*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostranch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/15
Review Requests: OFF
1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
Previous ... 11 12 13 14 -15- 16 17 18 19 20 ... Next
351
351
Review of crumby steps  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Johnny cue ,

This is a very surreal piece of writing. I don’t think I really “get” it, though I want to. It’s a fun, nonsense piece but I think it needs quite a lot of work. There are many grammatical and spelling errors/typos in this write so I think it could be greatly enhanced by a careful edit. (The words ‘i’ and ‘im’ should be written as ‘I’ and ‘I’m’. ‘Probally’ should be ‘probably’).

I know that ‘idk’ is an abbreviation of ‘I don’t know’ but not everybody will realise that. You really need to write out the proper words in my opinion. I don’t think many people on a writing site will think that such “text speak” is acceptable and your tale will probably be rated down because of it.

One other thing, you seem to have written in two different tenses, and I think it would be better to stick to one. I’m not an expert when it comes to tenses so sorry if I’m wrong! I’ll use this sentence as an example:

‘the chicken ate the last crumb and we reach the end’

The first part of this sentence is in the past tense (ate) and the second part is in the present tense (reach). Therefore, it would probably read more smoothly written as ‘the chicken ate the last crumb and we reached the end’ or ‘the chicken eats the last crumb and we reach the end’. Do you see what I mean?

Overall I think this is an interesting piece of writing and you obviously have a creative mind! I just think you need to work on the basic errors to make it readable. Then maybe you could look into expanding it and making it a little less vague in meaning so that readers can connect with it. I’m not saying you need to spell out every single point you make, but as it is at the moment, the piece is just a little too bizarre and incomprehensible.

I hope this review has been helpful. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
352
352
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello NanoWriMo2018 Into the Earth ,

I think this is a wonderful metaphorical story. It may be a short piece but it certainly has an impact. The message is (mostly) clear and is conveyed to the reader in an interesting and original way. The only thing I didn’t really understand was why the second person wouldn’t allow the narrator to help them up. Maybe I have just missed the point of that part!

I have a couple of small suggestions: I think a comma would work better after the word ‘stretching’ in the fourth sentence because the next part is connected to it and doesn’t read as a complete sentence on its own. Or you could change ‘wiggling’ to ‘wiggle’ instead—then it would be a complete sentence and read better, I think.

The phrase ‘stroke through’ seems a little awkward. I’m not sure the word ‘through’ is necessary and think it sounds better without it. Of course this is just my personal opinion!

Overall I think this is a great piece of writing and I love the ending. Thanks for sharing it.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
353
353
Review of The ocean  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Happy Mom's Day 2024! ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item" . Thank you very much for entering round 3.

You successfully followed the prompt and I think this is such a beautiful poem! The imagery is fantastic. I especially adore the first two lines—the language is striking and creates a strong picture in my mind.

I feel the first Whitney in this chain is the strongest. The flow is wonderful and the use of alliteration is very effective. I still think the other two are very good. I just enjoyed the first one more!

Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
354
354
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello SummerLyn Guthrie ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item" . Thank you very much for entering round 3.

I really enjoyed this poem and you successfully followed the prompt. The theme you have chosen is huge and I like the way you have approached it. The poem is very nicely presented too, giving it lots of visual appeal!

I had a little trouble with the flow. I think with short, syllabic forms like the Whitney it is very easy for the flow to become choppy and for ideas to seem disconnected from each other. Is there some punctuation missing? Maybe that could help with guiding the reader through the piece more easily?

Also, a little more description would be nice. I want to be able to see this sunflower as it goes from ‘standing tall’ to withering away but those descriptions are just a little too vague and general in my opinion. I realise there are not a lot of syllables to play around with, but I’m sure you can give the poem some more ‘zest’. If you want to that is!

But overall I think this is a nicely written poem. Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
355
355
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Happy Mom's Day 2024! ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item" . Thank you very much for entering round 2.

I really enjoyed this poem. You used the prompt well and the poem is light-hearted and fun. I particularly liked the part about the less than perfect looking cake! It made me smile. The structure you used for this poem is effective and adds to the fun, making the poem bright and bouncy, if that makes sense. The rhyme scheme is good and the rhythm mostly is. I stumbled in a couple of places, for instance the first line of the final stanza. This line seems to be one beat too long, to me anyway, and I would suggest changing ‘wrapping’ to ‘gift’ to remedy this. Of course this is just my opinion!

