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Review Requests: ON
1,146 Public Reviews Given
1,147 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I have a review template that is only used for in depth reviews, usually those that are specifically requested. These will be as comprehensive as I can manage, including everything I have noticed in reading the piece. Most of my reviews, however, are more in the nature of reactions to the piece with brief notes on things I find particularly good and suggestions on dealing with any obvious flaws in the writing.
I'm good at...
Reviews of stuff I particularly like. If I think the writing is good and the ideas original and inventive, I will say so and become enthusiastic about it. I will point out flaws, particularly where I feel that they interfere with a positive reaction to the piece, but I will also offer suggestions for fixing such problems.
Favorite Genres
I have a broad spectrum of genres I'll review. It's easier for me to list the genres I won't touch.
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, erotica, overly dark subjects without a good reason for existence.
Favorite Item Types
I'm unsure what is meant by this - I would have thought the genres sections covered this.
Least Favorite Item Types
See previous section.
I will not review...
Again, see the genres section that lists the genres I won't review.
Public Reviews
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Review of Scarecrows  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Reviewed as part of the GHOSTLY HALLOWS Fall Power RAID.

Well, you succeeded in making me read it more than once. Thought I had it all worked out and approached the ending, expecting my solution to be presented. But I got closer and closer and nothing was happening (very well done, by the way, to keep the reader hooked right until the last sentence). And then it wasn't what I thought.

So I had to read it all again. Slowly and carefully. And still I wasn't sure. Read the last two paragraphs again to confirm my growing suspicion. And I think I have it now. I take it that a scarecrow is held upright by a nail pinning him to a post. Local knowledge does help sometimes.

It's clever and I like this story very much. The writing is smooth, the pace excellent and the final twist excellently retained until the very last moment. I can't really fault it at all (apart from that final nagging doubt about the nail in the back). Bravo!

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Review of Until It Sleeps  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Reviewed as part of the GHOSTLY HALLOWS Fall Power RAID.

An effective short horror story, this stands out for its descriptions. These form much of the narrative and create the atmosphere and background of the fairly simple story that forms the framework of the piece. It's a cleverly constructed tale in which the battle between good and evil continues in spite of the deal that has been made. That's an age old foundation for a story and it still works.

I admit that there was slight disappointment in there being no resolution in the end. Both sides are determined to win and certain that they will succeed. Which kinda leaves us back where we started. But the story is worth it for the powerful writing and descriptions. And I'm not sure that providing a winner will work anyway. I can see why you left it undecided.

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Review of Autumn  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Reviewed as part of the GHOSTLY HALLOWS Fall Power RAID.

A poem about autumn! Get ready for the colours of the leaves, I thought. But, Geronimo, you hardly mentioned them. Seven lines about autumn with just one reference - rubies - to leaves. Now that is a great start.

We have smells, we have sounds, of the heels on wet streets, and then the rubies. This is autumn alright, from a fresh and different viewpoint. Had you identified just one smell (moss or soil?) it might have been better but that's okay - it's your poem.

And then the last two lines. Eyes, burning and hungry, this begins a whole new direction. Are these eyes filled with the sights of autumn or do they see another country altogether? I take the easy route and suppose that we're still talking about autumn. Although it could mean both, of course. And that would be appropriate in a poem that uses words in the way this one does - as poetic visions meaning more than meets the eye.

So to your arms, laden with life. Again, I take it that they are laden with the fruits of the harvest but someone else might see less or more in this. It's what makes a poem worth reading again and again after all. The ladling of meanings one upon another. 'Tis prose that insista we get to the point.

Lovely poem, a joy to read someone who knows that there are still new things to say about autumn. A veritable jewel of a poem.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Reviewed as part of the GHOSTLY HALLOWS Fall Power RAID.

This is a fascinating tale, well told and with great verve. The pace is unhurried and relaxed, as though any sort of word limit were entirely irrelevant. This enables scenes to be painted in detail but without becoming embroiled in over-elaboration. The only way I can describe this is to say that the story has a welcoming feel to the reader.

Your use of abbreviated statements to form sentences I find very interesting. I do this myself but you have a way of including them that strikes me as different. Fifty years ago, these sentences that are not sentences were a definite no-no but your use of them is so appealing, adding detail in ways to make the reader take notice, that I see it as an asset. It's hard to describe - here's an example:

"A complete loss of will, I found myself lost in her eyes, needing to stay, to serve at her beck and call."

It's clear what you mean (abundantly so) but incorrect if strict rules of grammar applied. They make your writing very distinctive.

