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Monday, Apr. 29, 2024

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Are You Listening???

by Charlie ~

Rated: GC · Book · Emotional · #2181458

A journey of self-improvement - or not.

Sup? I'm Char.
You may know me from timeless classics such as

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#2030442 by Not Available.

and

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I blog for things like

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FORUM

30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS

(13+)
WDC's Longest Running Blog Competition - Hiatus
#1786069 by Fivesixer

FORUM

JAFBG

(XGC)
Because real life isn't always roses and sunshine...
#2094931 by Elisa the Bunny Stik

[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]
Believin' all the lies that they're tellin' ya
Buyin' all the products that they're sellin' ya
They say jump and ya say "how high?"
Ya braindead, ya got a fuckin' bullet in ya head

Show Recent Comments

10 Most Recent Blog Comments:

intuey of House Lannister

Jul 22, 2023 at 8:05am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Hey Char, It's been a while since I've touched base with you. I'm so sorry for your loss. The last thing people should say is everyone loses their grandparents eventually, or it will get better with time. It's the last thing you want to hear when you're hurting. Death sucks, long-lasting illness sucks! Having to decide to let the person go to keep them from suffering REALLY SUCKS! I think the only ones who can understand truly just how much are those who have had to make that decision. My heart breaks for you.

I'm not religious, but I do have a strong faith in God. I call myself spiritual because I don't agree with all the rules and regulations of religion. I do know I will see my family and friends again, and this is a great comfort. I can only imagine how much more painful the death of loved ones is without this belief. But you're right, it can't be faked. But it is a beautiful thing.

Having mental health issues during times like this makes it even harder to go through. I know what you mean about seeing things that aren't there. I'd walk into a room, and say, "Where's Star?" and she would be sitting right in front of me. When I looked, I swear I saw an empty chair. The mind is crazy. It gives new meaning to a mind of its own

Some time has passed since you wrote this. I don't know when you'll see this but know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I'm sending good energy your way. I hope you're doing better. I look forward to hearing from you.

Aiva Raine

Mar 28, 2023 at 9:40pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'm sorry for your loss. I know they are shitty sounding words that don't even attempt to fill or fix, but they're meant in sincerity.

Having lost several people the best advice I was ever given was when life gets too hard- take it at your own pace. If a day is too much- cope with an hour at a time. If that's too much, take it ten minutes at a time. If that's too much- then you deal with one minute at a time. Work through life and grief at your pace. And don't ever feel guilty because you feel sad. And if you can- find one positive in each chunk of time- even if it's something as little as the beauty of sunlight on a leaf or the softness of your shirt. And ask for help if you need it.

Elle - on hiatus

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:29pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Aw, Charlie, I'm so sorry. It's a shit thing to go through whether it's sudden or not. And just because everyone goes through it, doesn't make it easier. It also doesn't take into account that you were closer to them than your parents. Nobody says 'Oh, everyone loses their parents eventually' do they? Surely not. And that's what's happened here really. I'm actually glad you've got an appointment with a professional tomorrow, because they might be able to help you with getting through that initial devastation.

When my dad lost his mother, he really struggled with his own lack of religion. As you say, there is some comfort in believing they've gone to a better place, been reunited with loved ones, that you'll see them again, and so on. For most of my life, Dad would say 'Religion is a crutch for the weak', but I definitely saw him struggle with the finality of it when he lost his mother, the person he was probably closest to.

My thoughts are with you.

1 Like

~Minja~

Mar 7, 2023 at 3:21pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Crazy stuff, grief. If you want to talk about it, message me always.

1 Like

QPdoll

Mar 7, 2023 at 6:21am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I understand what you mean about wanting to tell your grandmother something. I did the same thing after my grandmother passed. I was at home and the first thing I thought was to call grandma. I picked up the phone and realized that she wouldn't answer. It's so tough losing your grandparents, especially as close as you were. I don't have any magic words, but take care of yourself. It's what they would want.

1 Like

Robert Waltz

Mar 6, 2023 at 10:31pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

Take care of yourself during this difficult time.

1 Like

Anni Pon

Mar 6, 2023 at 9:06pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I know it doesn't help any, but I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine much worse than losing a parent or parental figure. They represent stability and safety, you grew up with them, and you've relied on them for most, if not all, of your life. You're right, the initial devastation will fade and things won't feel so fresh. But, as you know, grief never really goes away. It just becomes a permanent part of you.

It's horrible that you only got a couple days worth of bereavement! That's not even long enough for the shock to wear off enough to START grieving. I hope you have the support of someone else in your life to help you through this dark time. Take it easy on yourself in the mean time, that's all you really can do. Taking care of your physical self, eating and sleeping, is critical. Sleep deprivation and hunger will make things feel a million times worse than they actually are (which, for the record, is already pretty bad).