Overall I think this is a lovely poem. The last part is very funny! Thank you for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
356
356
Review of Father's Day.  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Joshua Rawls ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 2.

I love this poem! I can relate to it, somewhat (though I’m not a man!) But I also have difficulty telling the people I care about that I love them. The message of this piece is clear and conveyed to the reader with lots of emotion, making it a very poignant read.

I have a few suggestions for this poem. There is some structure here—the rhyme scheme is flawless; the rhythm, however, is a little uneven in places. I feel that some of the longer lines disrupt the flow. Sometimes it helps to keep a consistent syllable count. I feel some parts need some clarification, for example lines one and two of stanza two. It is not clear here what you are asking. Are you asking if your father is aware you love him? Are you asking if your father is aware that you are alike? One other thing, I noticed a few grammatical errors, for instance, there is no need for a full stop at the end of the first line of stanza three. So I think this piece could benefit from a careful edit.

But overall this was a pleasure to read and I love the ending. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
357
357
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Ronnie Smiles ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

This is a nice little poem about using poetry writing as an escape. I think a lot of people on this site will be able to relate to this piece! I know I can! There are some strong lines in this poem; I particularly like the fourth line of the first stanza, which I think is wonderfully creative.

I noticed several grammatical errors in this piece, so I think it could be strengthened by a careful edit. You often use full stops (periods) where a comma would work better. For instance, I think there should be a comma at the end of the first line. Maybe reading aloud could help with this. You might be able to hear more easily where commas are needed.

A couple of other things, I don’t think ‘with holden’ in the last line of stanza four is correct. I think this should be ‘withheld’. Also, I’m afraid I don’t understand the first line of the final stanza. It seems there is an extra word here. Should the word ‘I’ be removed?

But overall I think this is a good piece of writing. It just needs a little polishing in my opinion! Thanks you for sharing it.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
358
358
Review of Writing Naturally  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Amber Autry ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

Your description says that this is your first attempt at poetry and that it is ‘probably horrible’. Well, it certainly isn’t horrible! I think it is a beautiful, descriptive piece of writing. I love the simple imagery and there are some very creative lines in this poem. I particularly like the third line of stanza two. I have to comment on the title too, which is something I don’t normally do! I love it! It’s great anyway but once I read the poem and the title was given meaning, I liked it even more!

I found the flow of this poem a little choppy in places. Sometimes, especially at the beginning, it reads as a list of unconnected thoughts. I’d suggest reading it aloud so you can hear for yourself where the flow becomes disrupted. You may be able to rephrase some parts then or find ways to link them more clearly so that the poem isn’t so fragmented and halting. But this is just my personal opinion.

Overall I think this is an excellent poem. The last stanza is my favourite. I like the subtle rhyme in the first line of this part, and also your use of alliteration. I hope you write more poetry! Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
359
359
Review of Letting Go  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello JOY-on LOA ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

I love this metaphorical poem! The words are simplistic and few but they certainly have an impact. The flow of this poem is fantastic and the imagery is creative, but it is the emotion of this piece that is its strongest point in my opinion. It stirred my emotions anyway! I have no suggestions to make. I think this poem is wonderful as it is.

Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
360
360
Review of Sunlight Dances  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Happy Mom's Day 2024! ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

I really enjoyed this beautiful poem. The description in the first line brought to mind shafts of light filtering in between the trees in a dense forest. I don’t know of that was your intention but that’s what this unique description conjured up in my mind’s eye! I enjoyed the emotion of this piece too. It is filled with happy nostalgia and I really like the image of a message of love being carved on a tree.

I like the structure of this poem. I think you used a specific form though I am not familiar with it. I think the repeated line works well and the rhythm of this poem is pretty good. The only problem I had really was that the rhyme scheme seems a little jaded. I can see this is quite a restrictive form, but the repeat of the word ‘mark’ didn’t work so well for me.

But overall I think this a lovely poem. Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
361
361
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Ԝ€ß☆ԜiʈCH ,

This is a fun poem. There is so much “doom and gloom” poetry around that it’s quite refreshing to read something so light-hearted and just plain silly! I like the story you tell in this piece and I think you have created some... er... unusual images!

