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 |  Blog and other works of literary sense |
| Here is a collection of ruminations and whatnot. |
| Today I got a few dishes and pots and pans washed. I also got caught up with my LuLaRoe mailing list. I've got some packages to mail to my giveaways but it will depend on money as usual. I haven't a lot of money to spend on this. The book I'm giving away is the LO one, but that book seems have got a lot more pages (due to my zealousness in giving it large margins) so I have to allow for the extra weight and that means more money even though it's 'media mail' but it's the cheapest way to send books, unless it's 'library mail' but I'm not sending to libraries anyway. I am grateful to God my God for having another "day in Paradise" haha. I am seeing this weather tweet that the northern part of our state is receiving snow and that it might reach to our part (northwestern Indiana) later on today. So I'm not sure it is a good or safe thing to venture out today - and if you do, think of staying overnight somehow, haha. I'm sure those chaps out there are looking at their 'little black books' to see what girl they want to spend the night with, haha. Like that song "Baby It's Cold Outside." I've listened to this song time and again and the more I listen to it the more I'm scandalized. I have got this question - where would I like to be stranded in a cold and snowy evening? Not in this town but well... I can't think of a place. I'm so very sheltered I haven't any place to think of. I don't wish to travel either. The Dolomites come to mind, mostly because it's a scene from my -er - book on scenarios, let's just say. Hahaha. Having had breakfast I'm now going off to do some yarnwork and see about finding stamps to mail these newsletters to poor unsuspecting people to sell them florid gowns and leggings. |
| It's 27 December. Three am. Coffee and sugar cookies. Pets running about. I was in my other room where there was a congregation pets. I was 'shopping my closet' for an outfit to wear. Suddenly, all my pets (but for Dukie) were there finding a corner to sit in. Then I turned to see Katya looking from out the drapes and I laughed. She looked so cute and yet rather startled that her room (yes her room) has been invaded by Us, her Family. So I went off and told all to come along. I put on a dress, as I've not a lot that's clean. I hope everyone is good today! Mary |
| My Christmas and day after Christmas went as well as one can hope. I had no unwrapping of presents but I did have deliveries of these: a new Singer sewing machine, some stuff from Von Maur (some for my SO, Colin) and a couple of deliveries for the pets. I was also surprised that a big delivery of books arrived sometime in the last week. I will be working on getting these books given away. |
| It's Christmas evening. The tv is on, blaring about Charles Krauthammer, lol. They always put on something about him at Christmas, as if to negate the idea of Jesus living in this world of ours two thousand years ago. Charles Krauthammer is quoted here as saying on Christmas he shuts himself with his kid or family (I dont remember which one) and eat Chinese and watch horror movies. All Christmas day and night. So I wondered then whether this guy has a problem with Jesus. He is Jewish. But it seems rather a weird tradition to get into a small room watching horror movies and eating Chinese all through Christmas and into the next day? I wonder why this guy is so well loved by FOX NEWS that he is here as a tradition to watch when Christians celebrate Jesus' birth? And, why should anyone really care for Charles Krauthammer anymore. I think he's done and deserves to get some rest. Haha. It's coincidental that I am hearing FOX on this guy again. I would rather watch It's a Wonderful Life or that musical The Sound of Music on Christmas day or evening. Or some other Christmas movie but I am an old-fashioned girl. Must fly, Mary |
| My Christmas has been good enough so far. I awoke around 11:30 pm last night after a longish nap, then went off to bed when I heard some noises outside my window in the kitchen. I slept soundly and got up about 4 or so am. Then had a few browses on the internet. I made tea for me and my Guardian Angel, then cooked some sausage and then it wasn't good as it took a whlie to get browned. So I went and found a hard boiled egg near my computer so I ate that while I was vlogging on YouTube. It was fun and then I decided to colour my hair and now it's slightly more edgy and not conventional. I do not like being my age in that on paper it automatically puts me in an age bracket that tells people I'm out of it, out of the running, over the hill, everything that makes older people look unpalatable to those who might be interested in hiring or meeting or collaborating. An aging person doesn't feel good and the people who are hiring and wanting to collaborate get this feelilng that the applicant over 60 is boring and has nothign to speak for themselves. Well, i'm still good and eager to work for whatever is creative in writing. I am energetic enough but I do suffer from the creative blues and I tend to want to rest more frequenly as a result. I am also told that I'm pregnant and this is a fantastic thing for me as I've always wanteed to have kids. But the people who know of it are cautious as I've lost babies before but I'm hoping this one makes it out alive, haha. My SO isn't sure he wants babies now at our age. So I'm not telling him exactly. I'm also cautious but I feel as though I can confide in this place and I won't make it free to see it. I have had to stop writing since ODLT was released on Amazon and other websites. I feel like this book has killed