Other than that, the piece is so well-constructed and created that I have nothing but praise for it. A most enjoyable read.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Found on a run through Read & Review.

This is a fantasy that has promise but is spoiled by too many typos and mistakes. I have listed them after the main body of this review. The problem with fantasy in short stories is always the question of how much time we can devote to setting the scene and background while still alowing sufficient time for the story itself. You have managed this very well, filling in supporting details when necessary but not departing into long info dumps describing the world and its complications. Always you keep the reader pressing on with the action so that he has no chance to become distracted or bored.

The queen is a complex character that is difficult to establish empathy with but in this, again, you have succeeded. In spite of her ruthlessness, we care about the outcome for her by the end of the tale. And that, of course, is tragedy, there being no escape from the corner you have backed her into. It is a more realistic ending than a miraculous sudden release from destiny that might be tempting. Well done for choosing the way that leaves your story believable.

And so to the errors. These are minor but need fixing if readers are not to be turned away.

"Their eyes beheld the figure that just walked in" - "just" looks odd in the context and is unnecessary.

"A raven-haired woman dawning black armor" - "Dawning"? I think you mean "donning" but better would be "sporting."

"The unbearable stench of crimson" - You mean "blood" and you should say so.

"A man wearing a white robe with gold embroidery at the bottom ran next to the Queen" - Sounds as though the queen was running. Best leave out the word "next."

"She doubled over and clasped the hilt her sword" - the hilt "of" her sword.

"Revealed his ball, dark-skinned head" - his "bald" head, I hope.

"A seasoned soldier whose face seen many skirmishes" - "had seen."

"The door flings open and scores of soldiers flood the throne room." - Suddenly you abandon the past tense of the rest of the narrative to put this one sentence in the present. That can be used to heighten drama but, in this case, it just looks out of place.

"The queen stood over her dead knight as his bloody and broken body lie motionless on the floor" - Should be "lay motionless."

And that's it - shouldn't take long to amend.

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Review of Stars  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Came across this piece in a run through Read & Review.

It's a wonderful little story of a girl seeking true enlightenment who finds it in the answer of one who tells her, not what stars are (which others get wrong anyway) but what they mean. For the first time the girl feels that there is another in the universe who understands - she is not alone.

I love the simplicity and innocence of the story. It is rare these days to find something so straightforward and without complication. Yet this cuts deep to the heart of the human condition in its conclusion.

There are moments of magic in the writing too. "It would catch the light and sparkle off the lenses of his spectacles and he’d grin madly" and "the question jumped in her mind like a shout" are examples. There is poetry in this writer as well as wonderful simplicity.

I didn't notice any technical errors but I wasn't particularly looking for them. It's a well written piece that stands out in the general stream of items flowing past in Read & Review. A most enjoyable read.

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Review of Trip to the Beach  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I came across this on a run through Read & Review.

You fooled me a little on this piece. It's described as being a dark tale of death so I expected there to be nefarious goings on at some point. And it turned out to be a love story. Oh sure, there's a suicide at the end but that really puts the seal on it. The man loved his wife.

The thing is, the description is absolutely correct and it would be difficult to find a genre that the story fits better. Ultimately, this is what makes the story more interesting than the average tale. The reader is lifted up rather than drawn down into the contemplation of some awful deed of horror. A welcome relief from the normal run of short stories.

The writing is faultless, as usual, and the tale is a little gem as a result. Most enjoyable.

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Review of Monsters  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Found in Read & Review.

Well, I can't say you didn't warn me - you said it was horror and so it is. I like the approach of speaking from the first person. It gives the narrative an immediacy that it wouldn't have otherwise and allows us to see clearly the internal struggles with the beast. I have some difficulty in imagining what the beast would look like when it escapes from the protagonist (usually this kind of possession takes over the body of its host to perform its horrors) but I don't think this is a serious weakness. It allows the beast to be more invulnerable than would a possessed human body and so we can believe the trail of mayhem it leaves.

A very minor niggle is the matter of bologna being loved by a vegetarian. Do they make vegetarian bologna? I don't think so but I could be wrong.

Otherwise it's a competently written story that fulfills its promises. Well done.

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Review of Simple Medicine  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found in Read & Review.

And I'm glad I did. This is a charming story of a little old lady and her pills. You build a loving picture of the central character (Emma) and we are drawn into the story of her life umntil we, too, are delighted by her.

