Wow is the only thing to say about this poem! Once again you've expressed such wisdom in your writings. The flow is excellent and the message outstanding. The only thing I noticed was in verse three: you have "overwhelmes" instead of "overwhelms"...although I did find myself second guessing on this. Other than that simply terrific!
Well, instead of a quick visit I believe I will have to settle down for a nice long one. This is another outstanding poem...one so very full of insight and wisdom. The flow is absolutely perfect and there are no errors. I am so enjoying reading your work.
I have only one word to describe this poem--OUTSTANDING!
It is perfect in every way--from the title straight down to the ending.
The first four lines of this poem really captured my attention as I was able to relate with them. Actually I think that is why I really liked this...it was relateable Great job!
Well ridinghood, after spending some time visiting this folder, I have decided that I just may be a little too young for some of the contents and will definitely need to blush!
Great descriptive writing here--I certainly will never think of watermelon the same way again--haha! Well done.
Once again you've touched my heart. This poem is lovely. Everything about it appeals to the romantic in me. . It has a lovely flow and is very visual...I can just see the two of you "dancing in the kitchen". Nice job!
While this is not my normal reading material...I am much too young ...I thought this poem was beautiful.
You have a way with words. You write in a way that touches the reader's heart. This moved me right from the beginning as I read about the lonely widower searching for someone to love and then moved on to the woman who has survived breast cancer and needing someone to love and desire her. A truly lovely love story.
What a lovely poem...I can just see you scooping up your baby as the music plays in the background and the snow falls outside. It brought a warm glow to my heart and many memories as I used to do the same thing with my babies. Sometimes I really miss those days.
What a fanastic poem! I love everything about it...from it's title right on down to the final word! The whole concept is hilarious and you have done a wonderful job with the delivery. I started smiling right away and by the time I was finished I was having belly laughs!
The flow on this is smooth and makes reading easy. There is humor throughout and is so sweet that is perfect for children...I can just see them laughing as much as I did! Great job!
I was very moved as I read this piece...and very sad. You have captured the despair this woman feels very well.
As your story begins the visual image you paint is excellent...I can just see her sitting at the dressing table and thinking about her life. Her loneliness and self-reflection is clear.
Continuing on, we sense her apathy. While she is finding a measure of joy in her children, there is no real joy in her life as a wife. I found myself wondering how many of wives feel this way after being married for years. That sense of wanting more but not knowing what "more" is wanted.
I do like the fact that while she is unhappy and not feeling "in love" with her husband anymore, you don't have her breaking her marriage vows by seeking to find love with another.
You really have done a good job telling this woman's story. The feeling that she is simply "tired" comes through. Tired of being the one who is the strength in the family and tired of not having anyone to be her strength.
Well, as you may be able to guess, I really do like this very much. There are a few spots that are a little awkward but the story itself stands well. You have done an excellent job with conveying emotion and making the reader part of this story. Well done!
This is another really good poem. You seem gifted with the ability to really put feeling into your work.
Verse 1 is perfect--I wouldn't change a thing.
Verse 2 is almost perfect. I like the message conveyed, but I did find that this verse was a little awkward to read--probably due to the extra line in it. I would suggest reworking the final three lines abit. Prehaps:
"He cries the purest tears,
You will ever behold"
or...
"When he cries you see
The purest tears you'll ever behold"
Something along those lines. By removing one of the lines the reading flow improves.
The last two verses are full of meaning and read well.
This particular poem moved me as I found myself thinking of those I know who are hurt and broken inside. I like that you called him "an angel". This implies that he is basically a good man who is or has had some terrible things happen to him/in his life. I could "feel" his broken spirit as I read though this and was sad. Your compassion and empathy came through as well. Nice work.
Overall I think you have done an excellent job conveying emotion...again I believe this is one of your gifts. Outside a couple of spots where the reading flow was a little awkward, this was really very well done. Keep up the great work!
This is a great poem about the effects of a fire. You have written it is such a way that the reader feels apart of the whole situation--we are definitely affected. Great job with this.
