Dear georgiawill,
I really like history and you did a good job at the describing the causes and results of and the Dolittle raid itself. However, I did notice some mistakes. First, in the initials and abbreviations of rank you forgot the periods. Second, the title of the book should be italicizes or put in quotation marks.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Basilides,
I chose to read this essay because philosophical/religious arguements, issues and theories I have always found interesting. I really like how you used what your athiest friend said as an introduction for your arguement. Although some points of your reasoning are a bit obtuse, your point comes through clearly. The only thing you might want to check would be the use of single quotation marks because to me it looks like some of them should be replaced with double quotation marks.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear PuppyPooka,
Since you said in the description/teaser you needed advice on editing, I'll give you my opinions. In the first stanza you have an unnessecary "that" and a double negative and throughout the poem you have unnessecary commas. However, despite these mistakes I really like this poem even though it also has some similiarities to one I've written before I read this one but haven't posted so they're coincidental.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear rfgraham,
Since you want a really in-depth review, I'll give you one. First, I have some praise. You did a really good job at recalling all this and turning the sometimes aimless events of life into something as dramatic and directed as fiction. Now, however, I have some cricitism. First, you have a lot of commas where there shouldn't be any punctuation at all and a lot of periods where there should be commas. Second, since Dawn curses, you should raise the rating from "E" to "+13". Third, some of the words you wrote as two should be one or joined with a hyphen. Fourth, you have a lot of unnessecary "that"s. Fifth, in the dialogue tags you sometimes have words other than "said"; the dialogue itself should suffice to describe the tone of voice and manner of speaking.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear L. A. Powell,
I really like how you introduced this poem with an excerpt from your upcoming novel. I haven't seen anything like it but I enjoyed it. However, in the poem you might want to look at the comma usage because some of the commas could be removed and it would look better. In addition, you have one unnessecary "that" in the poem and in the excerpt there should only be "said" in the dialogue tag.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear chompie,
Oh my goodness, this is one heck of a hilarious story; I love the song too and you did a good job at turning the lyrics into a believable plot. However, you'll definately want to look at the punctuation, especially the commas because it looks to me as if many of them can be reomoved without affecting the meaning of the sentence and would in fact improve the flow.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear butchlez,
Since I'm trying to tell my parents something difficult, I really appreciate how you wrote this down so others could read it and take courage from it. However, I don't get why the heck you put it in "Short Story"; "Non-Fiction" would be better. In addition, "lifestyle" is one word and you'll definately want to look at the comma usage; many of the commas before the conjunctions can be removed without altering the meaning of the sentence.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear criper,
The premise of this short story is interesting but the plot you developed around it is predictable. In addition, Anne's comment to Millie about her being lucky Chancey survived the car accident seems to foreshadow his dedoing of and dying in the boat accident but it's too obvious. Moreover, the comment about the policians mentioned on the news seems a bit nonsequiter and you'll definately want to check the punctuation because I saw some unnessecary commas and a missing period. I hope you don't take these criticisms badly because I'm just trying to help you improve you writing.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Richard T. Clark,
The idea behind this poem is really interesting; you must like Harry Potter. However, I do have a couple of suggestions for improvement. First, you'll want to replace the "Other" genre with "Fanfiction". Second, there should be a comma in the first sentence of the introduction. Third, although I like all the other explainations in parethesises after the questions, I think the last one is a bit insensitive to older people so you should say something like,"You must be a senior citizen".
