Dear GregRyan,
Although the message in this poem is strong and it begins with vivid imagry, in the following three stanzas it loses its vigor and becomes difficult to understand. You also have some run-on sentences, which should either be broken in two and joined with a conjunction.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear harryg,
This is an excellent poem! I love and agree with your indictment of extremism. However, although I didn't find any gramatical, punctuation or spelling mistakes, I do have one suggestion for improvement. I suggest you add a stanza about pious Christain American politicians trying to deprive the non-Judeo-Christian religions of the right to worship.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear darkshadowdog,
I really like this poem because the feelings and thoughts are ones I share; unfortunately, our society is going downhill--rapidly. However, I did notice some mistakes with the punctuation--in particular, placing commas where there should be periods.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/australorp/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.48 seconds at 11:40pm on May 04, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
