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1,747 Public Reviews Given
1,900 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
I would characterise my reviews as honest and polite. I try to approach each item as a writer and a reader. I keep writingML to a minimum as it is distracting to me. I am starting to experiment with templates, having never really used one before now -- please bear with me while I try to find one that suits my review style! I always try to be constructive, positive and encouraging in my reviews.
I'm good at...
Reviewing poetry, focusing on emotion, flow and imagery. I have a particular passion for short poetry.
Favorite Genres
Dark, Emotional, Experience, Nature, Personal, Psychology
Least Favorite Genres
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Religious, Sci-fi, Supernatural, Young Adult
Favorite Item Types
I prefer, and am most confident, reviewing poetry. But I do sometimes review short stories, essays and articles etc.
I will not review...
Erotica (unless it's tasteful and non-clichéd!), Fanfiction, Young Adult fiction, novels or novel chapters (unless I know you very well!), horror items rated above 18+ (though I am happy to review other genres with higher ratings), anything featuring vampires, anything written in "text speak" or any non-static or non-book items (except in special circumstances).
Public Reviews
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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello Pearl2be ,

Thank you for inviting me to read your story. This isn't the kind of thing I would usually choose to read as I'm not a big fan of horror or thrillers, but I was happy to read this and now offer you my thoughts on it. I think you have an intriguing story opening here. The first line is strong -- it grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. I think you set the scene well too. I really like the atmosphere you have created, immediately putting the reader on edge. The casual, conversational writing style is quite effective.

I just have a few suggestions that you can, of course, use or ignore as you wish. I think you over-use ellipses in this piece and I found them distracting. I would suggest cutting most of them out, if not all of them. I can see that maybe you have used them to create some dramatic pauses but I really don't think they are necessary. You have used lots of short, snappy sentences, which create the same affect and they alone help to build up the suspense.

In the second paragraph, I think you only need one exclamation mark after the word 'STOP'. Just one exclamation mark, plus putting the word in capital letters adequately creates the effect I think you are going for in my opinion. Also, you end the next sentence with an exclamation mark and a question mark, which seems a little odd to me. The sentence isn't really a question so I think you can lose the question mark.

I noticed many grammatical errors in this story so I think it could be greatly enhanced by a careful edit. Most noticeable was the incorrect usage of apostrophes. Remember, apostrophes are used to denote contractions (such as 'it is' becomes 'it's) or possession (like how you used it with the word 'mind's' in the final sentence). Words such as 'keys' and 'stairs' do not need apostrophes.

One last thing, I noticed a few awkwardly phrased sentences in this item that I think could use some attention. Firstly, the one beginning 'The place was filled...' I think maybe the word 'things' would work better than 'something'. And maybe 'but I was too impatient to set up anything...' would work better than 'but my patience was limited too small...' etc. What do you think? There were a few other places like this and also some sentence fragments that I think could use some work. Sometimes I find reading my work aloud helps me to identify parts that aren't really working or that sound a little awkward. If you haven't already, perhaps this is something you could do.

Of course these suggestions are just based on my personal opinions and you may not agree with me.

Overall I found this to be an interesting story start. It is filled with suspense and has some interesting ideas. I particularly enjoyed some of your unique descriptions, such as the part about the sun in the final paragraph. I think the story has potential but the grammatical errors and some of the phrasing need to be fixed to make it more readable.

Thank you for sharing this. I hope you have found my review helpful but please let me know if you need me to clarify anything I have said.

~Jess.

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Review of A Lost Muse  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello super sleuth ,

I think this is a well-written poem on a subject that I'm sure most members of this site can probably relate to and sympathise with. I particularly like the second stanza -- so many of us write to get our feelings out, to heal, and if that is taken away from us, there is such a sense of loss and hopelessness.

I think this piece has a strong rhyme scheme. The rhythm is mostly very good but I felt it slipped in a few places. I identified these parts when I read the poem aloud. I find reading a poem a loud is often more helpful in finding rough spots in the rhythm. Perhaps you could try that with this poem if you haven't already and also if you do wish to work on it some more.

