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261 Public Reviews Given
261 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I am still developing a "Review Style" so how it is today is nothing like it was last month nor will it be like it is next month. I will never share negativity with the author because it is unnecessary. You can give encouragement through advice and that is what I will do. I will give my honest opinion on what may add to a piece, but I will also give encouragement on writing, story, and presentation. I love to give feedback to authors because I love to see how stories evolve.
I'm good at...
I will carefully look at the entire piece and break it down to see if it could benefit from a second look. When looking at a piece for review, I look at flow, consistency, word choice, punctuation, grammar, and personality. Each piece that someone writes is a story that they want to tell and it is a reviewer's job to add helpful insight into how that could be accomplished.
Favorite Genres
My favorite genres are Young Adult, Emotional, Dark, Fiction, Fantasy, Drama, and Dystopian Fiction.
Least Favorite Genres
While I like most genres, my least favorite genres are Historical, Political, and erotic.
Favorite Item Types
I love reading all item types and enjoy changing it up.
I will not review...
I will take a look at anything that is sent to me.
Public Reviews
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51
51
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello there ♥Hooves♥ ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .I think that I will be sad when this story finishes, but I had to keep on reading. I just finished Chapter 12 and wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! After reading "Sara's Port, Ch. 12" , I have the following comments to offer...*Smile*

First Thoughts:How perfect is this situation? Many times we curse bad weather, but I am sure that both Ollie and Sara are both thankful for it. I love how easily they are getting along with one another because it shows them that there is a definite connection between them. I understand Sara's hesitation, especially because of her feelings for Ollie and for the attraction to this 'new' guy, but I hope that soon the truth will be out there so that she can make an informed choice about Ollie.

As I Read: I couldn't help but wonder what twists lay ahead in Sara and Ollie's story. They are bound for an interesting ride I am sure. I sincerely hope that they are able to overcome whatever comes up, and it seems that they will.... at least eventually. There is something unique about a relationship that has immediate attraction and such strong emotions. Ollie knows who she is, but she doesn't know who he is. This proves that her feelings are unbiased and what she is experiencing is true.

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

Nothing caught my eye! *Smile*

I really enjoyed this chapter! As I have said, I am hooked on this story, so onto chapter 13!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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52
52
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hola ♥Hooves♥ ! It is me again from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I love how easy it is to click on the link at the bottom of the page and it goes to the next chapter! It makes reading addictions so much easier to add to! I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on this chapter, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! After reading "Sara's Port, Ch. 11" , I have the following comments to offer...*Smile*

First Thoughts: How adorable! I love Ollie's reaction to Sara. You have perfectly brought the nervousness, shyness, and vulnerability to us readers. Through your words, we are able to empathize with Ollie and cheer him on. I love the gentle and chaste interactions between the two characters. I can't imagine what someone in Ollie's position would do... to know that the woman that he loved was right in front of him, but he couldn't show that realization. I don't know how I'd handle that. I would probably be speechless and a bumbling fool. I love how you also included Ben's advice into this chapter. It helped to show the reader his reasoning for his reactions to Sara.

Line(s) of Note: Dun Dun Dun.... the line "“Call me Kelly,” Oliver grinned back at her, following Ben’s admonition and advice, a move he would soon live to regret." caught my eye because it leaves a lot of questions to be answered. We already have seen Sara's reaction to Ollie when it came to guarding herself and her heart against different possibilities. After reading this line, I started to wonder how badly this decision of his, to call himself Kelly, would turn out. I have a feeling that it may hurt Sara, but I am hoping that I am wrong.

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

Nada! It was A+++ work!! Although the A+++ doesn't mean much in real life, I hope that it gives you some encouragement nonetheless!

This chapter was awesome and I love how well you presented it to us. It was very believable and I was able to imagine it vividly in my mind. You have a talent with words and I hope that you will always use that talent to explore new worlds and new possibilities! The potential is limitless! I can't wait to read more!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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53
53
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello there ♥Hooves♥ ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I am sure that your story has many readers who have fallen in love with it so let me add myself to that list. I finished chapter 10 and I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions and thoughts are helpful! After reading "Sara's Port, Ch. 10" , I have the following comments to offer...*Smile*

First Thoughts: Since the first chapter, I've wondered what it'd be like for them to finally meet. You explored that very well. I loved seeing Ollie's awkwardness and his love for her. I really enjoy the insights that you give into his and Sara's thoughts. You have created an interesting, memorable, and sweet story.

