I'm not sure what this is.It reads like a comment on Facebook.It is clearly not a complete thought.Its not a poem or even literature.Who is "her" and why should the reader care?I am depressed thinking that people write this and think it has merit.It doesn't.
I found this to be more like a facebook entry rather than a poem.Asking questions is pointless because there are no answers.It reads like it is heading somewhere.Sadly that somewhere is off the cliff.Start again.It is not a poem.
This is unfinished and has many problems.Firstly there are words missing.Nothing is explained.There is no point to this.It needs to be re-written.Here's a thought have a point.Explain how it feels to ride a tractor.Sorry this can't be saved
This is well constructed.I like the cadence and the rhyme.However I have no idea what it is about.It needs enough detail to explain what is happening otherwise it is going to be misunderstood.
I read this twice but because it is so self indulgent I kept asking the question"who cares". So you are Irish.Is that really worth writing a poem about.It was tedious to read.
This is a list of phrases.None of them have details.It reads like a murder mystery.The reader is given one meaningless clue after another until he gives up because nothing is explained.Its what I call shopping list poetry.The writer is making it all a guessing game.I gave up.
I read this twice but because nothing is explained I have no idea what it all means.You can't just say something in a poem.You have to explain what that statement means.Otherwise it becomes misunderstood and tedious.The reader has to work harder than the poet.For example what does " the dawn dissolves becoming dusk" Dusk and dawn are 12 hours apart.What on Earth does it mean?.Then there is something about a musician.Who is the musician and what has he got to do with the poem?I had to give up.Waste of time
The characters are not named here.So the reader is not engaged.It reads like a personal letter or a diary entry that only the main characters should read.Why would the general public feel comfortable reading a personal letter like this.Each phrase is unfinished until the end so it is a clunky read.Unfinished and pointless.
This is repetitive and therefore is boring.It's self indulgent and reveals an immature mind.The author blames an unnamed person for everything that is wrong with his life.Most of the metaphors are unclear.
I like the rhyme here but sadly the theme is nonsense.The human being is design to fight wars.He is a "Wanting" machine and when he is denied something he wants he will fight to the death to get it.Writing about wanting Peace won't make it so.
Okay this is problematic.The first problem is that God doesn't exist,the Bible is a fairy tale and so there is no such thing as chosen people.The second problem is that it applies "logic" to a fantasy.Its like saying the tooth fairy is too small to carry all that money around.Logic doesn't apply to fairy tales unless the reader accepts that the whole thing is fiction.Its actually quite a boring story.What was the point of God chosing people.Why did he create the others knowing they would not be chosen.Also what are they chosen to do?Nonsense breeds nonsense.
This is okay.The arguments are logical and correct.My only suggestion is that if you are going to quote "many seniors" you should use some names.Or at least quote a real person you know.
Getting sick in some countries is worse than others. In Australia for example it is all "free" which has a wonderful effect on peoples standard of living.Anyway this article is well written but needs examples from other countries to compare.
Okay.There are some problems here.Firstly I read the whole first part not knowing the author was a woman.You need to make it clear.
For example begin like this : "My mother was a very careful woman.She would never go away on a weekend with boys.I'm the kind of girl that takes risks. So I organised a few of my friends and I to stay at a house in the desert.
Don't use the word "literally" it's annoying.Its like "awesome" and should never be used.You need to learn the importance of detail.Tell the reader what town it is and the exact address of the house.
Obviously the story is not finished but the foundation is there.Now you need to be mindful of the fact that "the story" as a concept is dead.Every story has already been written.So focus on the characters.Now you have given them names.So give them life.Anyway that's my two cents worth.
This is okay.Sadly it has an enormous flaw.Th problem is it has no context. Who is talking to whom and why.You cannot just launch into a diatribe without some context.Are you talking about your mother,father,wife, girlfriend or dog? No-one knows.
This is too short to have any meaning.It poses a question that no-one can answer.It is as pointless as asking God what is the purpose in life.It was irritating to read
This is very juvenile writing.It lacks depth.Firstly there are no names for the characters."Serenely gorgeous" is an annoying "Pleonasm". The rhyme is okay but unnecessary.There is no purpose to this writing except to "brag" about "wetly kissing" (yet another redundancy) which is also annoying.
To improve this writing the author needs to bring the subject matter into the real world.Name the town they live in.Name the characters. But above all have a few memories described.The reader needs to sympathise with the hero.Why did they split up? Why will they always be together.What will stop another separation.
I really think this needs are-write.
This was annoying and tedious to read.I couldn't decide if the author was serious or just lacks talent.There is no detail.There is no punctuation and there is no character development or even names for the characters.Why has every word got a capital letter.
i don't think it warrants a serious review.
This is okay.It reminded me of how my father was towards the end.One little point.I'm a name freak and I was wanting to know his name from the start but had to wait until the end to learn his name.But that's neither here not there. Some of the rhymes seem forced but I do love rhyme so I can ignore that.It certainly highlights the terrible tragedy of Alzheimers.Well written and although it is sad there is much to think about here.I really admire the cadence.Well done
This is quite good.The rhyme is a little forced but its okay. Its kind of a view of the parents and other family members.It would probably give each member a laugh to be seen this way.It certainly ends on a positive note.Well done.
This is okay.Very imaginative.I guess Max is having a kidney removed or something.It feels like drowning.the twist is always a good idea.Well done. Excellent
Umm this is bizarre. I really don't know if I understand what is going on.I'm not a big fan of spiders. Especially the ones with money that can talk.But hey Walt Disney made a million bucks getting a mouse to speak so what do I know.
However if you do a little marketing you will find that most people don't like spiders.So your character will have to work hard to be liked.
I don't think you need the word "arachnid" .You can use the word spider to be clearer.Anyway well done so far.
This poem requires the reader to know, by magic what is going on.What is the "elder", Is it a tree or an old person?. What are "the cottonwoods" Are they trees how and why do they whisper?Who is "he" I have to guess he's the male Mayfly.But what if I'm wrong.Far too many questions here without any answers.Why would the mating of Mayflies be interesting to the reader?
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/davidw2020
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.21 seconds at 8:51pm on May 10, 2024 via server web2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