Overall I enjoyed this emotional poem. I think you have created a strong poem about writer's block and hopefully it has helped your words to flow more easily now! Thank you for sharing this.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Breezy ,

This is an interesting poem. I like the tone of it and some of the phrasing is lovely. I particularly like the opening few lines.

I sense there is some deep meaning or message buried somewhere in this piece but I'm afraid I just couldn't grasp all of it. I think this might be because of your use of punctuation. I found it confusing and distracting and instead of guiding me through the piece, I found it made me stumble several times. As an example, I found the semicolon after the word 'exaltation' confusing because the line seemed to continue. The semicolon just didn't make sense to me and there were several other places where I felt the punctuation may be incorrect. I'm certainly not an expert when it comes to punctuation, but I did find this poem hard to read becuase of the way you used it.

I enjoyed the parts of this poem that I could understand and I feel it has lots of potential. I really liked the hopeful ending and feel it has an impact. I just think the poem could benefit from a careful edit to clear up the grammatical errors that make it hard to read and therefore hard to comprehend. I hope you have found this review helpful. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of Scythe  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Fable Scriber ,

I really enjoyed the imagery of the poem. The part about the sunlight in the third stanza is particularly beautiful in my opinion. I also really liked the unique description of the wheat as the earth's "golden hair". There are several lovely moments like that in the poem that created some striking images that I could almost see in my mind's eye.

The "problem" I had with this poem is that it doesn't flow so well. I couldn't help but feel some punctuation could help, at least a little, with this. It would help to guide the reader through the poem. I felt some grammar would particularly come in useful in the third stanza where the first line seems to run on to the next one, when I do not believe this was your intention. At the moment, this part can be read like this:

'The blade slides deftly through each stalk of wheat'

That's how I read it the first time and then when I read on, I realised it isn't supposed to be like that as it doesn't make sense. A semicolon after the word 'through' would really help to clarify this. Do you see what I mean?

Overall, I think this is a good poem, with some creative descriptions. I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your poem.

~Jess.

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Review of I love you  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Sweetzer ,

This is an intensely emotional piece of writing. I think you have done a great job of conveying the emotions to readers, making this a poignant read that a lot of people can probably connect to, to some extent. The sadness, desperation and hopelessness expressed are probably feelings most people have experienced at some point in their lives.

The problem I had with this poem is that it is too vague and general. There are no concrete images to engage readers and a lot of the phrases are clichés, making the poem rather jaded in my opinion. I think some clarification is needed too as it isn't clear what has happened and I didn't understand why you were feeling such complex and intense emotions. Sometimes it is okay to leave readers guessing, and there is no need to spell out every little detail, but sometimes that can become frustrating. Of course these are just my personal opinions.

I noticed several grammatical errors in this piece too and feel some of the punctuation is a little muddled. I think it could be greatly enhanced by a careful edit.

Overall I think this is a stirring poem. I understand it is a personal piece but I just feel something is needed to make it more comprehensible. Thank you for sharing your work. I hope you have found this review helpful.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ScorpionJD ,

I found this to be an interesting piece of writing. I'm never entirely sure how to review lyrics, as I have never written a song and don't really know how to write one! However, I'll give it a go!

This seems to me like it could be set to country music. Apologies if I am wrong. It seems to have a good rhythm and pace and also a strong sound which I imagine would translate well if the piece was set to music, making a pretty catchy song. I like the refrain and feel this works effectively.

There are just a couple of things I noticed that I feel don't work so well. Of course these are just my personal opinions. Firstly, I'm afraid I do not understand the phrase ''ravelin bones' and just can't figure out what you mean by this line. And secondly, the last two lines seem to contradict each other, in my opinion, and I feel this lessens the impact of the ending. I don't understand why the truck drivers are burdens to their wives if they are 'not their concern' when they are away. I just don't think the two go together. Sorry if I have missed the point.

I noticed one small error/typo. In the third line, 'wont' should be 'won't'. Or perhaps it should be 'don't' to make it consistent with the rest of the piece?

Overall I think this is a good piece and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Daizy May ,

I think this is a nicely written poem with a good strong, inspirational message that I'm sure a lot of people can probably connect to.

I like the structure of this piece. The rhyme scheme is quite strong and the rhythm is mostly smooth.