As I Read: I was caught up in the event of them meeting one another. I love how you explored his reaction to seeing her and knowing that it was her. I like how this chapter only showed his reaction to her because 1. it gives us more of a focus on Ollie, and 2. it makes us even more curious about Sara's reaction. I can't wait!!

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

No surprise here! I thought the chapter was perfectly written and presented! *Smile*

I really enjoyed reading this chapter and can't wait to click on that link for Chapter 11!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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54
54
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello there ♥Hooves♥ ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I love how you add the link for the next chapter onto the bottom of your current one. It makes it very easy to continue on with a great story. I finished chapter nine and I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! After reading "Sara's Port, Ch. 9" , I have the following comments to offer...*Smile*

First Thoughts: Wow. Can I even say how much I love this story? Probably not without sounding like a fangirl. I really have enjoyed reading Sara and Ollie's journey.

As I Read: I actually giggled when Ollie found out about where Sara really is. It was an amazing twist and I felt that you presented it perfectly. Ollie's reaction to this knowledge and his inquisitive nature was expressed very well. I also smiled when he decided to drop it all and head home.

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

As always, I didn't see anything that may benefit from a second look. I appreciate how polished your chapters are. I can tell that you took care to go through it and make it the best that it could be. I know that we all enjoy reading something that flows well and is swept up around the grammar, punctuation, word choice..etc. You have done a great job with this.

I am excited to see how this plays out! Does he meet her? Does she throw up walls immediately? Do they hit it off? Does he trip over the curb as he sees her riding her bike? So many possibilities! On to chapter 10!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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55
55
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello there ♥Hooves♥ ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I just finished chapter 8 and I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! After reading "Sara's Port, Ch. 8" , I have the following comments to offer...*Smile*

First Thoughts: It's heartbreaking to see how torn up Ollie is over Sara's reaction. I wish they just already had their happy ending, but we all know that's not how reality normally works. I love how this story is developing and how easily and realistically the emotions come across to the reader.

As I Read: I could see your strengths as a storyteller. You are great at developing dialogue and entwining it into the story so that it flows effortlessly between the characters. Dialogue can either help or hurt a story, and with this one, I feel that it certainly helps it!

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

I didn't notice anything that could benefit from a second look *Smile*

Line(s) of Note: I really loved the poem at the end of this chapter. I felt that it really added a lot to the image of Sara that a reader may have. As I read the poem, I saw her without her walls and defenses. I think that it is a serious step towards their relationship and it made me smile that now Ollie can see her heart without any defenses and with a vulnerability that only comes when one is in private.

I really enjoyed reading this chapter! On to the next!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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56
56
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello there ♥Hooves♥ ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I am thoroughly enjoying this story and after reading this chapter I wanted to again leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! *Smile*

First Thoughts: I can completely understand both perspectives: Ollie's and Sara's. It's sad that they both have to feel negativity and uncertainty, but I also know that is what builds a friendship/relationship/epic partnership. As hard as the worry and the uncertainty can be, this is what is building their story.

As I Read: Their story is an interesting one. I am a lover of creativity and I appreciate when a writer creates a story that draws me into it in such a way that I can imagine myself right there, watching it as it happens. This is what you have done and this shows your strength as a writer. You have been able to create a story that, to some, may seem like a mundane thing, but to others, it's an epic love story that is unfolding before our eyes. I love that!!

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

As usual, nothing caught my eye that may benefit from a second look.

I've thoroughly enjoyed reading this story and can't wait to continue it!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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57
57
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello there ♥Hooves♥ ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I just read chapter six of this story and I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! After reading "Sara's Port, Ch. 6" , I have the following comments to offer...*Smile*

First Thoughts:This story has epic potential. I can't wait to dig further into this story that you have created!

As I Read: I can see why Sara has begun to like Ollie. He has a charming personality and who wouldn't like someone such as him? You have done very well with developing your characters as well as developing their relationship. It's completely understandable that they are cautious... each for their own reasons. I love how naturally their relationship is developing and how neither of them are jumping into it head first. I feel that they are developing a very strong bond which comes with time and patience.

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

I found nothing that may add to the story. It is perfect as is.

I really enjoyed reading this chapter. I can't wait to see Sara's reaction to Ollie's email!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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58
58
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello again ♥Hooves♥ ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .I started reading your story again this evening and wanted to read a few more chapters before I called it a night. I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! After reading "Sara's Port, Ch. 4" , I have the following comments to offer...*Smile*

First Thoughts: I love how this story is progressing. The emotions that Oliver and Sara are experiencing are very real and I think that you explore them in such a way that every reader would be able to relate to them.

