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Thursday, May. 2, 2024

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey GoT Survivor!

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

January 27, 2020 at 12:06am

#974283

Addiction & Advice

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Discuss a time in your life when someone has tried to "fix" or "solve" a problem for you - but you didn't see it as a problem in the first place.

How do you generally handle unsolicited opinions/advice?

Look, ma, two in a row!

It took me a pretty long time to realize I had mental health and addiction issues. When this stuff initially took off, I was basically a kid/young teen and definitely had that, “oh my gaaaahd, just leave me alone” thing going on.

When it came to drugs, my excuse was either:
1) I’m just having fun with my friends; this is completely normal.
2) Everything around me is shitty and I need to escape.

The former was obviously denial and the latter was just a rationalization.

Following this, there was a period of time where I knew I had these issues, but simply did not care, so they became a non-issue. How is a problem a problem when you’re completely apathetic to it? During this time, I was highly defensive of myself when anyone tried to help. “How are you going to judge my shitty coping mechanisms? You think you could do better under my circumstances?”

(Fun fact: This was around the time I signed up for WDC!

)

I had much unsolicited advice throughout the years and, honestly, I could’ve done without some of it. For example, it was painful for me when people tried to turn me on to a religion I’d been abused in and very intentionally left. They didn’t know, of course, but it always felt like a slap in the face to me when someone told me to “pray it away.”

And then there were the weird, unfounded bits of advice:
Someone: Just go be with nature. Lay in a stream and sleep under the stars and it will completely transform your perspective.
Me: What about withdrawal?
Someone: When you’re one with nature, you’ll be cleansed.

Body, mind, and soul.

Me: Yeah... I think I might just go get high instead...

Here’s the bottom line, plain and simple: I had to want something in my life more than I wanted to do drugs.

Regardless of all the prodding, pleading, begging, praying, anger, sadness, and advice- I was never going to move a centimeter in the right direction until I saw a path for myself that I wanted more than I wanted to lay around with my best friend and do drugs.

And it was hard as fuck.

There is no advice you can give. Because at the end of the day, getting clean is a series of, “You wanna lay around and get high or do you wanna do this other thing?” That’s all it is.

And I was terrible at it. Even after the initial kick, I still repeatedly sank back into it. I made that choice: you wanna go to school or you wanna get high? you wanna see this person who actually gives a fuck about your well-being or you wanna get high?

This wasn’t a new revelation for me. It’s not like people didn’t tell me in the past to make better choices or that my actions and behaviors were my responsibility. It’s not like change happened overnight. I didn’t just snap my fingers and say, “Oh, wow, I’m done!”

It was a process and it’s still a process. I just liberally took benzodiazepines every day for 5 months straight and had to kick them in December. This is something that’s always going to be an issue for me because of the pervasive combination of mental health issues and addiction issues. I replaced some old bad habits with new bad habits. I never dropped some of the bad habits at all. It’s a work-in-progress, but unsolicited advice I’ve gotten has probably had zero impact on my decisions.

I had to own my behaviors and I luckily had someone around who was very patient about letting me make my mistakes before slapping my hand and setting me upright. Then letting me make my own choices and letting me backslide before slapping my hand and setting me upright again. Ad nauseum.

What I needed more than advice or someone else to solve my problems was someone to hold me accountable in a loving way. “Okay, yes, you messed up. I’m not mad/disappointed. This is a part of your recovery. I still love you. The ball is in your court now. What’s your next move?”

Over time, it took everyone else out of the equation. I could no longer excuse my actions with bitterness. “I might as well just do it because everyone’s already mad at me anyway!” No one was angry. No one was telling me to stop. No one was giving me any pushback. At the end of the day, it was just me sitting on a living room floor making my own shitty decisions.

I needed to see that in order to change. I needed my detractors to be taken out of the equation because resistance from others had become my excuse to keep doing it.

I guess I don’t know what I’m trying to say here. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give advice or try to help with people like me. It’s just that at some point, you have to hand the reins over to people like me and say, “Ok, you’re steering now. Where are you going?”

In terms of answering the prompt, there’s nothing people have tried to ‘fix’ me from more than my addictions. I’ve always, always appreciated anyone who has reached out to me over the years, even just to catch up or check in. I don’t taken even the most unsolicited of advice for granted because I know that 99% of the time it’s coming from a place of love and caring.

I have an uphill battle and I’m always going to. I’m not fixed- never gonna be. But I’m more cognizant now of who’s in control and that’s something I gained through the realization that all of these issues may not be my fault, but they are my responsibility.

10 Like • Comment • View 11 comments

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