A splendid and mysterious fantasy adventure poem of marvelous rhyme and wonder. Imagery of various colors and
fragrant flowers and tree's. Vivid writing and intriguing sensary evocation..masterful writing!
At once love lost, but never lost in front of ones eyes all the while in all its magnificent splendor! True love never turns its back grounded in authenticity that goes beyond the vein, beyond shame. Rhyming wonder and perfection that is love evaporates off lines of gospel word, perfect choices as perfect as true loves song. Magnificent writing!
A splendid and mysterious fantasy adventure poem of marvelous rhyme and wonder. Imagery of various colors and
fragrant flowers and tree's. Vivid writing and intriguing sensary evocation..masterful writing!
A splendid four tercet compositiion of divination wonder. I really enjoyed the free form writing, not only because this is my preferred genre, but because I felt it was the correct choice for the given subject, which I believe to be: Christian Faith. Faith that stems from the foundations of Christianity laid down by Jesus Christ and the eventual writings of the four gospels within the new testament. The unconditional love offered by the Trinity is available to anyone that shows their faith in Him. It is a beautiful poem and, I appreciated the message it encapsulated.
Best wishes and write on!
penonpaper
This is a lovely spiritual poem. I particularly enjoyed the free form style it was written in.
With reference to "His" and "Light," the poem was spiritually uplifting.
I found it inspiring how the poem depicts ones' faith as it were, without being specific as to that source of faith, in the
sense that, the protagonist could be referring to any particular divine inspiration, leaving it open to a wider audiences
enjoyment. Christians, Pagans, whomever, could probably find this uplifting because of its open writing style.
I really enjoyed reading your poem. I read it over several times, and each time it felt good, because the expression and depth of feelings portrayed
felt very authentic, and, rich in imagery and flow. At first glance, before even deciding to read the piece, I was very attracted to the form of your poem.
The form was so unique, it looked like a tree of words, so artistic and creative! It reeled me in for the read! The form matched the flow, perfect word choices, and outstanding rythem and ryhme patterns. Envy comes on swiftly like a Tsunami and fades like the setting sun.
Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece of writing. I truly enjoyed it, and look forward to reading through your future works.
Best to you.
pen
This was a poetic gem! I could visualize this beautiful blonde mermaid swimming the seas with radiant skin and shiny hair.
Every man's dream to witness for certain! The poem had a tastefully erotic quality to it that put me into a trance with the lovely
choice of wording and rythme. It was a truly joyful read. Thank you for sharing this wonderful piece. Write on!
I really enjoyed this poem. it was very moving and the three tercet and rhyme made for a very nice flow. I think some of us can identify with the questions you pose in this poem. Very nice job. Thank you for sharing this.
That was a poem I think most of us can relate too. But, we gotta swing with the ups and downs, because I don't think there is any artist out there that everyone is going to like. Good rhyme and thought provoking. Thank you.
This poem was heartfelt for me. The female protagonist in this piece appears to feel so much despair and longing for love from the ones that are suppossed to love and cherish her the most, her mother and father. It appears to be a case of neglect and narcissistic selfishness acted out by the parents. It may be the case that this first born protagonist became a sort of surrogate mother for her younger brother...she was volunteered for the position by abusive parents perhaps.
There is no subtle suggestion that the family has wealth with the mention of the home size and the trip to Europe. It is indeed true that money can buy a house but not a home, as it were. Money can buy a bed, but not a good nights sleep etc.
The ending was frightening and left me feeling quite sad which is the feeling you want to elicit from a poem of this elegiac
nature. To me the meaning of this poem would be enhanced further if the poet were to perhaps centre the piece and break it down into quatrain's appropriate to the given number of lines?
I really like the depth of this piece. Is this your own experience? Thank you for sharing...write on!
This was a wonderfully written poem that appears to be centred around a man whom lost his wife to another man.
The gent on the receiving end gets his heart broken rather unexpectadly when his wife just tells him one day that she wants her space, and, without shedding a tear leaves him. A broken man with a broken home. This is a mystery to our protagonist, because his wife did not explain her sudden need to depart their sacred bond. At least not until he found out the method behind her "madness" when he saw his wife with another man. When he saw them together you can just feel his pain and suffering as his life crippled before his eyes. It is a sad poem that depicts the unfortunate realities of some human relationships that were built on love and affection that can swing the other way into deep pain and many regrets. I enjoyed reading this, because of its authenticity and honesty. The poet shared a part of his soul with his audience, and that can only be accomplished through great writing. Nicely done and thank you for sharing this piece. Write on!
I found this poem made me smile and feel a sense of hopefullness. You wrote this very well, because the words you choose were very experiential for me and my own life experiences, thoughts, feelings etc.
I think many of us can probably identify with "getting lost in our minds" and "listening to our hearts." It's great stuff and very inspiring. It had a mature feeling about it, that is to say, a kind of underlying wisdom behind it that I really appreciated immensely. Keep writing!
I would have given you five stars on this little masterpiece, but I think you may have misspelled "wondered."
