I’m back! I just finished reading and reviewing the 1st three poems in your saga. This has been enjoyable so far, and of course, I found several diamonds in the rough! Awesome job!
Hope you are ready for another one of my R&R Point of Views!
I like your approach with poem #4 and how you’ve made it more challenging. It seems like you’ve now upped the ante for Geno, and gave him a whole lot of cryptic messages on where, how and when he can obtain the timepiece. This is my guess. I thought you did a super job with this one!
Diamond in the rough I selected stanza #4 as the diamond in the rough, because this appears to be the verse that provides mysterious clues that unlocks the key to where and how he should return the timepiece.
Tips to top it Not much needed to top this poem except maybe a comma at the end of line five. Fantastic job!
I’m Chelle and just finished reviewing "A MEMORY IN TIME." and "THE DAWNING OF TIME" . As I shared with Braddock and Geno, I thought it would be fun to review your saga of nine poems. When I review, I usually look for what I consider to be “diamonds in the rough” or simply lines of poetry that make a statement.
I hope you don’t mind my R&R Point of View, so here we go!
Overall, in poem #3 of the saga, I enjoyed the part your character plays as an outsider amidst the duel, yet with a family connection. You make it very understandable to the reader what the tussle is about and I think the concept is wonderful. It seems that your poem serves as a narration between the two poets. Terrific job!
Diamond in the rough I chose Stanza 6 as the diamond in the rough, not only because it describes the emotion of settling of scores, so-to-speak, I get the feeling that the story is not over yet.
Tips to top it
Only a few periods at the end of several lines, but also some other suggestions include: L1:Duelling should be spelled “Dueling” L3: a semi-colon may work better here L4: “Dueling” vs. Duelling L10:Grandad should be spelled “Granddad”; add a comma at the end L27: “Dueling” vs. Duelling
Thank you for allowing me to critique your work. So far, I have enjoyed reading your works. I anticipate what will happen next. I’m off to review "THE PASSING OF TIME" …
I’m Chelle and just got finished reviewing "A MEMORY IN TIME." . As I shared with Braddock, I thought it would be fun to do a review on each of the nine poems included in your saga. When I do a review, I usually look for what I consider to be “diamonds in the rough” or simply lines of poetry that make a statement. Your contribution to the saga is very well written and distinct! I think you did an exceptional job!
I hope you don’t mind my R&R Point of View, so here we go!
Overall, as number two of the 9-poem saga, I like how you added your persona to the story. There is something about each of stanzas that directs the reader deeper into the story, wanting so much to know about this inanimate object. I assume that the gold and silver token Haddock referred to in "A MEMORY IN TIME." is your grandfather’s watch, which brings me to my selection of the diamond in the rough.
Diamond in the rough I selected Stanza 5 as the diamond in the rough, because I like how you brought to life the references presented in poem #1 and hinted the familial relationship between the two.
Tips to top it
Although I only noticed a few missing punctuations, such as a period and comma at the end of several lines, here are some suggestions you may want to consider: L9: Join motion and less to become one word; end with a comma, L13: To flow with the remaining lines, I felt that replacing but with “for” seemed more appropriate with what you are conveying here. L20:Grandad should be spelled “Granddad”; end with a period.
Thank you for allowing me to critique your work. It has been a pleasure and I’m excited to find out what happens next. I’m off to review "DUELLING POETS." ...
I’m Chelle and I thought it would be fun to review your saga of nine poems. When I do a review, I usually look for what I consider to be a “diamond in the rough” or simply lines of poetry that make a statement. Overall, I thought this concept was very sharp! Your ideas were wonderfully communicated. I think you did an excellent job!
Here goes my R&R Point of View!
Although the beginning is brief, the reader is lead to wonder about this “gift from a life”. You provide subtle clues, yet the reader is tempted to know all about this mysterious token.
Diamond in the rough I chose your fourth stanza as the diamond in the rough because I can sense your passionate connection to having this object in your possession only but for a season..
Tips to top it
I only noticed a few missing punctuations, such as a period and comma at the end of several lines. Something else to think about: L8: An apostrophe should be inserted after ones since it is a possessive noun. L10: The apostrophe is not needed since the correct spelling is meant. L11: I thought that replacing and with “though” seemed more appropriate with what you are conveying here
Thank you for allowing me to critique your work. One down and eight more to go, I’m off to review "THE DAWNING OF TIME" ….
