Overall Impression: This is a light hearted musical piece rewritten to reflect modern times. That sounded serious, but the truth it made me laugh and enoyable enough that I sang the song to my husband. The pop refrences are great and I understood everyone one of them and remember them fondly. Bands like Nirvana, Green Day and Alice in Chains I had on cassettes another dead media. The other part that I found funny is that I am 31 years old, but at least my kids do not state that I am uncool (yet). This song made me laugh and was a joy to sing along to. Thanks for sharing it!
Overal Impression: The poem is enjoyable enough and the subject matter is intersting. I enjoy poems that are not always about heart break. One suggestion would be to look at where you have commas a few seem out of place. And the last line does not need the extra periods or exclamation mark (that is only my oppionion and if you want it that way then do not change it).
Here is a few suggestions:
It was ten-past-five, on the mid of July,
or
It was ten past five, the middle of July
For, many a crop lands lay parched.
or
For many a the lands lay parched.
For many the crop lands lay parched
Soon, there ‘ll be a drizzle outside,
or
Soon there will be a drizzle outside,
These are my suggestions and you use them or ignore them. I enjoyed reading your poem and thank for sharing it. Also welcome to WDC and keep on writing!
Overall Impression: Good story about love and loss that sometimes happen all at once. This is a great start, but it needs to be filled in more. There is a lot of information that is pushed out way too fast. The build up is quick effecting the emotional impact and character developement.
Characters: Good starts on the characters, Lindsay is developed a little bit and Duke as well. Both could be done well and having more interactions or a memory would strengthen the characters and their relationship.
Setting/Scene: Doctors office and Police Station both makes sense, but it would be nice to have more details.
Plot: Interesting and the story end is open, but not all stories need everything resolved with a neat little bow.
Dialog: Good, but it could be better if you extended the conversations. Especialy with the doctor in the start.
This core of this story is wonderful, but there is some questions that come up. What is she dying from? How will she tell Duke? Not even asking, but a moment where she considers the idea.
I enjoyed reading your story and thank you for sharing it.
Overall Impression: Great poem with a wonderful message on parenting too. The format is free style, but some on the lines and verses repeat themselves. The question "Is it worth it?" repeats itself throughout the poem and helps unite the poem and keep it fluid. I also enjoyed reading a poem that goes over such large amount of time without it being confusing.
I enjoyed reading your poem and thank you for sharing it.
Overall Impression: This is a romantic little poem that is very sweet. From all the poetry I have read not many write on this topic and myself included tend to write of sadder or darker issues. This is a great read and I like the fact it is short and to the point. The format is free style, but you have done that well too. Many free style poems are all over the place and hard to read. The lines blend well with each other and makes it feel united.
I enjoyed reading your poem. Keep on writing you have a talent.
This is a beautifully done dialog with so much said in under 500 words. The focus on a painful relationship with words that have been spoken before and will be said again is relateable to so many people. And I am not even quite sure who is talking to who and suprisingly I don't mind that not being clear, the emotional impact is enough for me.
Overall Impression: A short piece of a very disturbed young man. There is something sweet and sick to it at the same time. This reminds me of any movie, book, short story around this subject matter, it is done very well but it's hard to say "I enjoyed reading". Only because who likes to read about subject matters such as this, but is written very well. I did enjoy reading this.
Characters: Damon is done very well and even in this short story you went over a little of his backstory. Lillian is not described much, but it makes sense when the character is dead.
Setting/Scene: In a bedroom, but came across a photo shoot of horrors.
Plot: Interesting and the more you read on, you slowly realized how horrific the situation was. The fact his mother molested him gives his character reason and motive for his crimes. In the end did Damon kill Lillian's mother as well? Just wondering. Also the disturbing part is that he has killed before and will kill again.
This is a very hard to read, but great story. I personally decided to read it after you were mentioned in the newsletter and you stated this was controversial. The rating also peaked my interest.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed this story very much and the twist is excellent. For adults of going into the light is a happy experience, but for a small child a this is a fearful event. Sadly a child dies and is torn from his mother. This is a great story, but take a quick look over again. There is some small grammer errors and a few misplaced words.