It's the quality of the writing that achieves this. There's an occasional typo but one hardly notices, so enthralling is the tale. And there are times when descriptions approach the poetic, so effective are they. Take this sentence for instance: "And all of us, generally, in this small hamlet where elbows easily rub and voices overlap and scandal is limited to the uncontrolled giggles from imbibing too much fruit punch at the VFW hall on Saturday night, all of us understand and humor and even looked forward in an odd sort of way to Emma’s cogent oration on the latest spasm, pang or bold gnawing that would dare tread her aged temple." Apart from being a magnificent construction that gives the lie to all wagging fingers insisting on simplified language, this extract gives example after example of original, effective similes and metaphors. I absolutely love it.

And that goes for the entire piece. You have written a tour de force indeed.

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Review of Life Undersea  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found on my travels through Read & Review.

An interesting form, taking things beyond the simple and common forms. And on this you build a fascinating glimpse of a submariner's life. It makes clear how the burden of water around the boat must press on the awareness of the crew at all times, but also deals with some of the ordinary, day-to-day rituals of the life. I like that the poem deals with such things, such a fresh departure from the usual run of "poetic" subjects. It's like reading Frost's Mending Wall after reading fifty poems about roses.

Okay, I'm male so maybe it's inevitable that I would like it. But aren't males allowed to express their interests too? More power to your pen, say I.

Thank you for a very enjoyable experience.

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Review of Eunice the Unique  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Came across this piece on a run through Read & Review.

What a pleasant little tale this is! From the tiny perspective of a leaf that has landed on your face, you develop the tale until it changes your world, leaving you a tree different from both other trees and humans. There is no explanation for this and there doesn't need to be. It's a pretty imagining that is most enjoyable for the reader.

There is no twist at the end as so many short stories have but, in this case, it's not necessary. The writing and development of the story are sufficient to hold the reader. A twist would probably destroy the atmosphere that has been built so effectively.

Altogether it's an unassuming flight of fancy that brightens our day. Well done!

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Review of Kasdeya  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Came across this tale on one of my travels through Read & Review.

Brilliant quote from GK Chesterton. And the story fits it perfectly. An ideal piece to read to a young child still afraid of things that go bump in the night. The writing is simple and completely appropriate for the intended age group.

There's an interesting point raised by the following passage: "I’m not afraid of you any more! Get out, you’re just an imaginary monster. I’m 8 now and I don’t have to be scared of you any more." Normally, I avoid repeating a word or phrase too closely in the text and I go to some lengths to find alternative ways to put things. But we're talking about reported speech here. And such repetition is common in speech - very few take the trouble to edit their utterances in vocal comments.

To my picky eye, however, it still jars and I wonder whether it's something that we should avoid, purely for the sake of easing the reader's progress through the narrative. I'm not saying that you should change anything but it's a minor point that bears consideration - maybe.

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Review of Down in the Dell  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I stumbled across this in one of my wanderings through Read & Review.

I don't usually review poetry since I don't feel qualified to do so. But, occasionally, I read one that I can't resist commenting on. This one insisted that I communicate how much I enjoyed it. Rhyming poetry? Hardly my metier but I'm giving it a try lately and so begin to understand a little about its attraction. And now this idea of double-consonant rhyming. Now that's satisfying, both to the writer and the tongue!

For some time now I've been a bit irritated with the simple moon-june-croon rhymes of far too many poems (my own too). And this poem is absolutely full of the wonderful rhyming of double-syllabled words. Maybe it's the increased effect of double rhyming that makes it so satisfying, maybe it's the rarity of the practice, but it really does grab me, regardless of the subject (which, in this case, is a pleasant fantasy of a utopian place).

I don't usually go for pink unicorns and rainbows but I love this poem. Wonderful stuff, Cubby!

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Found this on one of my passes through Read & Review.

I seem to be coming across a lot of your stories of late, whereas it was always poetry before that. This suits me fine since I rarely review poetry - I don't feel that I know enough for that. But prose I'm comfortable with!

What I particularly like about this story is the easy authority it exudes. It might be because I know nothing of gambling but I was impressed with your apparent knowledge in that arena. There's no better a foundation for good writing than a thorough knowledge of the subject chosen. This enables you to build a thoroughly believable tale set in a future world that is well beyond our experience. And that allows the reader to become immersed in the story, the mark of real success for a writer.

Most short stories depend on a twist at the end for their impact but not this one. Yet it is completely successful in its intent to highlight a character and allow the reader to gain from the experience. There is wisdom in the words of Card.

The writing is effective, the flow even and well-paced, resulting in a piece that will stand for a long time in the memory of the reader. I just wonder what led some reviewers to deny the story half a star!

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Review of Vocabulary  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found this in yet another trip through Read & Review.