Overall, I thought you have a very great piece to begin with, so the focus with this review is to simply improve punctuation errors and provide suggested layout for a better read. One suggestion is to break up your poem into seven stanzas of four lines. This would help the reader with the flow of your poem. I generally write a few things about each stanza and then include some tips to improve the stanza. If you notice with yours, it simply includes the tips as there were no stanzas to break up the piece. I had the pleasure of finding several “diamonds in the rough” because these lines, to me, they stood out as the anchor to your poem.
Great job on creating this piece! I hope you don’t mind my R&R Point of View.
Tips to top it Break up poem into 7 stanzas of 4 lines L1: Replace end punctuation with a “comma” L2: Add a question mark at the end to complete the train of thought L3: Replace end punctuation with a “comma” L4: Replace “T’was” with ‘Twas (the poetic variation of ‘It was’). Add a question mark at the end to complete the train of thought L5: Replace end punctuation with a “comma”. L6: Replace end punctuation with a question mark. L7: Replace end punctuation with a “comma”. L8: Keeping this in the first person, you may want to change this to “When we have split our seed”. Replace the period with a question mark. L9: Not sure of what you are trying to say with L9-10 L11: Replace end punctuation with a “comma” L12: Replace end punctuation with a period L13: Can I make a brief suggestion with this one? Try bringing these two questions together so they can be combined with L1:L14. Example, “How can I lay here, write in peace, while you’re SCREAMING in my ear?” With screaming in all caps indicate you are yelling so the exclamation point is not needed. L15: Replace “my” with “me to find”, replace end punctuation with a “comma” L16: Insert “away” between “take” and “all”, Replace end punctuation with a question mark) L17: Insert “my” between “maintain” and “sanity” L18: Try replacing “as it’s” with “When” L19: replace “just” with “would”, replace “..” with a comma L20: Replace “To” with “just” L21: Change end punctuation to a comma L22: Change end punctuation to a question mark L23: Try replacing “stoney” with “hardened”. L24: Change end punctuation to a period. L25: Remove end punctuation L26: Replace end punctuation with a period L27: Remove end punctuation L28: Replace end punctuation with a period
Diamond in the rough I chose Lines 25 through 28 as diamonds in the rough because it speaks to the writer’s fragile condition after being hurt so many times, not sure if he/she can ever love again. Terrific job
You have an exceptional ability to express your feelings poetically while to venting. Your rhythm was great with minor punctuation errors. I thought you did a great job. I’m hoping that you would return the favor and review one of my pieces. Thank you for allowing me to critique your piece.
I would love to read your edited version if you choose to consider my suggestions or if this has inspired you to reflect on some revisions of your own.
I came across your piece because it was considered one of the highest rated scripts. I'm looking to learn from some of the best and thought I'd review your piece.
Overall feeling of this piece You chose a very smart concept for the plot. I like how you wove in the job interview aspect. Eudora seemed to have her own story within the story and that was great!
Noteworthy items The part of the storyline where you alluded to the seven deadly sins was really imaginative. As a reader, I continued to be intrigued in finding out what would happen to Gary. Awesome job!
Simple Suggestions I don’t think I would change anything. I like the fact that it is rated as a comedy / satire / supernatural. You’ve actually pulled off the topic very well and I admire you for that.
Keep writing!
I am currently in the process of revising / refreshing my own script "Invalid Item" that was originally written in 1992 as a comedy/satire – I’m thinking of possibly reworking it into a short story. Because this is a similar genre, I really would appreciate your feedback. I’d like to know your thoughts on if I should keep it as a satire and soften up a few things or turn it into a more realistic storyline.
This is very well written. I was so captivated with your story that I could not stop reading until I found out what happened in the end.
In the beginning, you can almost believe why he did what he did, but I quickly got the message when you wrote “You were a man who had everything ... Only a man with no conscience could do what you have done.”
All I could say was "Whoa!" Thank you for sharing your gift!!!!!
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Hi Braddock:
Diamond in the rough 
I selected stanza #4 as the diamond in the rough, because this appears to be the verse that provides mysterious clues that unlocks the key to where and how he should return the timepiece.
Tips to top it 
Overall feeling of this piece 
Noteworthy items 
Keep writing! 
Quite an imagination you have, Lexie