This poem appears to be about a girl that wishes she was like other girls, in the sense that, they had father's attend their weddings and give them away to their new husbands. I'm not sure if the father is deceased or was never present, but the absence of the father figure is ever present throughout. The imagery was good, that is to say, I could easily picture the typical bride walking down the church aisle with her father holding her arm up to the give-away-point. There is a sense of anger (especially in the last stanza) \to find a man not like you\one that stays no matter how bad\... and an angry tone of sarcasm \here's to you dad\ in the very last line. It was a hard-hitting ending. The poem made me feel compassion for the poet because it was heartfelt and the rhyme pattern was well crafted with just the right choice of words. I'd imagine you spent quite a bit of time constructing this gem. Nicely done, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
I like this poem. It appears to be a compilation of the inner turmoil the poet experiences trying to find one's path or purpose in life. Now, I could be entirely wrong about this interpretation, so please forgive me if that is the case. The poet appears to understand their own innate abilities to contribute to this universe in their own unique way, but therein appears to lie the struggle of how those abilities will manifest themselves on a day-to-day basis. The poem appears to speak of the pleasures of dream-filled-sleep and how easily those pleausures disappear when the poet awakens and realizes how dismal life can be without personal fulfillment. This poem can be interpretted in different ways, in any case, it's a wonderful, intellgently written piece. Well done! I look forward to reading more of your work.
-Kevin
This poem could describe a prisoner or an invalid. My sense though leans more in the direction of a chronically ill person than a prisoner. It seems much too sensitive to be written by a prisoner (not that people in prison are not sensitive).
It could be a person that is suffering from a mental illness that has just been institutionalized, and, taking stock of their new surroundings with questions about the staff that are suppossed to be taking care of their daily needs. I think a prisoner would not expect to be smiled at or treated with any kindness due to the nature of their being there in the first place. Overall, your poem is well written and the imagery was good. I saw pictures in my head of people in white coats and white straight jackets with attending staff "bustling about." Well done. Thank you sharing this with us.
-Kevin
This is an inspiring poem, by way of, the poets usage of words that gave the reader a glimpse at all the transitions and self discoveries she experienced along her life journey...the journey she has been brave enough to continue on despite all the transgressions against her.
It is sad, in the sense that, I felt the poets pain yet resolve simultaneously. "I am a survivor" in the last line appears to show acceptance of the self worthiness...the person that is worthy of being treated with dignity and respect.
The imagery was good...I pictured the poet sitting in an psychiatric facility alongside other people suffering in their own way. I imagined everyone in white watching television and playing ping pong with the occassional grunt or groan in the background while a nurse runs past chasing a difficult patient. Overall, a really nicely written poem. Thank you for sharing this with us.
Hi, this is a very moving poem. I like the centered structure of your stanzas and they flow very nicely together. It feels like quiet desperation...i can feel the pain of the poet. I did not give you five stars only because I think the word 'without' is not supossed to be two separate words, but i'm no expert in the grammar dept. You have a nice style of writing and a talent there. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt poem.
cheers!
I really like your poem, and thank you for sharing it with me.
I am sure one can interpret this poem in several different ways, perhaps that depends on the readers' own life experiences etc. However, for me, this poem is about a person that was mistreated by another special, significant person in their lives as it were. Maybe that special person was a lover or someone loved that was not returning that love the way the speaker would have wanted it to be returned? In any case, the need for acceptance of ourselves is something we all struggle with in our daily lives which is why we often seek outside sources of acceptance in the form of a lover or "friend-with-benefits."
In stanza's six and seven it appears that suspected infedility may be worth examining here.
Overall, I like the aesthetics of your poem. It's shaped like a...well, nevermind.
Excellent job, write on and thank you for sharing!
I like your poem. It sounds like my own experience. I think a lot of people can relate to this poems message. They just don't want to admit that it's true. Thank you for sharing this poem. "Now, an adult, I still foolishly wait." Love that last line...so true!
Write on!
Hi,
Firstly, I want to tell you what a great job you did constructing this poem. You ask some very deep and poignant questions that left me wondering the same things. Great job and I would have given you the big five stars, but I did notice a couple of mispellings so I couldn't. I'm looking forward to seeing your next piece, so please write on!
The emotion this poem conveys is felt at a visceral level. For me it was visceral.
"...i lay here while you are hunting for innocents.." The speaker sounds as though they
are talking about a psychopath they are all too familiar with and has a sort of empathy for
unsuspecting targets as it were.
I noticed the letter "i" noncapitalized twice. I'm no expert, but I think it is okay to use the capital letter in this case.
I liked your writing because, well, it's true. We will always have people entering and exiting our lives and some at various speeds etc. I've learned a great deal about a great deal of many things from people coming into my lives and sharing their perspectives and insights with me. So hopefully, one day, I can be a wiser person.
Your poem was very nicely done and conveyed the frustration that a writer stricken with writer's block experiences. Well, appears I'm going through writer's block right now, because I don't know what else to say, but keep up the interesting writing!
Write on!
Kevin
Your story brought me all the way back to my bus rides to school. And, well, that was a very long time ago! "It was okay" was my textbook answer to that question as well. If they only knew eh?!
Your description of the back of the bus seat in front of you put me in that seat on the bus which was good writing, but those are all my humble opinions. A fine job.
Write on!
-Kevin
I liked your attention to detail with the structure (good rhyme scheme) of this poem. Sounds like it was written from an ageing widow's perspective?
I liked it and it was nicely done in my opinion.
Write on!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1irishman/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.27 seconds at 10:02pm on May 06, 2024 via server web1.
| (4.5)
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