As I Read: I was charmed even more by your characters. It's interesting to see how they deal with this scenario. I am curious to see where you take them in the future and can't wait to find out how the story progresses. I am hooked on this story now, so I can't wait to continue it. You have written a great story and I am sure that your words have touched many readers. Thank you for sharing this with us. I am glad that I am able to read it.

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

Nothing caught my eye that would benefit from a second look!

I really enjoyed reading your story so far and can't wait for more!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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59
59
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello there ♥Hooves♥ ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .I came across your portfolio when I first came to WDC and had placed it in my favorites. I got caught up in exploring this site so I hadn't had a chance to come back to it, but today I clicked on your story and it brought me here! I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! After reading "Sara's Port, Ch. 3" , I have the following comments to offer...*Smile*

First Thoughts: I really like this story. Seeing Oliver's nervousness with him being out of his comfort zone is endearing. I like how realistic the story is and it makes me wonder if this is based off of some personal experience or not. Either way, the story itself, is sweet so far. It's a good read and the hope for Sara and Oliver has left me happy and hopeful. I'm already rooting for him to win her heart.

As I Read: I fell in love with Oliver's character. His shyness is adorable. The fact that he is shy even though he is a successful and handsome individual only adds to his charm. I think most female readers would want someone like him in their lives. I really like how this all ties into WDC because it not only promotes the site, but also gives the reader another note to relate to. As readers, we always try to link ourselves in with a story... to find a familiarity... and you have definitely accomplished that here.

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

Nothing caught my eye that could benefit from a second look. I love how polished this story is *Smile*


I really enjoyed reading your story and can't wait to read more! On to Chapter 4!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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60
60
Review of Verity  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello there ԜԜ On The Road Again! }! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .I came across your story when I was checking out your port. I had read a poem you had written, so I wanted to check out more of your writing. I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on your story, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! After reading "Verity" , I have the following comments to offer...*Smile*

First Thoughts:The brief information that you provided such as the title, description, and genre made me curious about the story itself. I was wondering what it would be about. I already knew that you are a strong writer/storyteller, so I was excited to explore more of your creativity.

As I Read: I was thoroughly entertained. The further into your story that I got, the more on edge I was because I knew something was going to happen, but I was completely caught by surprise at the twist that you took. It was an interesting concept as I was reading, but once you explained that she died in that accident and everything that happened afterwards... I was surprised. You told the story extremely well and I thought it was creative and unique. I would love to read more if you ever decide to expand it. I think that it would make an epic full-length story.

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

I didn't see anything that would benefit from a second look! I love how polished it is!


I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope to read more from you soon!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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61
61
Review of Totem Wolf  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hello there ԜԜ On The Road Again! ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .I came across your poetry as a random review so I clicked on it and it brought me here! I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! After reading "Totem Wolf" , I have the following comments to offer... *Smile*

First Thoughts:The picture at the top of your poem drew my attention first. It is a beautiful addition and it only added to my curiosity of your poem. I find Native American culture to be fascinating so I was sure that your piece would be interesting and it definitely did not disappoint!

As I Read: I felt that your poem flowed very well. You give plenty of descriptive words to pull the reader in such as: "Its presence frightening albeit mesmerizing". The lines like this pulls at my imagination and nudges me to read on.

Lines of Note: The following are the lines from your poem that really stuck out to me...
I walk without fear.
Hope is renewed,
in a bounty that never before existed,
in the previous years of gray in my life.


Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.
I didn't notice anything that would benefit from a second look! This poem is polished very well!


I really enjoyed reading your poem. You explored a topic that I didn't know much about... the totem wolf and spirit guides. I felt that even though I didn't know about them, through your poem, I was able to learn more about them. I love to learn as I read so kudoz on that as well! I can't wait to see more items from your port!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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62
62
Review of The Chosen  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello there Juliet Fletcher ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .I came across your story on the Read A Newbie page and was curious about it. That's when I clicked on it and it brought me here! I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. I am in no way an expert and everyone has their own writing style. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! *Smile*

First Thoughts:The short introduction you give about the Messengers caught my interest. I felt that you presented a unique and interesting story idea and I would love to see where you take it. Your title is perfect for this piece because it aptly describes the Messenger's duty and purpose.

As I Read: I felt that you have taken a lot of care when writing this piece. It seems to be well thought out and it was very easy to follow as a reader. I think we all can appreciate when a story flows well! I feel that you have accomplished that!

Things That May Add To It: The suggestions or corrections can be found in italics.

Time, color, seasons, weather, they no longer exist. (Maybe try reworking the sentence to improve the flow.) An example may look like:
Time, color, seasons, and weather cease to exist.