I have a couple of very small suggestions that I think would help this already strong poem become just a little stronger. I hope you don't mind that I offer them. They are:
1. In line 2 you have "Smoked". I think it would read better if you used the word "Smoke" instead.
2. I would also suggest removing the comma at the end of line 12--you don't really need it and by doing so the flow of both lines 12 and 13 become smoother.
And finally,
3. I would add a comma after the word "whispered" in the second to last line.
Overall this is a terrific poem full of emotion. I found myself really caught up in the tenseness and horror these people must have felt as they watched their home go up in flames. The flow was good. Great job!
I was sent a link to your forum this morning and I am so glad I was. You certainly have come up with a wonderful way to serve this community and play tribute to those who have left us. This forum shows what a kind heart you have. This is such a wonderful idea!
What a fanastic poem! Your title and brief description both made me eager to read this.
I love how this poem flows...each line moves into the next easily and makes it a delight to read. I enjoy the color you chose for this as it makes it easy to read and reminds me of things long ago.
What I really liked though was the content. Reading this took me back many years and made me "Remember When"...just as it should.
You have done a wonderful job on this delightful poem. I found no errors.
I noticed that you just joined Writing.com a few days ago--Welcome!.
I really liked the title you chose for this little piece. It certainly was eye-catching. Your brief description was attention getting...that is great as it makes the reader want to read your work. I did noticed you used "ARE" instead of "OUR"...easy thing to do when typing quickly.
I found this very interesting to read. You makes some excellent points. I would like to make a couple of suggestions that will help this become a little stronger and help your ratings improve. I hope you don't mind and won't be discouraged because this is not my intent.
Here they are:
1. Don't completely capitalize as this makes it more difficult to read...the words tend to blur together. By capitalizing only when necessary, it not only helps the reader, but showcases your work.
2. Watch out for spelling and punctuation. An item can have an excellent content but will get a lower rate because of spelling and/or punctuation errors. If you need a little help with this there are lots of tools available--not to mention members who would be happy to lend a hand. (I personally often need help with punctuation.)
And finally,
3. Break this paragraph up a little. You make a truly wonderful argument here. By making this into say...two paragraphs at least...your points will come across stronger...more convincing. The way it is now written makes it feel jumbled and confused, when in reality your thoughts are clear. It just needs a clearer presentation.
I hope you didn't mind me making these suggestions. I really did like your piece and feel that you have all the elements here to make this piece into something fanastic.
Again, Welcome and if you have any questions or need any help here on the site, please don't be shy about asking. We all are more than willing to help each other.
I am sending a few gps to welcome you and help get you started.
Big grins!!! I absolutely love this wonderful love poem! *grin* It has an excellent flow and a beautiful message that reached in and touched the romantic in me!
I found no errors in this perfect poem...I wouldn't change a thing!
I am really enjoying reading your poems. I find your words reach out and touch aspects of life...something I really love to read.
This is another such poem. I liked it all. It flowed fairly well (except the last line of the first verse--it "felt" as though there was an extra syllable--Changing "they will" to "they'll" may help with this ). Otherwise I think it is perfect. Nice work.
Once again you have written a poem that moves me. I like that!
I hope you don't mind if I make a suggestion...'cause here it is...
Lines 2 and 4 of the last verse. You used the phrases: "what they might have been" and "what might have been". While I totally understand why you chose to phrase the verse this way, I found it was a little ackward when reading it as it broke up the reading flow...probably because they were too close together. I would suggest rephrasing a little so the poem flows a little better. This is just my opinion.
Overall, this is a poem that reaches in and touches the reader...it makes me want to stop and think. I like that!
This poem touched home for me as the words visualized what I feel like on occasion...can't tell you how many times I have forgotten what I was just thinking about!
Overall I really liked this poem. The only problem I had was when I read line 3 of the first verse...I kept wanting to read "Has" instead of "have"...but that could be just the way I was reading it.
