*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/djgrifwrites
Review Requests: OFF
133 Public Reviews Given
133 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
Review of Kitty Litter  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oh boy, is this dark! A darkly amusing anecdote, for sure. I didn't see where this was going, but the dark humor is totally on point. Her getting this bizarre pleasure ... well to each their own (or que sera sera)...but the action at the end is great from the cat jumping out and defecating on the corpse to the little details - the widow fainting from the odd tableau playing out in front of her. I love that you take this situation that seems absurd, yet its presented in a very realistic manner. Well done, keep writing!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
2
2
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I really enjoyed this piece. The realism in it is perfect - the leader harping on them not bringing a white candle but decided to proceed with the ceremony anyway. The flow is good - it's a very dialogue heavy piece, but it works. If you wanted, you could always go back and knock out some of the dialogue and add some more description - especially at the end: the event is quickly turned on its ear, don't be afraid to give the reader a bit more at the payoff. Of course, it's something you may have wanted to do but ran up against the word count but Baby disappears ... is it right there she vanishes? Is it after the ceremony? I wasn't quite clear; I assumed the former. Very well done, keep writing!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
3
3
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Devil* A review from "The Dark Society"  *Devil*


What a well-done piece of flash fiction! After the first line, I thought it was clowns, but instead of using a typical horror trope, you used something innocent and put a sinister edge on it. In their own way those characters could be monsters, and the narrator turned them into icons of evil from his childhood. This flash fiction piece flows nicely from beginning to end, even without the use of dialogue - much kudos, that's a hard trait for me I know when I'm writing to not use dialogue. The only thing that I noticed when reading is that I thought the narrator's speech was very stilted. Of course, since it's flash fiction, the narrator's character type isn't established - he could be like a college professor or some other intellectual. Here: "I spied my doorway of emancipation"...unless the narrator was truly high brow, it just reads - to me - as stilted. There were other phrases, too, : "Inching my way across the expanse with the expectation of freedom" ... it sounds like a documentary, not someone escaping a nightmarish scenario. Again, that was just my take, a reader's opinion, and I don't want to take away from the piece has well written is. Great job, keep writing!!!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
4
4
Review of Tourist Trade  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Devil* A review from "The Dark Society"  *Devil*


Congratulations on placing in the Grim Blunt Contest! That is where I found this story. This is a very strong well-done piece of flash fiction. What impressed me most was the pace. The narrator tips his hand to the reader that something bad is going to happen, kind of letting the reader in on an inside joke as he goes. The pace, though, was perfect. Although it was obvious Bethany was doomed, the pace of her death is perfectly with the flow of the rest of the piece. I thought there was good use by you of the humorous horror prompt - not only Constantin joking with the reader about the sheep like quality of the tourists but little things like giving props to strong sunscreen at the end of the piece (but, of course, vampires are just legends, ha ha). Well done, keep writing!!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
5
5
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Devil* A review from "The Dark Society"  *Devil*


I ran across this story featured in the Horror newsletter, and I'm glad I did - what a gem! You take a very simple premise - I mean, really, anyone who writes has read a book and thought/felt I could top this! - and run wild with it. The intermingling of reality and the fantastic was done seamlessly. One moment, she's saddened by her friend's death - the next, she is down the rabbit hole into a wild world of the book attacking back. I think there was more room for hesitation in re-picking back up the book - maybe that was a word count issue - I mean her friend just died, the unknown voice taunts her that the friend at least finished, and it felt to me she plunges right back into reading the book. For a longer work, she could've destroyed the book then the book pop back up, or she could've got rid of the book and obsessed over it until she got another copy then finished it ... just suggestions. The story is strong and well-done as is, for sure! Well done, and keep writing!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
6
6
Review of The Groupie  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A "The Dark Society"  Review!


I was drawn to this story by the title, and, even though I knew it was horror, I think this story took me to an unexpected place. The flow of the story is perfect for Flash Fiction; it constantly moves with no unnecessary detail. There was a couple of things I liked about the femme fatale...first, you described her as a knockout well enough, the reader can see why the rock star put his guard down. Two, she's crazy, but you present her as a perfectly calculating psychopath, without any grand super villain speeches. Obviously, she's off her rocker, but she's going to add him to her collection - that makes perfect sense to her. Besides the perfect description of the female character, there was several nice descriptive phrases in the text such as:

"I could barely speak; my tongue felt like lead in my mouth"

"I choked back a scream as she revealed several men, each mounted like a hunting trophy, their vacant glass eyes and crudely stitched skin grafts giving me a glimpse into my future"

This last one, especially, is such a vivid picture of such a horrifying scene, making it gratifying to the reader. Super sharp work, well done, keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
7
7
Review of The Gold Rush  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A "The Dark Society"  Review!