Water, cool water… a mixture of two things they have not felt in a long while: Temperature and liquid. (Make temperature lowercase)

Camira sprawled on the floor next to the white board, blood running down her forehead from wild pieces of glass. (Maybe replace 'wild'. As I was reading it, I wasn't entirely sure what you meant by it. You could take it out altogether or you could replace it with a word such as 'stray' or 'loose'.)


My favorite line was: "Yet they could carry a warning, far and wide, to the only ones who could give an attempt at saving humanity. These beings were Messengers. And they had a most urgent message to carry." This makes me want to read more of the story. I have enjoyed reading the entire story so far, but this line in particular, caught my attention and left me with a lot of curiosity about it. You have done a great job and I am glad that I came across this today!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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63
63
Review of Prologue  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there Miss. Flagrant ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .I came across your piece on Read A Newbie and wanted to check it out so I clicked on it and it brought me here! I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of someone who enjoys reading and is in no way an expert on writing. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! *Smile* After reading "Prologue"  I have the following comments to offer...

First Thoughts: Your story opened up in the middle of a scene and the descriptions provided immediately pulled me into it. Your story provided just enough information to make me curious about the story itself and created a need for more of it.

As I Read: I noticed how polished this short prologue was. It gave me a brief glimpse into your writing style and I like what I have seen! Your character, Abnaki, is interesting and I'd like to know more about her.

Things That May Add To It: Like I mentioned earlier, your story is very polished. Only one thing caught my eye, but it could very well just be my own thoughts instead of something that may improve the piece, but the last sentence caught me up a little. "Neither of them knew what lied ahead of them, neither of them knew who the other was and that did not matter to them." I think lied should be replaced by maybe "what lay ahead" or something similar to that. I don't know what would work best, but that was the only thing that caught my eye that may benefit from a second look. I feel that you did a great job on this prologue and I am sure that you will gather a lot of interested readers with it!


I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope that you will continue on your writing journey because you definitely have a lot of potential!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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64
64
Review of No title... yet.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
Hello there Tobi ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .I came across your piece when I was looking for something new to read/review. I was looking at the Read a Newbie page when I saw your story, so I clicked on it and it brought me here! I, being a newbie as well, can definitely appreciate the fact that you post your work for others to see. Sometimes it can be a bit worrisome because you never know how a story will be received. I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on your story, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader and are only meant in a supportive way. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! *Smile*

First Thoughts: I was curious to see what type of story this would be because of the fact that you stated that there was yet to be a title. Have you figured one out yet? Until you figure at title out, you could always use "Videla" because it gives the reader a connection to the character

As I Read: I tried to figure out where this story was going to go, because I am the type of person who likes spoilers, but I can honestly say that I enjoyed reading your story without knowing too much about it. That kept me entertained and engaged with it. There were bits of the story, like when you mentioned the hovercraft, that made me wonder about what time it is set in.

Things That May Add To It: The clock suddenly chimes it alarm quickly and loudly. (it should be its. Also, you can rework the sentence since you describe the alarm going off as both suddenly and quickly. One of those descriptions could be deleted. Maybe try something like: The clock suddenly and loudly chimes its alarm.)

She rubbed her eyes clearing the junk out of them and looks down at the dog next to her sighing, pulling the bra strap up back onto her shoulder. (Put a coma after eyes and after them. You use both past and present tense in this sentence which doesn't flow too well together (I have this issue a lot when I write) so maybe try to use present tense since it seems to be the most common in your story. So an example could be: She rubs her eyes, clearing the junk out of them, and looks down at the dog next to her. She sighs as she pulls the bra strap back onto her shoulder.)

She would've lied to stay there for a little longer but business called. (Put a coma after longer)

"I have the feeling today isn't going to end well Bud." (Put a coma before the name Bud to separate the greeting and also after Bud because it's the end of the quotation, but not the end of the sentence.

She walked out to her car locking the door to the house, the grass brown and dead crunching under her feet as she walked over it. (It may flow better if you break up the sentence here. You can do that by breaking up the compounds such as: She walked out to her car after locking the door to the house. The brown grass was crunching under her feet as she walked.)

AS she got into the vehicle she got a call from her boss, she let it go to voicemail. He called a few more times before just leaving a voicemail. (Change AS to As. You can add the word but before she. One possible suggestion for the second sentence is: He called a few more times before giving up and just leaving a voicemail. (There was nothing wrong with the second sentence. The way you have it would work.)

"When are you getting here Videla? You're an hour late as usual. If this keeps up We're going to have to let you go." (add a coma after here to set apart the name. Make We're lowercase.)