1 Like

Harlow Flick, Right Fielder

Mar 6, 2023 at 8:56pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

This is such a very human thing, isn't it.

“I think there is nearly an overwhelming sadness to the human predicament.” - Skinny Boy Hill

BOOM! This ain’t no whipped cream pie I’m tossing.

1 Like

Cinn

Feb 20, 2023 at 9:34pm
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I actually pretty much love this one. Nice, man...

Cinn

Feb 19, 2023 at 11:07am
In response to "Invalid Entry"

I'd say that more freedom for participants would attract more people. One obvious example that I've never understood is fiction vs poetry. If it's an activity, not a contest, why not allow people to explore whatever the theme of your activity is with whatever type of writing that want to do?

I've actually written for countless contests/activities over the years but never entered... because they inspired me, but I don't fit within the guidelines. Max rating too low, items required (book entries only over here), no poetry accepted, etc.

I know well why people restrict writers' freedom, but they're also restricting the number of participants they'll get. I still just take the inspiration where I can get it.

May 9, 2020 at 12:04am

#983118

How do you want to misremember?

Artist: Joy Division
Song: Disorder
[Embed For Use By Upgraded+]

"30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" Prompt: Choose an event in your life that someone else remembers differently. Describe both memories and debate the differences. Who do you think is right? Why do you think you remember it differently?

So, here's something that happened.

Once upon a time several years ago, my older brother met his now wife. After they were dating a while, he came to me and said, "I really like this girl. I want to introduce her to the family, but I do not, under any circumstance, want her to know anything negative about our childhood. I've made peace with things. I want her to like our parents and be comfortable having her children around them if we end up having children. So, please, please, if you love me at all, don't mention anything bad that happened."

Well, what can you say?

I told him I think this is a very bad idea. I think it's normal to have some negativity in your childhood, and if it ever comes out, she's going to feel like you took away her right to form realistic opinions and then make rational choices based on those opinions.

But still, he said that if he was ever ready to talk about anything related to that, he would share it with her at his own pace. Of course, I agreed to this thinking that it's not my place to tell someone else's story. And also thinking that he would at some point become more comfortable with the relationship.

Well, let me tell you, it has been years now. Married, kids, everything. Not a single negative word about our parents. It's an admirable effort, but it creates some issues.

For example, it's actually very difficult to NEVER mention anything that could be deemed negative. It's not like I met her and said, "Hi, I'm Charlie, so I'll start with some of the lighter trauma as an appetizer before we really dig deep." Of course not. I have also made a valiant effort. But here's an example of how difficult this can be.

Last year we had dinner at my brother's house. I was thanking my sister-in-law for making all the vegetables as we were sitting down to eat because I really love them. She then told me about how her parents made her and her siblings choose 3 vegetables that they'd be willing to eat as a kid and then they'd have one of those vegetables with dinner each night. She hated cauliflower, but loved carrots, so that was often her vegetable with dinner.

She then asked me if my parents were strict about having us eat vegetables, and the truth just poured out naturally. I told here that yeah, my parents were strict with pretty much any food they served. You just took what you got or you'd be staring at it until bedtime.

I didn't mean for this to sound abusive or traumatic in any way. It isn't a gripe I have with my parents. But she said, "Aw, Charlie, you had to eat it even if you didn't like it?"

My brother was sitting across from me at the table, and this was his exact face:

ಠ_ಠ

He quickly said, "No, if you really didn't want it, they would make us something else."

Now, this could not be further from the truth. But I looked at him and he was looking at me like:

ಠ_ಠ

So then I said, "Of course, if you really didn't want it you could just have something else."

The point of my story is that sometimes people believe alternative versions of memories. Whether it's to protect themselves or to protect others, for better or for worse. There have been a few small instances over the years, but what really got me was when my brother and I were alone and he pulled a similar stunt. He kept correcting me on a memory I had to the extent that I went and asked other family members if I was misremembering.

I think he has pushed this shit so far down inside for years that even he is starting to believe his alternative history. I think he started doing it so his girlfriend wouldn't hate his parents when she met them. But I think it has morphed. I think the alternative version is better. It feels better to "remember" it. He so badly wants to move on that he pretends there's nothing to move on from.

That's where memories are finicky. Who's technically right? Probably the person who is remembering accurately. But people do what they need to do to move on in their own way, and it's difficult to call that wrong.

Who is right, who can tell,
And who gives a damn right now

2 Like • Comment • View 11 comments

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