me and my SO and my happy creative self. I do not do much more than the minimum for each day. I do knitting (I'm on another project - a sweater for my puppy) and I might actually finish it. I received a nice sewing machine by Singer for Christmas. My dad has a new laptop. My pets have a decent kibble to eat. I'm still able to make meals as usual. I don't like to make anything much but I have decided to stop making breads. The batters never seem to do anything and I am not about to waste more flour. I am not sure about desserts or small things like scones or cookies. I have some leftover bags of chocolate chips and even some nuts but i think nuts have a shelf life. I think chocolates have no real shelf life. I don't have any really good sugar but if I had to make cookies I'll not make too many. Rolls of bread might be stil under the category of breads so I won't do any rolls. Not unless my SO wants any. I started something like Merrys Syrian bread but I've stopped. our oven has stopped working anyway. I havent money to repair it and my Dad won't spend on this sort of thing any way. he is not eager to do this spending unless it's a matter of keeping us alive body and soul, haha, and so it will be mostly spent on us going from day to day and also on my trips (with him of course) to see my therapist and srhink in Indianapolis. I see the therapist next Monday at 10:30 am. The travel to and from Indy is harrowing and I'm very afraid we'll meet with a fiery end on the highway. I am afraid of those awful semi trailer trucks and once I saw one edging us off the highway. He was awful and seeme ddelighted to have me take his photograph for my evidence of who it was who got into our path! I sent it to someone I thought was a friend but it turned out it was a stranger. I never got a reply anyway. I'm not working ona full time or part time job. the last job was a scam. I am sure people have known this after it was known that the man was trying to use me to launder his filthy money. Do NOT work or do business with Singular Logic as that is what they said they represented when they hired me. I still have their "Employment letter" and also any "google hangouts' he and I had are archived. I dont know if Google is good any more but that place should have a record of the hangouts I had with the man who hired me. I wont go into more about how I've had such a negative life and filled with sadness. I have accepted that as a part of living on this earth and I am given a lot of support from having read people's books who've been able to give some views on how best to live a life of suffering. People I've met seem not to want to be suffering or be sad and it's a difficult thing to talk to them about it. I've wondered how they are now and if they are really able to discuss with people how they feel they can't handle pain, or sorrow, or suffering without the help of psychotropic drugs or marijuana or other illegal drugs. It's sad but they ought to seek help. I cannot be with them any way and I know some of them are in a big hurt and are put into such a tightrope where they have this idea that seeking help even in silent prayer will make someone they love sad or die. Let me say this: If you but pray every day, for a second or less, to Jesus or God Almighty or St Michael the Archangel every day every day every day this seeming abyss that you tread over on some rope wlil become less in profundity and you will find someone to share your difficulties with. Finding someone is always good - someone who's rooted to a sense of God's miraculous help, His ability to see before you what might lie ahead and to be prepared to keep you from getting off on the wrong foot at least. God will see your life and what is impacting you and your wish to have some sort of happiness. I'm not sure what is on for dinner. We have some steaks, a crab sushi meal, a beef something that's to be heated in the microwave. I am sure that because I've already eaten a big meal (pork hocks and curry rice) that I won't be that hungry much later. We are grateful that we have some money left but this is going to be gone soon. I have some cash I received from Dad and it will buy a few things, including cigarettes, haha. I do have some liquor for the Staff. I haven't tried a recipe for a hot toddy. I might go somewhere tomorrow to find some of the ingredients. I already have whisky. I have a wish to make other cocktails just because. We have ouzo and no beer. I've finished or maybe the Staff have finished the last of the beers. We have some sherry which Dad is keeping cold in the fridge but I have to say he might have forgotten it already. We have some warm on the counter. I don't remember the brand of the sherry. I don't think being 'pregnant' will be affected by the alcohol. My Guardian Angel tells me so. I always believe things are going to be alright. I have felt that God was in charge whenever I was in some places that I've never been to before. for example, I went to Washington DC for a two day meeting to learn about regulatory. I checked into a small hotel and used the GPS to get to the office where the meeting was held (RAPS office - Regulatory Affairs Professional Society). I walked there early in the mornings and passed their Chinatown and then got to their nice crowded city and went to the meeting and then the next day we were dismissed early. I saw a coffee place on the corner aruond the RAPS offices and went there but it was also busy and yet I did sit for a while to drink a coffee. I went round a bit to see what was what. I was able to shop at JCrew, got a top there, then found a church that was locked (I was surprised), then I went back to the Chinatown area to buy a curry noodle dish whcih was a generous