She shook her head sighing as she listened to the recording, and called him back. (Add a coma after head)

"I had to take the pooch for a longer walk than normal. He's been sick the past couple days." Was the first thing she said. (Replace the period after days with a coma. Then make Was lowercase.

"Oh well next time call beforehand that way we can at least have the proof that you did let u know beforehand." was the manager's reply. (I think you meant to put the word me instead of u. Then you can change out the period after beforehand with a coma.)

She hadn't lied that Bud wasn't feeling well, but nothing she could do right now. (Add the word there between but and nothing)

She kissed his head, grabbed her keys, and walked out of the door she hadn't but just locked the door when a hand landed past her head on the wall. (You can break up this sentence to make it flow better. You can put a period after door. If you do that then capitalize she. Then you can change past to passed since past is used with time and not distance (I still make this mistake at times.)

"what do you want?" she asked without looking. (Capitalize what)

"You know what I want." a heavily drunken voice said behind her. She turned around looking at him. (Change out the period after want with a coma.)

"You're drunk again." Videla stated bluntly (Change out the period after again for a coma.)

who was standing by a large table with some blue prints on it. He looks at Videla when she walks up. (Maybe take a look at combining these sentences. Maybe an option could be: He was standing by a large table with some blue prints on it and looks at her when she walks up.)

"Doesn''t surprise me probably reaks of the stuff." The man grumbled. (You can rework this sentence to make it flow better like: Doesn't surprise me. He probably reaks of the stuff," the man grumbled.)


I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope that you will continue on your writing journey because you definitely have a lot of potential! I hope to see more of you soon!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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Review of Bite of Vengeance  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello there Tiger Cub 🔱 ! This is Shana from the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" .I came across your piece (INSERT WHERE FROM) so I clicked on it and it brought me here! I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it, but please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a reader. Please take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. I hope these suggestions are helpful! *Smile* After reading "Bite of Vengeance" , I have the following comments to offer...

First Thoughts: I absolutely love it! You were able to use your words in such a way that they kept me in suspense up until the end. Towards the end, I pretty much figured it out, but I love how I didn't know for sure right then. When a good story is written, the reader is able to walk into it and feel at home. I felt just that with this story. I love a good mystery!

As I Read: I definitely enjoyed this read. It was cute, adorable, and well written. I was easily able to follow the story and thought it was an interesting idea. You story was very creative!

Things That May Add To It: Nothing stood out to me that would benefit from a second look in my opinion. To me, this story was very polished and presented very well. You did a fantastic job on it!


I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope get the opportunity to explore more of your creative mind through your writing.

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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Review of The Elevator  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello there Stuart ! I came across this story on the Please Review Page, clicked on it, and found myself reading this curious tale. I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on this story, but please keep in mind that these are simply the thoughts of a reader so please take whatever is good and throw back whatever doesn't apply. These suggestions are meant as helpful encouragement *Smile* So without further ado I would like the share the following comments...

First Thoughts: I had absolutely no idea where this story was going to go, but I can honestly say that I enjoyed the ride! You did a great job at creating suspense and piquing your reader's curiosity through the descriptions in your story.

As I Read: I was pleasantly surprised at how this story went. You presented us with an extremely creative idea and I am very curious to know where the inspiration for it came from. I loved reading this story because it kept me on the edge in wonder about this elevator. I loved it!

Things That May Add To It: The building that housed the elevator was a long low crumbling structure, once a thriving factory in a thriving city, both now devoid of life and people and both now quietly sitting and rotting away, the decades of decay and neglect obliterating past glories with the efficiency and intensity of a corrosive acid. (This sentence would flow better within the story if you reworked it. An example of that may be: The building that housed the elevator was a long, low, crumbling structure that was once a thriving factory in a thriving city. However, now both devoid of life and people, now quietly sitting and rotting away, the decades of decay and neglect obliterated past glories with the efficiency and intensity of a corrosive acid.

Shane Gilchrist 39 was a drifter, unable to settle into any job or career, but with a brilliant scientific mind. (You can put commas around 39.)

Gradually however he had become engrossed in the project, which had given him an object and purpose in life that he had not known before. (Gradually, however,)

Kate searching his eyes for some reassurance, he only stared back and shrugged his shoulders. (You can add the word but before he.)

“I didn’t come all this way to back out now Mike,” he said “I’m in”. ("I didn't come all this way to back out now Mike," he said, "I'm in.")

