Wow this deserved a first place.
I just love limericks.
I started a folder of them about people I have met on the site. I haven't added to it for a while. I must update.
You are so right about thinking we didn't have lives outside the site.
My kids are always telling me I should get out more, but it was they who introduced me to WDC in the first place to give my brain a little exercise!
No doubt about it, this feeling of tranquility would certainly wash away the stresses of the day.
Your use of phrasing puts the reader right into the picture of the mood you are creating.
I particularly like the line of motion you demonstrate with "up out over off". At first I was going to suggest commas to punctuate this line, but it punctuates itself in the reading. Well phrased!
The last line washes over me like waves rolling in rhythmically and soothingly.
I really enjoyed and felt the atmosphere in this piece.
Great work!
Meg.
You have captured, in just a few lines, a scene that brings to mind many movies I have seen relating to the buying and selling of slaves.
Your words reflect the auctioneer's brutality and at the same time, the humiliation of a human being who is persecuted for no other reason except for the circumstances of his birth and the infamous social situation of the era.
An exceptional piece of work.
I have no suggestions for improvement. It is perfect!
Well done!
Meg.
Hi Ellie,
I just love a poem that tells a story - any story. If it a humourous one - all the better. We all need a little humour in our lives.
This poem made me smile and think of....well.... ME!
Oh I hope she took the black bag. Black goes with everything, unless of course she had brown shoes, then maybe the brown bag....
Whoops, we are reviewing, not co-ordinating accessories... sorry.
Terrific poem! Your rhythm is continuous and your rhyming perfect to allow the poem to bounce along with the conversation.
May I make a presentation suggestion, however.
If you separated the poem into 4 line stanzas, it would give the piece a definite distinction with the changes of scenes.
Verse 1 is dialogue, Verse 2 is the aside thoughts of the frustrated man, and Verse 3 the final exasperating closure.
Good grammar, spelling and demonstrative punctuation all add to the overall enjoyment of the piece.
Errors in this department usually detract from the flow in the reader's mind. You did very well here (apart from a missed capital "I" in the last line).
Most entertaining and a pleasure to read.
Chhers Meg.
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Hi Storymaster,
There was one option missing from your poll! "I am addicted to WDC, obsessed with WDC, and wish I could use gp's to pay someone to do the housework and shopping that has been neglected because WDC is the top priority in my day!"
Hi Janica,
If you can work in a day care centre and have other peoples' babies poop and throw up all over you, and still have the desire to be a mother, then you are definitely mother material. Even experiencing tantrums and time out offences would be enough to put a lot of people off being a parent.
You even acknowledge the fact that you can't hand them back and walk away at 6pm each day, if they were your own!
They are yours for the duration!
I have 6 of my own and there is no more rewarding profession than motherhood!
Of course there are the pitfalls, but no job is all smooth sailing.
This is a delightful story of someone who has obviously chosen the profession that suits them perfectly.
I don't know what DHS stands for, I can only assume it is a Family or Children's services department. Every country would have a different title for this dept. but maybe it would help if you gave the name in full the first time it is mentioned, and then just use the acronym from then on.
Well written. Your love for children comes through in your words.
Cheers Meg.
Hi Sue,
I can see why this story won first prize!
In this modern technical age, people have just become a number on a piece of paper, and a sample in a test tube.
To bring home the point that tests actually belong to real flesh and blood patients was a brilliant human interest touch.
Your story didn't bombard the reader with technical terms and unnecessary trivia, but just gave a down to earth account of a situation many people have been through, and can relate to.
Little reminders of the "other lives" of men of the medical profession were hinted at ever so subtlely, eg. the Golf trophy and the Mercedes.
This is a marvellous story with a happy ending which contained that sense of anxiousness that many have to endure when waiting for test results.
Congratulations on a job well done and deservedly rewarded.
Cheers Meg.
You have a very well developed talent for description.
To be able to take a simple thing like an every day lighter and describe it in such detail, is a gift.
Some people look at items and never actually think about what they are actually seeing.
Well done.
Write some more.If you are short of ideas, find a contest that offers prompts to write to.
Often a prompt will set your mind racing with a poem or story that you would otherwise never have thought about.
Just check the spelling of "lightening". I have a feeling there is no "e" in the correct spelling.