I think the rhyme scheme is good. I like the occasional use of internal rhyme. The rhythm, however, wasn’t quite there for me. Some of the lines are very wordy and this disrupts the flow in my opinion, for instance the third line of stanza two. I’m not really sure what to suggest for this line. There just seems to be too many syllables, so maybe a word could be cut or replaced or something? I’m not sure! There are a couple of other places where the poem doesn’t flow. Maybe reading it aloud could help you find the “rough” parts? I sometimes find that helps anyway!

Overall I think this is a creative, comical piece of writing and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
362
362
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Sticktalker ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 4.

(I'm afraid this isn't going to match embe's creative review!) I really enjoyed this poem. It is refreshing to read something so light-hearted and fun. I like the humour! I like the casual tone and simplicity too. The only part I had trouble with was the ninth line. It just sounds a little odd to me. I guess I’m just not familiar with that expression! I enjoyed the ending. Thanks for a fun read that put a smile on my face after a stressful day. *Smile*

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
363
363
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Jewel Busy Busy Busy! ,

I enjoyed this sweet little tale! You have approached the subject in a creative and fun way, and the message is very clear. I’m studying conservation and have had to read many tedious articles and books on the subject, so I really appreciated this fresh attitude!

I have a few suggestions. The explanation of the hydrophone seems unnecessary to me as it becomes clear what a hydrophone is in the next sentence. There are a few repeat words in the first paragraph that sound awkward in my opinion, for instance ‘someone’ and ‘up’.

In the third part, when Luke is speaking, ‘though’ should be ‘thought’.

Some of the dialogue between the whales sounds a little forced and unnatural in my opinion. Maybe reading it aloud could help you with this?

In the ninth paragraph, I think that should be ‘There are far too few of them...’ or ‘They are far too few...’ and cut the ‘of them’. Does that make sense?

Overall I think this is an enjoyable and thought-provoking piece of writing. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
364
364
Review of Protect and Serve  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello usmc329 ,

I found this to be an interesting read. I think it is a thought-provoking and emotional piece of writing. It seems this is a subject very close to your heart and that really comes across to the reader.

A couple of things I would suggest you take a look at and maybe rethink are the way you address the reader and your narrative style. In the first paragraph you ask the reader to imagine themselves as a police officer. But in the very next paragraph you switch and begin addressing the reader as if they are a civilian and refer to the police officers as ‘they’. Then in the final paragraph, you switch again, now referring to ‘he’ rather than ‘they. This all gets pretty confusing in my opinion. I found it distracting.

Also, in your final paragraph you go from talking about police officers to talking about a soldier in the marines. I got confused again! I thought I had grasped your message but then you seemed to change it!

A few of other things, I think the part in the first sentence about family and friends is a little redundant really. Stating ‘a person you do not know, have never met’ kind of implies that they are not a friend or family member. Also, the second sentence doesn’t read as a complete sentence.

I noticed you used ‘there’ a couple of times when it should be ‘they’re’, for instance the second sentence of paragraph three. Remember, ‘they’re’ is a contraction of ‘they are’

But overall I think this is a lovely tribute to those who put their lives at risk to help others. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing it.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
365
365
Review of My Love  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello Bill ,

This is an unusual poem. Well, the format is unusual. Did you intend it to be like that? I suppose I generally think of poetry having more of a structure. I don’t know, maybe it’s okay to present it like this, but if you do, then punctuation is a must in my opinion. I found the lack of punctuation problematic and it interfered with the flow.

I enjoyed the emotion of this piece but it seemed to lack something. I think the sentences and phrases are just too general if that makes sense, and I just felt that your ideas could be expanded a little. It isn’t a particularly satisfying read as I was left wondering why you can’t be with this person and why you would be thinking of them on that particular day. I think it is okay to leave the reader guessing sometimes, but when the meaning of the piece is too vague, the reader probably won’t be able to connect with it.

Overall, the sentiments and idea of this piece are very touching, but I feel a little clarification and expansion of ideas is necessary to really capture a reader's attention. I hope this review has been helpful but please let me know if you need me to explain anything I have said.

Thank you

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
366
366
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello Oldwarrior ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 3.