The difficulty I had with this poem was that it is a little vague in places. For instance, the first two lines of stanza two leave the reader wondering what God forgave. Sometimes I think it can be a good thing to leave readers guessing but sometimes it can become a little frustrating. There were a few other places in the poem where some further description or clarification could work well, for example the third stanza.

Overall I think this is a strong piece of writing and I enjoyed reading it. Thanks for sharing it.

~Jess.

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Review of Tulips  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello ~WhoMe???~ ,

I think this is a nice little poem. I like short poetry that provides a snapshot of an idea or an image etc. There are some vivid descriptions and language choices in this piece that create strong images. I particularly like the idea of colour blooming and feel this is quite a unique and striking description.

I just noticed a couple of things that could maybe use some attention if you wished to work on this poem some more. I think 'a glow' in the third line should be 'aglow'. Also in this line, it might work better to change 'Artist' to 'Artist's'. I personally think this reads more smoothly.

The fourth line doesn't have quite the impact it could have in my opinion for two reasons. Firstly, I think the flow is quite awkward here, maybe because the line is drawn out compared to the others. Secondly, the use of the word 'blossoms' feels a little jaded as you already used 'blooms' earlier on in the piece.

Overall, however, I think this is a lovely piece of writing and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your poem.

~Jess

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Review of A Poem Of Love  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Sticktalker ,

I'm sorry it has taken me so long to get 'round to reviewing this poem. I am so pleased you felt inspired by the contest prompt!

There is a lot to like about this piece. Firstly, I really love the way you have presented it! The picture is wonderful and the poem has lots of visual appeal. The opening line is very effective -- it grabbed my attention and made me want to read on. The poem may be short but it certainly has an impact and I absolutely love the message. I like the emotion of this too and think you have done a great job of conveying it to the reader.

The main "problem" with this poem in my opinion is the flow. It was hard for me to discern any rhythm, especially in the first and third stanzas. I think the second stanza is the strongest and feel that the assonance at the ends of the lines helps to enhance the flow a little. Maybe doing something like this could improve the other stanzas? Also, I sometimes find reading a poem aloud can help me to find where the "rough" parts are. Having said that, the flow isn't exactly awkward but I just feel it reads more like prose really.

One thing that struck me as odd is some of the examples of things people can love you have grouped together. I realise you wanted to provide a range of examples, but it seems strange to have 'spouse', 'child' and 'dress' together for instance. I think there is a lot of scope here to expand this poem and I wonder if using more examples could help. Then you could cluster similar things together and certain parts (like the dress) wouldn't stick out so much. Does this make sense?

Just a couple of other things, you have used the word 'even' two lines in a row and I think it is quite jarring. I'm not entirely sure the second usage works because you seem to be presenting the idea of someone loving their home as something surprising or different, when really I don't think it is!

Overall I think this is a good poem. It has a strong message and I love the ending. I enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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Review of Impossible Peace  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello VictorRee ,

I found this to be an interesting poem. I think you make a lot of good points in this piece, and though I may not agree with everything you expressed, it certainly gave me a lot to think about. I like the simplicity of this -- I think the straightforward, yet earnest tone and style really helps to get your message across to the reader in an effective way.

There was just one part I had a little trouble with -- the first two lines of the sixth stanza. Morality doesn't seem like the right word choice to me but unfortunately I can't think of an alternative to suggest. I didn't really understand why you presented these as something people have to decide between, because it is possible to have both in my opinion. The theme you have chosen to write about is, of course, extremely complex and needed to be simplified to make a poem, but I just feel this part has been oversimplified. Again, this is just my personal opinion. Maybe I just missed the point!

As for the structure of the poem, I think you have a pretty strong rhyme scheme but I feel the rhythm becomes disrupted in places. I sometimes find using a consistent syllable count for more structured poems, like this one, can really help to enhance the flow. Also, reading the piece aloud (if you haven't done this already) is a good way of helping to identify where the 'rough' parts are.