She did not turn and face him but said quietly “ Yes Mike, I’m going.” (Add a comma before the quotation marks)

I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope that you will continue on your writing journey because you definitely have a lot of potential with your storytelling. Please continue exploring that creative mind of yours!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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Review of Phone Service  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey there R. G. Hosman ! This is Shana from over at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! I came across your piece on the Please Review page and wanted to check it out and I am glad that I did. I enjoyed this story and I wanted to leave my thoughts on it, but please remember that they are just my own thoughts and only meant as helpful suggestions. Please feel free to take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. After reading: "Phone Service" , I have the following comments to offer...

First Thoughts: What caught my eye was that this was your first attempt. I really enjoy reading other people's writing, especially that from someone who is newer to it. I love how you opened up the story with choice for the reader. I find it interesting, most of the time, when a writer does that because it gives more control to the reader. Instead of them being a passive observer, they then become an active reader.

As I Read: Your writing is brilliant and I thought this was a very creative piece. You have a talent with your storytelling. Thank you for sharing it on here. As you told your story, you kept a good pace and kept the reader curious about what was actually going on. You have a good knack with suspense and this story proves that.

Things That May Add To It: Please remember that these are mere suggestions that are meant to be helpful *Smile*

At first all I could here was a bit of static then a voice that I could not tell if it was male or female whispered over the static “Happy Birthday” and the phone went dead, not even showing that a call had taken place. (here should be hear. You could also break up the sentence to make it flow better. An example may be: At first all I could hear was a bit of static, but then there was a voice that I couldn't tell whether it was male or femaal that whispered over the that static, "Happy Birthday." Then the phone went dead, not even showing that a call had taken place.)

Later, I found out that two people had died in that accident ad several others were badly injured. (change 'ad' to 'and')

Other little things that aren't worth talking about have happened since like the phone ringing just to have the whisper say something like “Hello,” but last month I was sitting in my living room when it rang. (To make it flow better, you can try something like: "Other little things that aren't worth talking about have happened since then, like the phone ringing just to have the whisper saying, "hello". Last month, however, I was sitting in my living room when it rang.)

If I change phones, will the strange caller know the new number. (You can exchange the period of a question mark.)

I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope that you will continue on your writing journey because you definitely have a lot of potential!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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Review of The Photo  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hey there TessaT ! This is Shana from over at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! I came across your piece on the Please Review page and read it after it caught my eye. I wanted to leave my thoughts on it, but please remember that they are just my own thoughts and only meant as helpful suggestions. Please feel free to take whatever is good and toss back whatever doesn't apply. After reading: "The Photo" , I have the following comments to offer...

First Thoughts: I like how you open up your story with all of the 'maybes'. This really caught my attention because then I started to try to figure out her real reasoning behind her getting the box down. I also liked how you never gave an exact answer to the question because it kept the reader curious. We don't always have a reason for what we do or what happens, so this was a good reminder of that.

As I Read: I liked how well you expressed the longing that your character felt for her friend. It was very believable and made me wonder if this was based on a personal story or not. Either way, it was well done!

Things That May Add To It: Your story was polished well so I only found a few things that may benefit from a second look. These are only meant as helpful suggestions *Smile*.

"Mom insisted she take them with her." (Perhaps add Her at the beginning of the sentence since you had been using third-person. To me, it flows a bit better that way.)

It was so long ago yet at that moment it didn't seem so. (Add a comma between ago and yet.)

Your story was nicely written and it was a light, good story that made me smile. I think we all have that friend that we've lost throughout the years so the fact that she found the picture and was reminded of her friend really made me smile. It was a great ending to a great story. You have done a great job with this story.

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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Review of Fun With Felines  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hey there J. A. Buxton ! I found your piece when I was searching through random static items. Your title caught my eye and I became curious about your story. I was wondering whether or not the 'fun' was sarcasm or not so I clicked it and let's just say that I was definitely amused.

First Thoughts: You presented a personal account of a very...rough time in your life, but you showed the amusement that it created as well as the frustration. I found your writing to be witty, comical, and natural. You were able to express this story in a way that I could imgine you just vocally sharing it with us.

As I Read: As I was reading, I was chuckling. I love cats, but I also know what they can be like, especially on trips. We had taken one on a three day train ride once. It's safe to say that I am still scarred from it just like it seems that you are too. Also, I could imagine this scene that you described because you did a great job at adding just the right details for the reader to get a good visual.

Things That May Add To It: Your piece is very polished and I found nothing that may add to it. You did a great job with it *Smile*

I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope that you will continue on your writing journey because you definitely have a lot of potential with your vivid and humorous tales! I now know what not to do with a half-dozen cats.