I think this is a beautiful poem and I love the original, charming story you tell. You have successfully followed the prompt. I’m honoured that you chose a line from one of my poems, and I think you have incorporated it effectively into your own. I like the structure of this poem. The rhythm is quite nice and the rhyme scheme is very strong. But it is the emotion of this piece that I enjoyed the most.

I noticed a few errors in this piece. In the third line, should the word ‘has’ be ‘have’? I’m certainly not an expert when it comes to grammar and tenses, so sorry if I’m wrong! In the twelfth couplet, I think ‘begin’ should be ‘began’. I personally would have placed a full stop at the end of the first line and then capitalised the first word of the second line. I would have done the same in a few other places too, for example the third couplet.

There are quite a lot of repeat words in this poem, for example using the words ‘eyes’ twice in the same lines reads a little awkwardly. Also the words ‘fear’ and ‘evil’ are repeated a lot. I think varying the vocabulary a bit could help strengthen this piece, so we’re not getting the same jaded words over and over again. Of course this is just my personal opinion.

Overall I think this is a wonderful poem and I really enjoyed reading it.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
367
367
Review of Divergence  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 3.

I enjoyed this poem a lot. There is so much emotion, making it a poignant read. I think it is something that a lot of people can relate to. I know I can! You successfully followed the prompt and I like they way you incorporated your chosen line into your poem.

The rhyme scheme of this piece is strong but the rhythm isn’t quite there in my opinion. As examples, the last two lines of stanza two seem to each have an extra beat and the second line of stanza four seems to be two, possibly three beats too short. It isn’t a huge deal but it does throw the rhythm a little. I sometimes found I had to emphasise words unnaturally to ‘get’ the flow.

The last two lines are quite awkward in my opinion. But I can’t quite work out why. For some reason I had to read this part through a few times. It might be the commas—the slight pauses just don’t seem to work. Also, I'm not sure the second use of ‘I’ is necessary. Perhaps it's that. Sorry I can’t be more helpful!

Overall I think this is a nicely written poem that got me thinking. I particularly liked the first two lines of stanza two. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
368
368
Review of Shhhhh!  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello aralls,

This is an interesting poem. It may be short but it certainly has an impact. I like the humour in the third line and I love the emotion in the final line. Your use of alliteration is very effective, and gives this piece a strong sound. But the punctuation seems a little muddled. Should there be a full stop after ‘prey’? Should the word ‘simply’ begin with a capital letter?

Overall I think this is a charming, creative piece of writing. I love the picture too! Thanks for a great read.

~Ghostranch.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
369
369
Review of My Journey  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello warriormom,

I really enjoyed this poem. The first three lines are wonderfully striking! They captured my attention and made me want to read on. I like the simplicity of this piece and the gentle flow. The imagery is lovely. I like the message you are trying to get across but feel things become a little confused in the final stanza. You talk about the course you are destined to follow, but this seems at odds with your final line, in my opinion. Maybe I have just misunderstood!

Overall I think this is a nicely written, heartfelt piece of writing. Thanks for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
370
370
Review of Just a Farmer  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Ben Langhinrichs ,

It’s about time I got ‘round to reading the poem that beat mine in the Quills Awards! Wow, I can see why you won. It was an honour to even have my poems nominated alongside your work. This piece is so polished. The rhyme scheme and rhythm are flawless, making it so much fun to read out loud. The humour is subtle and clever. The best kind of humour always in my opinion! There is emotion in this poem too, making it quite poignant in places, and giving the reader something to think about. The final stanza is my favourite. It made me laugh out loud. Thank you very much for a great read. (As I do not have any suggestions to make, I’m sending your gps back. *Smile*)

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
371
371
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Oldwarrior ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 2.

Wow! I think this poem is beautiful. I absolutely love it. It was obviously written straight from the heart and emotion shines from every single line. What a lovely tribute to your wife. Sometimes I find it hard to review such personal pieces, but this one is easy to comment on because it really moved me.

I’m not usually a fan of poetry written in rhyming couplets but it seems to work well here, I think, as the lines are quite long. The rhythm is mostly wonderful but slips in a couple of places, for example the second line, which reads quite awkwardly. The sixth line seems to have one beat too many but this can easily be fixed by removing the first ‘and’. There are several other places where the flow is disrupted. Maybe reading aloud or asking someone to read the poem out to you will help you find the uneven parts?