Ah, you've said it now. And quite right you are. In many ways, it's a writer's responsibility to keep language alive, to use words that fit without worrying about whether they'll be understood or not. If we don't drive them to the dictionaries, who will? And, if they won't go, the language slowly loses words that supply it with the accuracy and precision it needs.

Of course they tell us to write in simple language, that it's all the masses understand these days. They miss the point that, without the experience of meeting more complex words, they'll never gain the ability to understand. In effect, those who would have us speak simply are contributing to the decay of comprehension in the reader.

Nice idea to put it in verse form and very ably done. The poem states your premise clearly and argues it to a sensible conclusion. The fight against "dumbing down" has to begin somewhere. More power to your arm!

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Came across this in Read & Review.

What an enjoyable little poem, fun from the word go and a gentle sting in the last line. Add to that the flawless rhythm and steady pace, and I can find nothing to suggest by way of improvement. Almost, I am persuaded to try this cooking lark myself! But wait, memories of previous disastrous attempts return and I must retire from that particular battlefield.

It's not really a cooking lesson, however - more of a tribute to Tess and her cooking skills. Most excellently done!

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Review of Rock Seeds  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Came across this while going through Read & Review.

I love the basic idea of the story, the matter of rock seeds, but am a little unconvinced about the ease with which Harry accepts the fact of huge rocks appearing in his garden. He's been inordinately angry with Madalyn's mother in the first place, for allowing her daughter to wander unsupervised, so this lack of indignation at the rocks sprouting on his lawn seems out of character.

But the child sprinkling rock seeds is delightful. So imaginative and satisfying to the mind's desire for logical but impossible progressions. It's an idea that you might consider using in other stories a bit longer than this flash fiction piece, restricted as it is by contest requirements.

There are a couple of minor grammatical matters you might consider. In the sentence "He loved his yard and loved taking care of it," the repetition of "loved" jars a little. It might be an idea to change the second instance to "enjoyed."

The piece is written in the past tense but the final sentence contains both past and present tenses. ""The faith of a child," is all Harry could think" should be ""The faith of a child," was all Harry could think."

It's a lovely piece, however, with the brilliant invention of growing stones.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this while running through Read & Review.

And I guess one man's flurry is another man's blizzard. Point taken, it's all about the definition of the word.

It's a well written story and contains a lesson for those less used to snow in winter. Certainly, the matter of keeping a few blankets in the car is a good idea. Hard to to generate tension and suspense in what is, essentially, flash fiction but the story succeeds in spite of this. The only thing I have my doubts about is the threat of breaking legs at the end. I know it's the kind of exaggeration we throw away in conversation every day but is it appropriate when in print? It's hardly a rational response to a perceived misuse of a word, I think.

That's probably a matter of opinion and I certainly have no other quibbles about the piece.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
I found this in Read & Review.

A fantasy of sword and sorcery, it starts well, with well-created descriptions and characters from a legendary land. My first impression was, however, that you were spending too much time on the first part of the tale, leaving not enough for the the rest. The end loomed and we had not yet found the shadow. So, when it finally came, the fight was brief (although stated to be lengthy) and Cadoc's recovery thereafter even briefer. The final sentence told us very little of what ensued, leaving us with a feeling that you had become tired of writing.

You've put a lot of effort into the opening of the piece which, had you kept it going, would have resulted in an excellent sword and sorcery tale, I think. It may be that you were trying too hard at first, for the language seems a bit contrived, with a need to express everything in a sort of legendary form. It seems to me that the story would benefit from some cutting in the beginning and then extending in the subsequent paragraphs to include details of the knight's adventures and struggle with the shadow. It's a great beginning that deserves a better ending.

Which is my opinion only, of course. There may be more meaning in that final sentence than I have been able to discern. There is another sentence that didn't make sense to me and could do with fixing. "Soothe the rumors told you I crave blood..." makes no sense if you really mean "soothe". That must be a typo, I think.

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Review of Perfect Goodbye  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Ersatz ice cream, I'll bet.

Found this gem in the Read & Review facility. It's a cool story with more to it than appears at first. Of course, Alex hankers after reality after suffering perfection for too long. But is it just the grim face of reality that has driven him there? Are there not flaws within ourselves that cause as much dissatisfaction with life as the mess we've made of the world? One can only sympathise with Alex's decision to turn off the simulations, including Helena, and learning to deal with life as it is.

The devices used in the tale, the view from the window, the robot wife (and maybe the ice cream), have been used before in scifi stories; it's the decision to return to ugly reality that is different. And the honesty inherent in this is why I like it.

The writing is fine and without flaw that I can discern. Nice work indeed.