I found this to be an awesome work of flash fiction, I must say. The biggest thing that I liked in this piece was the overall theme/idea...it's very well thought out and good. The First Secretary has her reasons - motivation - and the people seizing on the idea of the gold rush is very believable. Of course once the rumors of such a profitable thing existing, people would go to check it out. I also liked the even keel of the Secretary - "Of course, not everyone got rich" but people would jump at the opportunity. It's a bit diabolical - purposely lying to the people - and practical - trying to boom the economy. It's a bit fantastic but grounded at the same time, a very hard trick to pull off. My only nit pic was the following sentence...

"a brief historical period in one part of one of the U.S. States would be like the American President being expected to know all about the Portuguese-chartered companies of the late Nineteenth Century instituting forced labor policies that conflicted with Mozambique’s abolition of slavery"

I got lost trying to read it, and I had to go through it a few times. I got the point of it, but it's very long and I think inhibited the flow of the flash fiction. The example was very specific to point out of course they didn't know and they shouldn't for their positions ... in my opinion, it's giving the reader to much there. Of course, only my opinion. Overall, the story is astounding for what you accomplished in a short word span, terrific story, keep writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
8
8
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
*Devil* A review from "The Dark Society"  *Devil*


As I entered the same SCREAMS! contest, I thought I would take a look at the other entries. First off, I loved the concept. You took the prompt of disease, and you were very creative with the exploding finger concept (from people making gun signs). I also enjoyed the main character's characterization - she revealed in her unique condition, feeding into her childish nature, instead of running from it.

Grammatically, there was a few errors throughout the text. It doesn't necessarily take away from the read, but they're easy fixes. On dialogue I saw more than once, you had,

""Who gives a damn about my opinions." Emma protested."

That should be a comma before the speaker like so: "Who gives a damn about my opinions," Emma protested.

"Six days later. One by one the three joints in her middle finger..."

You had already used the transitional phrase: Six days later, a couple of paragraphs earlier. As a reader, I know about the time frame of her finger explosions. Using six days later as a sentence here by itself disrupts the flow of the story where .... "After another six days..." or "Like clockwork, every sixth day..." to keep the flow going.

These are minor nit-pics, please take them for what they are - my opinion reading the text, not iron-clad things that have to be changed. The story was a fun read, and you used the prompt wonderfully - good luck in the contest and keep writing!!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
9
9
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*Devil* A review from "The Dark Society"  *Devil*


This is a nice little piece of horror flash fiction, for sure! I liked the use of the second person in the story - that's always a tricky little bit, and you've pulled it off with ease. The story flows nicely, and I think - if you wanted to make it longer - the trip to the apartment, maybe if he tries to make a move on her then she attacks, etc. - the story easily lends itself to that. The narrator does a great job of being very grounded - openly calling out the you (second person P.O.V.) in the story only stopping because she is a pretty girl beneath the grime, which makes perfect sense. I love the last sentence: "You will look into my eyes and see yourself and you will not want to live" ... but I think it is a bit clunky with the ands not that far apart. I would suggest "You will see yourself reflected in my eyes, and you will not want to live." Same point, but without two ands super close ... just a suggestion, take it for what you will. Nice story, great work, keep writing!!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
10
10
Review of King Of Beasts  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with The Dark Society  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*Devil* A review from "The Dark Society"  *Devil*


What a fantastic read this was! I assume you are either very knowledgeable or did research on lions, and the facts were flawlessly sewn into the story without sounding like you were simply reporting on the behavior of lions. I really enjoyed the vivid imagery - the attacks, the movement of the lions - as a reader, I could almost picture myself in the surreal situation that you presented - a very good feature for a writer to have! The narrator comes off - and I don't know if this was intended or not - as very well educated. The intro paragraph - to me - almost sounds like a Twilight Zone intro. That's not a bad thing - I personally adore the Twilight Zone - but it seems like a narrator is highly philosophizing the human experience before all Hell breaks loose in your work literally. Like I said, it was a great read, great story, keep on writing!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
11
11
Review of Painted Rock  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
I enjoyed your story - what I enjoyed most was the realism. The characters jump off the page as you have perfectly captured the teenage awkwardness. I can't remember writing about characters this young myself, but your characters had life beyond just the usual stereotypes. Also, Cuddleshmuck Park is a brilliant, brilliant name for anything. The character's names are strange, Pear and Pickle, but just the name Pickle kind of gave me an idea what kind of kid he was, and I think it played out. Couple minor nit pics, just my opinion, of course:

Pear suggest where to go because there is an unknown presence about the place that is eerie, but when she reads from the book at the place she declares there is no such thing as ghosts. These seem to be paradoxical opinions from the character.