servig which I ate some in the evening and some for breakfast. Then I also got to sit in the hotel for some breakfast, and then I signed up for a taxi service to pick me up from the hotel to take me to the airport. It was a frazzling thing as I had to wait for the taxi and was dismayed that the taxi service had to pick up more passengers and my time for departure was drawing nigh! but I got to the airport and felt so relieved to get going. I sat by a young girl who was listening to her iPod (or whatever it was ) and then i prayed a rosary and then sat back to do nothing in particular. Then the girl and I talked and she said she hated traveling. Another time I had to attend a RAPS conference in maryland and that was alternately good and frustrating and even a bit saddening. The woman who was my superior (she got promoted soon after I was transferred over to that department) had to be my roomie and she was not a great friend - she always ran late and it was something I was impatient about. She also complained to me that I snored. Well, I sort of do snore but i felt a bit unhappy she complained. Then she and I would go to these dinners with all the other members of my employer (all the time) and in the evening so I and she had to WALK all over to the restaurants where the group wanted to eat at. The lognest walk was somewhere at the end of the water or bay area and it was in a rather nice restaurant but the neighborhood wasn't that comfortable for me. I preferred a taxi to get there but no we had to walk. Then one of those days was a weekend and my roommate had a meeting that day so I was at loose ends and I decided to attend Mass. I googled churches in the area and one was at the St Jude Shrine in the inner aprt of Baltimore. Well, I was not a happy camper to see that walking into the inner city was a very iffy thing to do. I met nobody really on the way there, very lonely city streets with a few questionable but perhaps self-absorbed people there. I hunkered down and was grateful that I wasn't that attractive nor was I any sort of pretty face to get them to follow me and perhaps attack me. I had a largish Dooney and Burke portofolio that had a long shoulder strap. I got to the Shrine early. I saw some Filipino women who were holding forth and knew a lot about the small souvenir shop in the basement. I bought a St Jude bracelet. Then i went up to attend the service but it wsas still early. I went to the Shrine where they had a statue of St Jude. It was also crowded with mahy pilgrims. Then I noticed a number of tourists who arrived. They were there for St Jude's Feast Day! It was so crowded that I was glald to have a front seat and prayed with the ladies the rosary before Mass. I left that church but someone before I did mentioned St Someone's house which was a tourist spot. I was feeling a bit adventurous so I went off with my GPS to find this house. It was also a place where tourists went and there wwere two ladies who greeted me. They told me there was a small auditorium where I could sit and watch a short video on this woman's life. Then after that they showed me this woman's house which dated back to I don't kjnow George Washington's day. I went to all the rooms, took pictures, saw how very frugal and sparsely decorated her house was, and then went out and toured the premises and too more pictures. i left and then decided to walk to the Basilica. At that point i went on this city street and I was surprised (almost out of my skin) by a man who asked me if I carried any cash. I felt my spine chill and it was so frightening to hear this man's voice behind me. I decided to look at him like he was a pest and told him I never carry cash. I suggested that the bus (because he said he needed cash for the bus) might have credit card slots to pay. Then I turned away and kept on walking this time faster because I was still afraid I was going to be murdered right there. I found the basilica and saw a gaggle of tourists from some other place - all Filipinos. They were posing for pictures outside the basilica. I got inside and saw the service had been ended and hardly anybody were sitting there. I took more pictures. Sat a bit and then left. by then I realized that my iPhone's battery was running low. I was filled with great alarm and I said to myself this battery needs to stay on until I get to my hotel!!! I followed the GPS again, trusting it too much. Then I felt the air change from hot to breezy. I realized I was near my hotel which was near the edge of the water. I was so happy that I walked and then i got to my hotel all the time feeling grateful. I got to the hotel, went straight to the restaurant and ordered a pizza. Iate most of it, put myfeet on the chair nearby and felt so fucking happy and quite tired. i went to my room and slept soundly. i was roundly scolded by my Guardian Angel about this trip to the inner city of Maryland. I had to defend myself and answered that it was a Sunday and I had to attend Church. I think he's still upset about this. It's been two or three years or maybe four years since this happened. I think that I won't travel on my own anymore. I hope that it will be something that someone needs to understand. I am so sad that I've alarmed some of my Family. Must go, Mary |
