I found your poem on your portfolio. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: A huge emotional impact, because one way or another-this is a love story in a poem. But instead of it being a love story about a person, it's a love story between all of us and God. This is truly an amazing poem and I am so glad I found it. You did a great job.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): The rhyme in this poem really helps tell the story here. I love how it first tells the story of all the chaos that is going on in the home and then how it puts in perspective for us that we should love God and tell him that we love him once in awhile. It was a great poem, good job!
Artistic Voice and Imagery: Very unique, good job!
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No errors found
Suggestions: None. You did a great job with this poem. Thank you for sharing.
I think you did a wonderful job really expressing the pain that so many feel when they are depressed. The feeling of depression is often felt by a lot of people and it can be really hard to put a feeling into words. I think you did a great job with that. I can really feel the pain that was expressed in the poem. You did a good job with this. It can be easier to write a poem about good feelings but a hard feeling is something like depression and I think you really did a great job with this poem. Thank you for sharing this amazing poem.
I am reviewing this poem because you so kindly reviewed one of mine, and because the other was so amazing I just had to read this one too. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: Once again, you do such an amazing job of really showing us the full picture here. I think you really did a good job on this poem, and I loved reading it.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): Good job here, everything flowed and was smooth.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: You did a very unique job here and there was nothing I could pick on in any way. I was right there with you, it seemed because of how well you did the Imagery. Nice job!
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No errors
Suggestions: The only suggestion I would have for you with this poem is in the Stanza, "My fingers trace the contours of your face
Softly trailing over your full lips
Smiling lightly as you bit me
A growl escaping from my throat."
The ending two lines of this stanza really lost the entire flow of the poem and caused me to start over reading the stanza. It did not seem to go along with the rest of the poem that had been about love and beauty..instead it made me wonder if this guy was a werewolf or some man eating animal! :) You know what I mean. I just think that this paticular two lines could be changed to something else.
Overall, this was an amazing poem and thank you for sharing it.
Hello! I am reviewing this poem because you were so kind to review one of mine. :) . I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: Emotional Impact? Haha...I could write an entire report on the emotional impact of this poem. Normally..I read a poem that makes me smile and realize I feel the same way, or read something that makes me sad for the writer and the characters in the story. This poem? This poem almost made me cry. It is so sad but so loving and sweet at the same time. You quickly make us fall in love with the poor guy who did not get the girl. I loved how the entire thing was all in a dream though as well. it really expresses the dream that we all have as girls-to have that night in shining armor-and as guys to be that night in shinning armor. You did a great job with this poem.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): This poem did not rhyme, although I did not feel it needed to. it has enough emotional impact all in itself there is no need for it to rhyme at all. Great job!
Artistic Voice and Imagery: You do a wonderful job here when it comes to showing us the imagery of your dream. Writing poetry is very different from writing a story. You have to be good with words to be able to tell a story in such few words. I think you did a great job, thanks for sharing.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No errors found. :)
Suggestions: None. Nope, zip-Nada. This poem should not even be touched or messed with in any way. It expresses such strong emotion and is great. Thank you for sharing.
Hello again! I'm sure you might remember me-I just finished reviewing one of your other poems "Need" I found your poem on your Portfolio and decided to take a look. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: This one has huge emotional impact. I enjoyed reading it because not only could I relate to this poem, It also gives just the right amount of mystery to it that makes you wonder. You did an amazing job with this poem and I really enjoyed it.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): Great job here! Although you choose not to make this poem rhyme-the poem itself does not need this. In my opinion it just flows really well with the way you have it. Although in the last review I mentioned making the poem to where it has an even amount of lines in each stanza(and you might want to try that) it is not necessary if you don't choose to.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: Again, very unique. Great job!
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No errors found here.
Suggestions: The only thing I would suggest is to really think about if you want to have them rhyme or not, and the amount of lines you choose to have in each stanza. When the lines are even in each stanza it makes the poem easier to read and more enjoyable. Keep writing!!
I found your poem on the Poetry tab. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: It's a good start for a poem. It needs some work but overall you did a good job with it. It explains the feelings of sadness when the person leaves you and how you are sitting here wondering why they won't stay with you. It can be confusing and you do a good job of expressing that. Overall, this is a good poem.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): Here, it depends on what you want to do with the poem. I personally think this poem would flow better if it rhymed because then it could maintain the same beat thorough the entire thing. I also noticed that the number of lines in each Stanza are different and all over the place. I think it would be better for the reader to read and understand your poem if it had the same number of lines in each stanza instead of 2 lines,2 lines,1 line, 3 lines. That can be slightly confusing.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: You did a good job here of making this very unique. I could see the person walking away and the tear falling down your cheek.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No errors here.
Suggestions: Other then what I already listed with the Rhyming and the number of lines in each stanza I don't think I have any other suggestions for you. It was a good poem and I enjoyed reading it. I think you could also expand on the poem a little bit and make it a little bigger for the changes. You did a good job and I look forward to reading more of your poems in the future. Keep writing!
