Overall impressoin: Incredible, amazing, excellent and my list go on and on. The first paragraph sets the pace, fast moving and full of twists and turns. I enjoyed every word written. The ending took me by suprise and I loved it.
Plot: The plot made sense to me and was clearly written.
Style and voice: You have a natural talent, the tone was dark and creepy.
Scene/setting: You described the setting and scenes so well, my imagination didn't have to do much work to see it. I could practically hear the windshield wipers and felt and isolation in the wintery setting.
Characters: Lester is a well developed character. He is dark, twisted and crazy. He even used the fact that people thought he was stupid to decieve them. Lester has many layers and each one reveals how sick he truly is. Charlotte's is well developed also. The idea that she was just as sick as him worked really well. Maybe some monsters are better at hiding their true nature.
Dialog: Perfect and every piece of dialog only added to the story.
I enjoyed this poem, very short but not all poems can express themselves with only a few lines. Did you have a certian poetic form you were following? The lines in italic do nothing for me. When I read your poem over without them, it had a beautiful rythym.
This story did raise a lot questions. What's in the box? Does the women have a magical ability? Is she good or evil or a little of both. And how and why was the box in the alley. It would be nice to read more, not a complaint but a compliment. So far I am intigued.
Enjoyable piece that keeps me wanting to read more. Two thoughts if his girlfriend screamed and he was worried about her. Why would he take the time to get undressed? Just a little thing.
This story did not bore me at all. In fact it was an interesting peek into someone's life. They way you described the betrayel of a friend is perfect. The way you describe how he felt made you feel for his character. The ending is very sweet and uplifting. I like how this shows how in one day things can be down and suddenly your on top of the world.
A little repetative, but I do like the feeling of the poem itsefl. I am not sure how to explain so I will put an example of what I would change.
Tears, cascading down
A smile, upside down
a sad faced clown
Instead of having a sad faced clown repeat every other sentence I would pair two then add it in.
I am new and still working on giving better reviews. So I am sorry if this offends in any way.
I enjoyed your story. The setting, characters and plot were very well described and I could imagine in my mind what was happening. The ending was a suprise to me.
It's enjoyable, but there are some structure issues. I would read this over and edit. Some of the sentences seem to ramble a bit and it feels a little disjointed. There were parts did not blend with the rest of the story.
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/chrysiievil/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/8
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.24 seconds at 8:57pm on May 05, 2024 via server web1.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
