Glancing at your calendar, you saw written in bold, “HELP MOM WITH HER WARDROBE” in all capital letters. You let out an exasperated groan as you read the words, wishing that you had never agreed to this favor in the first place. Nine times out of ten, you wouldn’t have. But you knew despite how big of an airheaded menace your mom could be, she did love you after all. And you felt guilty about spending so little time with her over the past few years as you finished up your college degree. Sighing once more, you knew that backing out would only lead to feelings of guilt on your part. So you sat down on your bed and waited, knowing that she would arrive quickly to get this grueling day started.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
Two powerful slams into your front door shook your entire room, as well as the other tiny apartments stacked on top of yours. A few items fell off of shelves, and your furniture slid about a foot backwards from the vibration. You thought to yourself that you should tell her to be more gentle when she knocks on your door in the future. Or better yet, actually take the time to bend over and knock with her finger like a polite person. But you knew that request would just go in one ear and out the other thanks to her carefree attitude.
You walked to your front door shortly after the second knock and swung it open. What you saw upon opening your door took a mere moment to process, but nevertheless you had nowhere near enough time to react to it. First you saw a loose, beaten down flip flop laying on the ground carelessly off to the side, but then immediately you saw your mom’s gigantic, bare, foot swinging like a pendulum towards your front door. Likely in an effort to “knock” once more. However, instead of hitting the solid front door with her big toe like she had previously, her massive digit swung rapidly through the tiny open space of the doorway, just squeezing through the frame to keep moving. The rest of her toes soon hit the wall to the side of the door, stopping her movement, but not before the damage was done. With you right in the line of fire, her toe slammed into your defenseless body powerfully.
You didn’t even have time to brace yourself as the digit which was quite literally as tall as you were, and three times as wide, made contact with your body. Of course, you felt your head and upper body get jammed awkwardly between her sweaty foot flesh and the underside of her toenail. The lower half of your body dangled freely while your upper half was crammed into the tight, gross space. As you cozied up in the same place as random particles of fuzz, dirt, and toe jam, you were immediately reminded of the unbelievable size discrepancy between yourself and any regular sized woman. Sighing, you prepared yourself for a long, long day.
Deborah pulled her big toe out of the space that it had just swung through, feeling a small sensation against the tip of her toe briefly before. She first placed her foot back on the ground beside the other one and bent over, expecting to see you standing in the doorway ready to greet her. But when she saw nothing but empty space, she was a bit confused. Just then, she felt an awkward sensation of something caught underneath her toenail, and she finally glanced down. Deb quite literally had to press her comically large breasts into her chest to see all the way to her feet, but thankfully when she did she noticed your minuscule body, flapping half off of her toe like a peeled up little sticker.
You heard a gasp of realization far above your crumpled body and mentally rolled your eyes in relief. But then, of course, her absolutely carefree attitude kicked in, and she followed the gasp with a few stifled giggles.
“Hehehe, oh shoot Anthony, already? How did this even happen?” She said while lifting her foot off of the ground. She took a moment to stare at your body before continuing, “I can’t believe you can almost fit completely in there. I think if you just smushed yourself a bit more you totally could! Remember that in case we ever play hide and go seek or something! I might never find you in there, at least until I clipped my toenails!” Deborah finished her idiotic train of logic with a hearty chuckle before finally reaching down and yanking your body out of the tight space. You felt your head pop free and finally saw the image of your mom instead of the image of her toe. She was wearing an absurdly revealing outfit for a 45 year old to wear, namely a pair of far-too-small jean shorts as well as a tight white tank top with a loose blouse, unbuttoned over it. Groaning twice as hard for the idiotic meeting you just had with your mom’s big toe, as well as her inappropriate outfit. You turned around from your spot dangling between her fingers and saw a number of your neighbors standing in front of their windows, staring daggers at your mom’s body. You raised your arms at them and signaled them to quit ogling. Some did, many did not. But you were used to it. As much as you hated it, it would be a lie for you to say that your mother wasn’t a good looking woman. Dealing with the wandering gazes of your tiny friends and associates was just par for the course.
“Uhh hey mom, it’s been a while! I know I haven’t seen you too much lately so today I’m all yours!” You said with your now reformed face up to her. Part of you hoped that your wording there wouldn’t come back to bite you in the ass later. She smiled powerfully as she surprisingly carefully reached into your apartment and closed the front door. You would have to deal with the damage that her gigantic foot did when you got back later.
“Sweetie I missed you!” She exclaimed as she predictably brought you in for an overwhelming hug, if you could even call it that. She simply pressed you tightly against her upper chest, squishing you into the top of her boobs before pulling you away. “I’m so glad you were able to help me out today with my wardrobe! I need you to use your smarts to help me decide what I should keep and what I should toss out!”
“Sure! That sounds nice and easy!” You responded. In reality it did. You were worried that you would be roped into some strange favor that would be far more demeaning, but so far this actually didn’t sound too bad! Maybe the day wouldn’t go too badly after all.
Almost as if fate was laughing in the face of your brief moment of optimism, without another word your mom opened up her purse and dropped you nearly a foot into the dark abyss of its innards. You landed with a thud next to a pack of breath mints and some keys, the latter of which her hand reached in and pulled out just as quickly as it had dropped you in. You looked up at the last remaining sliver of light and saw your mom’s smiling face looking down at you, not realizing how degrading the act of dropping you into her purse like a random knick knack was.
“Alright sweetie, you ride in there, and we’ll get going!” She said before sealing your fate by zipping you into utter darkness. Why couldn’t she just act normal for once?
How does this day continue with your ditz of a mother?
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