Overall I think this is a strong, thought-provoking piece of writing and I enjoyed reading it. I think the last stanza in particular is effective and powerful. I hope you have found this review helpful. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello K.A. Price ,

I think this is a strong and interesting opening to a story. I think you have a nice writing style, which draws the reader in and I particularly liked the colourful descriptions of the surroundings in the first paragraph. I think you have done an excellent job with the characters too. They are pretty well-defined and I thought their relationship seemed very realistic. Jenni and Jamie obviously care deeply about each other and enjoy spending time together, but there seems to be a little tension between them too, sometimes. I felt you did this very well. Their dialogue, too, is natural and helps to move the story along. Though this is just the beginning of the story and not a lot really happens, it still flows nicely and held my attention until the end.

I noticed a few errors, for example this part:

'Jenni scowled and her sister.'

I think that should be 'at' rather than 'and'. Also, this bit:

'That squirrel and hid it in a box under my bed?'

This is a little muddled so I think you need to find a way to rephrase it. I noticed a few other mistakes so I think this story could be enhanced by a careful edit.

Overall I really enjoyed reading this and am interested to know what happens next. Good luck finishing it!

~Jess.

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Review of Death Echoes  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Prosperous Snow celebrating ,

I think this is an interesting poem, filled with striking language choices. The form isn't one I have used before or come across often. I think it is quite effective, though it works better with shorter end-line words in my opinion.

I'm afraid I didn't understand the entire meaning of this poem but I got caught up in the atmosphere you have created. It is quite an intense and almost eerie piece of writing. I liked some of the unique phrases such as 'scarlet time' and 'ebony void'.

I would suggest watching out for repeat words because they become a little jarring in my opinion. Also, I think the punctuation in this poem could use some attention. I am certainly not an expert when it comes to punctuation but it seems to me that you overuse commas. As an example, I don't think you need one after the first line. There are several other places like this so I think this piece could benefit from a careful edit.

Overall I really enjoyed this poem. As a scientist, it is nice to see scientific language in poetry! Thank you for sharing this.

~Jess.

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Review of BITS AND PIECES  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello Gothic Angel gone ,

I love this signature shop and have ordered from here several times now. You always have an interesting selection to choose from and, in my experience, orders are always carried out promptly. The forum is set out nicely -- I really like the eye-catching banner! You have also clearly explained what people need to do to place an order etc. The prices are great too!

I'm sure I'll be back to order from here again!

Thank you.

~Jess.

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And proud Paper Doll Gang member *Bigsmile*
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Review of Falling  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello onelastwish ,

This may be a short piece but it is certainly effective. I can relate to some of the feelings you express here, as I'm sure a lot of people can.

Some of the phrases are maybe a little jaded, but then again it is hard to come up with something fresh for such a common theme. I do think, however, that you have done a great job of conveying the intense emotions to the reader -- the simplicity works well and the message is clear and easy to connect to.

The poem flows wonderfully and I think you have made good use of scattered rhyme.

There are just a few things that stuck out to me. Firstly, the word 'fling' seems a little odd and I wonder, did you perhaps mean 'flail'? Sorry if I am wrong!

I think the punctuation could use some work. The comma after the first line, while not necessarily incorrect, creates an unnatural pause. I think it could work better without it. I'm not sure about the semicolon usage either -- I think commas would work better in these parts. But of course this is just my opinion and I am certainly not an expert when it comes to punctuation.

Overall I think this is a poignant piece of writing. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of You Were  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello alliecat ,

This is a nice poem. I am very interested in colour symbolism and I like how you linked different colours with different emotions. I think this poem mostly has a good flow and this is enhanced by the subtle use of assonance throughout. It is clear you have thought carefully about your word choices -- I particularly like the use of the words 'screaming' and 'beaming' so close to each other.

There were just a few things in this piece that I thought maybe do not work quite as well. The repetition of the word 'so' becomes a little grating in my opinion and I think you could probably cut a lot of them out without losing anything.

Like I said, I think mostly the flow is good, but some of the longer, drawn-out lines disrupt it a little bit. I think maybe you could tighten up some of the writing at these parts.

I'm afraid I do not get the line beginning: 'every sprout you touched...' This seems like a very odd phrase to me and I wasn't really sure what you meant here.