You are only new to WDC, and I welcome you to this wonderful family of writers. I am sure you will enjoy the friendship of many others who share your love of writing.
Cheers, looking forward to reading more from you.
Meg.
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Hi there,
This little poem started off so sweetly angelic and then became a bit intriguing.
Why were the Angel's whispers deceitful?
You have a lovely poetic stanza here that I feel can only get better.
Another verse to outline the deceitfulness would be a bonus to a great piece of work.
Don't doubt your ability to write. If this is an example of your work -- Keep writing!!
Cheers Meg.
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This is a very sensitive and somewhat personal poem.
You show emotions and feelings throughout.
I particularly like the presentation of the whole piece, it adds to the drama of the setting.
Well done.
Just my opinion, I prefer the word "nonetheless" instead of "anyway", in the line "But you went anyway".
Just a personal preference of words.
Most enjoyable and touching.
Meg.
Another child's poem to add to your list!
Reading a poem aloud always helps to sound out the smooth rhythmic flow of the piece. A child's poem should have almost a sing-songy feel about it.
The content of this piece is ideal. I feel a little restructuring of a few lines would give it much more appeal.
These are just my suggestions to use, if you wish. It is your poem and your creation, so you have every right to ignore my suggestions.
1st verse,
2nd line :- Something to my best friend Nell.
4th line :- She didn't believe me. She said, "Pish!"
2nd verse,
1st line :- no comma after "her" and a full stop after "think".
2nd line:- I told her Squishes are all pink!
3rd line:- Should "Are" be "Aah"
4th line:- Delete "she"
3rd verse,
This one runs quite smoothly. No suggestions here.
The last verse is a little all over the place. May I?
In the meantime, however, I visit their dell,
That's where these cute, furry creatures dwell.
Of course they're squishy, and no one's to blame,
But Nell won't believe me. What a shame!
I hope this helps a little. It really is a fun and fantasy type poem.
Cheers Meg.
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Hi there,
I was really wondering where this poem was leading.
We all have days where a myriad of things happen that could make the day a complete disaster, but you are absolutely right!
Today is the day we are living right now, and we should enjoy it to the full.
There are no yesterdays and no tomorrows - It is always today, whatever day we are living.
A poem to make one realise that we should appreciate and embrace the life we have.
Well done,
Meg.
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Hi Hezza,
This could be a scene played out by many groups of young girls excited when the first of their number gets engaged.
The ring being flashed on her finger for all to see.
(I'm glad you didn't say "finger". In this day and age, that expression does conjure up other meanings).
I must point out the word "fiancee" is the female form of the word. I think "fiance" is the word you meant here, referring to the man.
"And the ring pales next to them". At first read, I thought, no the ring pales next to him. Re-reading I felt it could have inferred that 'The ring that is next to them or near them, pales in comparison to him'
If this is what you meant, just move the words around in the line to read:- "And the ring next to them, pales." or to avoid all confusion:- "The ring they admired pales". Something like that. Play with the words a little.
I really like a poem that tells a story, and if it is a story you have personally experienced, the genuine feeling of excitement and the emotions come through naturally.
Write on, Hezza, I look forward to reading more of your work as you grow in your poetic writings.
Cheers Meg.
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Hello Typo,
Either you give up coffee, change your coffee house, or never turn on your computer again!
That is the freakiest story! So there is someone out there watching our every move!
Please, the 72 hours must surely be up by now.
What happened? Or haven't I gone far enough into your port to find out if there is a sequel?
Going right now.
Cheers Meg.
Dear Kind Sir Knight,
This is so beautiful, It brought tears to my eyes.
I only hope that my children have the same impression of me and my ability to do a million things at once, as you have of your Mother, with her Motherwings.
Thank you for this tribute to yours and everyone's Mother.
Meg.
I doubt if anyone could ever stay blue,
If they danced 'neath a parasol, in the raindrops, with you.
The tapping of the little tattoo is a perfect description of a sound that is so common we rarely take the time to listen to it.
A lovely poem that would lift anyone's spirits in an instant.
Cheers Meg.
You'll never be bored again believe me!
Now you have entered WDC.
Your clock will tick on so fast you will cry,
"Just look at how quickly time has flown by!"
You'll not read a book, or watch TV again,
(I've not read a paper since..... I don't know when)
You won't even know if it's raining outdoors,
Once you're hooked on this site, there's no time to be bored.
