Dear ann ticipation,
This is another one of your poems that is sad but still also beautiful and touching. However, I did notice a few mistakes, two of which recurr frequently throughout the poem. First, you have a whole bunch of problems with the comma usage. Second, in the introduction you have some unnecessary wordage. Third, you have a whole bunch of double negatives. Fourth, since you say "making love", which is a euphism for "sex", you need to raise the rating to "+13".
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Richard T. Clark,
This chapter is another excellent addition to your novella or novel--I don't know which. I really liked how you sprung the United States being in the Civil War on the unsuspecting reader believably. However, I did notice a couple of mistakes, which recurr throughout the chapter. First, you have some said-bookisms. Second, you have some unnecessary commas.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear enigma1503,
This is a good first chapter although I think you get the main character involved in the relationship too quickly and the Satanists' rape and sacrifice of Cassandra is a bit too melodramatic and trite. In addition, I noticed a whole bunch of capitalization and punctuation mistakes.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear DragonBlue,
This is a very good collum. I like how you listed links to help combat the problem you discuss in this collum and the acrostic poem in the middle, between the links and author's note, is sad but beautiful and moving. However, I did notice some punctuation mistakes and a couple of fragments you might want to clean up.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear mariapanlilio,
This chapter is really good because you did an excellent job at introducing William the vulcanologist and describing Mary's growing fascination with him. However, I did notice some mistakes. First, you have a whole bunch of unnesecary commas and "that"s. Second, you have missing quotation marks at the beginning of the paragraph of dialogue where William explains his crash landing on the volcano.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Richard T. Clark,
This is a good second chapter even though I think the ending is a bit too abrupt. In addition, I noticed some punctuation mistakes--unnesecary commas, a couple of commas where there should be a semicolon or period and missing capitalization. You also have one said-bookism. However, other than that, it was really good and I'm hoping to read more chapters of this story.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Kattway92,
This poem is such a good expression of thoughts I happen to agree with! However, I did notice some mistakes. First, some of your capitalization is irregular. Second, you have some problems with the comma usage. Third, you have one unneseccary "that" in the second line of the penultimate stanza.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Tehuti Rewritting,
This is a good novella; I really like your combination of Egyptian mythology with gay romance. However, I did notice a lot of fragments. In addition, you have some problems with the comma usage and you have a whole bunch of said-bookisms.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Mariapanilio,
This is a good first chapter to your novel; the characters and main ingredients of the plot are introduced quickly but in a way that doesn't seem rushed. However, I did notice some mistakes. First, you have some problems with the comma usage. Second, the rating should be raised because you mention drugs and sex.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Skye Potter,
I love you name and feel so sorry for all the pain you're going through. I'll pray you get better. I did notice some punctuation and spacing mistakes but since, as you said in this item, you're on medication and it can sometimes mess up your thinking, I'll forgive you. Criticizing a person in pain seems to me a bit too cruel.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear powdered_toastman,
This short story is so sad but, somehow, for some strange reason, I really liked it. However, I did notice a couple of mistakes. First, you have some excess wordage. Second, you have some unnessecary "that"s. Third, you have some problems with the comma usage.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear distanxstarsx,
I don't know how you did it but somehow you made this sad poem beautiful too. However, I do have a couple of suggestions for improvement. First, I think you should add the "Friendship" genre in addition to "Romance/Love" and "Relationship". Second, the way you capitalize only the first letter of the first word of each sentence but not the first letter of the first word of each line makes it difficult to read.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Basilides,
This is a wonderful short story; I love how you made Vee such a strong character who refusese to give in to everyone else's demands. However, I did notice some mistakes. First, you use single quotation marks where there should be double quotation marks. Second, you used a semicolon where there should be a comma. Third, you have some unnessecary commas and "that"s. Fourth, you have a missing comma.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear shannonchapel,
This is an interesting historical fiction short story about the fall of a rich family from the point of view of the youngest daughter--but what the heck is "TREBLINKA"? In addition, I notice a few mistakes. First, you have some unnessecary commas. Second, you have some unnessecary "that"s. Third, you might want to look up "rail car" in the dictionary because I think it's two words, not one.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Brian Miller,
This story is a fascinating rumination on what humanity would do with a second chance. I certainly hope we wouldn't blow it--let alone this one, our first. However, you have a whole bunch of punctuation mistakes, which make it difficult to read and understand.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear sgambil72,
This is such a touching story about a boy wanting to be adopted but I'm a disappointed you didn't tell us at the end wether he was or not. In addition, you have a bit of a problem with the usages of commas and the word "that".
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear HarryPotterFreak,
As you said in your email to me, this really does need some work in the area of grammar and punctuation so I'll list the problems for you. First, it's "you're", not "your". Second, the first word in the dialogue tag isn't capitalized. Third, you forgot the "g" in "sharing".
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear cassandradawn,
Although I don't intend to be harrassing, offensive and/or rude, the beginning of this chapter is WAY too slow. In addition, I noticed some mistakes. First, you have a whole bunch of problems with the comma usage. Second, it's "all right", not "alright". Third, "overheard" is one word, not two. Fourth, you have a whole bunch of said-bookisms, or words other than "said", in all the dialogue tags.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Zachkoch,
I don't know how to describe this poem except to say it is beautiful and sad simultaneously. However, I did notice two mistakes. First, you have problems with the comma usage; most of them are where there shouldn't be any punctuation at all but one is where there should be a semicolon. Second, in your contractions you forgot to put apostrophes.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robisnon
Dear myladylibra,
This poem is so true it's sad but it's also beautiful because the end is hopeful. However, I did notice one reccurent mistake. Your capitalization of the word "angel" and the first letter of the first word of each line are irregular.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Sapphire21,
This poem is an interesting rendering of the Sorceror Stone and hope to see you continue your poetry by adapting thier other five books. However, I do have a couple of suggestions for improvement. First, you have some unnessecary commas. Second, I think you should replace the amperstand, or "&", with "and".
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Momo Rhoades,
Sorry, but I forgot to review the prologue before moving onto the other four chapters. I like how this chapter starts slowly but not so slowly it bores the reader. However, I did notice one particularly present mistake--unnessecary commas.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Momo Rhoades,
Although I like the prologue and first chapter and don't intend to be offensive or rude, this chapter goes a bit too slow for me. In addition, it's "manner", not "manor". Futher, you still have the problem with unnessecary commas as well as a new problem, missing hyphens.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Momo Rhoades,
This is an interesting chapter even though the beginning is a bit slow; however, the pace quicks as it progresses. In addition, you have a bit of an infodump, or excessive unloading of information on the reader, and a whole bunch of unnessecary commas.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Wo Lycaeno,
Oh man; this quiz is hilarious! I was glad to discover I'm within the normal range because I've always thought I'm strange. However, I did notice some capitalization, punctuation, spacing and spelling mistakes.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
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