Overall I think this is a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of Ties That Blind  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello LdyPhoenix ,

This is a pretty disturbing and intense piece of writing. I wasn't entirely sure what it was about until I had read the prompt at the end, but I still got caught up in the emotion of it. I think the structure of this poem is great -- the quotes used to break up sections of the poem are very effective and the lines in italics are absolutely heart-breaking.

The only part I had trouble with was the couplet beginning 'Protection is against...' This may just be me missing the point, but I'm afraid I could not get my thoughts around this part and didn't really understand what you meant here.

That's just a minor thing though and overall I think this is a strong piece of writing. There are some very striking language choices that grab the reader's attention. I also really liked the chaotic feel of the poem. Thank you very much for sharing this.

~Jess.

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Review of Waves  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello Sophy ,

I love poetry like this -- short, sharp, to-the-point poems that are easy to connect to. I can definitely relate to the message of this piece -- I have felt that way a lot. This is a very emotional poem and the simile is clever and effective. I like how the entire poem is one sentence and one succinct thought/idea.

I think this piece could have a nice flow but I felt the line breaks were a little odd and I found the trailing lines distracting. Usually I like to see strong words at the ends of lines, rather than words like 'the' and 'to' etc. This is just my personal taste. I think a little more thought into where to break the lines, showing the reader where they need to pause to absorb something and where they need to race forward etc, could really enhance this poem. But of course this is just my opinion!

Overall I think this is a beautifully written, poignant poem. Thank you very much for sharing it.

~Jess.

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Review of Auto-Bio Poem  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Angelica- Happy Mothers Day! ,

This is an interesting collection of poems. I particularly enjoyed "Spinach" which I think is wonderfully creative. I liked the note of humour in this one. I also quite liked "Butterflies". I think it has a fairly nice flow and I liked the alliteration.

The main "problem" I had with this collection really is that a lot of the poems are very obscure and I found it hard to connect to a lot of them. This is just a personal thing -- I like accessible poetry and I like to be able to connect to the message on an emotional level.

I had trouble with the flow of most of these and feel a lot of them read like prose rather than poetry. Again, this might just be me! It just isn't a style that appeals to my personal taste.

I also noticed many spelling errors in this item so I think it could be greatly enhanced by a careful edit.

Overall I think you have some creative pieces here. I liked some of the striking language choices and phrases. Thanks for sharing these.

~Jess.

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Review of MAGIC  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*Balloon*HAPPY WDC ACCOUNT ANNIVERSARY FROM "Anniversary Reviews" *Balloon*


Hello shaara,

As a science graduate, I just had to check out your folder of science related poetry and I'm glad I did as I found this gem! I think this is a beautifully written poem that has some wonderful descriptions in it. I particularly like the opening line which grabbed my attention and made me want to read on and the 'sequined ball' description is absolutely fantastic! There are a lot of thought-provoking ideas in this piece that I found very interesting and enjoyed reading.

I personally often don't like repetition in poetry, especially if there is a lot of it. I find it becomes grating after a while. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with using it, of course, it is just my personal taste. I do think it is a good idea to be fairly consistent though -- I like how you used a tweaked version of the repeated line in the second stanza. But I felt the second from last stanza sticks out a little as it doesn't seem to be linked in the same way as the other stanzas, if that makes sense.

I do like how you come full circle with this poem, connecting the final stanza with the first and using some of the same descriptions. I think this is very effective.

Overall I think this is a lovely poem, filled with striking language choices and emotion. Thank you very much for sharing this.

~Jess.

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Review of Witch Trials  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello spidey ,

I found this to be a pretty disturbing story. The quotes you used throughout the piece are deeply unsettling, yet powerful. I like the originality of this story and the structure you used to tell it -- I thought using the quotes to break up the paragraphs was very effective. It is a fast-moving piece and my attention was held all the way through. I think the horror of it is probably going to stay with me for a while yet.

I just noticed one error in the paragraph beginning: 'Some of the townspeople...' I think that should either be:

'Some of the townspeople had opposed the trials' or 'Some of the townspeople had been opposed to the trials'.

In a few places the language seemed a little 'modern' for the time period to me. For instance, maybe 'frightened' would work better than 'scared' or 'began' rather than 'started' etc. I may be wrong about this of course and it is just my personal opinion.

