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185 Public Reviews Given
367 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of I Want Food  
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I really loved your poem. It had a great pace to it and I felt that your use of vocab was great.

Suggestions:

Sometimes you seemed to miss out some commas. I see you have put some punctuation in but I just feel that you could put more in.

Well done on a great poem.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx

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52
52
Review of Great Wolf  
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi,

I found your poem on the review request page. I really like your poem and some of your word choices are really great. I especially like the 2nd verse.

Suggestions:

First of all, there is no punctuation in this piece. I think it would really benefit from some-especially commas. Try reading it through aloud and when you feel you need to pause, put a comma in.

"you're". This should be "your".

You tend to use the same words over and over again. Maybe try to vary your vocabulary a bit-even though the vocab you are using is very good. It gets a bit repetitive after a while.

I definitely think that this poem is worth working on. It has great promise.

I would be happy to review this poem again after you've edited it.

Good luck.

Good effort.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx

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53
53
Review of Life and Art  
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I really like your poem. Its great and I totally agree with what you are saying. Great job!!

Suggestions:

In the first line of the second verse you missed out an "a" before piece.

Great work.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx

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54
54
Review of At Ease  
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi,

I found your poem on the review request page.

I think that your poem has great potential. I particularly love the first two lines.

Suggestions:

The 3rd and 4th lines were slightly confusing and awkward. Maybe try something like this instead:

"Low lights compliment the wine,
and the wine compliments the mesmirizing jazz."

Put a space in between "every" and "night", at the moment its all one word.

"jepordize" should be "jepardize".

I don't understand the 6th line. What could "jepardize what?" Surely if its really great then what's the problem.

"spashes". I think that you meant to say "splashes".

Overall I think that this poem has promise. After you've edited it I will be very happy to rate it again.

Good luck.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx

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55
55
Review of Morning Madness  
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi,

I really like your poem. At the beginning I can really feel the chaos of mornings. I love the way you then change to calmness. I really liked the scream part. Great use of capitals. Good job!

Suggestions:

"Telophone". It should be "Telephone".

"The television now turned off". Change this to "The television is now turned off". It would make more sense.

"Cigarette seems calming". Change this to "Cigarettes seem calming.

Overall this was a good poem which with a quick edit will be perfect.

Good effort.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx

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56
56
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi,

I love your cnotes. You've got a wide range of things and topics in the cnotes. You used all ten cnote spaces available which was great. I especially loved the flower ones.

Great work.

Keep writing/creating cnotes.

Mousie xx

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57
57
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi,

Wow! That was one of the sadest poems I've ever read. That almost made me cry. Very moving. My favorite part was the last two verses. Wow!

Suggestions:

I think you've overdone it a bit with the "Mommy kissed you better". Maybe start the "Mommy tried to kiss you better" earlier.

What a touching poem!

Great work.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx
58
58
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

First of all thanks for entering my contest. Good luck.

I loved your poem. It was really great. Well done. My favorite line was "her tears fall like the rain on the window".

Suggestions:

"Oh that it were that simple". This line seems awkward to me and a bit forced. Maybe change it to something like "Oh, only if it were that simple".

Overall you've got a really great poem there.

Well done.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx

I only have one suggestion.
59
59
Review of Together As One  
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I loved your poem. I've never read anything like it. The format was so different but great. You really have a talent for poetry. Well done.

Suggestions:

Change "and a crave in his thoughts" to "and his craven thoughts". It would make more sense.

Great work.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx
60
60
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi,

First of all thanks for entering my contest. Good luck.

I really enjoyed your poem. It was great. It flowed really well and I could find nothing to suggest to make it any better.

Great work.

Good luck.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx
61
61
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,

I really liked your poem-It was very sweet. My favorite verse was the last verse. I think that its a very original title which goes well with the poem.

Suggestions:

I feel that the last lines of the first two verses seem a bit out of the blue(It halts the flow slightly). The way you set it out it seems like there is going to be a ryhme and this poem i feel would really benefit with a bit of ryhme.

You should take out "end" at the end. The reader knows that its the end and its not necessary.

Great effort.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx
62
62
Review of This Boy And Girl  
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,

I loved your poem and your format. It flowed well and your ryhmes were very good. It really came out in your poem that you love your children dearly, which is a great thing.

Suggestions:

In the second line i think you should change it to
"Whom I'd love to be with, to jump and play".

I'm not sure what "tuckered out" means maybe change it to something used more worldwide like "worn out".

I loved your last line "Forever to stay".

Really inspirational.

Great work.

Keep writing.

Mousie xx
63
63
Review of My Muse In Spring  
Review by mousiebrowniecho
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi,

First of all thanks for entering my contest. Good luck!!!!!!!

I really liked your poem and was honoured that you wrote it especially for my contest.

Your poem made me feel really relaxed and made me feel like spring was here which was great.

I thought that your poetry form suited the poem well and it only added to the strengths of your poem.

My favorite part was:

"The feral female,
her hunger sated
by the bounties of an abundant spring
waits
for the birth of inspiration.

Suggestions:

In the second line of the first verse, i think it shoud be "meadows" not "meadow".

In the first line of the second verse i'm not sure if you meant to say "wonders" and if you did i suggest that you change it to "wanders".

As you can see the suggestions are very minor and easy to fix if you wish to.

Great work *Bigsmile*

Keep writing.

Mousie xx
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