I thought there was too many ellipsis (....) in the text. I know with a horror piece that you want to build up drama, but I thought with an overuse of (....) that it took me out of the flow as a reader.

Great overall piece, thanks for sharing, keep writing!!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
12
12
Review of Purr  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Great story, a deserving winner of the contest. The pacing is the story's strength: it works seamlessly from beginning to end. The narrator's voice was very strong: he knows what he says is not going to be believed but he puts it out there anyway. It was like he was struggling to believe what happened himself - shown by the several times he lashes out mid-narrative. Although there may not have been space for it in the word limit for the contest, I would've liked to see the cop's reaction to this strange tale. Would they pretend to go along with it? Would they attack the narrator verbally, not willing to believe his story? Well written, well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
13
13
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Nice piece of work...this was a sharp story about friendship and the importance of honesty. Instead of whitewashing and saying the piece is good, Alex takes the time to explain to Zach where he fell down. The story, I thought, had nice unspoken humor - a wink to writers - like where he put the story in Spring yet there were yellow - Autumn - leaves, and he puts in a male calico cat. Always watch those details - even though fiction isn't true, it always has to be realistic. Good work, nice read, well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
14
14
Review of Pumpkin Fever  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
This is a strong short piece. You set up the twist ending well ... the narrator thinks it's a major company but isn't planting the seeds that bare fruit in the surprise ending. The ending was cut a bit short ... after things get a bit fuzzy, you could've, if you chose, to extended the twist ending a little bit describing the situation instead of telling the reader the situation. I always really liked the narrator's love of October/Halloween ... the description of their joy for the season makes sense why they ended up gambling on the candy corn. Well written, well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
15
15
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I'm not a poet myself, but I enjoy this piece. I think really good writing is simple complex, and that's definitely what this poem falls under. You take the complexity of aging and present in a thought-provoking manner, as the narrator looks at themselves and realize that their maternal line is in their very make-up without using overly complex metaphors. I liked the use of tattooed in the final verse, a nice twist on that word and ties nicely into engraved. Well written, good work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
16
16
Review of Untitled 4  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Fantastic use of dark humor!!! I was on the hook till the end, and the end literally made me laugh out loud. Love the character of the arrogant King, and the beautiful ending: oh by the way, bring me some bananas after sentencing the chef to his death. Perfect piece of flash fiction - you set the scene perfectly and ended it very well. Deserving winner of the contest, congratulations!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
17
17
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
Rated: E | (3.0)
I know you said you were new at this, so let me encourage you that this was a fine piece, indeed. The flow is good: the story doesn't drag at any point building up nicely to the ending. I like the idea of the story; it was a nice revenge tale. I have three constructive criticism that struck me as I read this: 1) You are overusing ellipsis in your dialogue. When the "..." is used in dialogue, it is meant as a pause. Use this sparingly for dramatic pause to bang a point home. In some parts of the dialogue, you have your characters use this before they even speak. 2) Watch your characterization. You did a fantastic job characterizing Sister Virginia - setting her up as a "goody two shoes" and showing her repulsed at the unkempt man. But, you had her think near the end, "What in the Hell"...it just struck me as against everything you set up with her earlier; she seemed to me - as I read it - to be the kind of person who would use a substitute swear word like "What the fudge", etc. 3) I got confused at the end who was who. You have "Raul Alvarez dropped to the floor....Before they entered the church, she watched as Raul Alvarez crouched down and place the warm revolver into the grip of the dead man." Which brother died? Since Sister Virginia took instruction, I assume the fake Raul Alvarez shot the real one, but I'm not 100 percent on that. Also, where did a gun come from?