You've done a nice job on this and I look forward to reading more of your items.
Loneliness is one of the most terrible things in the world to suffer from...and I think we have all felt that way from time to time...even the most confident and outgoing.
I liked this very much because it took an aspect of loneliness and gave words to it. I was sadden when I read it though. How many times do we see that person in the corner...too shy to reach out on their own...and how many times are they ignored.
This poem touched my heart and made me want to make sure that I do my part to ensure that those quiet and shy people aren't left alone "in a corner". Well done!
This beautiful poem shows the deep love a mother has for her unborn child. It brought back memories of when I was carrying my children...it is certainly a very special time. You have captured the feelings and sentiment perfectly. Great job!
This lovely poem certainly helped to start my day off right--I very much enjoyed reading it.
I like the way you have written this. It is like reading a prayer. The simple and yet sincere way you have phrased this leads my mind right where it should be this morning--towards the Lord. Nicely done.
I did noticed that you began line 8 with a lower case letter instead of a capital as you had done with the rest of the lines. As I wasn't sure if you did this on purpose or if it was just a "typo" I thought I would mention it to you--I hope you don't mind.
My overall impression is very positive. Reading this poem makes me want to go and read more of your work...so I will. *grin*
The title of this poem was the first thing that caught my attention...your brief description was the next. Both made me want to continue on and read what you have written.
I must say I was not disappointed. I love this. I feel you have captured the essence of the emotions one feels when going through a time of depression. I like the use of the phrase "The birds have stopped singing".
I also like the way you have written verse 3--although I will admit it threw me off at first. I like it because it "shows" the jumbled up feelings that come when a mind is not at peace.
I particularly liked the final verse as I could "feel" her sadness:
"She's weighed down by silence,
Her heart is so heavy.
It hurts most,
When the birds stop singing."
Although in a couple of spots I thought the flow broke up a little, my overall impression of this poem was very positive. I liked the way the author wrote this in a way that made the reader 'feel' what the girl was feeling...as though "we" were the "she" mentioned. Well done.
What a beautiful, heart-felt poem. Your words show just how much you love and miss the one who has passed away. You have done a lovely job expressing emotion and this comes through to the reader.
I hope you don't mind me mentioning two small things I noticed in verse 4--just typos In line 1 you have "Id" instead of "I'd" and you begin the next line with "to" instead of "To". I mention this because I noticed the beginning of all the other lines start with a capital letter.
My overall impression of this is very good. I love the sentiment and the way you weave your words around your feelings so that we, the reader, can share them with you. Well done!
Your poem reaches in and touches the heart. Even after all this time this tragedy still is close to our hearts.
I like the writing style you've chosen to write this poem in. It flows nicely and has good visual appeal. I hope you don't mind me pointing out a couple of little things that I think will this poem stronger. They are...
Verse 1, Line 3: The word "amist" throws me off. Did you mean "amid" or "amidst"-meaning "in the middle of"?
Verse 2, Line 3: you have "Tradgedy"--should be "Tragedy"
And finally...
Last line you have "traggic"--should be spelled "tragic"
My overall impression of this poem was good. I liked the way it flowed and the heart that was in it. Except for a few typos/spelling errors that are easy to make and easier to correct, I feel it would be perfect. Write on!
I love this poem about icicles. At first I thought it was going to be a lovely poem about the beauty of icicles but I was in for a surprise.
I like how you start this by literally describing the beauty that can be found when looking at icicles. It took me back to a time when I was fascinated by them. By the time I got to the end I saw the shift and the icicle changes and becomes an analogy that is applied figuratively. This opens the whole thing up and the poem then becomes a statement about life. Great job.
-Duckie
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The flow is excellent and the message outstanding. The only thing I noticed was in verse three: you have "overwhelmes" instead of "overwhelms"...although I did find myself second guessing on this. 
Other than that simply terrific!
What a fanastic poem! I love everything about it...from it's title right on down to the final word! The whole concept is hilarious and you have done a wonderful job with the delivery. 