Suteki,
I get it. Thank you for writing and sharing this piece.
Wouldn't it be a beautiful place if there were a sequel: say "Serene"?
For myself, Serenity is difficult to hang onto...
Life seems to be a perpetual Step One.
TITLE: Catches the attention of the reader. Appropriate to the poem
>
> IMAGERY: Good. I especially like the line "My eye walks on the lawn looking ..."
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I enjoyed this piece, brought a joyful anticipation to me as I read it.
>
> TONE: Upbeat, excited "spellbound"
> SPELLING/Punctuation ERRORS:previledge = privilege, tit-bits = tidbits, ecentric= eccentric I too like him= I, too, like him
>
> FLOW: smooth to my ear.
>
> OVERALL: I read this poem with pleasure, was able to picture the elusive, chatty flycatcher entertaining the writer.
Beautiful imagery, well-told story of a time of renewal in God's creation.
I am moved by the reminder, the message, He cares for the sparrow, so will He keep me.
Thank you for sharing this poem. It spoke to me, encouraged me.
4provinces,
Thank you for sharing a beautiful, heartfelt poem of remembrance.
Though this poem did not have an apparent rhyme scheme, It flowed well and conveyed the message intended: Loving thoughts and hopes of reunion.
Vincent,
Thank you for shaing this well-written, expressive free form poem.
Personal Impression: I was touched by the feelings evoked in the fourth stanza as the man describes the "honey sweet memories"
Tone & Mood: somber, then reflective, and finally tender
Rhyme, Form & Flow: This free form poem did not depend on rhyme, however the flow was smooth through the focus of each stanza.
Emotional Impact: I was touched by the memories expressed in stanza four in particular.
Grammar/Punctuation: One suggestion noted. Stanza three, I believe it should be sunrises, and sunsets.
Well done!
Write On!
And are you going to post more of your poems?
Looking forward to reading them.
Deb
Annie,
Thank you for sharing this delicious memory.
This piece is descriptive, and easily pictured. You have taken me, the reader, to the basement with you to watch as your brother savored those pretzel rods "swirled" in peanut butter.
I enjoyed reading this short piece very much.
I have two small typo suggestions: in the last line "to" is missing from "went off find my own..."
Second suggestion, not really a typo, more of a clarification. As you started the second paragraph, I was unclear who you were watching. I would suggest that you clarify with "I watched my brother..." or ...I watched, his name, my brother,as I have...
Kate,
Thank you for sharing this poem. Too true the cascade from naive, blind trust in all to the narrowed circle of trusting only self.
This poem is vivid with descriptive words I picture the progression: "needed caress", "falling unnoticed". I appreciated the contrasts also : trusting all/deceiving none, suspicion unknown/ until betrayed.
I believe you captured one aspect of this problem of trust in this well-written poem.
Write On!
Deb
Pat,
Thank you for sharing this upbeat, and pleasant poem.
Tanka form is one I am unfamiliar with, however, you have done a fine job with the subject.
It is a soothing poem that brings me a smile.
I especially like the imagery of water frolicking, dancing, making melodies....
all the wonders and restorative qualities of water
You described it well.
Write On!
I resonate with this poem. I feel the saddness of watching others seemingly chosen instead of me.
YEt, I also hope there is comfort in the fond memory of having been wanted.
It seems a hollow comfort to me as I focus on my empty arms/heart at present.
You reached me with this poem.
Thank you for sharing it.
A suggestion: visuallly, if the last two lines were separated from the rest by a space it would give a slight upturn in the mood, a wry smile to end on?
Amay,
Thank you for sharing this Nonet Poem.
It is a form that I am not familiar with, and I enjoyed reading your rendition.
This poem's imagery is beautiful! "shimmer, ripples, magical, chemistry, sparks ignite..."
Well done.
Write On!
Deb
T.L.Finch,
Thank you for sharing this poem.
The title is very suitable for it, the form of Quatrains works well as the writer travels through the life seasons of the main character.
The imagery was vivid. I especiallly liked the imagery in the third stanza,
"where autumn skies fell gray
and fought the drifts of fallen snow
on a freezing winter's day."
The final stanza is quite moving, and "postscript" is with out a doubt the word to describe it.
Write On!
Deb
Kings,
Thank you for sharing this precious poem, a memorial to your brother. This poem is touching, and well-written.
The rhyme scheme is consistent, and the rhyme is good, though in stanza two the writer used near rhyme, it works well in this poem.
I do suggest that burrial is spelled burial in the brief description of the poem.
I found this poem to be a very moving tribute to your brother.
Write on!
Deb
DISCLAIMER: . I have only my opinion to offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the author's work.>
>
> TITLE: Appropriate to the poem
>
> IMAGERY: nice, descriptive, painted a picture of the characters in the poem.
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: Light-hearted poem, struck a happy note.