This is a good poem but it is really small. It almost looks like it could be the start of a poem, or could just remain a smaller poem. It's up to you. But I do think that this little poem really does express what it's like to be in the season of fall. I think you did a great job, thanks for sharing.
I found your poem on the Random Read. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: It is a very good little poem that really expresses a sweet poem of what love is. Not only is Love something that is given on one side but is really something amazing when it is given on more then one side. I really loved that line and the entire poem in general and I think you did a great job,
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): Flowed very well
Artistic Voice and Imagery: You really explained what it is like to be deeply loved and love someone in return. Great job!
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No errors found
Suggestions: None-this was a great little poem that I loved reading. Thanks for sharing.
I found your poem on the Newbie Page and am glad I took the time to read this. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: A very sweet, but sad poem that really allows the readers to feel the emotions that were shown. I loved it, great job!
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): You did a really good job here and the poem flows well. In some area's the flow could be improved a little, but other then that it was great.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: Great job here, it was very unique. nice job!
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: No errors here
Suggestions: Other then the one I already mentioned, no suggestions. You did a great job explaining your feelings in this poem and I loved reading it. Keep writing!
This is a great poem! It captures the feelings that we all have when we have decided, that person is not for us and we can experience feelings of anger. But instead of anger this poem just expresses more of a matter of fact-this is the way things are kinda thing. It is upfront and direct but yet somehow soft about it as well that allows the reader to go along with her but not feel that she is being too mean or pushy. Instead we just believe that she has decided she does not love him and is trying to prove a point. Great job with this poem, I'm glad I took the time to read it, it was amazing. Write On!
Hi and welcome to Writing.com! I found your poem on the Read a Newbie page and decided to take a look. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: This is a very good poem that expresses a lot of emotions in it. I thought it was really easy to relate to, and you did a good job!
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): You did a good job, but I think you need to be careful when making things rhyme. Be careful to try and make things flow a little better.
Artistic Voice and Imagery: Very unique, you did a great job!
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: The only thing I found is on the line, "thought I love you and miss you," I think you were trying to say "Though I love and miss you" But I'm not sure. But if so I just wanted to throw that out there.
Suggestions: Other then the ones I already listed, there are none. I think you did a good job with this poem and have a lot of potential.
I found your story on the random read. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: It is a very cute little story, that really stretches the imagination. Great Job!
Plot:The plot is very unique and really gets you thinking. Good job here!
Style and Voice: Very unique, I liked it.
Scene/Setting: You did a great job in showing and explaining the setting.
Characters: A good character, but I think you need to explain more in the beginning so we really can know that she is a girl. I was thinking she was a guy and struggled with that thought through the entire read.
Dialog: Nicely done.
Grammar and Mechanics: No errors found
Suggestions: None besides the one I already mentioned. You did a great job, and I loved the story.
b}Hi! I found your story on the Short Stories page and decided to take a look. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: A very nice little story, that allows readers to really connect with it and be thankful for the little sister. My heart rate is just having a break and slowing down a little. My heart was racing at the thought of his little sister and dad not being able to get there fast enough. Thank you for sharing, it was amazing.
Plot: A very nice outlined plot. We understand that the boy got hurt because of how he saved the girl, but the real action really comes about once we realize that the boy's enemies are really right behind him waiting to hurt him. It is a great plot! Good job!
Style and Voice: You made a good choice to keep the story in the teenagers perspective. It gives the story more of a personal. Great Job here!
Scene/Setting: The setting was really easy to relate to. The school grounds and the long bus ride home, finishing with the scene at the house all was written so well I felt like I was right there with the guy, living his life with him. Amazing job!
Characters: You made the characters really easy to identify with and helped me see how special his little sister was.
Dialog: You did a great job of making the dialog really cute and sweet when he was talking to his little sister.
Grammar and Mechanics: No errors found!
Suggestions: None at all. It was a great read and I thank you for the amazing, fast paced experience I got when I read this story. Thanks again for writing and I look forward to reading more!
Hi and welcome to Writing.com! I found your poem on the read a newbie page and it looked interesting I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: A very sweet little poem, that expresses the feeling of nervousness very well. You did a great job allowing readers to visualize what you were feeling instead of just telling us.
Form, Format, Rhyme and Meter (as applicable): Overall this flowed really nicely, great job!
Artistic Voice and Imagery:Very unique! I liked it!
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics: I only found one error, and that was in Capitalization. In the 3rd line of the first Stanza, the letter A should be capitalized. Other then that, it was great!
Suggestions: None! This poem was really good, and I encourage you to keep writing! They say practice makes perfect. Maybe not perfect..but close. Have an amazing day and once again, welcome to Writing.com!
You do a good job of explaining that you are confused in this poem, but I think it could be improved more by explaining more of why you were confused. We get the main point that you are confused, but not so much as of why. Overall, good poem and I look forward to reading more of your work. Good job!