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey there 🌕 HuntersMoon ! This is Shana from over at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" . I came across your story on the random review page an read through it. I wanted to leave you with some thoughts that I had on it, but please remember that these are simply my own thoughts and while I would love to be a professional, I am not. Please feel free to take whatever is good and toss out whatever doesn't apply! After reading "The Warmth of Spring"  I have the following thoughts to offer...

First Thoughts: I saw the length of this story and was curious about how you would work it out because short stories can either be fantastic or fail to convey what the writer was hoping for. You, on the other hand, have accomplished the fantastic status with this story. I immediately fell in love with Oliver and felt that you set up the story very well and I like how you did so through another story told by your character. It was a creative way to do so.

As I Read: I felt that you had explored your topic very well and did a great job with setting up the scene. You presented a dystopian future in a quick and easy way. As I read, your descriptions made the story very vivid and I enjoyed every bit of it.

Things That May Add To It:You story was very polished and I only found one possible correction that you may way to take a look at. She watched as his face scrunched up in concentration as he thought. Watching his serious expression, she smiled as she remembered – what had it been, two years ago? – when his face was covered with freckles. (Did you intend for that symbol or did it not transfer over?)

I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope that you will continue on your writing journey *Smile*

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello there! November Blackwood ! I came across your story on the Please Review page and had to read it! After reading "Working Title: The Taste of Spiders"  I have the following comments to offer. Please keep in mind that I am just a fellow writer/reader so the following comments are merely my opinion. Please take the good and throw back anything that doesn't apply! *Smile*

First Thoughts: I'm not much of a horror fan, but the fact that this was your first attempt, I wanted to see how you were doing with it and what I thoughts I may be able to share as a simple observer.

As I Read: I really enjoyed the suspense that your story built up. You did a great job at drawing out the scene. As you described the man and the circumstances, I could envision it all. Your descriptions were perfectly done.

Things That May Add To It: Your story was polished well so I only found two things that may benefit from a second look. These are only meant as helpful suggestions *Smile*.

First off, I think that it would be more visually appealing if you were to add a space between paragraphs. It would be easier to read and would also help draw out the story even more.

The only other thing that I found was:

A man’s feet sit squarely onto the hard wooden floor, and his knuckles tighten and relax back and forth on the carved details of his chairs armrests. (chairs should be chair's)


I can say that I thoroughly enjoyed reading your story. You did a great job with it and I hope that you will continue exploring your hand with horror because you definitely have a lot of potential! I am curious, however, about the inspiration for this piece. It was extremely creative and very well presented. I applaud you for this story and am excited that a first attempt would hold so much potential!

Power Review From:
-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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Review of Austin Parks  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello there Smiley1456 ! I came across your piece "Austin Parks"  on the Please Review page, clicked on it, and read what you wrote. After reading "Austin Parks", I wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on it. Please remember that these are simply the thoughts of a fellow writer/reader so please take whatever is useful and throw back whatever is unnecessary!

So here we go...

First Thoughts: Your opening caught me because it made me curious to know what happened to your character and immediately threw up some defenses for me. I hated that he had to feel those bruises, but I also wanted to know how he got them.

As I Read: I felt that your story was very well written and expressed. The dialogue perfectly showed the characters' personalities and thoughts. My heart felt for Austin because not only was he being bullied at home, but he was also enduring it at school. He never seemed to be able to catch a break, but a good part was that he had his friend through it all.

This story was very emotional but equally interesting. You presented your characters, plot, and story very well and I think that you have great talent as a writer and storyteller.

Things That May Add To It: Your story was polished well so I only found a few things that may benefit from a second look. These are only meant as helpful suggestions *Smile*.

My brother becomes suddenly interested in our lace table cloth... (I think there is an extra space between our and lace).

“Wow, you sure know a lot about me, Ryan. Do you stock me?” (stock should be stalk)

After people watching for awhile, I reach into my backpack and start to work on overdo homework. (There is an extra space after 'after').

His fathers side is Native American, which means they're tall and dark/ (I think that you meant to put a period here.)

“ Mrs. Evans. It smells like Mexico in here.”
I smile and straighten, saluting him, “ Mr. Evans.”
(You can remove the extra space before Mrs. and Mr.)

I jog home, worried that I stayed to late. (Here you can make to into 'too').

I really enjoyed reading your story and I hope that you will continue on your writing journey because you definitely have a lot of potential!

-Shana-
"WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 

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Review of Why Do I Write?  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Your words are beautiful and this review shows that they have been heard. I am nothing but a simple reader who appreciates your writing, but I have to share with you my thoughts.