>
> TONE: humorous love poem, cupid's arrow gone astray.
> SPELLING ERRORS: none noted
>
> FLOW: smooth
>
> OVERALL: Pleasant, well-rhymed tale of the Groundhog.
Write On!
DISCLAIMER: This is only my opinion. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings about if it struck a chord, etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the author's work.
>
>
> TITLE: This title is suitable to the poem
>
> IMAGERY: Nice use of imagery. for example: red rose like the sun, fire like the stars...
> EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I related to this poem pleasantly as remembrances of the first intense feelings of love.
>
> TONE: sweet, introspective.
> SPELLING ERRORS/PUNCTUATION: I believe you would benefit from reviewing this piece to add further punctuation. The punctuation used is inconsistent, and some lines would read more smoothly with a comma, or sentence to indicate a pause or end of a thought.
>
> FLOW: Other than the awkwardness of the lack of punctuation, the thoughts flowed well.
>
> OVERALL: This is a nice free verse poem.
Write On!
Deb
I'm not reviewing your letter. Merely commenting that I appreciate the thoughts, and am excited to embark on the journey that is this course!
I could read this and think, "oh,no! I don't know enough about the craft." Instead I will re-read the quote at the end of your letter and "live the questions now."
Lorilee,
I would wish that this was fiction. It is too real and accurate to be imagined. This short piece on reaching out to others and having no return of interest touched my heart. I understand. You conveyed the feeling well, "I couldn't help but start to cry..."
Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings.
Write On!
Deb
Disclaimer: This is my opinion. I hope it is helpful to you. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself in this work
Title: Speechless is a very appropriate title for this sonnet.
Form/Style: Sonnet form suits the content, theme well.
Imagery: The imagery in the first stanza particularly is vivid and sets a sense of and endless search.
Flow/Rhythm: Some punctuation would assist the reading in pacing the lines. Without any commas or periods, I found it a little awkward to get a cadence that flowed from line to line.
Rhyme: good
Word Choice/Spelling/Punctuation: good
Emotional Chord Struck: This sonnet is poignant. I can sense the frustration and desire to communicate deep "passion" to someone.
Kimona,
This poem was truly a plea to be let go. I hear the encouraging words left behind that are meant to soothe, to comfort from the loss. It is a touching poem full of emotion.
There are two typos that I noticed, however:
Honar should be honor, and surrounded instead of surronded.
This poem is engaging. It brings up in me the feelings of loss, impermance of life, yet clinging of the memories, I hope that as you continue to shape this poem you will be able to allow the flow of feelings to sooth you in your loss.
Write On!
Deb
Pat,
This poem is moving, it grabbed me with the depth of despair, exhaustion, near defeat of the warrior.
Don't we all feel that way sometimes.
It seems to be a place that is hard to come away from, this edge of despair.
I wrote a piece "moody full moon meanderings" that also addresses the sense of despair, hopelessness this poem depicts.
This poem is well written, imagery is gripping "icy fingers"
I have no suggestions.
Write On!
Thank you for sharing this piece of yourself.
Deb
Paranoia,
I often scan across the titles of new statics, and am sometimes caught by one.
This poem grabbed me with its title which is suitable to the poem
I then was intrigued by the brief description.
I, too, greatly appreciate the work of e e cummings. T
This piece flowed well, when it was meant to.
I liked the stop and think, hesitate, change course cadence it had at times.
My only suggestion, in my opinion, would be to change "do you feel atall" to "do you feel as all"
It may be a typo, or artistic license, but that one part caused me to step out of the poem briefly, mentallly, and was a distraction. To me.
Overall, I enjoyed this piece. Very thoughtful, echoes my ponderings quite often. I hope that I have heard your message.
Write On!
Deb
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TITLE: Catches the attention of the reader. Appropriate to the poem
IMAGERY: Good. I especially like the line "My eye walks on the lawn looking ..."
EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I enjoyed this piece, brought a joyful anticipation to me as I read it.
TONE: Upbeat, excited "spellbound"
SPELLING/Punctuation ERRORS:previledge = privilege, tit-bits = tidbits, ecentric= eccentric I too like him= I, too, like him
FLOW: smooth to my ear.
. I have only my opinion to offer. Sometimes I might find a bit of your work I thought that I might express feelings about. If it struck a chord etc. If there should be such an entry under 'EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK' that is just my feelings and not meant to hurt or take liberty with the author's work.
> 
TITLE: This title is suitable to the poem
IMAGERY: Nice use of imagery. for example: red rose like the sun, fire like the stars...
EMOTIONAL CHORD STRUCK: I related to this poem pleasantly as remembrances of the first intense feelings of love.
TONE: sweet, introspective.
FLOW: Other than the awkwardness of the lack of punctuation, the thoughts flowed well.
OVERALL: This is a nice free verse poem.
Imagery: Striking : captured, imprisoned...