I found your observations to be very enlightening, and in many cases accurate. I think that some of your thoughts are more a reflection of where you visited obviously (there are certainly some sections of the country, particularly the inner city where crime is rampant and the absence of visible police is more a reflection of the lack of funding than it is the lack of crime) but overall it was extremely interesting. I think that more Americans should read this so they can gain a better perspective on their country.
You write beautifully. I liked the way your story and characters came to life (and then of course, to death). What I liked best though was your description of the tree and how its roots comforted her. I have to admit that the ending surprised me. I was sort of picturing her just giving up and letting go as she sat there. I liked your version better.
Wow, I really hope this wasn't a true story! If it was, at least it sounds like everyone got out okay. Honestly, this has always been one of my worst fears.
That was really good and very moving. It shows the pain of the situation from both sides and even knowing the cause of the first call, I still felt sympathy and a connection with the first mother.
Good job on what I thought was a really tough prompt. Try as I might, I just couldn't find a way to make squirrels a realistic threat. However, you did and managed to make an entertaining story out of it as well. I love the end, how he was unable to finish his writing and the world will no longer remember his name.
That was really good. I liked the description of the boy and the power in his eyes. I think it was a great idea to write a short story like this, one where (since you are so limited by the word count) you can focus on creating the scene that leads up to the fight without having to worry about telling what happens afterward (since most people reading this are likely to know the outcome). Really good concept and really good writing. I don't have anything to add as to what you could change or improve. I think it is perfect as is.
Good story and good use of the prompt. I liked the surprise ending and how well you developed the character in so few words. It's very hard to do, in my experience, and you did it no problem. Good job!
I really like the tone of this piece and the style of the writing. There were a few sentences that took me out of the story though:
"We still we talk!" might just be an editing error, but if not, I didn't understand it.
"Casually, painfully casually..." which just was a bit awkward to me. Not sure how to make it less so, I'm not great with grammar, but maybe something like "Casually, painfully so..." I don't know. In any case, overall I thought it was really good.
I liked the premise of the story, but feel that it could be longer, with more details added to help the reader care more for the characters. I also feel it would help the story if the children were given names, and if there was more time spent developing them as characters. Finally, if the children were triplets, they were born roughly at the same time, which makes it confusing to have them referred to as the oldest or the youngest. Again, names would help here and remove the need for the chronological references. In addition to this, the children's dialouge with each other suggest that there is an age difference, with the sister being much younger, or at least more immature in her development. More character development would help clarify these issues as well. Overall, I found it entertaining and I feel that it has a lot of promise. Thanks for sharing your work.
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