KEEP WRITING. Practice is the way to improvement, you have great ideas, just make sure to flush them out...sometimes, they isn't such a thing as too much detail.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
18
18
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Great work! The realism in a fantastic work (going home to your entire family slaughtered) is the strength of this piece. Tyler is dismissive of the phone call as her mother's over worrying in the intro - a typical reaction. You also described the murders well without overly going into graphic detail - which would have bogged down the pace of a short piece. I didn't like the ending - the cranberries that he ate in the hospital disgusted him for they reminded him of his slaughtered family's blood, but, at the end, not only is he okay with the blood, but he likes it. I don't think those two pieces tie together, or they didn't to me - just my opinion, of course. Very strong, well done work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
19
19
Review of The Visitor  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Very well done. The ending is, of course, the cherry on top of the sundae for the whole piece. It's a nice build-up to the part where Perry has to decide to trade his soul or one of his own. It's a classic paradox, and it fit the story to see Perry slink away from his parental duty, make the unnoble choice. I was just a little confused ... the minion in the middle says he doesn't remember and that there are consequences but we, as readers, never get let in on what he did since it was a dream sequence and he didn't really kill his family, or at least I think he didn't from the ending. Good spooky ending, though, the little girl with a deep voice was an excellent choice. Nice piece, well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
20
20
Review of Fear  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very strong piece. The action was tense - the chase is described incredibly well. I like how the story sucks the reader into the chase to the conclusion that the person fleeing now knew that they had nowhere to go. I really liked the strong language used throughout, particularly the last sentence, "My terror crested..." Crested is used perfectly there. You have captured the sense of a person fleeing pursuit very well, strong and well written.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
21
21
Review of Driven  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is an amazing work; you should be very proud. The ending - wow! I never saw that coming, yet it tied in perfectly with the characterization of the main character. The isolation between the son and stepfather was shown, and when push came to shove, the ambitious stepfather wasn't afraid to push back. The flow is wonderful, from the descriptive beginning to the end. The dialogue is also well written, from the stepfather trying to control the situation to the stepson telling him not the bother. Really, really fantastic work!!!

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
22
22
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Overall a very solid piece of work. The introduction builds tension wonderfully from when Amanda looks out to see nothing wrong after noticing the drapes out of place to the action of Kyle entering. You did a great job of showing Amanda letting her guard down from fixing hot chocolate to playing piano along with the realistic touch of calling her behavior childish when she found nothing amiss in the beginning. A little nit-pick: the character of Kyle seemed a little one dimensional. When he said, "You think you are so much better than me just ‘cause I ain’t smart and didn’t go to no fancy school," for me, it broke the flow of the story. It didn't seem like dialogue I could see someone saying, even someone not so smart. Just my opinion, other than that I really liked the story and thought it was well done.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
23
23
Review of New Year's Ball  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Interesting piece. The back-and-forth dialogue between the two cons are very well done. It's funny and well-timed as each tries to keep up their facade without slipping. I also liked the ending - the two cons happy with each other - and there is definitely potential to grow it to a large piece when they find out that each is pulling the other's leg. The only part that I didn't like was the part where Jeff jumped the guest to become the "Ambassador of Utopia." I didn't think that was necessary in a piece I'm guessing you were shooting for a 1,000 words as it was a contest entry. I had to re-read it a couple of times before I realized it was Jeff who led the guest to the bathroom then jumped him. I think he could've been introduced to the party in his ambassador persona without missing a beat.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
24
24
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Wonderful emotionally charged piece. The point-of-view from a child is captured perfectly in your writing throughout the piece. The ending is also well written: uplifting and a nice little bow put on the piece. I did spot a couple of minor typos: "I don't know what my parents thought - overly tired, overate, extreme hunger, plea for attention", I think overate was supposed to be irate. Also, "We went u to her room", I assumed is supposed to be up. Nice story, thank you for sharing.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
25
25
Review of Twelve  
Review by DJGRIFWRITES
In affiliation with Let's help each other grow...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Overall a fine story. I really like the atmosphere set in the forest in the opening paragraphs. The descriptions are great, and I think it truly builds up to a great degree of suspense. This sentence, " There's a lurid sense of dark which clusters itself menacingly beneath the trees, oozing forth a palpable sense of foreboding which seems to grow exponentially with each footstep I take" is simply fantastic, a wonderful description of the dark. I also liked the overall meaning achieved in the story - I like the process of two problems interceding and by the two young girls looking at the other problems convince each other to return to their normal lives. For a short piece, the setting is great and a true meaning/story is accomplished. Well done.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
30 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 2 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/djgrifwrites