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 |  This is my blog & my hope, writing daily will help me see my progress and log supporters. |
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| My Plan... Stop using Seek professional help Swallow my pride Lean on those who are kind enough to be there for me in moments of weakness Avoid or boycott people who use Delay when the urge to use comes (five minutes can mean all the difference) Exercise every day (rain, hail or shine) Stop substituting reasons for excuses Live one day at a time Eventually, start making longer-term plans Smile, laugh and appreciate Expand my horizons, learn new skills Every dollar I would have spent on meth, now goes into my 401 (superannuation) Once we have a new normal, travel and see more of the world Find people who care...and care about them Avoid people who only care about themselves, they are not worthy of my time Believe in me Make integrity my mantra Trust in those who trust me Never trust those who ask for trust (trust is a gift, not a request) Become who I always dreamed I could be Trust my instincts Love like I want to be loved Give...because giving is the greatest gift we can enjoy Never forget...it's not about where I have been, it's all about where I am going Love life again because I am worthy of being happy Understand that the only path to happiness is through truth Be humble and say thank you often Fear nothing but letting myself down Get my children back in my life |
| There is 'a thing' that I find very hard to do when I am trying to stop...get rid of pipes, scales, and paraphernalia because they are worth money. My drug-addicted brain trying to convince me that, "Hey, don't throw those away, what about when you come back? Then you have to go out and buy all this shit again." So then a compromise comes...don't throw it away, sell it to some 'friend' who still uses for a few dollars...trouble with this take is, I don't want anything to do with anyone who still uses because they are my Kryptonite and really, with friends like these, who needs enemies and so today, I came up with a plan. It's going to hurt like a MF...it might even keep me awake at night thinking..."Should I? Shouldn't I? But, I should neither should nor should not...I NEED THIS. I wish I could post video so we could make this a community event...The Sacrificial Breaking of my Stuff. I guess you will have to use the pictures I draw in your minds instead...First, imagine me with a stupid big grin on my face as I look into the camera, introduce my former self, the addict I was...let's call him Needy Neil. Cue music...some sad Neil Young song...let's do...Hey Hey...My My...The camera sees what I see as I open the second from the top drawer where I keep my shorts and drug utensils. I have a plastic bag (one that breaks down quickly so as no turtles are killed because of my want to live ( that's not a joke either) and watch (and listen) as I sigh heavily while placing the said paraphernalia into said environmentally friendly bag...two brand new and one slightly used (now that is a joke) Sweet Puff Holland Glass pipes (valued at around twenty years off my life expectancy), a set of digital scales (valued at around a 100K if counting the amount of money I have paid for the drugs it's weighed) some clip lock baggies worth nothing but misery but still cannot be disposed of with the glass which must go into the recycle bin. There must be smashing for dramatics...so into the good plastic bag will go the three pipes, introduce a claw hammer and hear my life being extended as the hammers blows reign down...come with me as I walk out to the trash bins...say Hi to my mom on the way..".Hi mom...I'm on a mission to save a life...can't talk right now." Then, as the broken pieces of my former life are placed into their appropriate bins...cue 'Taps' as we say goodbye to Needy Neil...followed by DeLight's 'Groove is in the Heart' to celebrate Non-narcotic Neil. I joke now, but tomorrow when I do it, it won't be so funny. |
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