After reviewing your last story, I had to read and review this one as well. You are really good at telling stories. They are creative..every time and are a lot of fun to read. This was a neat twist, being told in the perspective of a teenager this time instead of an old man like before. You have talent for being able to tell a really good story in many different perspectives. I thought this story was really good. Once again, it was sad that he had to die but here we can easily see that even though he died, it was helpful in the long run to that girl. Thank you for writing this, I enjoyed it. Happy Writing!
This is a really cute little story, that I enjoyed reading. It was a new kind of story, and in fact..I have never read anything like it in my life! But I am really glad I did. The beginning of the story brings about a huge sense of adventure and it comes to us as a shock when we realize he is an old man, running away from a nursing home! I would have never guessed! You do a good job slowly explaining this to us and you leave us wanting to find out more, and make sure he is going to be alright. Although, it is quite a laugh when he breaks in, it is also sad when he died. But the story also leaves us happy that he was able to spend his last moments in the comfort of a home. I just feel bad for the poor family who had to come back and see him! Thank you for sharing this story, it was really cute and I am glad I read it. Happy Writing!
This is a cute little story, and I'm glad I found it being displayed on the home page. When I saw the tittle I was imagining someone was going to be at a warm beach, but then to find out that the character was actually ridding in her car in a snow storm made me laugh, it sure threw a twist on the story! What was even more unexpected is to see that she won the lottery! I mean that does not happen every day. It was a cute little story that I enjoyed reading. Nice job!
I enjoyed reading this story and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression: An amazing story that I am going to remember for a very long time. You slowly had us come to realization that everything that happens to Julie, happens to her dad but actually hurts him instead of her. It is really just an interesting idea to begin with. I never would have come up with something like that. It is very unique. Although I felt bad for her Dad who is getting hurt all the time to save his daughter, it brings about a new-sweet thought to the story that the little girl is saved even though he is now. Although, sad it is an amazing story.
Plot: The plot was amazing. Never in my life would I ever been able to come up with something like this. It was very original and intriguing. The entire time you had me on the edge of my seat wondering if she was alright, and then later on if the dad would be okay. It was really sad to have to see the dad die at the end, but at the same time it does make sense for the story to end that way and was bound to happen sometime. I think you did a great job with showing us more and more of the plot and the way everything would work as it continued.
Style and Voice: This was really good, Great Job!
Scene/Setting: The setting, although in a normal home-the story is written in just a way that we are worried that something is going to happen to the characters. But it is because of this that causes us to want to read more because we want to make sure everyone will turn out alright.
Characters: The Characters are very original. You do a great job of showing the concerned dad for his daughter, the sweet and innocent little girl who loves her parents so much, and of course the protective mom as well.
Dialog: Great job on the Dialog. You use it very well in the story, at just the right times to add to the story.
Grammar and Mechanics: No errors found, Great Job!
Suggestions: None at all. This was an amazing story, and I would not have changed it for the world. Keep writing!
This is a good poem about Missing someone that you have strong feelings for. You have good word choice and it comes across as a love story that is very well written. My suggestion to you would be keep writing more like this and as you write more your writing will improve as well. You are off to a great start and I really like this poem. Good Job
This is a good poem for the most part and I enjoyed reading your perspective of fear. I think that everyone's look on fear is a little different and you do a good job of showing what you believe fear looks like. I think it could have used to be a little longer..because it slightly seems that the full idea was not explained in this poem. Other then that this is a good poem and I would encourage you to keep writing. They say, "Practice makes perfect" :) Keep writing.
This is a really good poem for someone that does not write very many romance poems. Overall..I loved it. It really got to the heart of the feelings and emotion that is expressed. There is nothing worrse then the feeling that you realize someone loves you and you don't like them more then a friend. It can be a hard thing to explain but I think you did a great job here. A suggestion I would throw out there though is to be careful to keep the poems a little shorter so it does not come off as rambling. But other then that, it was good and I liked it. Great Job,keep writing.
This is a really good poem that shows True Love. I think it also displays your view on true love which makes this unique. I loved how you are showing the reader that True love can be really nice but also bitter-sweet at the same time. That is really neat and I like that. Great job on the Rhyme of this poem. You were not just throwing words out there, this was very well thought through. I hope to see you writing more, Write On!
This is a really good story. Although sad, it leaves the readers wanting to learn more but still feeling the sadness for the boy and his family,as well as the girl he has back home. It also easily shows that this world can be such a terrible place and it is important to try to be as safe as possible. The plot was really good and well written as well. It was very original and the tittle drew me into wanting to read the story. Good job, Keep writing!
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Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: A huge emotional impact, because one way or another-this is a love story in a poem. But instead of it being a love story about a person, it's a love story between all of us and God. This is truly an amazing poem and I am so glad I found it. You did a great job. 