but cut to the chase. :The news is not good. You have cancer." My heart sank. I had known it was a remote possibility, therefore the procedure. I just assumed it would be okay. These have to be the nastiest words a doctor can say to you. Since then, I have been to a cancer specialist in this field. I've been told that if you have to have cancer, I have the most curable, most treatable kind. But they also tell you all the possible things that can wrong during the next procedure. In the week in between seeing doctors, my mind somehow got stuck on all the worst case scenarios. I don't want to be a Pollyanna, then be shocked later on, or be an ostrich with my head in the sand. It would be possible to focus only on the positive things, like major surgery is safer than driving anywhere. I finally just decided whatever happens, happens. I'm not going to lie awake at night worrying about accidents with lymph nodes, or puncturing other organs. Why waste the time I have worrying about possibilities? The surgeon is going to remove a lot of body parts, using robotics and laparoscopic incisions. When I mentioned four little incisions at church that won't even be stitched up afterwards, someone used the term non-invasive. I've been telling myself that this teacher just doesn't know what non-invasive means, but it has stuck in my head, gnawing at me. It is a very invasive surgery. A colonoscopy is invasive (not what I'm doing), but there are no incisions. I guess it uses robotics, since the doctor uses a camera and tools to evaluate and repair nine feet of coiled up colon. For my surgery, the small incisions will allow the insertion of tools and a camera to go in and cut loose two lymph nodes and organs I've been very fond of. Excuse me for being blunt, they will be removed trans-vaginally. In my layperson's mind, That is extremely invasive! Medically, it's consider M.I.S. (minimally invasive surgery).Using robotics, they will give me internal stitches which can be undone accidentally by me. I won't be able to lift, push, etc., just like any external wound. Even normal body functions can cause a return trip to the OR. I plan to be extremely lazy and gentle while I'm healing. I can walk around, even climb stairs slowly. No driving, sweeping, lifting laundry. I have to take digestive aids to make sure there's no pressure on my mid-section. I will have to wait about ten days before the lab knows what stage of cancer it is, or whether the doctor thinks she got all of it. Tomorrow I'm changing the sheets on all the beds, vacuuming, and running a few errands. It might be three or four weeks before I do it again. I'm stocked up on soup, tuna, and canned chicken. I have promises from my nieces to take my aging father shopping once a week, just so he gets out of the house and can buy his snack foods. I'll be able to drive two weeks after, but won't be able to carry the packages to or from the car. If I can't find a ride to the doctor during that two weeks, I'll call a cab. I'm going to work on a positive attitude, and not focus on the negative aspects. I am a strong person, but I'm on an emotional roller coaster right now. I'm soaking up all the prayers and concern from others like a sponge. It keeps me going. |
| I can't control the world or even my community. I can only control what I do. I have been concerned for the last 50 years about the environment; it's not new. We once complained about aerosol cans that invaded the ozone layer. Now those cans have been replaced. Industry has been forced to take strategies to eliminate wastes according to law, preventing the pollution of water, including ground run-off. The Chesapeake Bay has been cleaned up after severe damage to the harvests of fish and shellfish. Waters far inland affected that. Many of these things were corrected by legislation and expense by businesses. Some were brought about by broad consumer complaining or banning the use of offending products. We now have "friendlier" insecticides, including mosquito repellent for our skin. Most people are far more conscious of not wasting water than their parents or grandparents. For instance, we don't leave the water running while brushing our teeth. We don't allow toilets to leak or run constantly. We catch the rainwater for use on gardens and flower beds, and not just in desert areas. We still use baking soda and vinegar for many household cleaning jobs. I remember the old rule of the 60's was to put a box of baking soda in the drain every month to negate household detergents and shampoos. We put our coffee grounds in the planters to decompose into the soil. We no longer throw expired or unused medicine into the toilet or the regular trash, but hold it for yearly collections in the community for improved disposal. Now I have read that landfills do not want your food waste. I thought the decomposing matter would be welcome, but it is not, which is why they want brush and leaves separate. So I have started my own compost. Everyday I put kitchen trash in a pie pan. No fats or animal matter or dairy products. I only recycle egg shells, which I break up even more, coffee grounds, tea bags with tags, onion skins, fruit peelings (I cut banana peels with kitchen shears since they take forever to break down), and wilted lettuce or other things from my refrigerator that have gone bad. We use a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables, as opposed to processed. Daily I take the pan to my back porch, remove the lid from a recycled plastic laundry detergent tub, and dump it in. I clamp the lid tight to avoid rain and flies. When the bucket is almost full, I take it to my compost pile. Right now I could take it to my dried up vegetable patch, which is free of weeds and plants. I'd have to dig it into the soil. The pile is at the back fence on the lower side, not too close to living areas of neighbors. We dump leaves, cut grass, and small branches there. We keep the pitch fork there and turn it several times a year. It smells horrible when I uncap it, but after a few days in the sun or rain, the odor goes away. I'm afraid it will splash on me, so I am careful. I wear old shoes and lots of mosquito repellent, since that is one of our bad areas. So I am keeping biodegradable trash out of the landfill, and speeding up the breakdown of my compost. Next year or the one after, I'll have some organic compost to mix in with soil for planting. (You have to turn it over and get the rotted stuff from the bottom, not the fresh upper layers.) This small gesture doesn't make up for other countries, or big business. It doesn't help people in apartments or dorms. But if all rural and suburban home dwellers would do this, we'd make a small impact. |
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