Hello JoJo
welcome to W.com. This is a deep write,. I am sure will touch a few in here, I cna not see anything that I would change simply becaise I feel things such as this come direct from each ones heart and none can feel what we feel in the midst of these times.... I hope all turns out for your friend and she begins to heal...
My favorite part was:A sin thats denied as murder
Lord forgive her
The mother's scared
So unprepared
Hello Nightwhisper.
I came across your port via the *Read a newbie section* and first of all may I say...WELCOME to W.com. I am sure you will find this a great place to hang out and make new friends!
I had to smile when I read this piece as I come from a family of truckers and they are certainly a family of their own and their lingo as well..... the only things I saw that you could make a chnage to if you wanted to make for an easier read and edit...
the truck stops.... It did not show in my edit to read s one word.
fact un-debated .... again in my editor it did not show it as one word... although I know what it meant in the reading.
I like it.. it says it how it is in their world!! The ending is my favorite where you say...
It's a "Lifestyle" of "Git-R-Done"...
while in each other, and "God We Trust
Keep up the great work! I look forward to reading more of your writing and again...Welcome!
This is an excellent read for me as the majority of my life I wore a label, several matter of fact and only hope that in my future writings that I can portray such positive writing on the subject as you have! Great job!
Good Morning Sunless.
WElcome to W.com. This is a very good read..Perhaps even educational for the most part. I fully agree on the issues and I like how you took both the pros and the cons. When you work in the medical field and we see at the time of daylight savings time more people down and depression becomes greater we know it is because of the lack of light and longer days.
I really hope you do more writing on this or in regards to this because the word indeed is true and needs to be spread. Keep up the good work!
Good Morning Sashi.
Welcome to W.com. I love this story! IT is so touching and I can certainly relate to it somewhat as I have been homeless. I think it is great how you go from rags to riches and then to see what the children did with their blessings! Very touching. I will visit the rest of your port soon!
Hi Nicole and welcome to W.com.
You have a good emotional piece here, you write from your heart and when we do that it all comes from deep within.
Some of the things I see that would make your story a better read:
About a year ago i was (Go through and Captailize all your I)
well thats what (that's)
who went anorxia(anorexia)
Also you may want to do some indenting when you begin a new paragraph, In order to do that here you type this before each paragraph but use {} these symbols (indent) {} Give it a try and again Welcome!
Hi Mom 5, What a beautiful piece,You have such beautiful rhythem to this and it says so much is so few words. I can not find anything wrong with this at all! What a great journey to take to become closer to God! Thanks for the inspiration!
Hello Cat and welcome to W.com I came across your port from the "read a newbie." I really like this, It offers much ponder and thought to the reader. So true like you said:
"It's the regrets of our eternal heart,
That shall be our demise"
And we all live with regrets.
Keep up the good work!
Hello... I like your story. I do wish it was a bit longer as it just ended right there for me but non the less I do like it! Af ew small things I found wrong:
. You know she going to ask for it whenever she manages to get here.” Should it be (She is or she's)
The preacher screamed an amen (here I would get rid of the word (an)
Keep up the great work and I look forward to a visit back in your port *s*
Hi Mary,
This is a beautiful story, Rose seems to be so into the *now* or in the phase of life that some drift in and then awaken and not sure where they are. I really did like this, I can certainly find no faults! Thanks for sharing this with us and I look forward to reading more in ports.
Hi Asinas and welcome to W.com.
I think you have a good story here, but some of the things you need to do that would perhaps help people read it a bit easier and only my suggestions:
You have a few typos:
homeschooling should be a space between the words.
rthe take the r out
abd Should this be and?
adress =address
besides =beside
sandwhicch=sandwhich
peanutbutter should be split words
vicous= vicious
heared= heard
unatural needs another n
howels take out the e
realizr= realize
agaisnt= against
klike take the k off the front
rhat=that
somthing=something
agaisnt=against
befopre=before
A few punctuations are out of place. Once these get cleaned up this would be an easier read.
But again only my opinion.
Hi Draven and welcome to W.com.
I read this through a couple of times and it reminds me of how some of the elderly all of a sudden look in a mirror and realize...time faded and this is who they becomes. I know I can look into a mirror and wonder where time went in years gone by. I like how you show this uncertain adventure we all must take.
Hey Harry! What more can we say..You did an awesome job now if we simply could just understand why Womend do such a thing! *laughing* Now we can all relate to this one:
especially after finding gray hairs brings despair.
hello and welcome to W.com. Came across your port in the newbie section...
I like your story. It has good detail, it allows me to see a picture in my mind as I read. I will list below what I came across and you can do with it as you so choose.
foward ( is this supposed to be forward?)
seighed (sighed)
It would be an easier read if you would indent the new paragraps.
I know it is hard to write and come up with good wording to get away from fragments, I am not the worlds best at picking up on them but I did see two of them. It may be very worth your while to go in and re-do a couple of those!
I will be looking back in your port for more reads soon! Keep up the great work!
Hi Lee.
I really do like this. I think you did a great job, you staed how it is and how it will rmeain to be. Some things in life no matter how much we want to or try to..we can not change! I really tike this part:
Soon the sun will go down again
only to come up somewhere else
so it has been since creation
and so it will be until it all ends
Hi Donna, Very good writing~ My grandmother was a Cherokke Indian and I have no doubt that back in the 30's and 40's it was such taboo for inter racial marriages. Kind of reminds me when one race does not claim you and the white race calls you squaw. But not dark enough to be an indian, That is in my blood veins and heritage. Not always a good thing to most white people.
Keep up the good writing and I am looking forward to reading more in your port.
Maureen, you certainly gave a good thought and a different outlook on reviewing! It is certainly true no matter how we do it, we all manage to connect in some small way. What better way to do this than to REVIEW! Keep up the good work! This is a definite eye opener in new ways to look at what we do! REVIEW!
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