"Someday you'll find somebody
So different from me
Who thinks the same way that you do
Who only likes the surface too
She's been the right one all along
And as for me, I've been so wrong".....wow I totally agree with this. Every jerk guy like the one your talking about looses a girl and then after, realizes that he has lost something special. I am in the same situation. The same thing happended with my last relationship. My boyfriend pushed me away and never wanted to talk about his actions. I just feel sorry for the next girl who like you said "Who only likes the surface too" But great job very relatable. Good flow! :)
"I write what I question
Feelings I don't understand
Circumstances I can't quite place
Thoughts I can't put anywhere else" wow I do the same thing. Its sometimes easier to express opinions about things through writing becuase it helps you form another opinion.
"You try to cling to the hope
That things will stay as they are now...these are such relatable lines..I toatlly agree.
When really, you know it's a joke.
The pursuit of happiness is noble
The downfall follows the pride...yeah alot of times these two things go hand in hand
When all must come to an end
Why do most even try?"...I related to this becauser everybody had times when they just want to throw there hands up and "give up"
"I wish I could stop this need" This is a good line But I think that putting it as "I wish I could put a stop to this need" would sound a little better.
For me this was relateble to relationships but not in any sexual way..just like since I broke up with my boyfriend I do miss him sometime and it has been hard in the month that we have broken up to "quit him" its a hard thing to go through...But great job, really realistic! :)
This was good. You had great word choice. I really felt bad for this character. It kind of reminds me of a character in a book I recently read! Its called "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson. Its a great book and reading it could even help you add just a tiny bit more detail to this peice. so check it out!..if you want Otherwise, great job! :)
I really love this poem! I can relate to it so much. This sounds exactly like me. Im a loud girl and pretty outgoing and goofy. But I also keep alot of feelings inside and get my feeling hurt more then I let on. I think this is Great! :)
"So sew yourself together
And realize we would never be forever" good words here..your ryhmes throughout are really good..there not forced like so many are in poetry.
"Watching you walk away
Never felt as good as today
I'm sick of waiting for you to go"...this gives me the feeling that you wanted revenge from this certain person........
"Honestly in this entire world
I'm probably the only girl
Who hates those blue eyes." I love this part!! I feel like this sometimes about a certian guy too.
I feel like this peom says something that all girls, deep inside feel about a certain guy..like becuase theres always that one guy that you really try to hate but hes so cute or funny that you just cant stop liking him. I feel like this peopm shows a revolution in a way bc your breaking away from whoever this person is. Very relatable. Great Job!
"She always ate carrots when she was nervous. The chomping sound helped in distracting her from the butterflies fluttering in her stomach."
sounds like something I would do....
"Melanie awoke with a shudder; she was wet from perspiration and tears. The familiar scent of lavender enveloped her, orienting her to her surroundings. She sat up in the bed, switching on the light on the nightstand. Her hands were still shaking.
This got me a little confused because I couldnt tell when you were talking about the past (20 years ago when the murder happened) or like present day.
"Melanie ran to the toilet bowl and emptied her stomach of her last supper. Although her mind could not identify any clear emotional response to what was ahead of her today, her body’s visceral reaction gave a clear indication of how and what Melanie should have been feeling.
This made me really understand the possible guilt and remorse she felt for killer her husband. I could connect with these emotions.
overall I thought this was really good. very suspensful and it kept me going until the very end. The ending had a good twist though it wasnt like a flash fistion twist wheree it wass somthing crazy and expected. This was an awesome story. Great job! :)
"pressing down hard enough for yucky white pus to come shooting out like fireworks on the 4th of July." Really love this...good comparison! kind of icky...
"before he can wipe it away his little sister comes in and screams "EW!" at the top of her lungs and the she runs away gagging at the horrific sight."..little sisters are always so dramtic about everything..this is also funny becuase you dont have any little siblings..you ARE the little sibling! ;)
"Because of you I am dead"
sooo did this person kill themselves?? or do they mean like as in unable to love agian?
"It gave you love when you proved impossible to love –"
love this line! sounds like some things I have been through. Also good order of words here.
"Until it could – would not – pump for a second longer"
This seemed a little exaggerated to me...I guess it kind of ties into the end when it talks about the author dying...if thats what they technically mean...
"brutality, grimace, bloody muscle, mistrust"....these are feeling words. Great word choice with these...these made me have a better understanding of what you were trying to convey. It did help me to understand and evoke emotion.
Overall I like this poem. It was kind of relatable. It had good things and bad things. The only parts I didnt favor were near the end when the author talks about death...it kind of changes the mood too quickly. At times this did get a tad over dramatic. But great Job!
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