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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| I am surrounded by sugar. In particular chocolate chip cookies, ice cream with banana and chips. I also got a couple of dum dum lollipops. They fill me with a desire to eat, after all, isn't everything good for me. I can not lose weight and the emptiness multiplies with Yanks destroying Baltimore, while the red Sox look hopeless against the Toronto pitcher. It will be a long season if I expect good, not mediority from Boston and less than total and absolute dominance from Yankees who are playing back ups. I need to find another way to fill myself or eternally be hungry for things that make me fat and lazy. |
| I am trying to make sense of life and that means I need to enter the battle with my mind intact. My attitude and belief will get me past the traumas and nightmares of the past that move to imprison me for life I am a victim only as long as I choose to be. I eat and eat when I feel bad and nothing tastes good. It is the emptiness that gnaws. The scripture is in first or second Timothy 1:7. For God has not given us a spirit of timidity or cowardice of cringing fawning fear. But he has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and we'll balanced mind and discipline and self control. I can win the battle with God's Word committing to write on verse at least and commentary on blog. I hope to do this daily, especially when I feel the need to eat sugar, which tends to feed my need to punish myself with a reward that leads me to self loathing. This will take time. I am at 210 as if the writing of this blog. At the end of the month I hope to celebrate a sound mind by holding myself accountable to what I eat. May the word of God be my primary diet in order that the love of God casts out fear. Help me God. With that in mind I seek to name one way I know love infilling. Today it was in being with Sharon with my arm around her. I love the one God loves even if I do not understand. That is a sound mind. God loves me in that same way even as I seek out loves that ❤️ bind me rather than lift me up in praise to the only one setting me free. I will besides the ongoing blog, do at least one review and write something to praise God about as regularly as I am able. I will start with a goal of one more than I did yesterday and see where it goes from there at months end. God give me strength and a passion to be of sound mind, not crazy ir stupid as the voices of my past claim. I belong to the healing and hearing of God's voice without expectations I will get my own way, not needing to suffer. |
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