Thank you for showing us all of those beautiful pictures. I am sure that many of your members will love to use them to brighten their correspondence. I have but one problem. My objective for exploring writing.com is that I am trying to improve my writing as well as my ability to critique. Artwork is nice but it just doesn't attract me.
Wow. I never realized that I was so completely ignorant of the various pieces of information about writing.com. I truely doubt that I have a single answer correct.
I will say one thing about writing.com. It seems totally different from the other writing websites that I have worked with.
That was a pretty tricky poem. Good work. It should be excellent for those bent on improving their ennunciation et al.
I found only one proofing problem other than the problem that seemed to have been created by transfering the poem to this site and thereby starting many new paragraphs where they didn't belong.
Note:
"A pea-green Pekingese perceiving poodles prefer a pleasant ..."
There seems to be an improper mix of singlars and plurals in the above segment.
You do a good job of painting vivid pictures in this poem. However, parts of it seem to need more organization and logic (even though you are working a world of fantasy. For instance, you wrote:
"As swords of steel pierce his cold heart!"
Where did the swords come from? That is not normally a weapon of choice for a dragon.
I think that this short story is one of the best that I have seen on this site. Good work. Keep it up. If you want to sell it, go to the library's copy of "Writer's Market." They should have listed a few editors that would be interested in that kind of material.
I think that you have a lot of diverse material here. As a matter of fact, you have so much material that you might be able to expand it all into at least a dozen articles. That would involve going into more detail about each of the athletic adventures -- one at a time. Of course, that is only a suggestion from someone who is equally inept.
Have you ever thought of an article on "King of the sitzmarks?"
Your poetry has a very nice flow to it. The main problem I have is that the segments of this fantasy saga seem to be in a somewhat random sequence. One way to get around that in the future might be to pick a giftpoint count that decreases by one point with each segment. That way, there would be less chance of having the segments appearing randomly.
This is a beautiful combination of sarcasm and irony. Good work. I wonder how many of your readers took your rant seriously and told you off for being so open and funny. As for me, I think I will crawl off and hide before someone who takes you seriously throws a brick through my front window.
I think that this is a good horror story and has definite possibilities. In my opinion, however, it could be improved by changing the tone of the story from passive to active. One technique I use for identifying passive sentences is to do a word search on the word "was." Most sentences containing that word are passive.
Thank you for your excellent article and the words of warning. It seems to me that just about everyone in the world must have had some significant exposure to asbestos and other chemicals and materials that could have a major impact on their health. The asbestos problem is so extensive that the majority of us can expect to have health problems as we grow older.
I have but one question. If we award everyone damages, will there be anyone left to pay the trillions of dollars awarded in law suits.
It seems to me that only the lawyers will come out ahead.
I tend to get confused by such long sentences and long paragraphs as well as the very complex names.
I suggest dividing up many of your paragraphs. In my opinion, it is best to start a new paragraph when you change focus from one of your characters to another. Take the following passage as an example:
"Earymir said softly, very nearly growling his words in an attempt to control his anger. “Name me a time when I have misread a vision, any vision, let alone one of my own.” Jibrylla was as fair as any of her people ..."
It seems to me as though you are changing the focus from Earymir to Jibrylla but you don't start a new paragraph at the juncture.
You did a good job on this one. It seemed as though you were talking about a terrorist in the Far East -- and it wasn't clear what the pov was until the very end.
You gave us an interesting concept. I never thought of wild animals sacrificing themselves for a cause. However, I am not one of their species. You might have even captured reality.
You did a great job of emulating Clancy, expecially toward the end of this chapter. I suggest that you take a good look at your action scenes to see what the non-action scenes need. The action scenes are mostly showing the reader what is going on while the earlier scenes merely tell us. Normally, showing is much better than telling.
I think that this specific poem is somewhat disorganized. It seems to jump from a present day library setting to the land of Greece and back again in a rather irratic pattern. My suggestion is to work on the organization so that the poem is easier for the novice to understand.
However, that is only one man's opinion. Perhaps the editors will love it.
Thanks for dropping by my den. You asked me to look over one of your pieces and here goes.
I like the emotion you are able to put into words. You do a great job of expressing your love.
However, your lines have an irregular length that makes it difficult for me to hold on to the rhythm.
In addition, I am not familiar with poems where the first two lines of a stanza rhyme but the rest of the lines don't. However, I am seeing so many different formats on this site that I'm beginning to realize that I don't have that much exposure to poetic variations. Perhaps you would be willing to explain the format to me.
I think that your story has an interesting theme and provides the reader with vivid pictures of what is going on with the crew. My main suggestions are:
1. Try to get out of the passive mode when writing. You are telling much more than showing.
2. Tripple your editing. As an example, I find it more effective in my own writing when I start a new paragraph each time I start focussing on a different individual.
Your poem is very short although it does carry a well thought out message.
I not only like the message that you provide but I'm also impressed by the way you rhyme and provide a smoothe, well written poem. Too many of the other poems I have read on this site tend to have ragged, uneven beats. Not you. Congratulations.
My what an emotional poem. Thank you for sharing it with us. It looks as though you were really hurt somewhere back in time. It is really too bad that such a beautiful thing such as love can degrade into something that causes so much pain. C'est la vie.
Thanks for the opening insight to Google. I have been using the Google site for many years and have seen it go from "outstanding" to "run of the mill." The many writers and commercial outlets who have learned to work the system have done so, making it much more cluttered than it used to be.
However, you have given me lots of good ideas for improving my searches. Thanks.
I thought that this was a very interesting travel story. I really enjoyed my time in Panama and Guatamala -- and this article reminds me of those times. Although the travellog was very good, I think that it should be edited much more thoroughly.
You wrote a very emotional poem of life as it is on the front. Some soldiers die. Some of them survive. In general, it seems to be the luck of the draw when it comes to who goes and who doesn't.
Thank you from bringing us such a vivid picture of life on the war zone. May the conflict end soon.
You have been using an interesting form of poetry that I am not really familiar with. Is it intended to be one of those geometric based poems? If so, I like your patterns. If not, it tends to be confusing to someone like me. However, you have used nice, catchy rhyming patterns.
This looks like an interesting mood piece reflecting on days long gone by. At first, I felt sorry for the horse on the Carousel. As I kept reading, I felt sorry for the rider.
There aren't very many carousels around any more -- and those that have survived are usually pretty beaten up. C'est la vie.
This poem reminds me of the type of poetry that came out in the fifties on the campus of Berkeley: Few people understood it. Those who did felt very smug and elete.
Is it intended to be a new form of haiku? There seems to be a market in haiku these days. Many publications prefer it to rhymn.
You write a very emotional piece and one that is rather scary.
Revenge? What a horrible thought. It rips apart the target but it also rips apart the one seaking revenge. Why not live and let live? Why carry a grudge?
On the other hand, have you thought of writing horror stories? It seems to me as though you might have a talent in that area and there are markets for horror out there. Most magazines and ezines that buy SF and Fantasy also buy horror.
Hank
Hank
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