| The weelend went ok enough. I don't remember much of it. I think I was nervous about my new puppy and how he'd fare along if I left for a short while to get some errands so I took him along, so with his older brother Max. But it was ok. I did feel as though I were carrying a little baby, but he isn't a baby like a little human baby, but he does remind me he's a little baby pup and he's quite a good one, but he does tend to be too much for Max sometimes. I think he's more aggressive at that age than Max. I wonder whether Max is on some sort of sad meds still. They told me at the shelter he's on some or was on anti-depressants and it might be he's still getting some after effects or, he's just that way. Max has been through two households. He came from Texas the shelter said. I do'nt even know why Texan dogs get to my part of the USA? I am a bit puzzled. I think he could understand Spanish and a few times I've practiced my Spanish on him, haha. I can actually speak a straight sentence (with some uhs and ahs) but then it all seems to be understood by Max! When I have the leash with me, he likes to hide and run off (I mean, run off and hide under the couch) and I'm puzzled. He's not into walking and he doesn't wish to go with us to ride sometimes. This morning he surprised me. He saw me get the small puppy Whimsey along with me and Max was quite interested and then when I opened the front door, he was right there along with us. He wasn't leashed either. So I let him come out and he did and when I got to the car I saw him walk alongside it. So I opened the door (back door) and he (after hesitatin') got inside. Then I got me and the puppy in the front and we all waited a bit for the defroster to remove the frost. Then we went on and I got to do an errand. I took the puppy along to get stamps at the neighbor store. That store has a funny looking aquatic set of animals in a big tank of water next to the wall. They have Pacus or whatever they call it huge fish that are big around and quite black in colour. Then today I saw they had another fish that was more of a zebra color (black and white) and a bit more daunting in its quiet presence. Another place we went to at times was the pawn shop over in Lafayette and they have a the biggest turtle whatever thing it is there. It's quite a spectacle to behold. I asked about it but I forgot what they said. I have been there over the last two years occasionally to sell something or other to get cash to use for usual household expenses. My Dad has been telling me to sell the golf clubs but when I went to another place (another cash loan place) they would only take it for $10 or $15 dollars . So I said no, I might practice my swing on the range or whatever they call it and see how I do . I took lessons with some girls from work one time (a series of lessons) and it was a rather droll time for me. One of us was actually seducing the golf instructor and he gave her a huge number of minutes while we other girls stood by and watched this rather silly exchange of innocence and bad stupid innuendoes and I was not happy. Nobody else was. I think that instructor was so in love with this woman (she wasn't a nubile girl by any means) but it was something that hung in the air every time we went to go for lessons . I didn't learn much. My golf swing isn't good. I do like to swing and see if I can hit what they call a "sweet spot " and get that ball aloft a long way away. Oh well. Too bad it's winter here (or at least they say it is - it's balmy). Must go Mary PS Cooking lunch - you can see it on my blog on blogger. |
| I'm writing a few lists to send my business newsletters to. I went out with my Whimsy and got a coffee and then mailed a few stuffed envelopes as well. i also did another errand and had to wait till they got to open their doors. It's a sunny enough day and it seems that there's plenty of people out and about. I decided to go back to my shrink here in Lafayette IN. I went before to him and then I had a long lapse of absent appearances and the office got officious with me and told me I had to re-sign up as a new patient for the sum o $230. I was upset with this and said no I went to look for another MD in Indy because I thought that there would be a chance for me to go there and work there as well as live there. That's been cancelled. The house is no longer on sale. The realtor is understanding. I now have to go and give the MD Elkhalili his $230 for me to see him to get my Rx for my risperidone and clonazepam. I know that it is a sad thing to think of but really I don't mind giving them the money. It's my penalty for not going back there when I should have. I was told few times not to show up and I dont know whether that was by my Guardian Angel or the evil bastard. I am sad that I had to do this but I suffered so much for being without this medicine. I was so upset at how I was being taken down to a bad place in my mind. I was fit to cut my hair off, and one timo or two I was given the temptation to kill myself. Lately it's been like again. The journey through Indy at the weekend a few weeks ago was so frightening and exhausting. I think I might have endangered my unborn child and it was so sad. I wish someone in Heaven would listen to me. I am not happy here but I don't want to die as I'm still doing work, my physical self is good, my mind is sane. I have little pets to take care of, my dad is still with me he's going to be sad if he has to bury me. I do not know why people are saying I have hbp that is a lie. The woman (CNA) who takes my BP at the Adult and Child in Indy says I had a high reading this time and the time previously. They will be forcing me to go to a Doctor to prescribe me some medicine. I do not trust anyone here to be my MD. the last one retired and the woman who took her place is a Fiipina doctor who doesn't know a damn thing about palpation and she refused to do a rectal exam. This woman is probably a fraud. This post will be hidden from view but I know that there are people who can get into it and so please if anyone is out there who can help me. Colin knows about this but he's got his own plans for me to get to be with him. I hope he knows that I REFUSE