Ovferall Impression: This is not a play, script or a poem but a confused mix of all three. There are some beautifly written lines that weighed down by moments that go on a little too long or become confusing to read. There is many characters mentioned but it is hard to grasp the connection between them. My suggestion, make it into a longer poem. Take out what makes sense and cut what does not. Or go with a short story of the characters you describe and have them come together for a valid reason. The baby being born, a funeral any type of family gathering. This was a little hard to read, there is a jumbled feelign to this work that confused me. I did enjoy reading this, a interesting written work and not everything has to fit into a mold. So if you like the feel I would go over and cut it down, make it cleaner.
On a positive note I loved this part.
Some of God’s other daughters walked here times before.
Their names are no longer known,
But they are as sure as water is sought.
No single tear has ever been lost,
Not one sorrow will last forever.
The tears of all these women mingle and are sprinkled on the dusty earth,
And every next generation is provided a path to the well,
Where they not only draw water, but those necessary things,
Like mercy and kindness and hope and joy, and eventually learn
How the spirit heals from harsh words or
Is a bridge for those never spoken.
This section showcases a talent for writing, beautiful and expressive.
Overall Impression: A story with a unique perspective, a land of magic and war. The baron collecting magical creatures for his own diablical plot, but probably to him justifiable if it means victory. The set up works and these could be start for a longer story.
Characters: Dauphin is ok but I think Gorfang has more depth and is a lot more intersting. A mixture of threatening and kind, not sure how much of both though.
Dialgo: Done well, but there are some paranthesis missing.
Setting/Scene: Intersesting and it would be nice to discover more of this mystical land.
The ending is almost abrupt, but open ended in a good way. Leaving the reader to wonder if Dauphin went with Gorfang or not. One thing I would suggest is to mention if the faelin being released that would aslo give Dauphin an alternative to going with Gorfang. Making the ending even more open ended since she will have two option. I enjoyed reading your tale.
Overall Impression: For the subject matter this poem is very emotional and deep. I don't even own a bike and was fascinated by your poem. I am curious if this poem is free style and the change to a rhyming scheme. Have you thought of having the poem all done in the same format? Just curious and I enjoyed reading your poem.
Overall Impression: This is a pretty good story with a great start. The father is a penny pincher and most people have interacted with someone like that in there life time. I prefer the first half to the story with the family dynamics building and great character interaction. Then the dinasour pops on the road and I was like "what?" Up to that point you had my complete interest and I felt that the t-rex was added to soon. This is only my oppion, but something about it doesnt' mesh with the begginning of the story. I liked the start a lot better and really didn't care for a t-rex coming out and causing the accident. The only part that saved it was the last line of the story, but not much. The name could be changed as well, I have a hard time coming up with names. But here is one suggestion "I am going to be a Paleontologist" or something of that nature.
Characters: All done well with a very realistic family dynamic that helps drive the story.
Setting/Scene: The carnival helps you understand his father's character bettter. The car ride gives you insight into the relationship between Mikey and his dad.
Style/Tone: The tone of the story is wonderful and is very real, until the t-rex comes and then it changes.
I enjoyed reading your story and I too have had some stories posted on the review page that get no readers. Not sure why, but sometimes it happens. I would question what you want the reader to get out of this story, what is your motivation for writing it. Remember these are only my oppinions and if you feel that story completely reflects what you wanted it be, than do not change a word.
Overall Impression: A very realistic scary situation for any woman. The idea of a small interaction can lead to a horrific crime is a fear that a lot of people can relate to. Congrats on making this into a movie and advertise when its done. A good way for you to get support from fellow members.
Characters: Julianne is a solid character that is relateable and Curtis is a creepy, creepy man.
Setting/Scene: The pharmacy works and having it end at her house at tension to the screen play. A person'shome is our safe place adds to Julianne's vulnerability.
Dialog: Great, I paticular liked the line; "If you would just hold [grunts with effort from holding Julianne down] still, this would be over by now!”.
Great script, I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.
Overall Impression: The poem is done well and your rhyming scheme works. You expressed your emotions very well, but I feel the last stanza doesn't make complete sense with the rest. The last line needs a little working too, the wording gets a little messy.
I enjoyed reading your poem. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed your poem very much. The twisted, dark tone hits a chord with me. You have a style of poetry I can understand and apprieciate. Thank you for sharing your poem.