Overall I think this is a great piece of writing. It is absolutely terrifying and the ending sent shivers up and down my spine! Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for providing that link too.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello MnM ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

This is a rather sad poem about an elderly lady who seems to be losing her memory. It appears she led a full and happy life but she can't remember all the details of it. I really like the opening line of this poem. It is striking. It captured my attention and made me want to read on. I like the emotion of this piece too.

The contest prompt was to write a poem in the Huitain form. You followed some of the form requirements, sticking to eight lines and eight syllables per line. Unfortunately your rhyme scheme is incorrect. The rhyme scheme for a Huitain is: ababbcbc.

There are just a couple of other things I noticed. In the second line you say she is full of memories but in the next line you say she can't remember anything. These two parts seem to be at odds with each other! Also, in the title, I think 'cant' should be 'can't'.

Overall I think this is a poignant poem. Thank you for sharing it.

~Jess.

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Review of Love for you  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Numb Hands ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

I think this is a lovely poem. It is filled with emotion, making it a poignant read. I like the simplicity of this and the message is very clear.

I think this is a good attempt at the Huitain form, but I noticed a few errors. Firstly, the third line has seven syllables, when this should be eight, in keeping with the form requirements. The only thing I can think of to suggest is maybe something like 'Please have trust in me, if you can'. But I'm not sure that works! You may be able to think of an alternative if you wish to work on this some more.

Unfortunately you made a mistake with the rhyme scheme too. The rhyme scheme for the Huitain is ababbcbc whereas yours is ababcdcd.

Overall I think this is a nice poem and I enjoyed reading it. Thank you for sharing this.

~Jess.

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Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello StaiNed-House Targaryen ,

Oh no! What a spectacularly embarrassing moment! I enjoyed reading this fun, light-hearted piece. I read so much dark and/or emotionally intense writing on this website so it's refreshing to read something a little different and so unserious.

I noticed a few grammatical errors in this item so I think it could be greatly enhanced by a careful edit. As an example, in the first sentence, 'sister and I' should be 'sister and me'. The way I remember this rule is to remove the other person. You wouldn't say 'This happened on an ordinary, beautiful day to I', therefore the correct word usage is 'me'.

I also noticed that you switch tenses in this piece, from past, to present. I think it is better to be consistent.

One more thing, the font colour you have used is a little hard to read with the white background so it might be worth thinking about using another colour.

Overall I think this is a good piece of writing that could be improved with a little editing. Thanks for sharing this.

~Jess.

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Review of Sailing Huitian  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with Rockin' Reviewers - Award ...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello sssam-on the way back ,

I am one of the judges of the "Invalid Item"  contest. Thank you very much for entering round 1.

I enjoyed this poem. It has such a sense of fun and freedom that I could really connect to, though I have never been sailing before.

I think you have successfully followed the form prompt, sticking to the eight lines and eight syllables per lines of the Huitain form. Your rhyme scheme is mostly very good, though I think the word 'gaze' is a little weak. I think I'm just being picky though!

I think the flow of this poem is mostly nice but I stumbled at the sixth and seventh lines. I think this is because the sixth line is phrased awkwardly. I think 'Sailings' should be 'Sailing's', with an apostrophe. Also, at the moment this reads as if the sailing has joy rather than the sailor, when I do not think this was your intention. Maybe something like this could work:

'The joy of sailing is too strong'.

Or you may be able to think of an alternative if you wish to work on this more. The seventh line, somehow, seems to miss a beat, even though it has the correct number of syllables and I'm not entirely sure it makes sense. Maybe something like this could work:

'The horizon's now in his gaze'.

Of course that is just a suggestion and you must do what you think is best for your poem.

Overall I think this is a nice piece of writing. I enjoyed the atmosphere and the light-hearted tone. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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Review of November Rain  
Review by Ghostranch
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hello kittiara,

I really enjoyed this poem and have read it through three times already! I think it has a wonderful flow and I love the sound of it--you have really used subtle rhyme and assonance to great effect. The song titles fit in perfectly. I like some of the creative phrases, such as the fifth and sixth lines. I love the ending too, and think it has such an impact. There isn't much more I can say--I think this is perfect! I'm glad I read this one. Thank you for sharing your work.

~Jess.

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