Join the club of the obsessed, you'll never regret it.
Cheers Meg.
Quite a profound collection of philosophical beliefs.
They all make perfect sense, and I agree wholeheartedly with the ones I have had the opportunity to experience and on which to form an opinion.
Some I had never considered before this, but you have given me something to think about, that's for sure.
A worthwhile read,
Thanks Meg.
I am particularly partial to the pandering patter of patrolling a platter of perfectly placed poultry portions and other pieces of pernickety prose.
Your occasional additions of alliteration really add to the mood of this great story.
I could almost smell the aroma wafting through the air and teasing my nostrils.
I'm sure all those who once were honoured to sample your delectable delights, are reminded of them now, years later, every time they reach for the antacid pills. All of that spice has surely damaged their digestive system for life! But wasn't it worth it!
Cheers Meg.
Hello Jerry,
My dictionary states the meaning of :- hero(n)~ man of great courage, admired for his noble deeds. A man who is greatly admired for any quality.
Your heroes are not those of history books or fictional tales.
Your heroes are not even those on whom we bestow the title, in recognition of their bravery on the battle field, or in an everyday situation where a life is saved in the course of duty or by a brave bystander.
Your heroes are the unsung heroes of this world who show more courage and bravery than most when faced with the most difficult of life's battles. The battle to live and the battle to save their loved ones from suffering.
You honour them, these five heroes, with your tribute here, and in turn you have every right to feel honoured yourself for being blessed to be part of their lives.
The legacy they have each passed on to the members of your wonderful family mentioned here, is worth more than any trinket or monetary inheritance could ever be.
Thank you for giving all at WDC the privilege of learning just what a true hero really is.
May we all aspire to reach such an honourable status.
Regards,
Meg.
Hi Julie,
You have put a lot of thought into this article, and outlined many options available for women and families in this day and age of high costs of living.
Well done.
I grew up in an era where the Dad worked and Mum stayed home to be a housewife and Mother. She taught us to be self sufficient, stretch a dollar, make our own clothes and care for a family.
I excelled at school and dearly wanted to be a career woman like my school friends.
Going to a school reunion 50 years later, and hearing friends tell of their successful lives, did not upset me.
When asked what heights I had risen to and what career path I had chosen. I proudly said, I was a very successful mother of 6 well adjusted children, who could survive in any crisis. My career was still climbing, and would continue to do so until my kids take over "the family business" of caring for each other.
My family is the most rewarding career I could ever have chosen. And it does pay well, in more ways than money could ever satisfy.
I have never regretted not furthering a scholastic career. I had the knowledge my parents passed on to me and a few brains to help my kids with school work and how to cope in the world in financially difficult times.
I am a successful career woman, and proud of my achievements.
Sorry, my soapbox just fell over. I did rave a bit, didn't I.
Well written piece, Julie!
Cheers Meg.
So wonderful to hear someone speak so fondly of their Mother in law.
We, (Mothers in law) have had to live with a pretty bad reputation over the years. Quite unfairly, I must say.
I must agree with your MIL, though.
Touch my remote and your little fingers won't be touching anything else for a while! Not until the plaster comes off anyway!
Well written, obviously by a loving daughter in law.
Cheers Meg.
Hi Kat,
This certainly is a worrying question we all ask as we get older.
Is there enough time left to do all of the things we promised ourselves we would do. And are we the person we wanted to be?
The older you get, the faster time seems to fly.
Looking back, there are some things I would like to change, but on the whole I am pretty content.
One little thing I would change today, though, if I may be so bold, is the last line of your 4th verse.
May I suggest:- And the way our life was spent
"has went" just doesn't seem so grammatically correct.
Well written.
Cheers Meg.
Hi Chandra,
Reviewing is the key to everything.
We may write for our own self satisfaction, or for the pleasure of others, but reviewing tells us how well we have managed to get our point across and how we have impressed our thoughts on the reader.
A good review and we know we have achieved our goal.
A bad review, though, does not mean our work was bad.
It either means we need to be a little more precise in our work, or that the reviewer just isn't on the same wave length as we are.
We should never let a bad review deter us, and have us scrambling towards the "delete" button, and review others as we would like to be reviewed in return.
Honestly and respectfully.
Cheers Meg.
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