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear georgiawill,
This poem is a beautiful description of a rose in a vase and I like your philosophical musing about death at the end. However, I do have some suggestions for improvement. First, the comma in the first line would look better as a colon or semicolon. Second, the double spacing between the verses looks awkward. Third, you have it in the "Other" genre instead of "Poetry" when it's a poem.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Georgiawill,
I like this poem's metaphor of a seagull as a sailing boat because it's very original. I've never seen anything like it before. However, I do have some suggestions for improvement. First, the double spacing looks awkward. Second, you have this in the static item category "Other" when it's poetry. Third, I know the haiku form demands a certain number of syllables per line but the punctuation doesn't affect that so I think you should delete the exclaimation point before the hyphen. Fourth, the phrase, "a gull" shouldn't be capitalized.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear georgiawill,
Although this poem is short, it is really good because the description is so good I can see everything clearly in my mind's eye. I didn't find any gramatical, punctuation or spelling mistakes but do have a couple of suggestions for improvement. First, the double spacing between lines looks really awkward. Second, you put this in the static item category of "Other"; I think you should switch it to "Poetry" since that's what it is.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear georgiawill,
I really like this poem because the imagry is really good. However, I do have some suggestions for improvement. First, "winter", "spring", "gull" "phoenix pear" and "yes" shouldn't be capitalized. Second, there shouldn't be dashes after exclaimation points. Third, you should remove the comma and "that" in the line about the robin because it would look better.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear hotelindia,
Your description of India at the beginning of this chapter is excellent; I can see everything perfectly in my mind's eye. In addition, although the action builds slowly, you do it not so slow enough where it's boring and by the end of the chapter I was hooked and couldn't wait to find out what happens next. However, I have a couple of suggestions for improvement. First, in the first paragraph there is a semicolon after "yet" that shouldn't be there. Second, you might want to consider consolidating the small paragraphs with the same subject into one.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Richard T. Clark,
The description of the cathedral in this chapter is really good; I can see it perfectly in my mind's eye. However, I did notice some mistakes. First, you have some commas where there shouldn't be. Second, you have a period where there should be a comma. Third, the last sentence in the first paragraph is three sentences joined together with semicolons but it would look much better if it were broken down into two or three unjoined sentences.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear CCWolf,
I really like this short story because I LOVE werewolves. However, I do have a couple of suggestions for improvement. First, you might want to look at the comma usage. Second, you have a lot of said-bookisms, or words other than "said", in your dialogue tags and I think you should let the dialogue stand for itself. Third, the last sentence is repitive; I think it should just say, "white as a wolf's coat". Fourth, the ending seems a bit too abrupt. Fifth, is Luke Daniel's boyfriend or brother? You never say.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear CCWolf,
You did a really good job sumarizing your novel in the introduction to this folder. However, I do have a couple of suggestions. First, since this is labeled "Untitled Novel", I thought of a title--Bullet and Tussel. Second, you have some problems with the comma usage and capitalization. Third, you have one unnecessary "that". Fourth, I don't get why you put this novel in a separate folder since it's a book, not individual chapters.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear georgiawill,
I like this poem even though it's really short but I do have some suggestions for improvement. First, I think you shouldn't have double-spaced the lines because it makes it difficult to read. Second, the lack of punctuation--a missing period and hypen--also makes it difficult to read. Third, except for the "Animal" genre, you might want to change the "Arts" and "Activity" to "Nature" and "Environment".
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear truesoul 137,
I really like your journal. However, the bold and different colored fonts make it difficult to read. In addition, you have a whole bunch of problems with the punctuation and capitalization, which, I know, are the result of the entries being composed in a hurry. So I think you should go look through them and check for mistakes at some time in the future.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Maugh,
This is a really good prologue to your fantasy novel; you clearly set up the characters and world at the right pace. However, I did notice some mistakes. First, since you italicize the thoughts, you don't need to say "she [Karen] thought". Second, you have two unnessecary colons; one where there should be a comma and the other where there should be no punctuation at all. Third, you have a whole bunch of unnessecary commas.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear cici41681,
Although in the teaser/description, you describe these lyrics as "typical", I still think they're really good because they uncover and denounce prejudice in such a powerful way. However, I do have a few suggestions for improvement. First, I think you might want to look at the punctuation because I think there might be some mistakes. Second, your capitalization is definately irregular, so you should standardize it. Third, the color of the font makes it difficult to read; I had to squint. Fourth, you'll definately want to raise the "E" rating to "ASR" since you use "dang".
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Richard T. Clark,
This is another really good chapter to your novel; although I expected Treasa's announcement, it was still somehow surprising. However, I did notice some punctuation mistakes. First, you'll want to look into the comma usage because in some places it would look better if the commas were removed or replaced by semicolons. Second, in all the possessives, the apostrophe is missing. Third, you forgot all the hyphens.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear Kane Rowel,
This is a really good novel. You did a really good job at bouncing back and forth between the different characters and plots and tying them together. However, you might want to look at the comma usage the dialogue tags. In addition, some of the sentences have double negatives.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
Dear dragonblue,
Your political views are brought out very forcefully in this editorial. Unfortunately, I happen to agree with you; things are getting worse because of the influence of religious fanatics on the governtment. However, even though you did a really good job in documenting the information in this editorial, you'll want to check the punctuation and spelling because I think I noticed a few mistakes.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
P. S. You might want to check out my novel "A Time to Heal and Kill", which is based on the same theme.
Dear dragonblue,
This angry but truthful editorial is so emotionally powerful I almost cried as I read it! You're right; those laws forbidding feeding the homeless are stupid! However, you might want to check some of the capitalization and comma usage because I think some of it might be unnecessary.
Sincerly, Beatrix Amber Robinson
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