One other thing, a few extra commas seem to have crept in, for example, the one in the middle of the first line of couplet twelve. Again, maybe reading aloud might help as it will be easier to identify where a comma creates an unnatural pause.

Overall I think this is a fantastic piece of writing. It has huge emotional impact and I love the repeated parts. They work very effectively. I particularly love the seventh, twelfth and the final couplets. Thank you very much for sharing this. I really enjoyed reading it.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
372
372
Review of Dark Visitor  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello 🌕 HuntersMoon ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 2.

Wow! This is quite a tale. The first line is very striking and made me want to read on. My attention was held until the end, despite this being a fairly long and complex piece. (I have concentration issues so I don’t usually make it to the end of poems this length!) The imagery is great and the language choices are strong. I like how you have taken the very common theme of a lost love and approached it in an original way.

I like the structure of this poem. The rhyme scheme is pretty strong. But unfortunately the rhythm wasn’t quite there for me. I’m not sure what to suggest apart from reading the piece aloud so you can find the uneven parts. The first lines of stanzas two and three are too similar in my opinion. Also, I didn’t quite understand what you meant by ‘A vision...’ What vision?

In the fourth stanza, I think the third line reads better as ‘No prayers or incantations, nor arcane medicine’ rather than using the word ‘not’ twice. Of course this is just my opinion!

There are a few awkward sentences, for example the second line of the final stanza. To me this makes more sense as ‘she struggled to catch her breath’. The use of the word ‘being’ is quite weak in my opinion, and hints of filler, as does ‘she felt herself...’

But overall I think this is a wonderful poem. You tell a captivating story and the ending is fantastic. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
373
373
Review of LIFE  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Puja ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 2.

I think this is a nice poem with a lovely message. It seems to have been written from the heart, making it a poignant read. Some of the metaphors are wonderful and really got me thinking. I particularly like the last two lines of the first stanza, though it took me a while to get my thoughts around this part!

I like the structure you used and the repetition works effectively and doesn’t become overwhelming, which I think can sometimes happen. I like the rhyme scheme though a few of them sound quite forced and therefore stick out, for example ‘forest’ with ‘purest’ and ‘monster’ with ‘foster’. The flow is quite nice but I stumbled in a couple of places when reading aloud. The second line of stanza two, for example, seems to be one beat too short, which throws the rhythm. There are a few other places where the rhythm is uneven. Maybe reading the poem aloud could help you find these parts? One other thing, the last two lines are awkwardly phrased and are confusing. I didn’t understand what you were trying to say here. As this is your conclusion, it really needs to have an impact! Can you rephrase this part? Is there a simpler, clearer way to get your point across?

I really enjoyed this poem. I think it is an emotional, heartfelt and inspiring piece of writing. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
374
374
Review of Pleasure  
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello JACE

I really like this! I think it is nicely written and I love the twist at the end. It amazes me that a 55 word story can have a twist! I have written a 100 word story before and that was difficult enough! So I am full of admiration that you have pulled off telling a strong, decent story in just 55 words. If I was being picky I might say that some of the descriptions in the first part are a bit cliché. Some fresh and striking language choices could give this piece even more impact. But I really do think it is strong and enjoyable as it is. Thank you very much for a great read.

~Ghostranch.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
375
375
Review by Ghostranch
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Just an Ordinary Boo! ,

This is such a fun poem. Scary of course but a good laugh too! I admire you for trying something new and writing outside of your comfort zone. You really pulled it off. I love the descriptions, especially the third line and all of stanza two. The word ‘denizens’ is a very effective and clever choice of word. It brought to mind words like ‘dentist’ and ‘dentures’! I do not know if this was your intention. Perhaps it is just my warped mind making weird connections!

The rhythm of this piece is quite nice and the rhyme scheme is good. It seems you have often inverted natural phrasing to fit the pattern/structure. Sometimes this works well--I absolutely love ‘call and beck’! Sometimes it doesn’t work so well--I found the first line of stanza three and the first line of stanza four particularly awkward.

Overall I really enjoyed this. I love your originality. Thank you very much for a great read and a laugh.

~Jess.

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **
And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
529 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 22 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/ghostranch/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/15