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Review of The Loss  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found this on one of my runs through Read & Review.

What I really like about the story is that it's different. I read once that there are only seven stories in the world and everything is a development of one or other of them. Whoever worked that out, I'd like to see him try to classify this one.

It all starts so innocently, little Ryan enthusiastically wanting to see the world and his father quietly indulging him. It's becoming a cliché that the fortune teller stops and refuses to tall the client's future and the reason is nearly always death. But you deal with this quickly and get to the much more original reason for it all - the indigo children. Nicely played, indeed. I still want to know about the indigo children but I guess I'll never know now. The ending is very well done, balancing the reader's expectations with events that may or may not have been surmised, so retaining the feeling of mystery.

It's all very well written and the flow and pace are suitable to the story being told. Altogether an enjoyable read.

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Review of Remembrance  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


I found this in Read & Review.

Initial Impression:

At first, I wondered where you were going with the story, dreading that I was going to be dragged into a political debate that I didn't want. I need not have feared - you avoided such a thing quite expertly and I have an engrossing story to read as a result.

Title:

The title is good, having atmosphere and mystery to attract the reader without giving the game away.

Content:

It's a great story, introducing an attractive character, the grandmother, and allowing us to get to know her through the eyes of the narrator. We understand quickly that she is dead and we're attending her funeral. To get from there to the grandma's house is fairly standard stuff but effective and then we have the mystery of what's in the attic. The key sparks the memory and so we have to see what's in there. All very well done and the reader is as eager as Forrest to find out. And so to the old uniform and the awaiting surprise. For a moment I thought you were going to drag me into another story entirely but just a flash and we were back in the attic. I should have known that the word limit didn't permit such an excursion. But the content is great, albeit with a few minor quibbles that I'll talk about in due course.

Style:

I didn't notice, which is always the best thing to say about style. If the reader is noticing style, he's not being held by the story. Which means that the style is a distraction and therefore flawed. Yours is faultless.

Flow/Pace:

Good flow and pace - what more can I say?

Suggestions:

Noticed a couple of typos that are easily fixed. "Even after all the years that had past." - "past" should be "passed." "I must have cut off my air off" - one of those "offs" has to go. I'd ditch the second one.

Then there's a matter of what the movies call continuity. We're told that the locked door leads to the attic but, when Forrest opens it, he's immediately in the attic. In my experience, attics are at the top of the house and yet we've not been told of any ascent of stairs. It's a strange house that keeps the attic on the same level as the rooms.

Favourite line or part:

"The ground is stained with the blood of our ancestors." I'd be a poor historian if I weren't stirred by such words. Also I like "Some things we're never prepared for" because it's true.

Overall Impression:

A very competent story that includes a magical hint of something mysterious going on. I enjoyed it.



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Beholden


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Review of The Beast  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Found this in Read & Review.

It's an interesting exercise, to write a story using only words of one syllable. Reading through, I didn't notice, which I presume means you succeeded very well.

And that's really the point - that the story is strong enough, whether written with certain constraints or not. I found it enjoyable, easy to read and the invented patois believable. The ending was a little weak, without any surprises or twists but that seems understandable considering the need to keep to single syllable words. It's a very capable piece of writing.

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Review of Crash Course  
Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Found this little gem in Read & Review.

I like it a lot. You caught me out with a surprise ending and that's not bad going in only 28 words. One could say that you didn't need even that many but I think the set up is important, that the first two sentences establish the situation in the reader's mind that the final sentence is going to turn on itself.

The short description in the header almost gives the game away - which would be a pity. Otherwise this is a neatly constructed and well executed tale that does exactly what it sets out to do. Well done.

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Review by Beholden
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I found this in Read & Review.

It's a good flash fiction piece, very direct and cantering on towards the denouement. The ending is unsuspected and suitably shocking. In short, the story has everything required by the genre.

What a pity then that it is marred by a few typos and errors that slipped by the final edits. I'll list those I noticed:

"He must good with women:" should be "He must be good with women."
"to gather as much evidence for an upcoming divorce filing" - as much evidence as what?
"envelops" should be "envelopes."
"What harm could come waiting a week?" - "What harm could come of waiting a week?"
"I remembered where I had seen." - "I remembered where I had seen her."
"I’ve caught on video him soliciting..." - strange word order. Normally we'd say, "I’ve caught him on video soliciting."

These are all minor slips that are quickly mended. But they are the kind of thing that distracts a reader and can persuade him to stop reading. Best to catch them before hitting that Post button, I think. Especially when the story itself is strong and checks all the boxes.

Beholden

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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