First off, you have an amazing talent with writing. I saw that as I read your previous story. You are able to bring the words on your page to life and as a reader that is something that I admire. You put such a heart into your characters that they almost become real.

You said:
"Why do I write?
The answer is simple really
I don't write for recognition
I don't write for attention
I don't write so millions can read
I write simply because if I didn't
I would die."

That right there shows that you write because it is who you are and you will continue writing even if nobody reads it. THAT is the heart of a true writer. You, hon, are extremely talented and I really hope that you continue to share your writing here because you have given me encouragement and inspiration through what I have read from you. You have a gift and I hope you continue sharing that gift with the world because those who truly matter will be touched by it :)

I hope that you have a great day :)
-Shana-

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Review of It's Too Late  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)


Hello Sum1 ! *Smile* I came across your writing as I was searching for longer stories to review for the May Raid of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group"  and wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on your piece. Please remember that there are just my own thoughts so please take of them what you like! After reading "It's Too Late"  I have the following comments to offer...


*Idea* }First Impressions:
After reading the description, I had a few thoughts of what the story was going to be like, but I was thoroughly impressed at the turn that it took. The title and description caught my attention and your writing held it. The dialogue that you present between Kevin and Detective Osborn was very well written and as I read it I could imagine it really happening.

*Vignette5*}The Heart of the Story:
At first, the story seems to be going along with the idea of the subject being the criminal and his actions. However, that changes as the motive behind the acts is discovered. Once the information about the creation of the black holes was introduced, the story took on a whole new element. That twist was very well written and presented!

*Vignette5*}Things That May Add To It:
Nothing came to mind about anything adding to this story. I feel that it is fantastic the way that it is.

*Star*}Things I Like:
I love how your story steadily developed as I was reading it. The flow of the story was perfect as each bit of information built up anticipation of the final result of the story. I also liked the end of the story because it seemed to just fit perfectly with the black holes. I really enjoyed the entire story overall!

Thank you for sharing your writing. I am very glad that I had the opportunity to read it today. I hope to read more of your writing! I hope you have a great day!!

-Shana-

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)


Hello Hailly Forest !! This is a review from Shana at "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" ! *Smile* I saw your profile on the Noticing Newbies page and wanted to welcome you to WDC! This place is amazing and I hope that you fall in love with it as much as I have. I love to read other people's thoughts and ideas and wanted to leave you with some of my thoughts on your story. Please keep in mind that I am a mere reviewer and anything that I say is simply to try and help. I apologize if anything comes across negatively because that isn't my intention :) After reading "The Winding Staircase: Chapter 1"  I have the following comments to offer...

*Vignette5*}The Heart of the Story/Poem:
You present an interesting story. When I read that it was about a girl and a haunted house, I became curious about how you would spin the story. I do have to say that I was drawn into your story by your creativity. I feel that you are a very creative person and as you explore the creativity more and more, you will definitely share it well. I like how your story took twists and it kept my curiosity level bobbing.

*Vignette5*}Things That May Add To It:
I think that your story may benefit from a second look. Something that I try to do is reread my chapters out loud so that I can make sure that every word that I read is the one that I had intended to use. This also helps to fix any grammar or structure issues. As I was reading through your piece, a few things that I took note of was that your story seemed to switch between past and present tenses which was a bit confusing. I wasn't sure if it was intentional or not, but if you stay with one tense, it helps the story to flow better. I think that you have a great story here. It's just the small things that could possibly benefit from a second look. For example, I think that if you try adding some more details to the story, or combine sentences to lengthen the thoughts, it may help the flow as well.

An example of these suggestions might look like: "Many viewed me as a simple, quite girl, but truthfully I am loud. However, all of the talking was in my head where I lived a separate life. No one really expected me to be smart there because my mind was everyone but at school. I lived in a house with my younger brother Rylie, who was nine, and my baby sister Emie. My sister was only one when we realized how intelligent she was. She had already been walking and speaking short sentences by that time."

Something that helps me when I write is that I try to back up anything that I say. If I say something about a character, I try to explain why I am saying it because it helps the reader to understand the story better. We, as the writer, may know exactly what happens and why it happens, but the reader doesn't always have that luxury. :)

*Star*}Things I Like:
I love the story that you have presented. You have shown us a creative and curiosity piquing story. I would love to read more if you ever decide to expand on it and I hope that you will. I hope that you will continue to share the thoughts that run through your mind because this story shows that you have great potential :) I am glad that I got the opportunity to read this story tonight. I hope that you will keep me updated if you decide to go back and rework it or expand on it.

Please take care and I hope you have a great night!
-Shana-

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