Overall Impression: I read this although I have never played Starcraft before. One tip, I would the information about Starcraft on top. Getting the information after the story is a little late. The idea of mixing a game with Scare Tatics is what intrigued me enough to read it. The story is pretty funny even if you do not understand where the characters come from.
Characters: I would go in detail about Sarge and Lester more, it would help to understand there character interactions better. The Zerglings are described well and I go see them as little pests. I did get confused between the Zerlings and Hydralisks. I would more clearly describe the Hydralisks to help solve that issue.
Setting: The setting is on planet and makes sense. For all who do not play the game a quick description to help the reader invision the planet.
Dialog: Characters speek in a way that seems real and adds to the story. The back information on a prior prank gives motivation for the Scare Tatics prank.
I enjoyed reading your story. My suggestion would be to give a better start, your first paragraph could use more of a set up to your story. This could be another way to help educate your reads. Thanks for sharing.
Overall Impression: Pretty good story, I feel it can hard judge an item that was only meant to be 300 words or less. Only because it opens up so many questions. How did these two men know each other? What infection? I do feel that this could be a stronger shorty story with stronger descriptives and to show the story.
Overall Impression: This story was very sad and sweet, the letter of a father expressing his love to his daughter when he is far away is very relateable to anyone who has had a parent in the military service. This story needs a review and some editing, they were frequent grammer and spelling mistakes. I also see how they were moments in the story how you showed the story, but at times flipped to telling it instead.
Setting/Scene: The setting made sense, finding an old letter in an attic works.
Charactrers: The love between Emily and her father is very apparent and gives the story heart.
Style/Tone: Emotionaly driven throught the whole story.
I enjoyed reading your story. You have presented a wonderful heart warming story. Keep writing.
Overall Impression: The rhyhming works and your poem has a natural flow. The message is clear and thoughtful. One idea, go over it and really think about the words you used. To they best describe what you are trying to say or are there better alternatives.
Overall Impression: Spooky comes to mind, but not in a cheesy kind of way. Chilling might be better, but either way this was a good mystery. The legends of trees is well done and you made what people percieve as an inanimate object feel threatning.
Plot: I found the plot very easy to follow.
Scene/Setting: Done fairly well, but I would like to see the village and the forrest better. A suggestion would be to add more detailed descriptions of the setting.
Characters: The characters were well developed and easy to believe.
Tone: It had a feel of a ghost story.
Two sentences that I think need a little help.
1. He had to be carried to his bed and fed in bed because even sitting down was a torment.
or
He had to be carried to his bed and fed there, because even sitting down was a torment.
2.Later in the evening, he had a fever and he was chilling. (did you mean relaxing, like he was relaxing?)
or
Later in the evening, he had a fever and felt chills.
or
Later in the evening, he had a fever and was resting.
Overall Impression: There is something to this story that I enjoy. The feel of it is somewhat mysterious. This only made me curious to discover what or who was telling their story. The fact you waited until the very end to explain that it was a shadow was perfect. The last couple of lines are my favorite, its a riddle.
Plot: Not very involved, but not needed.
Style and Tone: The mysterious nature was kept through the whole story
Scene/Setting: Very descriptive and done from an interesting point of view
Dialog: None, because shadows don't talk
For someone who has not written in a long time this a great first piece. Keep it up and contiune to write.
The way you wrote the poem is interersting. But I am confused by your description of the poem. To me their is nothing that states "not smart enough to lie" in your poem. That concept sounds intersting and it would be nice if you added more to refelect that in your poem. I would read your poem out loud and consider the words you used. Do they convey your meaning well? I liked the first verse better than the second. I am not going to reccomend how you should change the second verse, but I felt it was not as strong.
Over all Impression: The story is amazing, I felt an emotional connection to the main character. The anger, guilt and confusion he felt were written very well. At first I did not care for his wife, but the more I read I understood her better. One of the reason's I enjoyed this story it felt real to me. The characters seemed like real people. And the twist that Helen was Fiona was a complete suprise.
Plot: The plot made perfect sense. To me the plot was not that stuck out, but the way it affected the main characters.
Style and Tone: Honest, simple and riveting
Scene/Setting:Not much to it, but their was nothing lacking in it either
Dialog: Natural, I did not read anything that would make me wonder, why did they say that?
All I can say is keep writing!
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