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Sunday, May. 19, 2024

3:23am EDT

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

November 3, 2019 at 12:08am

#968858

Graduation Meltdown

Artist: Pinegrove
Song: New Friends
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

Prompt via "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" : Write about a time when you waited a long time for something. Did you end up getting what you wanted? Was it worth it?

I'm feeling really out of it and blah tonight. Lucky break on a short post for anyone reading?

I waited a long time to further my education. I left school sophomore year of high school so I was turning 16 then, and I didn't go back to school until I was 23. I know some people wait longer than that, but I feel like that 7-year gap was a significant amount of time for me.

When I did go back to school, I hadn't taken a lot of the math classes and stuff in high school that were necessary for university (especially with a math-related major). I spent a semester just doing very basic pre-university level math classes to get myself caught up. I had to learn how to study for the first time because I was so out of the concept of school by the time I was 12 or 13 that I never actually learned to properly sit down and study. I still don't think I have the best study techniques even after 4 years of university.

I don't even know what I want out of university. I guess the main thing is just... stability? Some kind of security with a degree that will be in demand usually. It seemed like the only way to gain some kind of control over my life.

Now that I'm graduating, fuck, next month... I'm terrified.

I'm so scared that I'm not going to be able to maintain a full-time job that requires me in the office every single day. I'm scared that I've gone into debt for something that I'm not even going to be able to do. I'm scared that I'm not smart enough, that I'm never going to be smart enough,
in this field to actually be successful.

I have so much self-doubt. So many fears.

This is supposed to be a happy time. But all I feel is this horrible nervous energy all the time. I feel sick every day. And of course that feeds into my fears of not being able to maintain a daily job. "There's no way I could go to a job for 8 hours feeling this sick..."

When someone talks to me about graduating, I just want to cry. Not because I'm going to miss university (definitely not that), but because I've worked so hard for this and built up the moment so much, anxiety is just eating away at me now that it's this close.

So, I don't know yet if it will be worth it.

I keep trying to remind myself of the reasons I went to school in the first place. I wanted stability, security, benefits... Just normal things, like, calmness. I don't know. I feel the exact opposite of calm. I feel like I might have made a mistake. Maybe this wasn't for me.

But, on the other hand, I had literally no skills or prospects before this. I was always either working in sales or retail, which are fine, but aren't as stable and definitely don't fit my personality. But then again, does anything actually fit my personality?

I don't even know if this is normal. All of my friends who have graduated or are graduating haven't seemed to have this struggle at all. They're just super excited to be done studying for exams and to move on with the next phase. Even my school friends who confide in me about various personal issues seem to be transitioning just fine.

I'm struggling, of course, because that's what I do.

I hope it's worth it in the end.

I keep going over it over and over
My steps iterate my shame
How come every outcome's such a comedown?

6 Like • Comment • View 16 comments

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