TO DIE to get to heaven in England. These bastards are hoping to kill me off for real sometime in the next week by Christmas surely. They are haters of people like me who love JEsus and St Michael The Archangel. I'm very sad to think of these things. My little wee puppy is so cute and loveable. I want us all to go to Heaven at the same time. Max is sad because a woman named Monica Bravo is dictating him to act. She made him sit on my foot while I was in the drive through at the Arby's by the Mall the other day. He was refusing to move and I had to park the car. I could have got us into ana accident. Little Whimsey was with us. Slumbering on. I am told by Colin to return this dog back to the pound. But I'm not happy about this. The shelter hates me. I went there to adopt a dog but they couldn't let me have the one I picked out because he was a 'lost' dog and they don't allow anybody to take these dogs lest their owners come to get them somehow. This little dog is a furry grey dog and he was shivering in his little kennel with two other small dogs. I asked the girl about how long it will take to finally adopt these dogs who are lost but the girl wasn't cooperative. She's now in a heap of trouble. In fact none of the people there are really kind to me and I don't know why that is. has anyone heaerd if they had been telling the Almost Home Shelter that I was a bad pet mom? |
| It's almost 4 am. I've been up since about 3 or earlier. Yesterday my new puppy Whimsy arrived. He's a JRT. He's quite a little cutie. Very cuddly. He fits about the size of my forearm and hand. He's a wee baby size. I had a few onesies that i intended to buy for my Seraphina and took out one but Whimsy's too small for it stlil. I found another t shirt in a green shade and it was almost a good fit but he was still too small. Now he's on my lap and has been with me most of the day in some way - and he's quite an active boy. One time he fell off the side of my bed and I had to fish him out using his shirt. sad I was about that. he survived but the shirt was dusty. I think he's peed on me at least twice. The second time now. My dress is a bit damp, lol. Oh well. I don't mind. When I adopted Dukie it was a three hour drive back home and he stayed with me, cuddled by me, and my white top had gotten his pee on it. I didn't mind. I've been knitting a nice towel but it's hard with one hand with the puppy. I tried to knit with him on my lap but that didn't last, haha. Now, he's on my knee as I type. He's really very quiet but with Max, his older brother (who's also a JRT/Chi mix) it's fun to watch them. Whimsy's all eager to play and Max looks like he's embarassed. He doesn't like Whimsy much yet and I've seen Max a bit too much but I call him out and he does behave. It could be rough housing between siblings of the same breed. I might take a video of them but I'd like to keep it in my memory banks for now. I don't think my blog allows pictures attached which is sad. I might try to put it on another piece of something - an avatar or whatever they call it. Those who are helping support my LuLaRoe page I wish to thank You all. Some people have remarked or commented that this organization is not good, but if you read their mission statement, it's a good one, Hope you all have a good morning into night! Mary |
| Good evening, I'm here trying not to feel too cold. Somehow the snow outside has seeped in its coldness into the kitchen and the rest of the house. I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that I signed us up for cable and now my family has TV to watch, if they care to, and several hundred odd channels including sports and stuff. Then, I had a good fair weather day. The bad news is that I have no full time job that I talked about two weeks ago. That job is not real and the people who worked to give me a 'task' to do are scammers and want to launder money. I was warned by a few of my friends, some of them seen this coming when I told them about it and they kept it to themselves until today when I had been instructed to do something that seemed fishy. I must warn people that if you are asked by a stranger to send you own money to someone they know somewhere in the world, that is against the law. I saw this when I was sending money to my nephew for his tuition fee every three months until he graduated. In the Moneygram and Western Union forms they ask you one of several questions - one of which sounded like what I was told to do today: you have to say almost under oath that the person you're sending money to is someone you know personally. If you are asked to this go to talk to someone who is a cop or some other authority. Don't just blindly do it or else you'll end up facing charges of money laundering and that person who asked you is now in possession of the money you sent to his 'friend'. So I'm depressed that I have no job again. I have signed on with Lularoe and yet I feel somehow discouraged. I don't why but this day has become so unhappy that I slept a lot to keep away the sad feelings. I hope that tomorrow will be another day to do good things. I hope you have a good evening, |
| Today is my day that will be a long one. It should be fine. I have been getting somehow unhappy here but it's nothing really compared to the sadness I felt last night. I think it has to be something like this for me until the end of my life, I think. I hope God will stay with Me always. I love my God and want Him to think well of Me. I wish Him a happy Day. I love You Colin Firth. I hope that you'll be happy and there will be a good chance we'll meet when I move out of this country and join my new team whereer that might be. Love, Mary |
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